Is This Worth Fighting For?
Breaking Before My Very Eyes
One thing will always hurt more than all the physical and emotional pain that can be thrown at me in the world. That one thing has absolutely nothing to do with how it affects me at all. It was him.
The spark has gone, one day it was there and the next it had disappeared, as though the light bulb had burst. That spark was him; it was the thing that made him stand out from the crowd, the thing that had kept him from shrinking into the shadows. Shrinking into the shadows the thing he does most at the moment. That twinkle in his eye has disappeared, that mysterious glint that always made me think he was up to no good; the sparkler has been placed into a bucket of water. Spluttering and fading until it was extinguished forever.
He's shutting down and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
Absolutely Nothing.
Alone.
That’s all he seems to be now, he avoids me as though I’m the plague, avoids me as though I’m carrying a deadly infection, as though I’m going to kill him. He’s keeping me out of his life and it’s killing me both inside and out. I hardly sleep at night now all I do is worry about him, ocean after ocean is cried for him, but nothing I do makes a difference.
I’d give up everything for him to just speak even one word of what’s wrong, absolutely anything; all my friends, family, possessions. He means more than any of them to me, I can’t imagine a life without him yet at the moment that is exactly what I’m living, a life without him.
Gavin please.
Begging and pleading does nothing at all, corridor after corridor i seem to trail after him, yet nothing; he is blank to the world or at least to me. I can see the struggle in his mind, as he fights with himself. Struggling to decide whether to let the wall down and face the pain, yet have that little bit of comfort at the same time or to keep the guard high around, immune to everything.
He always takes the second option and my glass heart is dropped each time, shattering a little more everytime.
Forever Immune.
He’s not even eating anymore, I can see it in his face, bones are practically breaking through his skin, this skin that’s so pale it’s almost impossible that he eats.
My heart breaks every single time I see him, even more tears stinging at my eyes wanting to spill over at any second, just one thought or flashback to him and the taps are turned on.
Always On.
People may say that it’s a spur of the moment thing and if it did actually change I would regret every second of it, but I wouldn’t. I’d give anything to change places with him, to take all the pain that he’s suddenly received. No one has yet said anything that has convinced me otherwise, my will to end it all can not be more powerful than it is right now, it never has been and as far as I can see never will be.
Nothing can ever be more painful than what I’m feeling right now.
The one person that I love, breaking before my very eyes.
Shattering Into A Million Pieces
AN: ... I’m sorry about that, it’s playing on my mind and I just though writing it down might help... It may seem pathetic, but it made me cry. I just wish things like this never happened...
I might write this as well in the view point of Gavin, what do you think?
The spark has gone, one day it was there and the next it had disappeared, as though the light bulb had burst. That spark was him; it was the thing that made him stand out from the crowd, the thing that had kept him from shrinking into the shadows. Shrinking into the shadows the thing he does most at the moment. That twinkle in his eye has disappeared, that mysterious glint that always made me think he was up to no good; the sparkler has been placed into a bucket of water. Spluttering and fading until it was extinguished forever.
He's shutting down and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.
Absolutely Nothing.
Alone.
That’s all he seems to be now, he avoids me as though I’m the plague, avoids me as though I’m carrying a deadly infection, as though I’m going to kill him. He’s keeping me out of his life and it’s killing me both inside and out. I hardly sleep at night now all I do is worry about him, ocean after ocean is cried for him, but nothing I do makes a difference.
I’d give up everything for him to just speak even one word of what’s wrong, absolutely anything; all my friends, family, possessions. He means more than any of them to me, I can’t imagine a life without him yet at the moment that is exactly what I’m living, a life without him.
Gavin please.
Begging and pleading does nothing at all, corridor after corridor i seem to trail after him, yet nothing; he is blank to the world or at least to me. I can see the struggle in his mind, as he fights with himself. Struggling to decide whether to let the wall down and face the pain, yet have that little bit of comfort at the same time or to keep the guard high around, immune to everything.
He always takes the second option and my glass heart is dropped each time, shattering a little more everytime.
Forever Immune.
He’s not even eating anymore, I can see it in his face, bones are practically breaking through his skin, this skin that’s so pale it’s almost impossible that he eats.
My heart breaks every single time I see him, even more tears stinging at my eyes wanting to spill over at any second, just one thought or flashback to him and the taps are turned on.
Always On.
People may say that it’s a spur of the moment thing and if it did actually change I would regret every second of it, but I wouldn’t. I’d give anything to change places with him, to take all the pain that he’s suddenly received. No one has yet said anything that has convinced me otherwise, my will to end it all can not be more powerful than it is right now, it never has been and as far as I can see never will be.
Nothing can ever be more painful than what I’m feeling right now.
The one person that I love, breaking before my very eyes.
Shattering Into A Million Pieces
AN: ... I’m sorry about that, it’s playing on my mind and I just though writing it down might help... It may seem pathetic, but it made me cry. I just wish things like this never happened...
I might write this as well in the view point of Gavin, what do you think?