Jason

In sane people, it's obvious what memories are real and what are just imagined. Almost like black and white. The line between them it clear. I'd kill to be able to think that way again. My memories are all smudged in to a shade of gray; no part lighter or darker than the rest. I want to remember what really happened.

There's one memory I'd kill to know if it was really part of my life. His name is Jason. I'm sitting on his legs, and both of us are up in in some huge tree. He would hold on the the branch with one arm, and the other he would keep slung around me. I'd spill my heart out to him, and unlike everyone else, Jason would listen. When I eventually calm down, Jason would tell me, "It's not really what you think it is. Nothing is ever serious no matter how seriously you take it. Remember I love you."

Jason's always been my favorite memory. It's all so real. It's not a desire anymore. I need his touch. To feel his skin on mine. I want to say that I can get over Jason, but I can't.

I think I might love him.

---<3---

Jason drops down the last few feet and hits the ground carelessly landing on his feet. I'm still some ways up in the tree afraid something'll happen to me. I look down at him helplessly whimpering softly. He knew I was deathly afraid of heights, but I willingly climb up the branches to waste my time with him. Jason always said he never would hurt me. "It's alright. If you fall, I'll catch you, love." He called up to me positioning himself under me in case I let go.

Already on the verge of tears, my hands were violently shaking as I attempted to get myself down. I guess it's not really a surprise that I ended up falling. I knew I was hurt.

I whined Jason's name pathetically. It didn't even sound like I was calling out to him, but he knew I needed him. He had been standing a few feet away from my the whole time with his hands clenching his shirt collar in a death grip so his knuckles were white. He was afraid, but eventually came to his senses and got down on his knees and crawled over to me.

"I...I-I'm s-sorry." He whispered he whispered choking back tears. He He released the grip on his shirt collar and took my hand softly in his delicate hand. With the other, he balanced himself as he readjusted his position so he was straddling me, although we didn't have any skin contact aside from his hand softly clenched around mine. That's the benefits of him being tall. we could be in positions like this and we wouldn't be touching each other's bodies in the least.

He searched my eyes for some kind of answer. Jason was weak now. "It's not your fault." I mumbled as best as I could between pain moans. He released mt hand setting it back on the ground and pulled something from his pocket.

Only after the look in his eyes switched to guiltless about what he was going to do did I actually see what he was going to do to me. Jason held the black thing in front of my face and flicked it open. He had a switchblade with uncleanable blood stains left around the actual blade. "Remember I love you." He stated pressing his soft lips to mine once again. It'd be the last time he kissed me.

If he loved me...

Jason pressed the tip of the blade to the exposed flesh of my neck drawing blood. I let out soft whimpers pleading silently he's stop. It kills him to hurt me. He's always been so careful with me like I was something fragile.

Blood kept dripping from the laceration he made. If it wasn't enough for him to see me like this, he cut me again. As much as I want to say I tried to fight him, I just laid there letting him abuse me. The blade stung horribly as it came in contact with my skin and sliced it.

He stopped cutting me after a while and dropped the bloody knife on the ground beside me and just stared in awe at me. I was disfigured and sure to die. He stayed there on top of me till I lost enough blood that my life was the only thing left to seep from my body.

---<3---

I died. That's the only thing I knew that was real.