I Swear I Love You

Jimmy’s POV

Ever since sound check Jess has been acting funny.

After I helped her back onto the bus she just went to the bunks, saying she just needed a rest and wanted to be alone for a while. I couldn’t help but glance up to where she was every once in a while, feeling as if something was wrong.

Knowing something was wrong.

“Hey!” Something- or rather someone- slapped me on the arm. When I turned to look it revealed itself to be Val. “Ah, there you are! I thought we had lost you for a minute there.”

“Sorry.”

“As you should be,” she said matter-of-factly. “Anyway, what do you think?”

“Think about what exactly?”

She rolled her eyes and sighed. “You haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said, now have you?”

“Sorry,” I mumbled.

Her gaze softened. “Hey, don’t be like that.” She reached over and patted me on the knee. “Everything alright in there?”

I opened my mouth to speak but then immediately shut it again once I remembered we weren’t alone. Hell, when you’re sharing a bus you’re never alone.

I shook my head. “I’m fine.”

She tutted. “You can’t fool me Sullivan.” She stood up from her usual place at Matt’s side and tugged on my hand. “Come on then. Come talk to Val about what’s biting you.”

“I’m fine,” I repeated, refusing to budge. “Don’t worry about it.”

“James-” I flinched. “-Sullivan, you are coming with me and that’s final. I will not let one of my best friends be upset.”

“I’m fine!” I protested once again. “I’m fine!”

“Jimmy-”

“Come on babe, if he doesn’t want to say then don’t bug him,” Matt interjected. She reluctantly allowed herself to be pulled back, dropping my hand from hers in the same motion. “If he says he’s fine, then he’s fine.” She just huffed as he turned to me. “Ignore her. Anyway, you alright with that?”

“Alright with what?”

“Oh right, you weren’t listening.” He laughed at my scowl. “It’s just about the hotel stuff. Larry booked the rooms ahead of time so there are only three of them.”

I shrugged. “What’s wrong about that?”

“Well we’ve got to share don’t we? Zack and Gates are rooming together and then there is Val and me, but we were all wondering if you would mind Jess staying with you. Christ already said he was fine with it.”

“In the room?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “Although there’s something else.”

“What’s that?”

“Well you see, since the rooms were pre-booked…”

“Yeah…”

“…and Larry didn’t know Jess would be coming with us…”

“Yeah…”

“Well… you see…”

“Oh just spit it out!” I snapped.

“Jess is going to have to share a bed with you.”

I fell silent for a few moments. “She has to… uh what?”

“Your room is the only one with a double and single bed,” he explained. “Johnny already claimed shotgun on the single and since you and Jess have already slept- uh I mean shared a bed-” He looked embarrassed as he quickly corrected himself. “Then we thought you wouldn’t mind.”

I answered them blankly. “I’ve never shared a bed with Jess. When she stayed with me she slept every night on the couch.”

“Not up in that hotel where we found you.”

“You’re-” I was about to say ‘you’re wrong’, when I realised I couldn’t. I sighed. “-right. I’d forgotten about that.”

“So you’re alright with that, right?”

I sighed, dismissing it with a wave of my hand. “Yeah, whatever. If she doesn’t want to share then I’ll just sleep on the floor or something.”

Matt raised an eyebrow. “You do realise we have a show the next day right?”

“Yeah.” I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Well if you’re sure,” Matt said before standing up, the issue quickly forgotten. “Well I’m starved! Who’s up to going out?”

The others all chorused in agreement and stood up around him, filing off one by one until only Val remained. She hovered by the steps as she turned back to me, still sitting on the couch, my hands clasping each other. “You know if you want to talk, just grab me, okay?”

I smiled. She was always looking out for all of us. On tour, she’s kind of like a big sister, protecting all her brothers. “Yeah.”

“Val? You coming?”

“Yeah!” She called down the steps. “Are you coming?” Glancing back at the bunks momentarily seemed to speak for me, since she didn’t wait for me to answer. “Okay, I’ll see you later. If you want to meet up just give me a call.”

After seeing me nod she skipped down the stairs to join the others, explaining to the others that I wasn’t feeling up to going out and that I was going to hang back for now, and might meet them later instead. I’ll have to find her and thank her for that later.

Some time passed until I finally moved from the couch, having spent at least the past hour just running my fingers over each other. It wasn’t even for anything- I was just doing it. I guess that’s probably why Val knew something was up- I only ever really did it when I didn’t know what to do about something. It just took some time until my fingers finally stopped and I figured out what to do.

“Jess?” Approaching Brian’s bunk I crouched down and gently pulled back the curtain. She was just laying there on her side facing me, except there didn’t seem to be any expression whatsoever in her eyes.

I gently nudged her. “Hey. Scoot.” She moved in silence to the other side of the bunk, making just enough room so that I could stretch out beside her. Her gaze had since moved from staring at the back of the curtain I had pushed back to the top of the bunk. “I’m guessing you heard about the hotel arrangements for tonight.” She didn’t answer. “Well whether you did, I thought I should tell you that you’re rooming with me and Johnny tonight; although there are only two beds so you can take the double and I’ll take the floor or something-”

“No.”

I blinked at the sudden interruption, questioning what she meant. “No?”

“No.”

“No what?”

She sighed. “You are not sleeping on the floor.”

“Well I’m not letting you, not with your busted ankle.”

“I’ll stay here.”

I frowned. “I’m not letting you stay here on your own.”

“It’s not like I’m going to get kidnapped or something Jimmy.”

“Well yeah, but…” I trailed off, thinking about what to say next. “If you stay here then I can’t look after you, and then I’ll worry.”

“You’ll worry?” This must have caught her attention since she then turned to me. “Why do you say that?”

“Well… I will.” I shrugged. “I just get worried about you. Hell, when you told me to go on ahead to the venue I only left you for half an hour and you came back with a busted ankle! How can I not worry?”

“You could ignore me.”

“But why would I do that?”

She shrugged. “To save yourself.”

Confusion was not the right word to describe how I was feeling just then. It just wasn’t strong enough. “From what exactly?”

“Me.” She tapped me on the side. “Scoot.”

After I had crawled out of the bunk she followed behind me, grabbing her bag from the side before walking down to the couches closer to the front. She flopped down onto one of them and started to do the normal routine of testing her blood sugar, exhaling a sigh as the machine beeped to announce its reading. Without looking up at me she spoke again. “Do you think I have changed?”

“What?”I slumped down next to her, stealing a glance at the monitor. “You haven’t eaten today yet have you?” I accused after seeing her reading. For this time, it certainly shouldn’t be that low. “And you wonder why I worry.” I got to my feet and offered my hand down to her. “Come on.”

She stared at me. “Come on what?”

“Let’s go out.”

“Go out?”

“For dinner. You know the whole restaurant thing?”

“With the others?”

I shrugged. “Only if you want. We can go somewhere else if you like.” She seemed to think about it for a few moments before I added, “Please?”

It must have worked because she smiled then, gratefully accepting my hand and allowing me to pull her to her feet. We kept our fingers locked even after we had left the bus, waving a goodbye at Logan who had been burdened to keep an eye on it.

“So where do you want to go? Do you want to meet up with the others?”

“Hmm…” She looked up at me. “Why don’t we go somewhere else? They’ve probably finished by now.”

If the night sky was anything to go by, she was probably right. I hadn’t realised how long we had lain together in that bunk. “Probably,” I agreed. “So where do you want to go?”

She smiled while she looked to the glittering diamonds above us. “Wherever the stars take us.”