A Story For Erika's Day

"Daddy, Daddy, it's Erika's Day!" Erika told him this morning.

Gerard knows what it means. Erika’s day is Erika’s birthday, the remarkable date that always gives Gerard the pleasure of taking an extraordinary day off from work. And he always spends it with his favorite little Cowgirl: he makes a special breakfast early in the morning and plays corny games with her until it’s time for lunch. Then, in the afternoon, family and friends come for a small early dinner until the night falls and Gerard rushes them all out.

Because, at night, magic happens in Erika’s bedroom.

“Are you ready, Daddy?” Erika asks, grinning at her father. Gerard’s looking at her fondly, smiling and remembering how amazing the whole day has been. And now it’s time for the most special part of Erika’s birthday.

“Of course I am! I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since we got up in the morning,” Gerard admits sweetly. He grins when Erika beams at him, and sees how excited she also is. It has been one of their traditions - they have plenty of them, because for the past six years, it has only been just the two of them.

Erika’s mother, Claire, left them even before Erika was born. It was a miracle that the tiny baby survived after Claire had been run over while crossing the street. On the fucking zebra crossing; stupid driver. Gerard had to cope with the loss, and had to learn how to raise a child, how to raise a daughter all by himself.

Sure, his parents and friends helped him a lot, and it feels enough, but he was terrified at first. When he looks back, he still doesn’t know how he did it, but he smiles thinking about it - he raised Erika almost all by himself, and he’s proud. He’s completely content with how brave his Cowgirl is, and adorable too, showing off grins from every inch of her skin. And bursting with so much energy all day long. Erika makes Gerard smile every morning and not a day goes by without him going to bed with his cheeks hurting like… yeah. Hurting.

And he keeps grinning as Erika pushes him backwards, carefully but persistently, until he sits on his rocking chair. It has been in that room ever since he bought it together with Claire, six months into her pregnancy. Nothing has been moved in that room ever since the accident took her away from Gerard and it is the only memory left of her in the house. No photographs, no paintings, no physical reminiscences of the one who was so important to Gerard in an almost past life. He prefers to live with Claire in his dreams rather than dwell on her loss and risk getting caught crying by his daughter.

Gerard has never actually cried about it ever since the day he brought Erika home with him. It was three weeks after the accident and very emotive for everyone in the family, but he kept himself strong for his little girl. Erika was a bundle of never-ending tears and joy at that same time, her sweet little giggles making Gerard love her more and more each day, Erika accepted Gerard as her sole protector since the beginning, not realizing that it was Gerard alone and that there should have been a mother there, too. Erika was the first steps and the first words in those squeals of happiness and youth. Erika is the gorgeous Way smiles and attitude and courage for every day.

She’s all about the dreaming, and the achieving, and the making Gerard smile and feel so proud. She’s all about being her daddy’s little girl, and a Cowgirl at that, because she’s so keen on doing it all by herself. Gerard obviously loves to see her growing up to be so irreverent and almost demanding.

“Can we start?” Erika asks him, speaking with her eyes, practically saying that there is no turning back now. She climbs onto his lap to make it all the more effective. Gerard shakes his head at her childishness to accommodate herself, sitting sideways and leaning her head on his shoulder; one fist on her pajama sweater, the second hand on Daddy’s chest. “What’s the story for today?”

Gerard thought about it all day and his conclusion wasn’t the best lullaby story he’s ever come up with. He’s not proud of that, hence his smile falters and shies away from his face. Erika waits patiently and silently for the story to begin and, as Gerard looks at her, he feels a moment of indecision - maybe he shouldn’t tell her that particular story, due to its content. But he shakes his head and decides to go ahead with his story.

“Tonight, Cowgirl,” he begins, “Tonight, I’m gonna tell you an old story. It’s called the Lovers’ Fountain Legend.” Gerard’s voice sounds low and sweet, proper for a bedtime story, but his tone is more serious than he wants. He can’t help it, though.

“Its location is secret, because it’s a beautiful yet almost forbidden tale about love and loss. You see, there were two families in town and, like Romeo and Juliet, they hated each other. They were rivals. One of them was a family of doctors and, since it was a small town, they were all well known and respected by everyone.

“What were their names?” Erika asks, lifting her head a little bit and meeting her father’s eyes inquisitively. Gerard smiles, because he knows that his little girl is curious enough to be asking questions throughout the whole story.

“I can’t tell you that yet, Erika, because secrets make the story even better, don’t you agree?” The little girl on Gerard’s lap nods slowly and reluctantly at first, but soon she’s nodding frantically because she knows it will make her father continue the story. And so he does.

“Well, the Grandfather of the family had always lived in a rich home, and he was a little greedy, but only to protect his loved ones and keep them all safe.

“The Father of the family inherited that love for medicine and always tried to treat his patients as equals, no matter how much money they had or if they could pay him or not - he was what we call a man of morals. He adored his wife and, together, they raised their children in a home full of values.

“The Son of the family was studying to be a doctor too. He loved his family like no one else and was very proud of the secure chain everyone had kept before him. He was a young man at that time and, because of that, he was very irreverent. He had a lot of dreams; one of them was Art, but because he felt the pressure from his family members, he hid that passion he had from everyone. And he also had a secret.”

At the sound of that word, Erika’s eyes widen and light up. She loves secrets. “What was it, Daddy, what was his secret?”

Gerard smiles. “I can’t tell you that either, Erika-girl. I gotta tell you about the other family first.”

“Who were they?” she questions with interest in her voice, because she always loved the stories her father has told her. Either real or fantasy stories, it never really mattered.

“They were a very special family, too,” Gerard carries on. His voice now holds a hint of suspense, because he wants to make it rather pleasant for Erika. She’s a little girl who likes adventures and the tone of his voice is really important to add emphasis or the exact amount of feeling to a sentence… and, eventually, to the story.

“They were kind of inconstant. The Grandfather, let’s call him William, had inherited from his own grandfather and father that fervent love for philosophy. He loved to speak to his friends or to the best thinkers in town to learn more and more every day. William also had his own theories about life, about love, about family, and he defended them quite actively everywhere.

“The Father also liked philosophy, and he helped William in that business, but he was a young spirit at heart. Those times they were living kept changing with the winds and he changed too; he evolved and he developed an amazing passion for Music.

“He passed his passion on to his only son, the Son of the family, who loved Music with all his heart. He didn’t care about philosophy, no matter what his family tree insisted on throwing right into his face, because he wanted to be listened to. He wanted the world in his palm and, no matter how many people tried to tell him that it was only a fruitless dream, he never stopped fighting.

“That was why, and when, he started going to the fountain.”

Gerard stops talking for a moment, his throat a little dry, and requests a brief pause to get something from the kitchen. Erika obviously allows that, but she follows him there, barefoot and all, and demands that he continues the story straightaway after he finishes his glass of water. Gerard smiles because she’s all jumping and hoping around him.

“Why are you so eager?” he asks fondly and she jumps two feet into the air, clapping her hands. And squealing:

“I wanna know their secrets. There are so many and I want to know them ALL!”

“Alright,” Gerard chuckles and picks her up in one single fluid movement. She installs herself on his hip, neck still straightened to listen properly as Gerard continues from where he left off. “Where was I? The Son of the second family started going to the fountain, right?” Erika nods.

When they’re at the bedroom again, Gerard thinking of how to continue that tale, he sits them down on the rocking chair again and finally accedes to his daughter’s request.

“The first days he went there, nothing really happened. He just wanted to play his Music and be alone with his thoughts and dreams. He just wanted to stay away from the pressure his family of philosophers put upon his shoulders. He wanted to be free and, by the fountain, in that piece of running water, he found his Home. That was where he felt safe and wanted, and where he could be whatever he wants.”

“Was the fountain beautiful?” Erika inquires in her tiny voice.

“Of course it was,” Gerard tells her and looks down at her face by his neck. “It was very beautiful, Erika-girl; it was his favorite place to be. However, it was only about to become even more beautiful to him.”

“Oh, why?” Erika almost whispers. Gerard smiles and seems lost in thoughts. But he quickly recovers and says,

“That’s not only a question, Cowgirl; that is the right question. And the fountain got more beautiful because he met his true love there.”

Erika gasps. “His true love… It wasn’t a princess, was it?” She grimaced.

“No, no, no.” Gerard grins at his daughter’s obvious hatred for princesses. “It was a man, a young man just like him, who also went there to find peace and the perfect place to be with his thoughts. For long days and nights, they met by the fountain and let the running water carry their secrets away. They told each other everything about their families; they shared secrets, they shared wishes, they confessed their hopes and dreams for so many weeks it was almost year.”

Erika is quite silent at this point and Gerard feels kind of surprised, because there’s been some relevant questions so far. But he doesn’t mind, so he clears his throat and goes on.

“They started meeting casually, best friends of each other, but it soon became different. They fell in love with how similar they were in their hearts. They scheduled their meetings for two times a day; one right after lunchtime and the second during the night, exactly twelve hours after the first meeting. They had to be very careful, though; do you know why?”

Erika shakes her head. “Because they knew their families had always hated each other,” Gerard says within a murmur.

At first, it doesn’t strike any reaction from Erika, but then… Then, her eyes grow wider, and her mouth falls agape; she lifts her head from Gerard’s shoulder and turns her face to her father’s. She’s gasping and Gerard knows she’s getting there. “Those two families you told me about hated each other!”

“Exactly, Cowgirl; the Son of the second family had met the Son of the first family.” He emphasizes his speech with wide eyes and a mysterious voice, trying to get even more attention and curiosity from Erika. And he says, “It could be a tragedy if their parents found out about their meetings by the fountain. The problem between the families was a matter of money, of power, of being well-known in town and knowing the right people. So, no one could know about them seeing each other, talking to each other, loving each other, and the fountain became their secret.”

Erika does not lower her head to Gerard’s shoulder now, even as he takes another break and clears his throat again. She’s already used to it, but she’s eager to find out what comes next and what will happen to the two Sons. “What happens, Daddy, do their parents find out and yell at them?”

Gerard loses his smiling eyes by now and Erika feels a shiver on her skin, because she doesn’t like to see this side of her father. “Daddy?” she calls again and Gerard looks at her. He still doesn’t smile, so maybe the Sons’ parents really found out about their meetings by the fountain.

“No one knows that, Erika-girl,” Gerard says quite sadly. Erika does not like that. “Not even now, so many years later. No one can tell what really happened, but one of those days the Son of the second family didn’t show up.”

Erika gasps at the gloomy and low tone in Gerard’s voice. She even caresses his face kindly, as if she knows that the story is getting the best of Gerard.

“The other man waited by the fountain for hours. It was still during the day, so he was willing to wait until their next meeting. So he did. He waited by the fountain, thinking of the Music he had heard from the other, remembering every little thing that the other had told him. And most of all, he missed his best friend and true love.

“But he didn’t give up. He didn’t go home for dinner, waiting and waiting and waiting for the other. The Son of the second family, though - he didn’t show up. The other man still waited by the fountain, still re-playing the Music and the images and the sounds in his head, still loving his best friend and wanting his true love. He waited and waited and waited, and the next day came faster than he thought.”

“Oh, Daddy…” Erika sighs and pecks her father’s cheek very affectionately. She can see Gerard’s eyes and they’re not happy. She doesn’t like to see him like that, so she hugs him as he takes another pause. And she leans her head on his shoulder again, thinking that maybe he just needs to feel her love. Then, she incites, “Please, Daddy, can you tell me more? Did he ever come to the fountain again?”

“No, Cowgirl,” Gerard responds. “The Son of the second family didn’t show up again. The morning did, though, and the sun of that next day still found him by the fountain. Right next to that flow of water that kept falling and running and hurrying to some place he didn’t know about. Maybe it was running to find his true love, but he never found out. No one did.”

“Not even now?” Erika asks in a low tone, as low as Gerard has been talking to her.

He says, “When the sun was high in the sky, shinning hotly on the crystal water of the fountain, that man was still waiting. He still felt some hope that he would see his best friend again. He would still see him, smile at him and hug him. He would still talk to him, hug him and kiss him because they loved each other and wanted nothing else more than to live their dreams together.”

“What happened, then, Daddy? Did he cry?”

“No,” Gerard says, “He never found any tears to cry. His sadness was deeper than that, and his hope was still running somewhere…” He hesitates. And sighs. “His hope was still running somewhere deep in his blood.

“Then, suddenly,” he articulates next and Erika gasps. She bounces on Gerard’s lap and he likes to see her that excited; he likes it so much that he lets out a small smile… yet it’s still too soft and sad.

“Suddenly, the town bells started ringing. He didn’t know what it meant, so he kept waiting. And soon he saw the sea of people that passed by him, just down the road that was so close to the fountain. He didn’t lift his head, because he saw them perfectly, and he recognized them so well.”

“Why?” Erika asks promptly. “It was his parents, wasn’t it?”

“No. It wasn’t his parents; it was the other’s parents.” Erika gasped again. “It was the second family and they were all there, walking slowly down the road. And other people from town were walking with them, but there were so many of them that it confused the sad man by the fountain.

“He could still hear the bells ringing; he had never heard them sound so sad and loud before. He felt scared, most of all, as he kept listening to that and seeing that group of people walking down the road he knew so well. There was some hope too, because if there was the second family, maybe the Son was walking with them too-”

“And was he?”

Gerard shakes his head. “No. No, he wasn’t. The sad man didn’t see his true love down there and, when the last person walked by, he got up and left the fountain where he had been the happiest, yet the saddest.”

“Poor man,” Erika murmurs and lifts her face a little bit. She nudges Gerard’s cheek with her nose tenderly, saying: “You sound sad.”

“I’m sad because he was sad too. He returned home, but he didn’t answer to any of the questions his parents asked. He barely spoke again after that day. He was too sad. He felt abandoned by his best friend and true love, the one person he had trusted enough to confess his dreams, hopes and fears.

“Later that day, the bells stopped ringing.”

Gerard stops speaking and swallows in silence, as Erika sighs deeply on his lap.

“And the legend says that, that same day, magic spread through town. The legend, as many have told it, says that when he left their meeting point, or when the bells stopped ringing, the fountain started drying. And you know what they say, Erika-girl?”

“What, Daddy?” Her tone is very low, whether from sadness or slumber her father can’t tell, but he hopes it’s the second hypothesis.

“They say that the fountain dried because it missed the two lovers.”

There’s silence for some moments. The story is over and Gerard is looking down at his daughter, certainly happy for having his daughter, but inwardly aching with the story he just told.

“That’s so sad…” Erika whispers at last. She lifts her head slowly to face Gerard and the father attempts to show her a small smile. And, fortunately, he manages to. “Why is it so sad?” she asks him.

Gerard freezes for a moment, closing his eyes in search for an answer and, when he opens them, there’s something beneath his tongue. “Well, Erika, not everything is beautiful and happy. That’s why today’s story is so sad. Sometimes there are things that make us feel bad, but we can’t avoid them. And I think…” He pauses.

“Maybe you’re too young for this, but you would have to learn this someday. And you’d better learn it from me than from your own sadness. Sometimes we have to live with it in our hearts, but it doesn’t mean that things will always be like that. There will always be ups-and-downs in your life, but you have to believe that everything will be okay in the end,” Gerard adds.

“Daddy, are you sad now?” Erika wants to know and Gerard knows she has a right to ask such a question. And she has a right to know the answer since he told her a story that seems to affect him so much. So he nods. “Why?”

“It’s because this story reminds me of a friend who once had to go away from me,” he replies. Erika looks up at him, eyes demanding the rest of the story. “He wasn’t feeling well where he was, where we had met and, although we were friends for years, he had to go away. Because he wanted to feel right in some place, he wanted to find his home.”

“He just left?” Gerard remains silent, before placing a light peck on the top of her head. “Don’t be sad, Daddy. I’m here with you, I’ll always be.”

Erika hugs her father and that brings a smile to his face. Even if it’s still subtle, at least it’s a smile, and Gerard feels so grateful to have raised such a caring child. He is definitely proud of who she has grown up to be, so he has to smile. And his smile grows even bigger when Erika adds,

“I won’t go away, Daddy, you’ll be my home forever.”

“Thank you, Cowgirl,” Gerard mumbles to her hair while hugging her back. And it’s so beautiful because he can feel her pouty lips momentarily pecking him behind the ear. “You’re very kind, Erika. Thank you.”

This time the words come out perceptibly as Gerard lifts up his head from Erika’s hair and their eyes find each other. In another moment of silence, father smiles at his daughter and daughter smiles at her father. And the bedroom lights are on, so their faces gleam with it and with their natural feeling towards one another.

“The End,” Gerard concludes and Erika’s smile falters and disappears. “What’s wrong?”

“Can’t you tell me the names of those men in the story, please?” she requests sweetly, widening her eyes to add the effect of a relevant pout of a child.

Gerard shakes his head.

“Not even of one of them?” she insists.

“No, Erika-girl. It’s such a sad story that it deserves to be a secret, don’t you think?” he tries to get her head off of the idea. The stars of such a sad tale should remain unknown to everyone, even to himself. Or so he wishes…

“Daddy?” she calls quietly. “Do you mind if I go to sleep?”

“Of course not,” Gerard says aloud, already getting up with Erika still on his hip. “What kind of question is that? It’s already late and we had an amazing Erika’s day, didn’t we?”

“Yes, it was beautiful,” Erika agrees, “But I don’t want you to be sad, Daddy. I don’t want you to think that I’m leaving. I’m just-”

“Going to sleep, I know that.” He smiles fondly. She smiles back. “And I won’t be sad, but you have to promise me that you’ll only have good dreams, okay?”

The little girl nods, as Gerard places her on the bed. It’s already undone and ready to receive her small form for a good night’s sleep, but despite her lethargy, Erika still has the energy to request intensely, “Don’t be sad!” pointing her finger sternly at Gerard. He laughs slightly.

“I won’t, Cowgirl, I won’t be sad,” Gerard assures her.

“Daddy, come here,” she says, pulling the covers further back and giving her father some space. It isn’t a large bed, but Gerard has always managed to find a way to place his upper body closer to Erika’s, every time she invites him to do so. “I wanna sing you a song.”

Gerard laughs briefly, because that’s supposed to be his line and not his daughter’s, but he’s more than welcome to that idea. He has always shared songs with Erika, and he loves to listen to her in her tiny voice that still squeals when she sings. He waits a little moment only, and she starts:

“I walk in the rain by your side.
I love the warmth of your giant hand.
I’ll do everything to make you smile
Because I love you more than anybody can…”

Gerard knows the song perfectly. It was a poem by Mary Travers, a Poem for Erika indeed, the words he adapted for his little Cowgirl as soon as he found it on the World Wide Web. So he continues,

“The wind will whisper your name to me,
Little birds will sing along in time,
The leaves will bow down as you walk by
And morning bells will chime.”

Erika breathes in. “I'll be here when you feel down
To kiss away the tears if you cry…”

Erika’s words are sluggish at this point and Gerard knows she’s slowly falling asleep. She still tries to carry on, but the father can barely hear her. So he decides to climb out from his space on the bed and whisper the remaining verses of the song directly into her ear.

“And I'll share with you all the happiness I've found,
It’s the reflection of the love in your eyes.
And I'll sing you songs of the rainbow,
Whispers of the joy that are mine;
And the leaves will fall down when you walk by,
And morning bells will chime…”

Erika is breathing deeply, but she still emits what seems to be a disapproving sound when he stops and tries to get up. So, Gerard leans down another bit and whispers, in words, not a melody, because the lines and their importance deserve it. He feels like the luckiest father at the moment, after having shared such a sad story with his daughter and having been told that he shouldn’t be sad because she’d be his home forever.

“Today she had a song to sing and a poem she knew. And with a kiss and a hug she just dashed away, she had things to do… I do too, I do too. She's Erika with her windy yellow hair, dancing through the day or moping by the stair. What a joy to know my Cowgirl, oh…” He pauses.

Looking at his sleeping daughter makes Gerard want to be the hero of the sad story he just told. “My Erika with her windy yellow hair…”

Or maybe he already is.

“That man, Erika-girl…” he whispers. “His name was Gerard.” And he places a long kiss on her hair, emotions getting to him, nostalgia taking over his insides, so much that he fails to keep his promise to his daughter. He feels sad, sadder than he has been in years, and tears prick the back of his eyes. Yet Erika is right in front of him, probably more than ready to keep her promise of being his home forever, of making him feel right all the time that Gerard knows that he can’t let the tears fall. He blinks them away and whispers, “And he fathered this amazing Cowgirl.”

The End