What Can You Not Buy With Money?

Looking at the familiar landscape of Burgess’ mansion, my heart was thudding in my body. It reminded me of the Tell-Tale Heart, where the man was driven insane by the sound of a heartbeat. I already lost my mind, the more steps I took toward the building.

My fists were clenched as I sat in the corner of that limousine, looking outside the tinted windows surly. Asking anyone for money was against everything I always stood for proudly. What I was doing was perhaps the most shameful and horrible thing I could ever have done to myself.

But I was willing to do it in a heartbeat, if that meant I could spend a little more time with Walker. I had spent the past few days quietly crying in the privacy of my room at night before I fell asleep, praying and begging the unknown that they’d give Walker mercy. He was right, the more time I spent with him, the more sad and painful it was realizing I wouldn’t be with him forever. I wanted to fight whatever force was trying to steal him away.

Walker was, indeed, the most important person. To put it simply, I loved him. There was a burnind desire to spend an eternity with him. I felt childish as my mind narrated these thoughts, but I wasn’t foolish like before, mistaking lust and love like they were twins. I had learned through hardship how different those two emotions were. But just being with him, and listening to him brought joy in my heart. I looked forward to seeing him, and whenever he was gone, I felt alone. It was as though we were more than just lovers—we were a family. And even if it was one sided, which I insecurely though on occasion, it was better than never having him at all.

But he shared in my emotions, proving them time and again by how he’d smile warmly whenever I’d visit his apartment or with the occasional kiss on the forehead. He had quit his jobs, all five of them. Now, he spent most of his time sculpting, no longer limited to the medium of food, and whenever we were reunited he would throw his arms around me and hold me as though I was as light as mist and as soothing as a glowing ember. He’d keep this embrace for more than the usual few seconds, as though treasuring every second we had together.

“Oh?” A butler opened the door, a look of admonishment struck me hard. He looked from me to Adelmo. “Well, Mr. Burgess is expecting one of you.” Recognition was formed by the curl of his lips and he crooked his head to the side to gaze at me thorugh a second angle. It was as though he was studying me; to find the motive for my being there.

“She’s with me.” Adelmo quickly turned to me, his eyes a jumble of mixed emotions. All were negative, none held a hint of good feeling. “Don’t worry, if Ben’s in one of his moods I’ll make sure to take the consequences.”

The old man nodded gravely, and stepped aside to let us through. “He’s in the study.”

Entering Burgess’ domain caused a wave of familiarity and nausea to pass through me. I felt as though I was about to be sick, my knees knocked pitifully together.

I thought that walk to Burgess’ location would have taken centuries, but it felt like seconds when I saw him. It was as though I suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My heart accelerated and my vision flashed to all the tragic scenes that were in the past. It was a bad idea to come.

Burgess was seated at a desk, his posture slack against the back rest of his seat. He looked up, and blinked in apathy. He didn’t believe I was there, at least not at first. He sniffed, wiping something off the corner of his mouth. I noticed that he had a glass of scotch in front of him, and as Adelmo and I went closer to him, I noticed that his eyes looked glassy, like stained windows of a cathedral.

Sick as it sounds, he reminded me of my mother. Despite his appearance not as gaunt as it had been, there was still features of him that had become harder and colder. His hair had grown a great deal, falling past his jaw and almost touching his shoulders. He looked darker; sadder. His skin was pale like the whitest peach, a slack frown heavy on his mouth.

“Either I’ve finally overdosed or she’s really standing in front of me.” Burgess commented, taking another hit of alcohol. “Come to gloat?”

“No.” I shook my head, a little too quickly for my own liking. It wasn’t my concern about his wellbeing any longer. I had moved on.

“Then what do you want?” Burgess put his glass down, folding his hands as his elbows leaned against his desk. He looked at me coldly, with calculating, and I could tell he already knew what I wanted.

“Your help.” I shouldn’t of tried to sugar coat it, but it was all I could do not to make myself sound like a leech. My pride was interfering with my honesty. My throat stopped the words I planned to make form, and instead a sensation of many ants crawling in my neck was my reward.

“How much do you need?” He spoke calmly, though I noticed that his hands had clenched tightly. He was nobody's fool, and I'm sure many people have asked him for money before. I prayed that I would disintigrate or this was just the longest nightmare I ever slept through.

“I don’t know for sure. But it’s a lot.” I made the most pathetic white lie. I wasn't a humble person, and my pride continued to step over my tongue cruelly.

Burgess’ jaw tightened as well, and he snapped, “Cut the bullshit. Stop fucking cowering like a wounded dog and just be honest with me. It’s the least you could do.”

My eyes narrowed, but not out of anger. Already I felt like I was going to hell. I never thought I could be so low in my life—I never thought I’d ever let myself become so pathetic. But I was already at rock bottom. And I still had to keep digging.

“Walker has cancer. The doctors say he’s going to die, but there’s hope with this surgery. But it’s going to cost around two million dollars. Neither of us have that kind of money—and Walker wouldn’t even let me try to find a way to pay for it. But…” I bit my lip, wringing my hands together. “I don’t want him to die. No one does. And I’ll do whatever I can to pay for it: I’ll work it off if I have to, or anything.”

Burgess stared at me long and hard, his expression never dwindling. “Bohr,” he quietly ordered, “Get out. I need to speak with her privately.”

Adelmo swallowed, looking at me with a fleeting worried glance. I shook it off, nodding for him to leave us. Whatever happened, I couldn’t run from him. Not yet, at least.

When we were alone, Burgess sat back and began. “I’ll be abrupt with you, Hall. You disappoint me. But since you come here for business, then I will provide you with a proposal.”

I took a step forward, eager for him to get the deal over with. I felt as though the greatest gesture of mercy was bestowed upon me, for I half thought he wouldn’t have given me anything. “What do you want?”

“You.” He didn’t hesitate, nor did he have any shame in his answer.

But I lost all vigor in my confidence, and my words began to falter. “…What?”

“You heard me.” Burgess’s lips turned to sneer at me. “I want you. For twenty four hours. I’ll be glad to sign a check right now for your precious Walker’s surgery. I’m sure the whole process of his surgery and recuperation will take more than a single day.”

My hand fell onto my chest, landing on the necklace that Lucy had given me for my birthday. I nervously fiddled with it, and I noticed his eyes had followed my hands. But I wouldn’t let myself be distracted by those glowing blue orbs. Not this time. “What… do you mean you want me? You want me to work for you? Or…”

“I want the whole package. I don’t need to get into the dirty details, do I?” Burgess took out of a drawer a check book. “What’s the name of the hospital where the surgery would be taken place? No, don’t look at me like that. I know that you won’t refuse. You’ve already gotten this far, and without your dignity. Don’t try to deny it, like you used to. Everyone will do anything for enough money.”

He was right. I wasn’t going to protest, though I felt as though I was the one with the disease that was eating my body. I told him the name of the hospital and he wrote that check for two million dollars. The moment I took that piece of paper, my heart had broken and my soul had died.

“I expect you here within the next two hours. Don’t keep me waiting.” Burgess sat back a look of sour satisfaction placated his face. “I’ll be calling the hospital to confirm the check, in case they have doubts.”

I blinked back what were tears of joy, which I turned my head to let them leak away. “Thank you.”

“Just be here on time.” Burgess turned away, his face hard.

I left the estate, running as fast as I could.