Sorta Spooky

Hayden's Point of View

I woke up in Nico's bed again. Unlike most of my drunken nights, I remembered last night. Oh, I remembered last night. And it left me numb. I had never seen Bill so angry, so upset. So utterly torn. I remembered the feel of Strify's arms around me, the way it felt so, so good to have his lips on mine. I couldn't even begin to describe how that ended up happening, but it did. And his eyes glittered with something I didn't like. But his smile was so calm and inviting.

Yet... Bill. He didn't scream at me. He didn't hiss. He didn't raise his voice. But he did cry. Not sob like a little girl cry. But I could see the tears staining his cheeks. I couldn't see any of the beautiful chocolate coloring in them anymore- they looked coal black. Coal black, and watery, and I could hardly see the whites in them at all. He told me something that I didn't like, that I didn't want to hear. I mean, I knew he loved me- we grew up together, we were the best of friends, no one ever asked questions when we stayed the night at each others house. And I loved him, too. He was like... Like a brother, almost.

But I couldn't take it. The way he said it... I was just so confused. Why wait? Why wait this long to tell me? We had watched each other go through our fair share of relationships. His voice just sounded so soft and broken and lost when he told me. Why did he wait until now? Why did he wait until he had seen me with Strify? Why, why, why?

Was he jealous?

Did he think I would abandon him?

Did... Did he think that Strify would mean the end of our friendship? It wasn't even that serious. It was just a little kiss. Well, no, it wasn't. But we were both a little more than tipsy. Should it matter? Why? Why would he wait until now?

I didn't know what to do. I was beside myself. Soon enough, Bill had disappeared entirely. I couldn't find him. I'd searched for what felt like hours. He had left Envy. Just up and left. And suddenly... There was Strify again.

I must have already started crying. I couldn't find my Bill. He shushed me and pulled me close and rubbed my back as he leaned my head into the crook of his neck. He told me it would all be okay. Bill was just being a drama queen. Was Bill always like that? Strify didn't seem to like the fact that Bill didn't approve of him. He made that a point. I could hear it in his tone. Strify didn't like Bill. He wanted me to himself, without Bill getting in the way. He said so himself.

And I realized that I was killing my truest friendship in the world, over what? A suspicion?

So I told him. About my stranger. And he laughed. He asked if I was having any success with that. He had a casual arm over my shoulder and he started to mock me a little. Like... Like I was stupid for ever thinking that I would find my Mr. Mysterious. His eyes glittered with that thing that I didn't like and he kissed me again. It felt oh, so good. But I couldn't take it. I pulled away and stared at my hands. At the little scar on my palm.

God, I was loosing my Billa. My Billa. My blood brother, my best friend. All because I couldn't get over my obsession. Because I was just so set on Strify being him.

But he's not. He never will be. Maybe no one ever will be. I realized that I suddenly didn't care anymore. I already had a the truest type of friend anyone could ever ask for. And I was swindling it away. I was letting it slip through my fingers. For what?

For someone who I loved to be held by, loved the feeling of our lips together, but was terrified of the glitter in his eyes. Because those eyes lie. They didn't want to find a long lost friendship because there was never one there. They just wanted the skin that I was in. Nothing more.

To end my sorrowing tale of last night, I shoved Strify away and ran off behind the counter, into the kitchen. Sat with a bottle of vodka and began to down it. Alex had to leave his post at the bar for the less experienced workers to handle the drinks in order to find out what was up. He hugged me close and petted the back of my head and said thing would be all right. I was slurring so bad that he probably didn't understand me. But I was crying for my Billa. Screaming for him. I wanted my Billa back.

Christof and Sieg appeared shortly after I heard yelling from Stefan. I wasn't even working, yet something told me that I wouldn't be working at Envy anymore. I might not be allowed back in anymore, either. I couldn't tell what he was yelling, just that he was.

That was when things got blurry. I cried the entire way to Nico and Eros' apartment. I cried in their apartment. When I was tucked into Nico's bed again, I cried myself to sleep. And the first thing I did when I woke up this morning was find Nico, sit down next to him on the couch and- even though he still looked like he'd rather be sleeping when I started- told him everything as I remembered it last night. Everything. From beginning to end. Even the bit about my Mr. Mysterious.

Everything.

And here I am now, sobbing on Nico's shoulder. He seemed to be heartbroken at my tale. Utterly rocked to his core. He sat me up and looked at me dead in the eye. He had my attention.

"I want you to hand your cellphone to me so that no one that we don't want talking to you right now can text or call you, okay? I have something very important to show you. Would you mind going on an adventure with me?" I agreed. I handed him my cellphone. I changed into some of Eros' clothes because he was relatively my size. He complained for a second that I would leave tit dents in his shirt, but then shut up when Nico slapped him.

And we went on an adventure.

My head should be throbbing with the amount of alcohol I had consumed last night. But I managed. I heard my phone go off several times- each time it was the tone I had set for Strify. Nico ignored the calls and possibly read some of the texts, but never once told me what they said. And I pretended that I didn't know who it was. Because I really wanted it to be someone else. I really wanted Bill to explode my phone and ask if we could spend the day together. But, even when I had managed to convince Nico to call him for me, he didn't answer. It went straight to voice mail. Nico didn't let me convince him to call Bill again.

I missed my Billa. I was torn without him. That damn Strify.

I slowly started to know where we were. The buildings looked awfully familiar. Everything did. Next thing I knew, I was walking down the street towards a park that my brother used to walk me to when we were little. Really little. Like, before I moved little. This was my old park.

And that wasn't all. Nico continued down the street. Not too far, though. Next thing you know, we were outside of the building I used to live in. The building Mr. Mysterious used to live in. I stopped breathing.

"This is where I grew up, basically. I... I moved in when I was little, around eight years old. My parents brought me to see the area before we were supposed to. They were just so eager to move in that they practically couldn't wait for the family that lived there to move out. We stayed in a hotel for a couple of days until they were gone, and then we moved in. But before the family left... I got to meet their daughter."

I could see Nico's eyes well up with foreign tears. Mine were, too. I was connecting the dots, but I didn't want to believe it.

"Only, I didn't know it was their daughter. I was so happy to know that there was someone my age that I could play with. It was the best day of my childhood. The only friend I had ever made all by myself. And then she was gone. And we moved into where she used to live. She had left a picture on the floor of her room for whoever would be living in there. The floor of my new room. I still have that picture back at home. But something about loosing her did something to me. I grew up lanky and sick all the time. I knew if I didn't get her back, if I didn't find her, I would always be this way. But I couldn't even remember her name."

He stared at me long and hard. I stared back. I took in a breath. I hadn't been breathing. I was now.

"But... My stranger. I remember, he said his name was Jack, but he didn't like his name. So... So he asked me to call him something else..." I trailed off. Nico looked at me with sad eyes.

"My name is Jackson. Jackson Niccolò Brauer. My mother is Italian, my father is German. My parents called me Jack when I was a little kid and I hated it. I preferred Nico- it sounded unique and interesting. But I still introduced myself as Jack because that's what they wanted me to. I searched for you for a long time, I did. And now you're here," he had a smile in his words. I had a smile on my face. But it soon fell.

I had wasted my time and effort with Strify. He wasn't my Mr. Mysterious. Niccolò was. I was a fool. And I missed my Billa.

"I miss my Billa." I did.

"I know. And I think it's time we take you to him. I thought I needed you to stay healthy- I can see that he needs you to stay whole."

I smiled. He understood. Like a friend should. Like a best friend should.

Forever and ever.

We journeyed back to Envy's parking lot, where my car was waiting for me where I had left it last night. Nico handed me my keys and my cellphone. It jangled a tune as he put it in my hand. Strify again. I ignored it and tried to call my Billa. I needed my Billa.

No answer. Just a voice mail. But voice mail was good. It meant that he hadn't gotten around to blocking my number just yet. I knew that Jost would have no problem with having my number blocked for him.

"Thank you, Nico. Maybe I could come see you again sometime? It sure would be nice," I whispered. My throat felt hoarse. That tends to happen when someone cries a lot.

"You're welcome, Hayden. I would love to visit with you sometime. And you can bring Bill with you when you come to see me- better yet, I can go visit you two. How about that?" We both smiled and I climbed into my car. I looked at the steering wheel for a second and then stared back at Nico.

"Yeah. I'd like that."

I closed the door. Stared up the engine. Took off. My phone rang. I ignored Strify. Again. I called Bill. Voice mail. Again.

I know he's broken. I know he's angry. I know he's upset. But I would make it better. For Bill, I would make everything better. My Billa. I don't care if he never talked to me again, so long as I tried to make things better. We're only human. We can't help but get hurt.

We can only be human.