Not an Angel Yet

"Jasper I-" I looked down at my hands. How could i form the right words to tell him all of this? I looked back up at him to see him staring right back at me, question written all over his face. "Haydee, please..." He whispered, placing his hand lightly on my face. "Don't be afraid to tell me anything... Just say it." He told me. I sighed and looked into his golden eyes, "I can't live without you by my side." I whispered, breathlessly. He frowned, which i believed to be a sure sign of rejection.

He didn't say anything for a few moments, he just traced the outline of my lips softly. "I don't understand.." He whispered. I felt the tears coming again. "What don't you understand, Jasper? Is it that someone other than your beloved Alice cares for you and wants to be with you?" I asked harshly and threw open the car door." Tell Carlisle and Esme they can have the car back, I'm done with this. All of it. Goodbye Jasper." I said and got out of the car, walking down, off the road and into the grass, towards the woods.

I heard the car door slam and i began walking faster, though i couldn't see very well. "Haydee, Stop!" I heard Jasper call from the car. Despite his pleas, i kept walking, not looking back. All of a sudden i was pushed against a tree and Jasper's face was merely inches from mine. I gasped, suddenly breathless. "I dont want to... hurt you." He whispered softly, choosing his words carefully. I chuckled softly, "Isn't it a bit too late for that?" I asked and tried to push him away so i could move, but he just pushed me back.

"Haydee, I need to get this out before you run away again.." He told me, sounding like he was crying. I nodded. "I don't want to hurt you... Seeing you like this, all torn up inside and crying... It kills me, Haydee. I've never been in love with anyone but Alice..." He trailed off. I sighed and felt a tear streaming down my face as i looked down. He put his finger tips under my chin and lifted my head gently. "But what i feel for you surpasses all of that, Haydee. I have never felt this way in all of my years." He gushed softly. This brought a small smile to my face, which caused him to smile as well.

"But..?" I prompted. "But.... I think i still need a little more time... Lets not make anything official yet, okay? Lets take our time." He offered. I frowned a bit, but nodded. "I still love you Haydee, nothing will ever change that." I nodded and bit my bottom lip, trying to hold back more tears that threatened to fall. "Haydee.." He whispered and pulled me into an embrace. I wrapped my arms around his waist softly and just stood there, not really knowing what to do. What could i do? I was in love with a man who only wanted to be friends with me.

After a few moments, he slowly pulled away from me, carressed my face, and kissed me softly, but so passionately is was like he was kissing every cell in my body. I kissed him back, and we kissed for what seemed like forever but it was probably only a few minutes. I looked up at him and he smiled. "Jasper.. I can't do the whole 'friends with benifits' thing... So either we date and kiss, or we're friends and we dont." I told him honestly. He sighed. "Well, i guess we're just friends then.. I still need time." He told me, with sorrow in his voice.

"Okay." I said softly, even though my heart was breaking more and more. "Haydee!" Jasper exclaimed appalled. I shook my head and ran back up to my car, leaving him behind, and took off towards his house, planning on getting there before him.