Determination

Eyes were said to be a window to one’s soul. That by looking into someone’s eyes, you could see their very being. People were supposed to be able to see what was hidden inside of you just by making eye contact.

Hailey was utterly afraid of that being true. Her secrets were her most precious treasures, and she felt that is people were to discover them she would be at a loss. There had been a time when she didn’t have secrets, but that time was long ago. Now Hailey knew that her secrets ruled her life and were the closet thing she had to a friend.

The walk from her bus stop to her house was a short one, but her slow pace stretched it out. Hailey hated the house and the feeling it gave her. It was cold, hollow, and desolate; at times it offered a kinship she didn’t want. That house was too similar to her, and that only made her hate it more. By the time she reached her front door, her thoughts were overwhelming her. Her past and her present prodding each other angrily in her mind, trying to defeat the other. Hailey desperately hoped that her past would win the battle so she could fall asleep happy that night, but it had yet to ever defeat her present.

Her present ruled her life. The sorrow and resentment that she associated with her life of the past few years was something she hated, and she wished once again to go back to the time in her life when she was happy, for there had been such a time once. Crossing into the threshold of her house, for she could never consider it a home, she dropped her bag and removed her shoes before walking through the bare and uninviting hallway that lead to her room. Hailey slid under her comforter, letting her body be engulfed by a cloud of pale purple material. For a few hours, she stayed there motionless until an alarm in her phone went off, signaling that it was time to eat.

If it wasn’t for the preset alarm in her phone, Hailey probably wouldn’t remember to eat. The next day, though, the lack of food the night before made her sick so she made sure to eat dinner most days. It was in the kitchen that Hailey realized she hadn’t been to the grocery store that week and she silently cursed her forgetfulness.

With a look at the schedule hanging on her fridge, she noted that the diner a mile or so away would still be open by the time she walked there. Slipping on her shoes that she had left by the door earlier, Hailey grabbed a jacket from the closet to protect her from the chill of the air. Hailey slipped her ear buds in and turned the volume up about half way before starting the walk to the diner. As her favorite part of the song playing came on, she found herself singing along softly to the lyrics.

“Conversation cuts like glass, I’m the calm before the storm, I’m the second before the crash.” The song soon faded into another, this one by The Get Up Kids. Soon Hailey arrived at the diner and paused her iPod as a waitress came over to take her order. Soon she was lost in the music, letting the guitar riffs and drum fills take control of her mind and give her a few moments of peace.