The Wrong You Like

"So," I said awkwardly, crossing my legs under a thin white blanket. I bit my lip hoping I didn't look like complete shit, but then also getting angry at the fact I cared what I looked like around him.

"I missed you," John said looking me dead straight in the eyes and I felt a sudden anger release as his lips dipped down in the corners into a slight frown and I let the tears that were in my eyes fall down.

"Bull shit," I said returning the stare.

"What?" He said, obviously taken back and he leaned forward as if it would help his point through more. I felt another tear fall down my cheek and I smiled.

"Why do we do this?" I asked raising my voice ever so slightly, and looking at him desperate for the answer, "John, we get over our heads in relationships, next thing you know you're fucking someone else and I'm starving myself and wondering what went wrong! I end up not being able to sleep because all I do is fucking think? What? Why? How? And I never have the answers!" I said he put his hand on my cheek and smiled.

"We do this because we're in love, we're both scared shitless of these relationships and because I make stupid mistakes when I'm scared. I honestly want to be with you, because I know that you're the only girl I'll ever love," John said lowering his voice. I was so sick of the casanova-bullshit.

"You always say stuff like this! Then you're gone! Please just make your words and your actions the same! I don't know if you're literally psycho and you like hurting me, but I'm sick of it!" I said now crying pretty steadily, someone knocked on the door and I wiped my face quickly. "Come in," I said loud enough for someone to open the door. John sat back into the chair and looked at the doctor who came. I remembered him as the one who was asking me questions when I was out of it.

"Well Ms. Brock, I have to say you clean up nice," He smiled, I read his name tag and it read 'Jack Slade, MD', I blushed a little and shook my head.

"You don't have to lie, I have no idea what I look like," I laughed a little bit, John sighed loudly and I hoped that Dr. Slade couldn't put two and two together.

"Well, you look very pretty, you have to be a model or something," He let out a big, humble laugh, like Santa Clause, but sexier.

"She is a model," John said, rolling his eyes and I shot him a look, before smiling at Dr. Slade.

"Well that explains it," He was older, but he was still cute with bright green eyes and a mop of blondish-brown hair, but with dark, long eyelashes. He was about John's height, but with broad shoulders, I blushed. "Well, Ms. Brock as much as we loved having you here, you have been cleared to go home, but we need to make sure you're going to a safe environment, Benzedrine isn't an addictive substance, but if you keep taking it you will be back here and much less fortunate. I'd like to get you to therapy and get you someone you should talk to. Stress levels should be low," he said looking directly at John and I blushed again for a completely different reason.

"Thank you so much," I smiled.

"Anytime, dear," He flashed me a perfect smile and extended a hand, which I shook and smiled, "take care of yourself." I nodded and he shook John's hand before walking out and closing the door behind him.

"I think I'm quitting modeling," I said quietly breaking the silence John and I had built up between us. I smiled at him as he looked at me curiously, "I'll just go back to school, move back to Tempe and just be normal for a little bit..." I looked up at the ceiling to try to use gravity to keep the tears in.

"Evan, I mean you've wanted this for so long..." John said grabbing my hand knowing how hard it was for me. I loved him for knowing, but I was so tired of loving him.

"Yeah, well it has to be done right?" I smiled wiping a tear and John moved to the side of the hospital bed holding me tightly in his arms. "It's sick, because this is the life I wanted and it's all falling apart." I said bitterly, watching John's eyes dart from my lips back into my eyes again.

"Well, you know what's sick? When a person loves someone and they're selfish asswipes, so they wait and they love someone until they think, 'gee, that person deserves so much better than me', but you leave because you'd rather had that whole in your chest than make them live another second of a life less than they deserve, you want the world for them so you sacrifice your world," He said drifting off getting lost in his own thoughts and I swore to myself under my breath. Why was I so vulnerable to him?

"Seems like we're two sick people, but I guess I can go back to a boring, ordinary life," I said laughing to myself slightly, my soon my hands were cupped in John's and I looked up into his eyes expectantly but instead he smiled mysteriously and shook his head.

"Recording's done, tour starts in a month. Come with us! Do merch with Vito and see the country. We'll all take care of you, make sure you eat and it'll give us time together, to iron through everything," he said speaking excitedly, his eyes growing with the anticipation of my response.

"Who said I even wanted to be together?" I smirked and John just ignored me and pressed his lips to mine, I felt complete for the first time in months and I melted into him, regretting every word I said next, "Fine, John O'Callaghan, but I swear to God, if you break my heart again I will chop off your penis, oh and it'll probably break my heart and cause me to drop dead, so imagine that mounting guilt along with no penis," I said raising an eyebrow.

"But if you're dead how would cut off my dick?" He asked smirking a little, I shook my head and chuckled looking up to pretend to think.

"I would haunt you as a ghost, take over someone's body and make them cut off your dick, duh," I said condescendingly. He laughed loudly and then kissed the tip of my nose. I hoped he could tell that I was being serious, I knew I was being stupid, but I guess that's why there's a million sayings about being stupid and in love.

"But... seriously, you're not gonna cut off my dick are you?" John asked, his eyes growing wide with concern, I shook my head and kissed him gently.

"What I'm saying is that there if Megan Fox were a man, she would be a very attractive man," Pat said walking in before coming to a dead stop and making Garrett and Jared run into his back, they looked at us and smiled, "Aw, they're back together again," Jared punched him in the back and Pat smiled fakely, "I mean, Ah, yeah! They're back together again!"

"This is better than my soaps!" Garrett said flailing his arms around, quite convincingly and I laughed, hard. I laughed until tears started coming to my eyes and not really for any reason in particular, but just because I was happy, really, really happy.