Shattering Crystals

Nothing feels real. This can't possibly be happening. Everything was so perfect.

I look back at the carving on the wall, and I know that it's true. Connor and I will be together forever, there's no doubt about it. And yet there is everything to be doubted.

The tears come. Hot and wet, as salty as the seawater washing over my feet. They run down my cheeks gently, and my nose is barely runny. It's the way actors cry in moves. Just a part of the new body I'm not even sure I want anymore.

I slump down against the wall, head in my hands. I am not the same, and I never will be again. My choices have changed. At the beginning of this adventure, I would have chosen to go, no questions asked. I would have stopped at nothing to be... perfect.

But today, being here, I have doubts. And all it took was a boy. An awkward, adorable boy with his own share of secrets. The one who managed to capture my heart.

He made me doubt myself. He showed me that I don't have to be special. I don't have to be perfect. Because he loved me before the changes happened, he loved me the way I was, and he still loves me now.

He told me his secrets. He told me his fears. Always overshadowed by his brother, he accepted being normal. He accepted being a commoner in the kingdom of life.

As for me, I always wanted to be at the top - the king, the queen, whatever, as long as I was the ruler. As long as there were people to be responsible, I just wanted to be seen as... perfect. But Connor had shown me that it's okay to step down.

The tears begin to slow and I rub my eyes. Pathetic. I push myself up into a standing position, using the wall to support me. I fight back another wave of tears while I brush the sand off of my clothes. I take one step away from the wall and my breath catches in my throat. I have lost; the tears are coming back.

"What am I supposed to do?" I ask out loud, to anyone who possibly knows. But only the waves answer me, and I don’t know what they’re saying. I listen to the soothing sound and close my eyes, but I know I have to move. I have to do something.

So I turn around to face the wall. And I realize that I never really had a choice at all.

----

I can't do it. I just can't. Leaning on the outside wall of the cave, the tears have nearly dried up. I have the duty to go back, to save my people. But I promised I would never leave Connor behind.

If I never loved him, I could go. Just leave him here. Now it's too late. I've gone in too far and I'm not coming out.

If only leaving wasn't forever. If only I could leave, save my planet, and come back for him. If only.

I'd do it in a heartbeat. He would understand. Too bad I don't have that option. Too bad he'll forget all about me the second I leave.

I could let Lynda die. I quickly cross off that option as soon as it crosses my mind. Everyone deserves to live. And at the same time, it's so oddly tempting...

I could stay on Earth and be happy. I would have Connor, some of my magic, and Lynda would stay alive and healthy.

But there are those, like Dean, who have nothing left for them on this planet. I would take away his chance at starting over, living a new life. Ever since Elise, he hasn't been the same. I know she also wants go get away from Earth and all its memories.

And we've come so far. Surely this all won't amount to nothing?

The hour is almost up, and they will come looking for me soon. Of course I will have to tell them about this... situation. But how will everyone react to the fact that I'm faced with a decision I can't make?

----

When I reach the bench, I find everyone waiting for me, white-faced. Which means that they already know; Lynda must have told them.

The only exceptions are Lynda and Wessley. They seem to be quite happy, because either way they'll be together.

Everyone had become friends with Connor - he is simply likable. But most distanced themselves from Wessley. Why get too attached, even if he really isn't that bad of a guy?

Out of everyone, Connor looks to be the calmest, strangely. Even Lorraine is pale, and shaking. She looks at me with a questioning look of pity, but I avert my eyes.

This would be easier if the decision was made for me. If it was up to Marigold, she would just choose to go. It would be less painful, because I wouldn't be the one leaving Connor. Marigold can't force me, and that makes all the difference.

Of course I have to go. What was the word Teena had used? It was... destiny. It's my destiny to return, and destiny can't be changed.

But as Connor had put it, him and I... We were fate. And fate is set in stone.

I reach a point about ten feet from everyone and stop. I close my eyes and draw in a long breath.

"Dana?" Lorraine asks, tentative. I just shake my head, trying to grasp the reality of this.

I am Diana Crystal. I am perfect. I was reborn into another's body, and now the time has come for me to become myself again. It’s my destiny.

I am Dana Castillo. I am human, and maybe I'm okay with that. I feel for a boy who is just as human as I am. It’s my fate.

I am two people in one body. A combination that will never work out, a combination that was always unsteady for nearly sixteen years.

Destiny and fate usually tie together, forming one whole future. But it doesn't work out that way for me. It never does.

I have to choose, I tell myself. If I wait any longer, I'll just keep thinking about it over and over. I open my eyes.

Lorraine sits on the only open spot on the bench, one hand on her stomach and the other firmly in Cody's. Cody is turned away, talking to Connor, who merely listens and nods. His eyes stay on me.

Elise and Dean stand to the side, not speaking. I know they're on the same side.

Ashlee stands next to an uncomfortable-looking Andrew, her face also whiter than usual. I can see Andrew inching away from her. Even now, some things never change.

Katalina and Sarah, surprisingly, are in tears. But I know that while they kept to themselves, Connor was one of their favorites. And if we stay... They both had great lives that they can't go back to.

I'm ready. I think, more to myself than to Marigold. I find myself doubting the truth of those words.

The portal will only be open for a while longer, Marigold says. So... I will activate a special portal for you. But after it's done, I won't be able to speak with you again. Not until you reach Crystallaria, if that is your decision.

First, you must get two people. One to represent... destiny. And the other to represent fate. Walk towards one, and say, out loud, your decision. At that point you will be teleported, either back to Crystallaria or a place on Earth.

I explain this all to my friends, who listen and silently nod. As for our fate destination, we all agree on Lynda's house. Connor is, obviously, chosen to represent fate, and Dean volunteers for destiny. They walk out onto the sand behind me. I turn around to find them standing about ten feet in front of me, ten feet apart.

I will activate the portal now, Marigold tells me. Do no use the words destiny or fate unless making your decision. Once you say the word, you will go.
.
Her voice faces away. I get a strange pang in my heart. This could be the last time I hear her voice. I try not to focus on that.

This is it, I tell myself, and find that it all still feels surreal. Like I'll wake up, and everything will be perfect again.

I take a step forward. Not to either of the boys, but rather the space between them, the ocean. People walk by, staring. I ignore them.

Two boys, each having their own story. And I have been romantically involved with both, at one point or another. It's like a love triangle, with so much more at stake than just love.

Looking to the right side, I see Dean. And I feel nothing left of the love that used to be. I search inside myself, looking for even an inkling of those feelings. I find nothing.

Looking to the left, I find everything I was searching for. A best friend, a lover. I know we will always be there for me.

I feel everyone watching, waiting. I take three steps forward, sucking in a huge breath of the salty air. I think back to the cave, and I know that all this debating didn't help. That I never really had a choice at all.

I take a step to the left.

I can feel everyone releasing their breath, hear the sound of something falling to the ground. Hands shaking, fingers numb, I wonder if this is the right choice.

The tears return, slowly falling down my cheeks as I make my way closer to Connor. I will be losing so much. I finally reach him, and I just stand there, looking at him.

Finally, I lean in. I press my lips to his. He kisses me back and my body just reacts. Our arms go around each other and I feel my heart racing in my chest. Am I making the right choice? Is this what is meant for me?

I’m so close to him that I can feel his heartbeat also, and while it’s not in time with mine, it’s there. We are both human, and we need this. Our tongues touch for a second and I just feel it. I don’t have a name for this feeling. But I know I can feel it throughout my body, from my head to the tips of my toes.

Then I break it off. I know everyone is watching, everyone is waiting. And I can taste the saltiness of my tears, and the ocean itself. It will always be our place, where we truly belong. There is no smile on his face, no words that come from his lips, but I know what he’s thinking and I know that this is right.

I turn to everyone else. They don’t say a word, simply staring. They’re waiting for my answer, but I don’t want to say that word. I don’t want to finalize this. I will never have this all again. They’re waiting.

It is then I realize I don’t have to tell them. This is my choice. The only one who needs to know is the person – the wonderful, loving person – standing in front of me. So I look straight into his eyes. And I whisper that one word that changes everything.

"Destiny."