You Should've Killed Me When You Had the Chance

I bit at my lip and fidgeted with my fingers nervously. All this has blown me to pieces. I couldn't tell who I wanted. Alex and Jeremy stood there, shifting nervously back and forth as they waited for my response.

"Well?" Amber gave me a look and I shrugged it off. I took in the pink frilly lavender scent that flooded the rooms thanks to Amber and Mrs.Mckinnon shopping at an antic store.
"I'm going to just come out with it. Jeremy. I love you. I've always loved you. I'm not quite sure what love is. But I get sensations when I'm around you that I've never had before. Butterflies entwine in my stomach and my heart pounds so hard that I swear it would leap out and on to your lap. I remember every single thing we did as kids. I'll never forget. But you have Amber and as blind as you are, I'm sorta glad you guys are together" I kept back tears and continued,
"And Alex. I love you. I never realized what a sweet, innocent, and cute guy you are. You were always there for me except, I couldn't see it. I'm sorry." I bit at my lip hard and winced.
"I have to make a decision. And, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm going home, and staying there"
"Riley. You don't have to do this" Alex pleaded now flooding me with his warmth. His scent was something I was going to miss.
"I have to" I whimpered. The tears were coming and choked me.
"Riley" Jeremy's arms wrapped around me from behind. The tears came instantly and I buried my face in to Alex's chest. I didn't want anybody to see me, and I couldn't look them in the eyes. I cried for what seemed like forever. I wiped away my tears, feeling the red raw sensation on my cheeks. I knew I looked like a emotional wreck. I practically was. I made my way to Alex's bed, dragging my shoulders. I felt childish. As I went to bed undisturbed, I dreamed of a beautiful pasture. The sun was going down and I was running and smiling. I flew in to the arms of.....
Alex. He kissed me and I giggled. The boys didn't bother me as much and as the months flew by, I didn't move much. I went bathroom and occasionally took a sip of soda. But I headed back to bed and faced the wall. I had my back to the world. Finally one day, A strong, warm, soft hand shook my shoulder softly.

"Were here" His voice choked on the last part and I noticed it as Jeremy's. I got up absently and packed all my things. Stepping out the tour bus, I saw the 3 story white house. Flowers of every color neatly covered the porch and a wooden swing still hung. The big tree that I have climbed countless times stood as strong as a rock. Of course I would cry, but I felt just so tired of crying. Even though I knew I wasn't quite done crying yet. My house was on the very end of a road before you turned right which was, the only way you could turn. The lawn had been mowed at least two days ago. I sucked in a deep breathe and stepped out. Heavy footsteps traveled behind me and I turned around and faced the boys. I smiled and Neil handed me a shirt that had his face on it. I smiled and embraced him in to a hug.

"I'm going to miss you kiddo" I could feel him smiling and a tear escaped my eye.
"I'm going to miss you too" I kissed his cheek and he ruffled my hair. Josh hugged me tightly and handed me a shirt.
"To remember me" Josh kissed my for head and I wiped away the upcoming tear. The shirt was loose on me and had DWP on it. Tom gave me an empty Jack Daniels bottle and I giggled as I saw a picture of him passed out on it.
"Just to remind you that you shouldn't drink" He chuckled and embraced me in a grizzly bear hug. Finally, Alex stepped forward. I felt my knees shake and my body was trembling. He handed me a picture. It was the one we took a long time ago at New Year's. I was in the middle and Jeremy was kissing my cheek as Alex kissed my other one. I had the brightest smile in the world and Neil, Tom, and Josh, were chugging their beers in the back. I swallowed hard and hugged him tightly. He kissed me softly. I closed my eyes tightly to the same warm lips. As he parted, my eyes fluttered opened and inside, a piece of my heart died.
"I'll always love you. No matter what. And I'll always be here for you"
"Thank you" I ruffled Alex's hair and he grinned.
Jeremy hugged me and his beard tickled me. That flame struck inside again and I cried. He kissed me. He ignored Amber furiously tugging at his arm. He parted after a minute. Handing me a picture of just us and a shirt that smelt just like him, he said,
"I love you too Riley. I'll always catch you. Even when I'm not around, I'll be there. Forever and Always." I nodded.
"Thank you" I walked across the road, ignoring the cramping in my arms. They loaded back in and as they left, I waved to them. They waved back and my eyes followed the bus all the way down the road until it disappeared. Realization hit me and I dropped to my knees and sobbed. I looked up the road and knew they were as serious as me. Wiping my eyes and heading up the driveway, the same words repeated over and over and over again in my head.
Their gone.