Shattering Crystals

I wake up shivering.

Though my sleeping bag covers me completely, it doesn't block out the cold gloominess lingering over this house.

I look over at my friends, all sleeping on the rough wooden floors. Elise lies curled up on her mattress, her face not even completely peaceful in sleep.

I remember her diary entry. And I decide that the sooner we get out of this house, the better. For all of us.

----

We all wake up a couple hours later and wait to use the small, dirty bathroom. I can tell that Lorraine is revolted by the very thought, but decide that it is better than nothing.

"Elise...?" Dean asks as she walks back into the room. "Will you come back with us?"

"I don't know - Dean, is it?" she replies. "I kind of believe you... but I just have so much here."

"Do you really?" I say, staring straight into her deep-set blue eyes. I try to make my stare look like I don’t know too much, but intense enough so that she would question herself.

"Yeah. I mean... I have a home here with Heather. I never really had a family, I guess, but they’re family to me. Heather is my cousin, and I’ve been with her since… forever. It’s always been that where. And there’s Becca, too."

"Becca?" I ask. "Don't think we've met her."

"No, you haven't. She's my girlfriend." Dean looks surprised when he hears this. "I see you looking at me that way. What's so wrong about me liking girls?"

"You're - you're a lesbian?" he chokes out.

"No, I'm bisexual."

I pity her somewhat - I can see the way she struggles to "feel okay" again. She truly wishes to have hope. But at the same time, I can see that she’s an open minded person – she can state things about herself easily, and she didn’t react angrily, the way Cody had, but more thoughtfully.

"Elise, what is it about this lifestyle that you like so much?" I try again. She thinks for a minute and starts biting her nails again.

"I don't really know."

----

"Elise, come join me!" Heather says as we enter the living room, slurring a bit. She holds up a can of beer. "Do your friends want a drink too?"

"Um, no thanks, it’s too early," Elise says, glancing at us. From this, we can guess that she also drinks. It doesn’t come as much of a surprise, actually. “Where's Becca?"

"Sleeping. Wake her up, will you?"

"Alright." She disappears into the room next to hers and comes back immediately. "Becca's in the bathroom, Heather."

"Oh, alright," she gets up, swaying a bit. "You and your friends can sit down, I gotta call some people."

We all sit down on one of the two couches, not wanting to split up. Elise just stands in front of us. The fabric is rough and scratchy, not making for a very comfortable seat. I wonder what has happened on this couch and I wish I didn’t. We sit there in silence until a gorgeous blonde enters the room.

"Elise!" she calls in a sing-songy voice. She walks over to Elise and pecks her on the lips, leaning over, as she’s quite tall.

"Hey, Becca," Elise says softly. "How was work?"

"Eh, it was alright."

"No one cute enough for you?"

"No, they were cute-ish... small dicks, that's all."

Elise smirks. "That's what you get for whoring yourself around, being a prostitute." The remark raises many eyebrows.

Becca either ignores this or doesn't notice. I wonder what made her want to have sex with desperate guys for a living. "So, these are your new friends? Why did you bring them here? To have a drink?"

"No, Becca," Elise says. "I don't think they drink or do any of the stuff we do."

”Shame. What else, then?” she asks, examining her fingernails.

"Uh, yeah, about this. We need to talk."

"Why? Something wrong?"

"Yeah. I'm leaving." I can feel a smile forming on my face.

"To where?" Becca really doesn't seem too concerned.

"With them." She motions to me. "And Becca... I'm not coming back. Ever."

"What?" Becca finally snaps to attention. "Why?"

"I just thought about it... and my new friends here helped me realize - this isn't the life I want," she admits.

"But... it's so fun and carefree." She looks at Elise, then us, in disgust. "I never thought you were one for doing what's 'right'."

"I'm not. Don't get me wrong - I have nothing wrong with all this." She waves her arm across the room. "I don't have anything wrong with you either. It's just... I need a change. This lifestyle isn't what I want."

"Then what do you want?"

"I don't know. But I'm gonna look for it."

"I guess I can't change your mind," Becca says gently. "I see what you mean, and it makes sense. I kinda knew, though. From that day you decided to quit the drugs and stuff."

"Thanks, Becca." Elise grins. "Will you escape one day, too?"

"No, Elise, I don't think so. I don't see it as escaping. While you don't want all this, I do. I'm perfectly happy when I am."

"Oh... alright. Remember to tell Heather."

"Okay, once she’s sober. And remember..." Becca says with a sincere smile, "where ever you are, I'll be thinking of you."