I Swear I Love You

True to their word a round of rattling sounds bounced off the door at 8am, waking the young bassist in the room almost instantly. After last night it was hard to call him a light sleeper, but once the alcohol had finally been slept from his system he returned to his natural state and woke to the first knock. The same couldn’t be said for Jimmy; he was blissfully aware of the noise and didn’t wake even as they increased in volume during the time it took for Johnny to walk over and open the door, just to show that he was awake.

On the other side he was greeted with the bright grin of Jason’s younger brother, Matt Berry. “Aw, did I wake you?”

Johnny growled. “Shut up Matt.”

“I’m hurt!” Matt exclaimed, faking hurt and clutching at his heart. When Johnny simply rolled his eyes and retreated back into the room he dropped the act and followed him in, stopping at the end of Jimmy’s bed and shaking his head with a laugh. “He managed to sleep through my wake up call? This guy is unbelievable.”

“You know Rev,” Johnny said with a shrug, pulling a plain white t-shirt over his head. “He slept through a fire alarm back at school, so your wake up call probably wouldn’t have got his ass up.” He had just shrugged on a leather jacket over the top when he turned to Matt, interrupting him just as his hands grabbed at the edge of the cover draped over the drummer’s sleeping form. “I wouldn’t do that.”

He stepped back. “Why?”

Johnny had just slipped his feet into his pair of converse that must have been put there by Jess last night since they were neatly arranged side by side. If Rev had done it, they would have just been thrown in the corner. “Jess was sharing the bed with Rev last night.”

“She was?” He looked thoughtfully at the bed. “I didn’t think they were doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“You know. The whole ‘together’ thing.” He used his fingers to ‘air-quote’ the word ‘together’. “Weren’t they getting a divorce or something? Don’t tell me they’ve changed their minds.”

“Not from what I’ve heard. I just woke up during the night and saw them sharing the bed. Doesn’t necessarily mean they’re doing something.”

“I guess,” Matt relented. “Which side was Jess on?”

“Right I think.”

“Okay.” He circled the bed to the opposite side and proceeded to jump on the left side before Johnny could yell at him to stop.

Needless to say, Jimmy couldn’t sleep through that.

“Are you an idiot?!” Johnny yelled as he rushed to the opposite side of the bed and began pushing the cover away. “Jess! Are you alright?!” It was only after Jimmy had leapt from the bed to chase Matt out the room for kneeing him in the groin that he realised she wasn’t there. “Jess…? I could’ve sworn I saw her when I got up earlier…” He shrugged to himself. “Maybe she’s already gone to grab some breakfast.”

He was about to walk out when he remembered he had left his dog tags in the bathroom from a couple of nights ago and went to go get them before he went down to breakfast. The door was shut which was odd; especially when he could clearly remember keeping it open in the night because he used the light to get back to bed and not walk into something. It was only when he went to open it that he realised why.

“Jess?” Her back was supplying a slight resistance against his attempt to open the door, since she had decided to rest herself against it. Johnny only dared to open it the amount he needed to slip inside and crouch down to the female. “Jess? Hey…Jess?” He bit his lip as she didn’t respond to him, but then again he did only barely murmur her name, and couldn’t bring himself to say it any louder as he looked at her. Instead he reached out and gently shook her shoulder, her head rolling to the side as he did. “Jess?” His voice was becoming desperate now, fearing some sort of negative effect of her diabetes. He didn’t know what to do like Jimmy or Brian did. “Jess; come on! Wake up!”

Eventually, thankfully, she stirred. Her eyes flickered to his in confusion. “Johnny…? What are-?” She stopped and looked around the bathroom. “Oh… I must have fallen asleep here…”

“Fallen asleep?” Johnny repeated doubtfully. “Are you sure? I mean… you know with… well… you know…”

She looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Well…” He bit his lip, barely whispering the word. “You know. You’re diabetes.”

“Why are you saying it like that?” She laughed- or whatever could be called a laugh. “I’m fine.” She motioned for him to help her up, and gratefully accepted his aid to get to her feet. Jess almost stumbled into the bassist which made him squeak in alarm, which she quickly dismissed. “I’m not about to pass out on you Johnny, I promise.” She retracted his support and opened the door, resting a hand on her stomach as she looked into the room and noticed the empty beds and the open door. “Where has Jimmy gone? Has he already gone to breakfast?”

Johnny followed her, watching her every move. “Something like that.” He didn’t know if it was just him worrying, but he could have sworn she was shaking as if it were cold. There was some kind of chill filtering from the open door but it wasn’t enough to make someone shiver. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

She replied automatically. “Of course.”

“What were you doing in the bathroom then?”

“I must have fallen asleep.” She walked over to the bed she had shared with Jimmy and crouched down beside it to her bag, pulled out a hairbrush, and then began to attack her hair with it. After she was satisfied and fashioned it into two plaits dangling on her chest she turned to Johnny. “Shall we get going? I’m really hungry.”

“Are you not even going to change?”

She frowned. “Why? Do I look bad or something?”

“N-no!” He said quickly. “I just didn’t think you would want everyone to see you in your shorts.”

She swept her gaze over her clothes and simply shrugged. “Eh. I’d rather have someone see me like this then miss out on breakfast.” She leant down and pulled on a pair of violet Chucks, tapping the toe against the floor to get it to sit right on her foot before turning back to Johnny. “Come on. If everyone beats us there then they’ll be no food left.” She hovered outside their room, waiting for Johnny to join her. “Especially if Jimmy gets there first.”

He laughed, joining her side after closing and locking the door behind him. “Go on then. Lead the way.”

--

“You know the drill guys,” Larry remarked, looking at the group above the rim of his coffee. “You need to be at the venue a couple of hours before the start just to get ready but before then the day is yours.”

“So what was with the early wake up call then?” Zacky grumbled, clearly not liking the idea in the slightest.

“Because if I didn’t arrange it, then you wouldn’t be up for the show,” Larry said simply. “I’ve known you for a while now- I know how you lot work. Sleep first, everything else last.”

“Hey!” Matt protested, the pride for his band becoming apparent. “When have we ever missed a show?”

“Well… never during my time,” Larry admitted. “However as your manager I have to think of every eventuality. I did see your sound check yesterday after all.”

Around the round table, each of the five band members grinned guiltily.

“That’s what I thought.”

“Well that was yesterday,” Matt replied, casually taking a sip of his coffee. “It’s not like we drank anything then.”

“Maybe not, but I’m sure you’ll make up for it tonight,” Larry chuckled. He then glanced at his watch. “It’s half nine now, so you’ve got until four when you’ve got to be at the venue.” He pushed himself from his seat, where all eyes followed him.

“Where are you going Larry?” Val asked. “Aren’t you going to hang out with us before the show?”

He smiled at the sentiment. “Unfortunately not; I have to arrange with the venue about your after-show signing and organise a few other things.” His phone was already pulled from his pocket before he had finished, dialing numbers while talking. “No time.”

“I guess you’ll be glad when this tour is finally over eh?” Matt chuckled as their manager got to his feet. “Finally get a break.”

“My work doesn’t end when your tour does Mr. Shadows,” Larry replied. There was a hint of cynicism to his voice, but it was still light-hearted. “Unfortunately I’ll be busy booking your promotion after the tour. All you lot have to do is show up at the right time.”

“Aw, we do more than that!” Jimmy whined. He hadn’t bothered returning to the room, instead choosing his stomach over his dignity and getting breakfast in his boxers. The hotel staff were rather divided over this; the guys obviously looked to protest but were clearly shouted down by some rosy-cheeked waitresses.

“Like?”

Jimmy grinned. “We party.”

The rest of the gang cheered in agreement while Val and Larry exchanged weary looks. He merely shook his head. “I’ll see you guys later.” He waved back over his shoulder as he walked away. “Four o’ clock; not a minute later!”

“Yeah, we know!” Jimmy replied, rolling his eyes at the others. “He’s such a party pooper.”

“He’s just being responsible,” Jess piped up. “God knows someone has to.”

“Hey-!”

She rolled her eyes at him. “Who is the one sitting in the restaurant of the hotel in only his underwear?”

“Well that’s not the point-”

Jess grinned. “Checkmate. You lose Jimmy.”

“Well…” He pouted. “It’s not like I’m the only one!”

Johnny beside him coughed. “Yeah… sorry to say Rev but we’re all clothed.”

“Jess isn’t exactly appropriately dressed.”

She snorted. “Compared to you, I’m practically dressed like royalty.”

“Hmph.” He pushed up from his seat and walked casually around the table, not seeming suspicious in the slightest, at least that was until he ducked his arms around Jess and grabbed his hoodie back from her. “There.” He zipped it up over his naked chest. “I’m the same as you now.”

The scream came delayed by about a second from Jess as the hoodie was stolen, wrapping her arms protectively around her as if she had just been completely stripped of all clothing. In a way it was right since she was now left in just a thin vest and shorts- the vest of which did not leave a lot to the imagination. “Jimmy!” She shot daggers at him as he slid back into his seat. “You could have just asked me!”

He shrugged and shoveled a fried egg in his mouth. “It’s mine anyway.”

She frowned. “Regardless; you can’t just take.”

He opened his mouth to say something, and then clearly decided against it as he shrugged once again and gulped down the last of his bacon.

“You are so mean sometimes Jimmy,” Jess huffed. She rose from her seat, leaving behind a plate with pretty much all the contents still intact other than a single slice of buttered toast. “I’m going to go change. See you later.”

Johnny turned to Jimmy. “I think you hit a nerve.”

His posture didn’t express any guilt, but his eyes did flicker in the direction Jess had fled. “She’ll be alright. She knows it was a joke.”

Johnny frowned. “I’m not so sure. I mean, she didn’t even stay to finish off her breakfast.”

“Perhaps she wasn’t hungry.”

“Perhaps you were just being an ass.”

Jimmy looked up at the bassist. “Since when did you care so much about Jess?”

Johnny was taken aback by his sudden comment. It felt to him as if Jimmy was accusing him of liking Jess- he had Lacey! He was actually quite annoyed. “She’s my friend! Of course I care about her!”

Jimmy sighed. “I know.” He chewed miserably on the edge of his toast. “Sorry.”

“S’alright.” He eyed the drummer suspiciously. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah.” He pushed away his barren plate and slumped back against his chair before throwing his hands up in exasperation. “Am I the only one that has noticed the difference?!”

“Noticed what?”

“How weird Jess is today! Yesterday even!” He cried. “Has something happened? Have I done something to her or something?”

Brian looked away at that point, contrasting everyone else around that table that looked imploringly at the distressed drummer.

“Jimmy, I’m sure you haven’t done anything wrong,” Val said soothingly, reaching out across the table and touching his arm. “I’m sure she’s just having one of those days. You can’t expect her to be happy all the time- that’s not normal.”

“Well yeah I know, but she’s just acting so weird!” He sighed. “I swear sometimes she has like, a twin sister or something, and that they just switch places sometimes.”

“I’m sure she’ll come around. She probably just needs a bit of space.” Val smiled. “God knows it’s hard to get some alone time when we’re on tour.”

Matt nudged her. “You saying you don’t like hanging around with us?”

“Of course I do baby,” she replied, kissing him softly, “but everyone needs to cool down once in a while.”

“Well I’ll never need to be away from you,” Matt retorted, reaching over with his arms and dragging her close to him, chair and all. “Not from my gorgeous girl.”

“I smell sex,” Zacky chuckled.

Matt poked his tongue out playfully. “Just because you haven’t got a girl.”

“Oh, that’s not true…” Val’s gaze flashed devilishly to Zacky’s reddening cheeks. “Is it, Mr. Vengeance?”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

“Well unless you are doing something else with that com-”

“Val!” Zacky whined.

She giggled. “Only teasing Zacky.”

Matt looked between the pair of them. “Is this about that pink haired chick? One of Jess’ friends?”

Zacky’s eyes grew wide. “How did you know about Coral?”

“Heard you one night when I went to grab a drink. You goin’ out?”

“What? No!” The dusted pink of his cheeks said otherwise, but Matt didn’t question them. “I mean-” He laughed uneasily. “-she lives on the other side of the world! How could it ever work out?”

He shrugged. “Get her to fly out here. She can come to one of the shows. We’ll get her backstage.”

“I can’t just ask her to come here just like that Shads,” Zacky reasoned. “I mean, she has to work! I can’t ask her to drop that.”

“Why not?”

Zacky stared at him incredulously. “Why not? I just said! She has work and stuff-”

“No, I mean why can’t you ask?” Matt interjected. “It’s just a question.”

“Well I…” He paused. “Well I guess. But she’ll only say no.”

“You don’t know that.”

He snorted. “Come off it Shads, what girl would pay for like a $900 flight just to see a guy she’s been talking to on a screen?”

“I’ll foot the bill.”

“What? You’re kidding right?”

“Nah.” His dimples smiled alongside the skyward curvature of his lips. “Call it an early birthday present.”

“Now I know you must be lying.”

He released Val and stood up, stretching his arms across his head. “Come on Vengeance, I don’t lie.” He circled the table until he was behind Zacky’s chair and placed his hands on the man’s shoulders. “Just make sure she actually agrees first though, otherwise I’m going to have to find something else to get ya.”

Zacky squeezed his hand. “Thanks man.”

“Eh, forget about it,” Matt dismissed. “Everyone’s finished right? Should we go out and see the sights or whatever before sound check?”

“Sounds fun,” Val piped up, rising from her seat to join her partner’s side. “Maybe we can check out the shops and grab some lunch while we’re out.”

“How did I know you would want to go shopping?” Matt sighed.

“You just know me too well,” Val remarked sweetly, kissing him lightly.

“Or I’ve just had to listen to your bitching about your lack of wardrobe for the past few days since we’ve been on the roadie’s bus,” Matt teased, chuckling as she pouted at him. “Maybe we can fix that for you, hm?” He turned from the adoring look he shared with her to the rest of the guys around the table. “Sound good to you lot?”

“Good with me,” Johnny said.

“Me too,” Zacky agreed.

“Same,” Brian added. “I want to go look in the shops too- I need to get a jacket or something. I left mine on our bus.”

“Alright. Jim?”

Jimmy looked up sullenly; clearly his mind hadn’t managed to clear the fence his last conversation made. “What?”

“You coming with?”

“Where?”

Matt rolled his eyes. “Out, dumbass. Clear out your ears.”

Jimmy shrugged. “Alright. Got time to kill anyway.”

“Good. Shall we meet in the foyer in half an hour then?”

Johnny looked at Jimmy, who had retreated back into the depths of his thoughts. “Better make it an hour. This one’s gotta shower first.”

“Fine. Meet in the front at ten?” The rest of the table all nodded. “Alright. See you in a bit.”

The rest of the group shuffled to their feet and all returned back to their respective rooms. Johnny and Jimmy had the room down at the end of the hall from the others, so their conversation carried on after the rest of them disappeared.

“Look, I’m sure Jess isn’t mad at you,” Johnny said, “or that you’ve done something to tick her off. She’s probably just having a bad day.”

“Well maybe, but I can’t help think that something’s wrong,” Jimmy replied with a sigh. “Perhaps I’m just reading into things too far.”

“It’s just who you are Jim.” He reached up and clapped him on the shoulder. “You’re just a caring guy.”

Jimmy rolled his eyes as he took the offered room key from him and turned it in the lock. “You make me sound gay.”

“As long as you don’t come after me, I’m good with it.”

Jimmy simply scowled as he pushed the door open without reply, tossing the key over his shoulder for him to catch. “I would kick your ass but I’d hate to have to bend down to do it.”

“Hey!”

Jimmy grinned. “Shouldn’t give it if you can’t take it,” he remarked as he walked inside. “Got to take it otherwise…” He stopped at the foot of the bed he slept in last night, staring at the odd shape of the cover. “Hey Christ… Did you pick the cover up when I kicked it off this morning?”

“Huh?” He walked around Jimmy to see what he was looking at. “No. Maybe the housekeeping people picked it up.”

“And not cleaned up the rest of the room? Doubt it.” He circled the bed before stopping at the side. “Oh.”

“Oh what?”

Jimmy pressed his fingers to his lips in a hushing motion, but ultimately the damage was done as the lump in the covers began to move, soon uncovering a pair of sapphire eyes flickering open. “Jimmy?”

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” He began to move away. “We’ll just grab some stuff and then get ready in Syn and Zack’s room-”

“You don’t have to do that,” she replied, yawning as she spoke. “It’s alright.” She sat up and leaned her back against the headboard. “It is your room.”

“It’s no bother to us Jess,” Johnny interjected from the foot of the bed. “You go back to sleep. You look tired.”

“Tired? She looks like shit,” Jimmy remarked. “Are you feeling alright? I mean you’re not suffering from a hypo or something are you?”

“Hm?” She shook her head. “Oh no, nothing like that.” There was a hint of exhaustion behind her smile. “Just tired. I didn’t sleep very well last night.”

“Oh.” Jimmy looked worried. “It wasn’t because of me was it? I did say I would sleep on the couch-”

“Oh no, it wasn’t you,” Jess said quickly, “I just couldn’t seem to switch off.”

“I’d find it hard to sleep in a bathroom too,” Johnny said in an unimpressed tone.

“You what?!”

Jess withered under Jimmy’s accusatory cry. “I wasn’t sleeping! I was just… taking a nap.”

“In a bathroom?! What were you doing there?”

“I went to get a drink. I was feeling really hot and had a bit of a headache.”

“And fell asleep there?”

She shrugged. “It seemed a good idea at the time. I’ve slept in weirder places.” She rolled her eyes to Jimmy. “Brian could probably list off a load of places.”

“That’s not the point Jess,” Jimmy scolded. “Why didn’t you just ask me to get you something?”

“What, wake you up just because I’ve become the human equivalent of a hot water bottle?” She snorted. “I don’t need someone to hand me some pills you know.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “There was actually something in there?”

“There was some kind of cough syrup in there so I just took some of that. It seemed to work.”

“Seemed to?”

“Well it did take away the pain but…” She trailed off.

“But?”

She smiled sheepishly. “I think drowsiness is one of the side-effects.”

“And that’s why you took a nap in the bathroom?”

“It did seem like a good idea at the time,” she repeated, laughing lightly. “Perhaps in hindsight it wasn’t as good as I thought.”

“No, I think you’re right,” he agreed.

“Well I’ll know for next time. Where are you going today?”

“Where are we going?”

She nodded. “You’re getting ready to go out, aren’t you? If you weren’t I know you wouldn’t be too bothered about getting changed if the times between shows had anything to say about it.”

He grinned guiltily, scratching the back of his head. “Well yeah, we are. I think Shads said something about grabbing lunch downtown or something, and I think Gates and Val want to go look in some shops. Do you want to come? Or do you want to stay and grab some sleep? I’ll explain to the others why-”

“Oh no, I’ll come,” she cut in.

“Oh. Okay.” He gestured to the bathroom. “Do you want to use it first or should I…?”

“No, that’s alright.” She smiled. “During my time awake I ended up going for a shower this morning.”

“Really?”

“Yep. From the way you two were knocked out I figured the noise wouldn’t wake you.”

“Well, I didn’t hear you,” Johnny said, moving towards the door. “I’ll go check in on Gates and Zack while you’re getting ready.” He tossed the key to the room from his pocket onto Jess’ bed. “Remember, ten in the foyer.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jimmy replied. After Johnny had given the pair of them a short wave and disappeared out of the room he turned back to Jess. “Look; why don’t you try to grab some sleep while I’m getting ready?”

“Jimmy, I’m fine-”

“I know you better than to believe that Jess, now get some sleep,” he instructed, rising from the bed’s edge and lightly pushing her back to a laying position with the cover tucked around her. “I’ll wake you when I’m done.”

“I don’t need any sleep,” she tried to say, before a yawn overtook her words. “I’m fine.”

He chuckled lightly. “I believe you.” He leant in and kissed her softly on the forehead, murmuring to her, “Now get some sleep.”

Jimmy had taken perhaps half of the allotted hour before they had to meet getting ready, and emerged out of the bathroom rubbing a towel over his wet hair. He opened his mouth to call out to Jess but quickly stopped, instead using his lips to smile instead. Before him Jess was sound asleep; an innocent mask settled over her delicate features as she remained absent from the living world. There was no way he had it in him to wake her, especially when she reallydidn’t look well earlier.

Discarding the towel across the TV he walked over to where Jess slept, simply watching her as her chest rhythmically rose and fell. For a few moments he did contemplate joining her but instead sat down on the opposite single bed, cringing as the mattress squeaked under his weight.

“Jimmy?” The sapphire burst open again. “Is it time to go?”

“Oh no, we’ve got ages yet,” he quickly said, leaning over to push down on her shoulder as she moved to get up. “You don’t have to get up yet.” He bowed his head apologetically. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you. These beds are just shit.”

“Better than the couch though.” Underneath the covers she brought her legs to her chest, emitting a light shiver that caused the cover to twitch. “The heating isn’t all it’s cracked up to be though.” She yawned, struggling to stave off the hold of her sleeping desire. “They should be told it is winter.”

“You’re cold? Do you want my hoodie or something-?”

“No, it’s alright,” she said sleepily.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything?”

She smiled. “You can keep me warm.”

“What? So you want my hoodie then?”

“No…” She slipped a hand from underneath the cover and grabbed him by the wrist, shuffling to the other side of the bed as she pulled him onto the bed with her. Once he had essentially fallen onto the mattress she snuggled up to him, still wrapped up in her cover cocoon, and sighed contentedly. “You’re better than a hoodie.” She pressed herself close to his side, resting a hand on his chest and nestling her head on top. “I can always sleep when I’m around you.”

He shifted slightly underneath her so that the arm she had trapped at his side when she moved closer was free, and not really knowing where to put it, eventually curled it around her shoulders and used it to help keep her next to him.

“I’m sorry I snapped at you earlier.”

He looked down at her. “Don’t worry about it.”

“No… I was horrible. I should apologise.” She cocked her head back to blink up at him. “I’m sorry Jimmy.”

“Well… I accept your apology.” He smiled. “You are forgiven Jess.”

“That’s good.” She snuggled up to him, her eyes gently closing. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

She had fallen asleep quickly so she never saw how his smile grew, or even felt as he lovingly stroked his fingers through her hair. “I don’t want to hurt you either Jess.” He reached up with his other hand and rested it against her forearm. “I really do love you.”

As his eyes closed to join hers he could only wish she heard him… and that she would say it back. Hearing it in his dreams just wasn’t enough anymore.