The Wrong You Like

"What do you mean not like this?" I asked finally, reminding myself that not crying right now was the only thing keeping the last shred of dignity I had left. John smiled turned to me and patted for me to lay down. I don't know why, but I did it.

"I mean, let's talk in the morning," John said wrapping his arms around me, I could hear his breathing steady, his heart beating through his chest and onto my back. I could tell he was asleep,but all I could do was dream about what the fuck I was doing letting this guy back into my life. Finally around three, I gave into fatigue and fell asleep.

I woke up to two boys screaming in my face, I opened my eyes and saw Pat and Garrett spazzing out trying to give everyone a headache, I didn't drink that much so I was fine and John was just pissed to be waken up that way. I smiled as I propped myself up, still wearing his jacket and hair askew.

"TIME TO GO!" They said in unison, I looked around and saw that everything was gone and packed, including my duffle bag and everything except John's shoes and my boots, I groaned getting out of bed mindlessly and pulling them over my feet.

"Fuck you guys," John said ruffling his messy hair, I felt a pang of embarrassment remembering everything that had happened last night. I should've demanded an answer then and there, but instead I fell asleep. We got ushered out into the parking lot where Sadie and Pat were exchanging numbers apparently she had to be back or be fired while I was free to stay because Noah loved me.

"No, we can't watch a movie, I can't sit through a movie," Sadie said shaking her head slightly disgusted. Pat's jaw dropped like he had just been sold the girl of his dreams. I laughed biting my lip they really were perfect for each other, besides Sadie's maniac obsession with Alex and All Time Low, speaking of, ew.

"Fine, we'll go on an adventure!" Pat said proudly before they hugged and Sadie put the last of my things in the trailer, I was surprised she was actually leaving, why wasn't I leaving with her.

"Because, you need a vacation, because you need to see your brother, your secret lover and your friends and you need to stop hiding from everything," Sadie said with a know-it-all smirk on her lips like she was reading off a list. I sighed and we hugged tightly.

"Be safe," I smiled and she slapped my ass once we broke our hug and winked at me.

"You too," then she was gone and I was in a van with six smelly, stinky guys. Soon everyone had fallen back to sleep except for me and Kennedy who was in the driver's seat. I didn't really feel like getting preached at because I knew he had something to say, he was constantly checking on me, his back arched on edge.

"I know you're awake," He finally broke the silence, I sighed sitting up straight off of Moose. I opened my eyes lazily and smiled innocently. "You force yourself to frown when you fake sleep," Kennedy explained his super powers.

"You caught me, why are you creeping on me?" I asked resting my head on Moose again who muttered something in his sleep before leaning on Jared.

"Because, what's going on with you and John? You two were looking pretty cozy last night and I mean- shit. I don't wanna see you get hurt and move to Zimbabwe or some shit and me never seeing you again!" Kennedy mouthed off quickly, I smiled and tucked some fingers behind his ear and he looked at me like I was crazy.

"I don't know what the fuck is happening between John and I, but I will most certainly not tell you the intimate details of our drunken hook up and don't worry. I don't think I could stand to leave you again," I said sadness slipping into my voice, but a content smile budding on his lips.

"Good, because this is all too fucked up!" Kennedy smiled and finally I slid back down into sleep, with a smile on my face. I was so tired and the car was so quiet I couldn't help but fall asleep. I woke up with us stopping in San Diego, just for gas and to switch drivers. I called shotgun and I leaped into the car while the guys discussed driving shifts by the gas pump. I rested my eyes for a bit before I heard car doors open and saw John smiling and sliding into the driver's sleep.

"Hey stranger," I smiled a little picking off a little nail polish from my short fingernails and crossing my legs towards him. He smiled and we didn't talk about anything for a while, no demanding explanations on my part, John looked in the rearview mirror then sighed.

"So- last night," He began and I felt my cheeks heat up with the embarrassment of a reliving a moment of humility over and over, to a level it feels like you're literally living it again. I cleared my throat and turned my face towards the window.

"What about it?" I said trying to be distant, I really wasn't interested in being turned down again because John thought I couldn't remember it.

"You said some things," He said hesitating, before turning around and making sure everyone in the back was sleeping, Moose let out a snore and it was confirmed.

"And you said somethings, I wasn't that drunk," I replied, leaning back on the seat to face forward again, John looked annoyed now and cleared his throat to demonstrate how serious he was being and I noted it.

"So you remember?" John asked tip-toing on eggshells. My jaw dropped completely annoyed he would bring this up. I get it, you love me, but you're not in love with me or some equally crappy excuse not to be together.

"What did you mean by not like this?" I asked a sadness deep in my chest and was relieved in a break of my voice. He looked surprised and smiled, smiled like he was excited.

"I just thought, you didn't mean what you said. I mean I thought you were wasted and you were just saying that. So I didn't want to hear," He cleared his throat awkwardly, "What you said like that. I didn't want to kiss you and love you like that, I want you like this," He muttered shyly. I couldn't contain a smile at all.

"So, what you're trying to say is?" I smiled playing dumb, he sighed and slapped me lightly on the arm before biting his lip and looking at me in the corner of his eyes.

"I love you Evangeline Brock," His raspy voice softly entered my ears and I grabbed his hand that had lingered from our fake slap and I raised my eyebrows at him.

"Pull over," I said and he obliged putting on the emergency lights, I unbuckled my seatbelt and moved across the median kissing him gently on the lips and biting his lower lip. He seemed surprised at first, but then I could feel his lips curl up into a smirk under mine. I whispered in his ear as he lightly kissed my neck warming my body up and curling my spine into him, "I love you too John O'Callaghan."

Our lips met again until someone yawned and then said, "Oh are we there yet- WHAT THE FUCK!" Waking everyone up, I looked innocently to see all the boys staring at us and Kennedy looking pissed off.

"Dude! That's my sister! Again!" His voice breaking in such high-strung emotion. I laughed and kissed him lightly on the cheek before moving back into my seat and buckling my seatbelt.

"I'm scarred for life. The rest of it! Someone in this bus better pay for my fucking therapy!" Jared called out raising his hand over his head as some strange gesture, I laughed and stuck my tongue out at him.

"Jared everyone knows your just jealous!" I said sarcastically laughing, Moose high-fived me and I sunk back into my seat while John sat quietly with a new kind of glow about him as he steered the steering wheel with a certain skip in his step, so to speak.

"Yeah only because I've got a big, lesbian crush on you!" He said crescendoing his voice and making his eyes wide. There was not a dry eye in the van from laughing so hard, I was pretty sure I had a six-pack from laughing so hard.

"Mean girls? Really?" I said between laughs and he was praised for being the comedy king, his self-appointed title. I laughed and we made our way through California to where the next concert would be. We laughed as we kept driving on the same road, but it never got mundane or monotonous. I guess some things never change.