Guy With a Tattooed Neck

When I had regained the ability to breathe, I returned to my room to grab my Discman. As I pulled it from my suitcase I noticed the extra pack of batteries and the CD that Alison had put in there. The CD wasn’t that great, Ali didn’t really know anything about music, but the sentiment was there and my heart pulled with a longing to see her again.

Walking back out to the garden, I clipped the Discman to my belt and began the annoying task of turning the dirt over in a long strip so I could easily plant the flowers when I actually had them. It wouldn’t be so bad if the flower bed was going to be the same shape as the previous one, but the design Gerard had drawn was slightly longer and wider, and there was also a circle flower bed he wanted in the centre which was going to have a fountain placed in it.

Trudging along the extremely hard ground, I groaned and turned up my music louder.

Sometime later I took a moment to lean against the shovel and look at my progress. It didn’t look like much, but I was sweating like a pig and I was covered in dirt from head to toe. There had been some massive rocks hidden below the dirt in the flower bed I had to dig out with my hands.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt a hand land on my shoulder. I spun around and ripped the headphones out of my ears as I came face to face with Bob.

“Gerard said he wants to leave for the garden place soon so you might want to go grab a shower and change before you leave.”
I nodded at Bob, still trying to catch my breath and headed inside, leaving my shoes outside.

I had a quick shower, not wanting to delay Gerard and changed into another pair of jeans, these ones also ripped at the knee, but this time black in colour, and a red t-shirt with a black skull and crossbones in the bottom right corner.

I waited by the door for about five minutes before I heard him coming down the stairs.
He looked at me without expression and headed out the door, hand signaling me to follow.
I kept silent as I followed him to his car, a beat up looking black thing. I was shocked to say the least. I imagined him driving around in some plush convertible thing, not, well, this. It was an awesome car though; one that I would probably end up driving if I ever had the money to afford a car.

“Cool car.” I commented as I climbed into the front passenger seat.
“Nobody else seems to think so.” He replied with a hint of bitterness to his voice.
“Everyone else are idiots, then.” I replied surveying the car with my eyes. My brain caught up to what my mouth was spewing out and I snapped my head around to Gerard in alarm.
To my relief, however, he was only looking at me with an amused expression on his face. I noticed that the expression didn’t reach his eyes though.
I frowned, wondering what it would take to see something in those mysterious orbs.
“What?” He asked, an answering frown meeting my gaze.
“Uh, nothing.” I replied and sat back in the seat, staring resolutely ahead.

We reached the flower nursery in a short amount of time and I inhaled deeply as we entered, the different combinations of flower scents immediately assaulting my senses.

We wandered about a bit, Gerard wordlessly putting flowers in the trolley. He seemed to always be distracted and I don’t think he had looked at my once since we had gotten in the car, much less said anything to me.
I guess he did notice, however, that I was almost bored out of my brain, not really interested in flower colours because after a while he sighed and rolled another trolley towards me, telling me to go pick out the gardening supplies I would need.

I found everything I would need in record time, but decided to take refuge in the supplies section. I slid down the wall, wondering why this sudden urge to avoid Gerard had surfaced.

I didn’t understand it. Was I afraid of the feelings that his touch had caused? Was I afraid that he would do it again? Or was I afraid that he wouldn’t?

As if I wasn’t confused enough Gerard was being so unattentive, almost cold. I was beginning to think I had done something wrong.

I must have lost track of time, because the next time I opened my eyes it was to the sound of Gerard’s voice.

“I was wondering where you had gotten to.” I got up quickly and took a hold of the trolley. He didn’t seem angry but I apologized nonetheless.
He just nodded his head in the direction of the checkout.

We got back to the car and began putting all the items we had just bought into the boot of the car.
Even though the boot was only just over a metre, it seemed as if an entire valley stood behind us. It was now painfully obvious that Gerard was trying hard not to touch any part of my body. I felt a lump form in my throat and forced tears back. Had he been that disgusted when he had felt my body before?

The entire drive back was spent in silence and I kept my eyes glued to my window, afraid to look over at the man in the seat beside me, I couldn’t stand seeing disgust in his eyes.

When we got back, I asked Bob if he wanted help with dinner, but apparently it was his night off and they were ordering out, so instead I went to place the flowers in their arrangements outside.

I took another look at the picture Gerard had given to me and frowned. I didn’t like it to be truthful.
I grabbed a pencil from the shed, and began scribbling over it, making it look how I would prefer it.
I sighed at my stupid bout of creativity, knowing it would never amount to anything and shoved it under a rock while I finished with the flowers.

Dinner time came around fast and afterwards I didn’t return to the garden, instead I went straight to my room, avoiding looking at the painting on the wall. I fell asleep with a reminder to myself to ask Bob or Gerard about it.

That night I was assaulted with dreams of a particular artist and woke to find my PJ pants wet.
I frowned at them before shucking them off and shoving them into a corner of my suitcase.

The next day, before lunch I managed to plant all the flowers we had previously bought. I noticed that they amounted to only half the flowers that I would actually need.

Stupid big garden.

After lunch I decided to switch my attention to the shed sitting in the right-hand back corner of the backyard. It was visible from the ground that the gutters were heavily cluttered with leaves, twigs and other random items.

It was the perfect thing to get my mind off a certain dark haired beauty. It was almost physically painful, forcing myself not to look up at those large windows, wondering if I would see his silhouette there or not.

I found a wooden ladder behind the shed and a plastic bucket. Plugging my headphones in, I began the laborious and frankly disgusting task of removing all the crap that had accumulated on the roof.
I traversed up and down the ladder a number of times, changing spots to reach certain parts easier. I sighed with relief as I had finally finished one side of the shed and began to climb down the ladder.
I had just taken my first step when I felt the wood crack beneath me.
I cried out as I pitched backwards and hit the ground hard on my side.

My shoulder and right ankle were burning like a bitch but my attention was focused on my Discman. I could feel my heart plummet as I unclipped it from my belt. It was completely smashed.

A massive lump lodged itself in my throat and I felt my eyes fill with tears.

“Frank!” I heard his voice but I didn’t care.
“Shit! Are you okay?” He asked, slightly breathless as he sunk to his knees beside me.

“Do I look fucking okay?!” I yelled at him through tears.
“Where are you hurt?” He asked eyes full of concern.

“Not physically you dumbass!” I yelled again. I should be worried about screaming at him like this but he didn’t understand the pure pain that had assaulted me as I noticed the irreparable damage to my most precious item.

“My fucking Discman is broken! It was the last thing my mother gave me before she died! It’s my only goddamn escape from the worthless fucked up life I have! It’s more precious to me than any of your fucking possessions will ever be! You tell me how I’m meant to be okay! FUCK!” I broke down into disgusting, choked sobs.

How much of an idiot must he think I am? Crying hysterically over what appeared to be a stupid piece of plastic.
I felt his arms wrap around me and I clung to his arm, crying into his chest.
I don’t know how long it took, but I eventually got myself under control. I didn’t let go of him though, I couldn’t stand to see the look of disgust that would be in his eyes right now.
I screwed my eyes up hard as I felt his hands on my head, pulling it away from his chest.
I relaxed my face slightly when I felt his smooth hands run over my cheek, brushing the tears away.

“Come on, let’s get you inside.” He said softly. I opened my eyes to get my bearings but didn’t dare look at his face. He pulled me up and I tried to place my weight on both feet, but ended up crying out in pain and almost falling. I would have if Gerard hadn’t already been holding onto me.

“What hurts?” He asked, worry lacing his voice.
“My ankle.” I choked out.

He slung my right arm around his shoulder and half carried me into the house, only to head straight out the front door.
“Where are we going?”
“To the doctor to get that ankle looked at.” He answered before lowering me into the front passenger seat of his car and strapping me in.
My breathing hitched as strands from his hair brushed my face.
“Geez, did I hurt you?” He asked, turning his head to look at me.
I could barely answer him by shaking my head. His face was so close and I felt my heart stop as I realised that for the very first time, I could see something in his eyes.

It was worry.
For me.