Shattering Crystals

I freeze for a second. The voice had said Dana, not Diana... which means... I've been recognized. I slowly turn around.

I don't recognize the girl at first, but it's obvious that she's one of the models. Her expression is sweet and she stares at me with concern. I wonder who she is, and how she knows me. But then I see her dark gray eyes.

"...Leilani."

"I thought that was you," Leilani says, smiling brightly. Her face lights up completely and I can't help but remember what happened the last time I spoke to her. Is she still angry? "You look so different."

"I know," I say, stunned to see her. I had thought that I left her behind forever. "How did you recognize me?"

"I just... knew. And I saw the way you smiled. You're the only person I know who smiles like they're in pain." She laughs, a softy, dainty sound. I wonder what had happened to her obnoxious snorting. And I still can't believe it's really her.

"Yeah. I guess I do that."

She turns to Lorraine. "Hey, Lorraine. You look good."

"Thanks," Loraine says. They had never really spoken much. "You look so different. So pretty."

"Thank you," Leilani says. "A lot has changed since you... left. I really wasn't expecting to see you here."

"I didn't expect to see you here either... I didn't think anyone would recognize me anyways." I examine Leilani. Her face looks so different, like a different person. And yet she still looks the same - same button nose, same gray eyes that I had known so well. A red hibiscus flower is tucked behind her ear, peeping out from her long black hair.

"Like I said, I just knew," she repeats. "I don't think anyone else could recognize you... Where have you been all this time? It's been a year since the last time I saw you."

"I've been... places," I tell her. "It's all really complicated."

"I bet it is... but since you ran away, things just haven't been the same," Leilani says. “It hurt so much when I realized were really gone. I just wondered if it was because of me..."

I shake my head furiously. "It wasn't because of you. I just had to leave... I would have left either way."

"I still thought it was me..." Leilani says. "We didn't talk for a month. And then, just like that, you were gone. I thought there was something wrong with me. Maybe that’s stupid, but that was the way it was."

"No, it wasn't that," I say. The wind picks up, blowing my hair into my face. I brush it back behind my ear.

"Yeah, but I still thought so. So I tried to change and everything," she says. "I can barely recognize myself now, compared to last year. But I'm happy."

"That's good," I say, digging my foot into the warm sand. "I guess I was meant to leave all along. I mean, look at where you are now."

"I guess."

"This is all just amazing," Lorraine says. "You're gorgeous, you're a model, and you're in Hawaii. Who wouldn't be happy? I know I would be..."

"Maybe so. But back at home, everyone's still searching for you," Leilani tells us. "Is Dean with you?"

"Yeah, why?" Lorraine answers.

"You all disappeared on the same night, so I figured you would be together. Where have you been staying? And how did you get here?"

"I can't tell you..." I say, realizing that we should have stopped talking to her the second she said hello. "It's too dangerous for anyone to know. I'm sorry."

"That's... okay," Leilani says, nodding slowly. "But everyone's so worried. I've been thinking about you everyday."

"How's my family?" Lorraine asks, desperate to find out. I know she still worries about them everyday.

"I don't know, I never really knew them. They're worried, though. Everyone who knew you is worrying." Leilani smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. She tugs at the bottom of her sundress, uncomfortable. "I guess you've found your own happiness, in a way. Just like I did."

"Yeah, that's true," I say. "I just wonder what would have happened if I stayed."

"I don't think about that," Leilani says. "I mean, it's over. We can't really do anything about it. So I don't worry about it."

"That's a good way to look at things," Lorraine says. "It's... wow, I never thought of it like that. You're right."

Leilani smiles for real this time. "I worry about the future. Actually, not even. I'm just concerned with right now, mostly. And right now... I want you to come home."

"We can't, Leilani. I'm sorry," I say, apologizing for everything I'd done to her. It's a year late, but I hope she still knows I mean it this time.

"I know it's hard, after a whole year," she says, her voice still persuading. "But can you at least think about it? I really do miss you..."

"I'm sorry. It's not that I won't... I really can't," I tell her. "By this time tomorrow, you won't be able to find me. It just has to be this way."

"Does it really?" she asks, looking me straight in the eye. I wonder if she can see through my words to the truth.

"Yes. It really does." I hope that she can hear the sadness in my voice.

She nods, her eyes wide and filled with sorrow. “I can’t and won’t force you.” Then she reaches up behind her neck and pulls off her necklace of flowers. "I want you to have this," she says, putting it around my neck. "I can always get another one, anyways."

"Thanks, Leilani."

She reaches for the flower in her hair and places it in Lorraine's. I watch as she arranges it carefully and makes sure it doesn't fall out.

I look at both of them, comparing. Both my best friends at one point or another, both petite, both beautiful. They are almost the same, except that I will walk away from one of them forever, taking one with me. I can't have it both ways.

"There," Leilani says, stepping back to admire the flower. "Beautiful."

"Thanks so much," Lorraine says.

"It isn't much, really," Leilani says. But then she smiles again, her gray eyes filled with sorrow, happiness, and just about everything I am feeling. "Promise me something?"

I just look at her. She’s grown up now, not that small girl I used to be friends with. She’s grown, but where am I? "Anything," I say finally.

"If this is the last time I see you," she says, waving her arms and gesturing to the world around us, "don't forget this moment. Don't forget me."