Lucy

I kneeled down in front of the grave. I pushed the leaves that had fallen from the trees away from it. I looked at her name and the dates and inscription underneath it. I felt my heart break a little more, though I wasn't sure how that could even be possible. She hadn't even been gone a year, but it felt like an entire lifetime had passed. It was all my fault, too. I'd fucked up big time. And now Lucy was gone. My Lucy. My beautiful, lovely Lucy.

Lucy Miller
October 5th, 1982 - April 19th, 2003
Our darling Lucy, Live it up with our Father.

I glanced down at the bouquet of roses in my hands and smiled. I didn't need to bring these to her. She would have been perfectly content with something like daisies. She was such a simple girl, and oh, so sweet. She'd been like that since we first met. She'd just moved in next to my best friends.

"Come on, guys. Lets go!" I exclaimed, trying to usher Gerard and Mikey to go next door and greet their new neighbors. I'd seen a girl who seemed to be about my age, and I wanted to meet her.

"We're coming! Jesus, Frank, calm the fuck down." Gerard laughed, shaking his dark hair out of his eyes. "Come on, Mikes; before Frank explodes."

He pulled Mikey behind him as we walked outside and to the house next door. I was fully prepared to say some smart, flirty remark if and when the girl answered the door. But after Gerard knocked on the door, and I saw her standing in front of us, I was absolutely speechless. She was more beautiful than any one I'd ever seen. I was a fifteen-year-old guy, and I started planning my life with her right then.

Gerard was the first to speak. "Hi, we're," he gestured towards himself and Mikey, "your new neighbors. I'm Gerard Way. This is my brother Mikey. And that's our friend Frank."

She smiled, her blue eyes shining. "Oh! Hello!" She looked at Gee and Mikes, then at me. "I'm Lucy Miller."

After that day, we all became really close. At the end of the summer, I asked her out, and we were together always.

She calmed me down. Before I met her I was hyper, and crazy. Once we started dating, I settled down. I wasn't as self-centered as I'd been before. Lucy was different from all of the other girls I'd dated. She was quiet, and shy. She was loyal, and kind. She didn't want me to buy her lots of material items, she just wanted me.

I placed the roses on the ground in front of her grave. Tears collected in my eyes when I thought about her death. I shook my head. I just wanted to hold her again; to hear her say she loved me; to see her eyes burn into mine while she was laying in my arms.

"Frank, guess what!" Lucy exclaimed.

I laughed at the excitement that was evident on every millimeter of her face. "What, Luc?"

She walked over to the couch where I was sitting and sat down on my lap, facing me. She softly pressed her lips against mine. "I love you," she smiled, putting her forehead against mine and smiling.

I smiled back at her. "I love you, baby."

She moved so that she could comfortably lay her head against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and she burrowed into me. Her small fingers traced invisible patterns on the skin of my forearm. I kissed the top of her head and tucked a lock of silky brown hair behind her ear.

"I love it when we do this," Lucy said softly.

"Do what?"

"This," she nodded. "Just, sit here, and hold each other."

"Me too, angel. Me too." I knew I was going to marry that girl someday.

Lucy and I had been through alot of things together. Some were good and others were bad, but no matter what, we were always there for each other. I was there for her when her parents divorced, and she was there for me when I had to help Gerard through his awful drinking/druggy phase.

The worst thing we went through together had occurred during her senior year in high school. I had just graduated the spring before her school year started. It was a month before her eighteenth birthday when we found out that she was pregnant. Our mothers weren't exactly thrilled, but they agreed with our choice to keep the baby. The look Lucy got every time she talked about the baby was of pure happiness. She loved the baby, and I loved the baby for making her so happy.

We went for a check up when she was three months along. The doctor said there were some complications, but that they were normal and would more than likely fix themselves. Long story short, the problems didn't fix and we lost the baby.

Lucy went into a depression, as was expected, and I did everything in my power to bring her out of it. I kept her mind on other things. We hung out with the guys alot. At first, nothing helped. But slowly she became herself again. And I loved seeing her like that.

"Lucy, I got you something," I said, sitting next to her on the couch. It was her nineteenth birthday.

"Frankie, I told you not to get me anything!" she whined, though there was a smile in her eyes.

I smiled. "Well, I didn't listen to you," I said, kissing her cheek. I pulled a box out of my pocket and handed it to her. She opened it and gasped.

"Frank, it's beautiful."

"It's a promise ring," I explained as she pulled the small silver band from the box. "Because I know we've been through some tough times, and I wanted you to know that I'll always be here. I promise to love you forever, to never be unfaithful, and to do anything I have to to make you happy."

She put the ring on her finger, then leaned forward to pull me into a hug. "Thank you so much." She kissed my neck. "I love you."

I sighed and stood up. "I miss you, Luc. I wish you were still here with me."

There was a knock on the door, and the sound of Gerard announcing his arrival. I did nothing but sit on my couch and stare blankly at the television. The daily trips I took to the cemetery did that to me.

Gerard walked in and sat next to me. "How ya holding up, short stuff?"

I let my head fall back against the back of the couch. My eyes strayed to the pictures of Lucy and I on the wall and I didn't say anything. Gerard noticed where I was looking.

"Frank, c'mon, man. It's been six months," he sighed.

"Is that supposed to comfort me? I loved her, Gee. I still fucking do. And I took everything away from her."

Gerard shook his head. "Stop talking like that, Frank."

"No, I will not stop talking like that, Gerard. Because it's fucking true. I screwed up, and she left. And now she's gone."

I kissed the girl in front of me. I wasn't thinking. I wasn't paying attention to the time as I should have been. Mostly, though, I wasn't paying attention to the fact that what I was doing was as wrong as wrong can be.

I heard when her keys hit the lock, and I heard when the door knob turned. But still I didn't pull away from the girl. I heard her soft footsteps on the carpet, and I heard her enter the room.

"Frank?" she exclaimed.

Of course, then I pulled away. I looked at her and, in my drunken stupor, said the words that so many others had said before me. "I can explain."

"How could you?" she whispered, tears already making trails down her cheeks.

The girl beside me spoke. "Maybe I should leave."

"No!" Lucy yelled. "You just stay right where you are, you s-stupid, f-fucking whore."

I stared at her. Lucy never cussed.

She looked at me. "I'm leaving," she said simply.

I stood from the couch. "Baby, please-"

"No, Frank!" She tore the promise ring from her finger and threw it at me. She shook her head. "No." Then she left.

I heard the car door slam and I turned to the girl on the couch. "Leave," I said calmly.

She quickly got up and was gone.

I fell to the carpet, my head in my hands. What the fuck had I done?

"It's her birthday tomorrow." I said. "Her twenty-first birthday." I laughed without humor.

"It wasn't your fault, Frank." Gerard whispered.

I looked at him. "I cheated on her! She saw, she left, and she was in that stupid fucking car accident. It was my fault!"

He sighed and stood up. "I'll talk to you later, Frank."

My head fell into my hands.

I sat in front of Lucy's grave again. Whenever I closed my eyes I saw the life we could've had. We'd be sitting together, holding hands. We were married. We would've grown old together. We would've had kids. But I ruined it all.

"I hope you liked the roses I brought yesterday. I know they don't help anything. You know I'm sorry for what I did, right? I was just- I was stupid. It's no excuse, but it's true. I love you, Lucy. I always will. I miss you more than anything. I hope you're having a nice party up there for your birthday." I sighed, my eyes welling up with tears. I pulled a small box from my inside coat pocket. "I brought this for you. I was going to give it to you awhile ago; before the accident. I wanted you to just, be mine forever. It's kind of late for that now, isn't it?" I opened the box so that its contents were facing Lucy's grave. "I wanted you to be my wife. I wish you were still here, baby. I miss holding you at night."

The tears fell from my eyes as I stood up.

"Wait for me in heaven, angel."