I Swear I Love You

Brian’s POV

Have you ever had one of those dreams when you are falling? I had one of those today. Instead of falling in the sky though I was tumbling down a set of stairs, and unlike most people who have this dream, I actually landed, flat on my face on gravel. Even my dream self thought it hurt- that was until I realised that I hadn’t dreamed it at all and had actually fallen down that set of stairs.

“Fuck that hurt,” I groaned as I pressed my palms to the gravel and sat up, unable to help the wince as I bent my left wrist. While grimacing I held it with my other hand across my lap, trying to figure out how the hell I managed to fall off the tour bus. Then it hit me. Literally.

“What the fuckRev!” I yelled, dropping my injured hand in favour of my throbbing cheek. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

His reply began with another punch which I just about managed to dodge before continued it with words. “You are what the fuck is wrong with me.” He geared up for another assault. “Just your face is enough to piss me off at the moment.”

Jumping swiftly to the side as he launched his attack I began to back away, looking fearfully around for a way out, or at least somewhere to hide. Sometimes choosing a car park for an unexpected fight can be a disadvantage- especially for the person who didn’t know it was coming.

“He’s going to fucking kill me at this rate,” I muttered under my breath as I ducked in between a couple of cars, glancing up at the friend who I must have pissed off. “I haven’t even fucking done anything to him.”

“Get out here you little shit!” He roared, his fists clenched tightly at his side. Even from this distance I could see his knuckles beginning to turn white. “You cowardly little fucker! This is what you get- so man up and take it!”

“What the fuck have I done?” I shouted back, only to quickly clamp my hand over my mouth as I realised what I had done. It was probably better to remain confused and safe than try and get an answer and set a 6’4 drummer on your case.

Instantly I broke into a run back for the tour bus as he began to advance, yelling back at him over my shoulder. “I haven’t done anything to you! I thought we were friends!”

“But that didn’t stop you from being a dick to Jess now did it?” He replied loudly, his longer strides beginning to quickly shorten the distance between us. I knew if I slowed down in the slightest he would easily get his hands on me and kick the living daylight out of me. All I could hope was that I could at least make it back onto the bus with the hope of locking him out waiting for someone to come back and help before he killed me. “You don’t make her fucking cry and don’t pay for it!”

“But I said I was sorry!” Only a hundred metres away.

“Well it’s not good enough!”

Even though I managed to find the bus in enough time he was right behind me now, leaving me just able to make it onto the stairs before he grabbed me and threw me back to the ground. His fist found my cheek once more before I managed to wriggle free, scrambling to the safety behind a nearby car. “I can’t do anything more than that! She said she doesn’t care about it now!”

“Yeah right!” He snorted, circling the car. I made sure that I moved at the same time as him so we remained opposite each other at all times. “How could she not? Did you see the state of her?”

“Of course I did! I didn’t mean to make her cry!”

“But you still did it didn’t you?” He made a sudden lunge and just managed to catch me by the arm, causing me to stumble over myself and ultimately end up on the floor. Instead of trying to pick myself back up and run I just tried to cover my head with my arms the best I could and just waited for the onslaught.

“Stop it!” I gently eased my arms back and glanced up at who had stepped in.

“Jess?” She had flung her arms out to the side, effectively acting as my last defence. Of course Jimmy instantly stopped his punch in mid-movement, but I could tell from the flinch on Jess’ face that it must have cut close.

“What do you think you are doing Jimmy?” Jess demanded, glaring at the drummer. “You’re meant to be his friend!”

“He was meant to be yours as well!” He protested, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “And he just goes and fucks you over!”

“Well why does that give you the right to put him in this state?” She retorted. “You’re being an idiot!”

“Because I’m meant to look out for you!”

“If looking out for me means you’ll be doing this to people then I’ll rather be without it,” she snapped. She turned to me and helped to pick me up off the floor, shifting herself under my arm and shouldering most of my weight despite the fact I didn’t really need it. Hell, the only place he really managed to get was my face- geez, that’s going to look sexy on stage tonight. “Come on Brian. There’s a medic kit in the venue.”

With Jess at my side Jimmy was left pretty much unable to do anything, still standing in the same position we had left him once we had gone inside the side door. Not once did I look back at him- I’m pretty sure he would have just glared at me if I did.

“Just sit here, I’ll go get it,” Jess instructed, helping me onto the couch in our dressing room before disappearing for a few moments to get the kit out the back. She sat down beside me and began to gently dab at my cheek with some gauze, her expression falling with each wince I couldn’t suppress. “Oh I’m so sorry Brian…” She murmured, focusing now on the minor cuts from the gravel on my palms.

“It’s not your fault,” I replied. “It’s not like you told him to.”

“But I shouldn’t have given him the chance.” After discarding the bloodied gauze she began to examine my wrist after noting how I winced each time she moved it to clean the cuts. “Have you hurt your wrist?”

I shrugged. “I fell on it when I hit the ground the first time. It’s no big deal.”

“Of course it is!” She cried, her eyes widening. “You’re a guitarist! You depend on your hands!”

I chuckled. “Most guys depend on the use of their hands Jess.”

Her eyes narrowed. “As much as I’d like to joke about your dick, I don’t think now is the time.” Her tone then lightened slightly. “Not that I can say anything anyway, it’s a joke all by itself anyway.”

“Hey!”

She laughed at my pout, busying herself with wrapping an ice pack she had gotten from the fridge in a towel and pressing it against my wrist. “That should help; it’s probably a light sprain or something.” She glanced up at me worriedly. “Do you think you could still play?”

“Eh, don’t worry about it,” I replied, leaning back against the couch. “I’ll be fine.”

She eyed me doubtfully. “Are you sure? It might get worse if you play tonight.”

“Well if it does, then I’ve got a few days before the next show for it to heal.”

“That’s not the right attitude!”

“Well it’s not like I can do anything about it,” I said with a shrug. “I’ll just keep the ice on it for now, and then just wrap it up in something for the show. Like that support you had when you hurt your ankle.”

“But I wasn’t putting my ankle through anything after I hurt it,” she replied. “You’ll be out there for over an hour playing non-stop- what if you make it worse? What if it doesn’t heal before Massachusetts?”

“Then I’ll go to a doctor or something while I’m there to give me something for it.”

She frowned. “Maybe you shouldn’t play tonight.”

“And have who play in my place? There isn’t anyone to take over for me.”

“Well what if Zack takes over for you, and you get Blue to play rhythm?” She suggested. “He can play guitar.”

“No point; Zack doesn’t know my solos. And Blue- wait, which one is Blue again?”

“Jason.”

“Oh, right. Jason couldn’t learn our whole set now, there isn’t enough time.” I patted her knee with my good hand. “It’ll be fine Jess, don’t worry, okay?”

“I can’t help it,” she replied, her gaze dropping to her hands. “You’re my best friend.”

“Hey,” I murmured, pulling her to my side so that her head rested against my shoulder. “You’re mine too.”

She smiled. “I love having you Brian.”

I froze; what did she mean by that? Never in the eighteen years I have known her had Jess said anything like that to me- or anyone else for that matter. Then again, this might just be my mind making things up for me, trying to stir up some glimmer of hope that we might work together.

When I didn’t answer she looked up at me. “Is something wrong?”

Her words snapped me out of my thoughts. “No… everything is fine.” I smiled, giving her a light squeeze. “I love you too Jess.”

In more ways than you could ever imagine.