Black Rose

It's been a week since I set foot in my house. Well Ryan's house but it was mine now too, which sucked. Not to mention, I barely ate anything, just kept to myself with my Diet Coke, crying myself to sleep each night.

I still couldn't go back to work since I was still supposed to be recovering but this wasn't recovery. It was pure hell. By 1, Jake came home for lunch to find me sitting on the couch, well laying on the couch as I stared at the ceiling.

"You still here?" He joked as I flipped him off as he took a sigh then walked over to me.
"Move," He motioned as I sat up and he sat next to me, "You should go out and do something. You know, take your mind off things."
"Yeah, kinda hard," I looked at him, "Ryan hates me, he kicked me out. I haven't seen my son in a week. My own son, Jake."
"He'll get over it," Jake shrugged as I shook my head.
"I don't think so," I played with my fingers lightly, "I got this feeling that I just spent my last time with Ryan over something stupid."
"It wasn't that stupid," Jake pointed out as I looked at him, "I mean he did overreact."
"It was too. I was young, carefree, a rebel and Jesse well, he fueled that fire."
"It was the past, it shouldn't matter anymore."
"Everyone makes mistakes," He gave me a smile, "Look at me, I was an ATF agent, hung with the wrong crowd. Lost the two girls that meant the world to me."
"Two girls?" I questioned as I looked at him.
"You heard me," He looked away as it stumped me on who he was talking about.
"I just, I don't know, thought maybe I was done with heartbreak. After losing a friend, watching my mom change, finding out Jesse cheated on me twice. Then this with Ryan."
"It'll blow over."
"I don't know anymore," I looked at him as he was in thought, "So I know one of the girls is Calleigh, who's the other?"
"Does it matter?" Jake asked as he got up but I followed him.
"It does," I shrugged, "Maybe you can make something work."
"No," He looked at me, "I can't mess anything up with her."
"Why? Some of my best memories are made off just taking that leap," I looked at him as he rolled his eyes.
"Because she's you," He locked eyes with me, "I've always loved you Sylar."
"Me?" I questioned as he nodded.
"Yes you," He smiled while lightly touching my arm.
"Why didn't you say anything?"
"Because I didn't want to lose you. I've been in love with you since the day we met."
"So then why didn't you do anything?" I looked at him as he shrugged.
"You were always there and I was always here."
"Doesn't quite make sense," I smirked as he let out a quick chuckle.

"You're my best friend," He looked down at me, "I didn't want to lose that."
"But Ryan kicked me out, you should be jumping for joy."
"I'm not," He smiled, "I hate seeing you like this. Not eating, barely sleeping, it breaks my heart. Which is why I could never make that leap, I didn't want to hurt you like this."
"Would it help if I told you I loved you to you?"
"A little," He smiled as he leant closer to me, in which our lips almost touched, "I can't."
"Jake-"
"I can't cross that line," He whispered but didn't move in which my lips reached up to his in a soft sweet kiss as he broke away, eyes closed and a small grin on his face.
"Sorry."
"Don't be," He pulled me into a hug as he rubbed my back, "I don't want to be just the rebound. If that makes sense."
"It does," I nodded as my mind swam, "I've just got so much going on in my mind."
"I know you do," He smiled at me as he moved away from me, "I'm here to help you, which is why I can't cross that line."
"How do you deal with letting me go?" I asked as I turned to face him as he looked at me with a smile, "I mean you just sit back and watch, knowing that something could go totally wrong but you always there."
"I just do," He smiled as he got his badge and gun, "As much as it may hurt me, I'd do anything to see you happy."
"Thank you," I smiled at him lightly as I watched him as he grabbed his keys.
"I'll always be here," He smiled as he headed out the door as I went to sit back on the couch.

I decided to head to the track a few minutes later because I couldn't take the silence anymore. It was hard since my wrists were still super weak and it hurt to hit the gas or anything. Giving up, an hour in, I sat on my bike, tears in my eyes since I was scared that my career was over and then I had no family left.

As I sat there, Kyle came up to me, looking as if he needed to talk about something.

"Hey Sylar," Kyle smiled lightly as I looked at him.
"What's up, kid? I haven't seen you around here in a while," I smiled at him.
"I know," I sighed as he stood in front of me, "And I know this is a bad time with everything happening to you and Ryan but-"
"What?" I looked at him as he took a deep breath.
"I joined the military," He gave me a light smile, "We're um, shipping out this weekend."
"When?" I felt my breath catch in my throat.
"Sunday, around 3."
"No one put you up to this?"
"No," He shook his head.
"Well, I'm going to miss you like crazy," I smiled lightly at him as he chuckled, "But if it's what you want-"
"I know I told you I'd ride forever but I'll be back."
"It's not that, it's just your my baby brother," I looked at him, "We've barely had time to hang out."
"We still can," He smiled, "Promise when I get back we will."
"You better call me," I smiled but threatened him.
"I will, and if we don't have phones, I'll e-mail, write, everything."
"Good," I smiled as he looked at me, "Come here."

I pulled him into a quick hug as he broke away with a smile.

"You going to be ok?" Kyle asked.
"Yeah, I still have Caleb," I smiled.
"Who I'm about to go hang out with and tell him," He shrugged, "But if you need anything call."
"I will," I smiled at him as he walked off.

After I finished putting my bike away, I got a call from Alexx to pick up Tyler since she got called in to work. It felt weird going back to pick up my son since I hadn't seen him in a week. My heart was racing as I picked him up in which I felt like I was going to burst into tears as Alexx placed him in my arms.

"You and that boy," Alexx looked at him, "You both need to get over whatever it is and talk to each other. Don't put this baby boy through it."
"It's easier said than done, Alexx," I looked at her.
"No it isn't, sweetie," She gave me a look.
"Thank you for watching him," I nodded as I headed back to Ryan's house with Tyler.
"No problem," She gave me a light smile as I took Tyler and headed back home.

At the lab, Jake had been trying to find Ryan in which he was going to try to talk some sense into him since he was the only one who seen what it was physically doing to me.

"Ryan!" Jake called out as he seen him walk in the hall.
"I'm kinda busy," He mumbled as he stopped to look at Jake, "I've got to go to a crime scene."
"You do not," He looked at him seriously, "We need to talk about Sylar."
"What's there to talk about?" He shrugged.
"Everything," Jake rolled his eyes, "Look I know the two of you are so damned stubborn neither one of you will apologize but you don't see what this week's done to her."
"And?"
"And it's because of you," Jake glared at him, "What happened in her past, happened. She didn't think it would come to the surface, hell she didn't even think she'd see Jesse again."
"Well it has and she did."
"And she just found out that Jesse cheated on her with two girls while they were together."
"What?"
"She's my best friend, Ryan. I watch out for her, I hate seeing her not eat because she's so torn up about you not wanting her around or seeing her son."
"She hasn't been eating?"
"No," He looked at him, "She can barely stand to look at herself in the mirror from the bruises."
"I-"
"You may not have been there to save her when these things happened, but you were the only thing that kept her sane and that's slowly fading. Don't let her disappear."

Ryan nodded as Jake walked off to do whatever. Maybe it was because he just wanted to scream at him that he's being an idiot but he chose not to. Later that day, I had still been in the house with Tyler, watching him, finally able to be happy seeing that child smile again.

That's when I heard the front door open in which I knew it was Ryan as I finished rocking Tyler than setting him in the crib as that smile still didn't leave him face in his sleep. I watched him sleep when I heard from behind me, "Alexx told me you picked him up."

I turned around to be face to face with Ryan as he looked me over.

"We need to talk," He motioned with his head as I followed him out to the hallway.

I stood against the hallway as he crossed his arms and I looked down.

"I know I should've called you to tell you I was watching Tyler," I mentioned as he shifted.
"It's fine."
"I wanted to tell you everything about Jesse," I mentioned quickly, "But I didn't want you to get hurt."
"How?" He asked as he was calm this time.
"I was working on this murder case was Jake a while back, you know the one," I looked at him as he nodded, "Anyways, I found out more about Jesse and Anna, this killer and I didn't want anyone to hurt you and Tyler. So I thought if I left out things, I could protect you."
"But the tape?"
"I was young," I shrugged, "I wanted to tell you but it just seemed unimportant, I forgot about it until Anna started making threats and well this. And now I've got papparazzi following me around which really sucks."
"Just put yourself in my shoes, you kissed him when he came back," Ryan looked at me as I slid down the wall as I looked up at him.
"Yeah but I would've let you explain."
"You really haven't aten in a week?"
"Jake?" I questioned as Ryan nodded, "What does it matter? I don't have my family, my brother's leaving, what's the point?"
"You still have a family," Ryan sighed as I looked up at him waiting for him to continue, "I'm glad you came."
"That's not really helping," I shook my head with a slight smile, "Ryan, where do we stand? Are we on a break? Are you seeing someone else now? Are we breaking up? Are we back together? Should I give you this ring back?"

I slowly pulled the ring off my finger as I stood up and held it out to him as Ryan looked at it.

"If we're done, I don't want to be reminded of what could've been," I held back tears as Ryan feel silent as he took the ring from my hand in which I was about to break down in tears as he looked at it.

Ryan got down on one knee as he slowly placed the engagement ring back on my finger as my heart skipped a beat.

"I want to grow old with you," He looked up at me as he held my hand, "I want to watch our kids play in the sand, meet the person of their dreams, see our grandchildren. I don't want you to walk out again. I want you to move back in."
"I'll be more open to you about things, I promise," I nodded as he pulled me into a hug.
"You don't have to," His thumbs rubbed my temples, "You need a bit of mystery in your life."
"I love you so much," I mumbled as he kissed my forehead.
"I love you too."
"I'm starved though," I smiled lightly as he chuckled.
"Come on, I'll cook for you," He took my hand as he lead me down to the kitchen.

By the weekend, which was about 3 days later. Things were getting back to normal, Ryan was super sappy and touch feely but I couldn't complain too much. His week wasn't much better either without me but he wasn't about to admit that to anyone. Not to mention, on my second day of being back in the house, we got extremely imitate again, except it was just lustfilled like most the other times, it was romantic, heartfelt, tender, something that needed to happen more often.

As I got dressed the morning for the competition, I looked myself over in the mirror as Ryan walked by.

"Do I look fat to you?" I questioned as I felt different as I looked myself in the mirror.
"You didn't eat for a week," He smirked as he kissed my cheek, "You look fine."
"Maybe," I shrugged as I grabbed a hair tie, "So I'll see you and Tyler out there?"
"Yeah," He smiled, "Don't get too hurt."
"I'll try not to," I smirked as I headed to my car to get to the track for some quick practice runs.