The Wrong You Like

I didn't know how to respond, my lip starting to move lacking the words and direction to go to. He started the car and looked at me, his eyes coming directly across from mine making this moment terrifying.

"Are you moving here?" His voice asked, slower, spiteful towards each little word spilling out of his mouth and trying to shift to look in my eyes. I bite my bottom lip for lack of words and nod. He sighed loudly and angrily put the car in reverse, his lips pressed together. I thought about apologizing, but it's my future, should I have to apologize? So instead we sat in silence until we got to the hotel.

He walked a couple of steps in front of me, extending his long legs to expand his gait. I sighed trying to rush and catch up. He ignored the doorman who smiled and told us 'good evening', I raised an eyebrow critically at John, even though he couldn't see me and apologetically said 'good evening' back to the doorman.

"John!" I said finally breaking into a light jog and trying to get him to look at me. His shoulders tensed up, aware of my presence, but he kept his eyes on the elevator, until I finally cornered him and the elevator doors closed. "John, can't we at least talk before you give me the silent treatment?" I asked feeling more upset than before.

"No, because then it's not the silent treatment," John spat childishly, crossing his arms in a fluid motion. He was a spitting image of a pouting child.

"You just talked!" I said pointing at his mouth, smirking at my first victory. John sighed loudly, letting his arms drop to his sides. "John, why are you mad?" I asked. I already assumed, but I was just double checking.

"Evan," He said softly, finally looking me in the eye, letting me see his hurt. "Things just got good again and now you're leaving? Just like that?" He asked moving his arm up and ruffling his hair.

"John," I came closer and took his hand still laced in his hair and brought them down. He shifted his eyes around, not leaving them on me for longer than two seconds. I chuckled a little and that seemed to offend him. "This is my dream, you of all people have to understand that you have to sacrifice somethings, like being able to drive to your boyfriend's house whenever you want, to pursue it. It's right there, just waiting for me. I can't not take it," I said raising my eyebrows hoping I was making a little bit of sense.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, bringing us back to reality and we walked quietly to the room to talk about this some more. John opened the door after swiping the card key once and then he sat on the chair. He took a deep breath in then rested his elbows on his knees looking at me expectantly.

"I don't know what to say," I said meekly, suddenly intimidated by the look in John's eyes. I sat down on the bed's edge close to him, tucking my hands under my legs. It was like I was in third grade getting in trouble again.

"So what happens to us?" John asked looking rather viciously at the ugly brown and purple floral carpet. His jaw clenched and his hands tight together.

"Well, I think that we can stay together despite a little distance. I mean its a direct flight to Phoenix and a six hour drive, so weekends I don't have a shoot it'd work. I mean you'd go on tour soon anyways, so we were gonna be apart," I said realizing how hypocritical John was being.

"Yeah, Evan I just don't want to lose you," He said finally looking up at me, there was something glistening in his eyes. I realized that he was finally showing me how vulnerable he was. I smiled and kissed his nose, as I was straightening back up he grabbed me and pulled me into a kiss. I was surprised at first, then I closed my eyes and kissed him back.

"You won't," I smiled kissing his ear. He laughed a little and jumped on the bed, patting next to him while wiggling his eyebrows. I couldn't help but laugh and I jumped enthusiastically kicking my shoes to the ground, wherever they may land.

"Damn, I'm gonna miss you so fucking much," John chuckled a little as I pulled a strand of my hair over my lip making a mustache. I dropped the hair and laid down next to him, kissing his cheek lightly.

"I'll be right there," I pointed to his heart, "and there." I pointed to his head, before smiling brightly, he rolled his eyes and laughed. I let out a little giggle and collapsed, letting my head rest on his shoulder. He rubbed my back lightly with the tips of his fingers and I curled towards him.

"But you won't be here," He said in barely a whisper, I looked up at him curiously and saw his eyes dazed towards the ceiling. Technically I would be in California, so I didn't know what he was talking about until I heard him speak at the same volume again. "In my arms."

That's when the tears started pooling at my eyes. That's when I realized that I really did want to spend the rest of my life with John. Somehow all the choices I had became harder and I buried my face in his shoulder, taking in the familiar comforting scent.

We listened to the sounds of the street and the sounds of each other's breaths coming in a constant rhythm. I listened to John's heart and realized how far away I would be away from it if I moved here. And moments like this. I fell asleep hoping the morning would bring some clarity.