Not an Angel Yet

I went back to school the next day, and sat in my normal seat next to Bella. “Hey.” She said quietly, looking a bit upset. “Bella, what’s the matter?” I asked, worried. “I know Edward said you didn’t, but do you hate be terribly?” She asked, looking as if she would cry. I gasped and hugged her, “Of course not! You are my best friend, Bella. I don’t think I could ever hate you.” She hugged me back, and then pulled back, smiling. “I’m glad to hear that.” She said and looked much better. “How’s Jasper?” I asked, hoping that he was better after Edward had told him what I said. She looked down. “He’s not here today… He doesn’t believe Edward that you’re not mad at him and that you don’t hate him…” She told me, sadly. I felt my heart drop, just as I had felt before. This time I knew why though. “Oh…” I responded, sounding extremely depressed. Bella noticed my mood change and acted quickly on it, “I’m sure he’ll be back soon, it’s only a matter of time.” She said and smiled a bit. “Yeah…” I said, but I was still just as upset. That whole day went by in a blur. I did not really remember anything except Edward asking me if I was okay, after he had read my thoughts that were all focused on Jasper. I sat through my last two classes wishing that I could just see him and tell him that I was not mad, but I did not know when that would happen. Bella kept telling me that maybe he would come in the next day, but I really doubted it.

They next day… Another no show. Bella said he had to go hunting again.

The next day… Nothing. And Emmett, Edward, Rose and Alice were gone too.

The next day… It was just Bella and I.

That night… I cried.

The next week… Everyone except Jasper was there.

In my last period study hall, I decided to write him a letter:

Jasper,
I’ve noticed that you haven’t been here for a while, and I’ve been worried.
Study hall has been pretty boring and lonely without you here.
Edward said that you don’t believe him when he says that I don’t hate you, and that I’m not mad at you.. I’m really not.
I understand why you reacted the way you did to me cutting my finger…
You’re a vampire, and it was blood.
It’s only natural.
I understand if you never want to see me again, it would only be normal..
If you think it’s for the best then I can deal with it.
But I would really prefer if you told me yourself.
Do not send anyone to say it for you, tell me yourself, in your own words.
That is all I ask.
Please write back…
Soon
Your friend,
Haydee Reynolds xox
I gave the note to Edward after school that Friday, and asked him to deliver it for me. That way it gave Jasper the weekend to write back.

All I could think of that weekend was Jasper. I wondered if he had read my letter, and if he had written back yet. If he had finally realized that I was not mad. If he would be in school on Monday. If he never wanted to see me again. If I would ever see him again.
This was all I could think about. I couldn’t even sleep because of it. I needed to know.
Did he miss me? Did he wish I would come to his house to see Bella that way he had an excuse to talk to me? Was he excited for Monday too?
I wouldn’t know till tomorrow, so I closed my eyes and fell asleep finally.

I went into first period and looked right at Bella. She frowned and shook her head sadly. I frowned too. “Did he even write back to my letter?” I asked. “No.” She replied. “Did he even read it?” I wondered. “Yes. He seemed upset when he read it though. He immediately ran up to his room and hasn’t been out since.” She told me. I felt crappy now. I had made him feel that bad? Maybe I should just give up on trying to talk to him, on trying to make him see that I still wanted him to be my friend. I was determined. I would not think even one more though about Jasper Hale.

Well, that plan failed horribly. I couldn’t even go five minutes without thinking about him. I was even dreaming about him now! I felt sort of like a stalker in a way.

It was February now, and I have not seen Jasper in almost a month. I felt bad.

It was Friday, February 12th, and I was sitting next to Bella in our last period study hall when an envelope with my name written across it in an elegant script landed on the table in front of me. I looked up to see who dropped it just in time to see Jasper sit down across from me. He looked at me and smiled a bit, “Read it.” He whispered. I nodded and opened the envelope:
Haydee,
I’m sorry I haven’t been in study hall for a long while.
I had a lot of things I had to sort through and figure out before I could come back.
One of the things I had to do was to make sure that I was strong enough not to go after you again.
I am terribly sorry that I attacked you in the first place,
And I am very thankful that you are so understanding about me being a monster.
Never seeing you again is not an option for me.
I am just as intrigued by you as you are by me, well I am not sure if you really are intrigued by me, but that is what Edward said.
Anyways,
I am sorry if it seems like I have been ignoring you,
It was not just you.
I have even been ignoring Carlisle and Esme.
Sometimes I need to be alone,
I am sure you can understand that.
I hope that you can forgive my selfishness,
And that you will still talk to me.
I really would like to be your friend,
And maybe be one of your best friends,
If I can ever gain your trust again.
I really am sorry for everything that happened.
Write back…
Soon.
Yours truly,
Jasper Hale

I almost thought I was going to cry after I read his letter. I peeked up at him through my hair only to see that he was reading. He looked very attractive today, like a supermodel straight out of one of a magazine. I wished I could call him mine, and then maybe… I stopped what I was thinking and I looked back down, embarrassed, and took out a sheet of paper, writing him back:

Jasper,
You really don’t have to keep apologizing for what happened.
You can’t help your instincts.
But can you please do me one favor?
Do not call yourself a monster…
I don’t like it.. At all.
Please?
What Edward told you is true, I am intrigues by you,
But I wish he wouldn’t have told you..
I didn’t really want you to know quite yet.
I am still trying to figure this whole thing out..
Well, mostly just trying to figure out why I want to be around you.
And why I want to know more about you..
It’s quite confusing.

Jasper, I can’t forgive you,
Because there is nothing to forgive.
You did nothing wrong.
You haven’t lost my trust either.
But I really want to become better friends with you.
Write back soon?
Your friend,
Haydee Reynolds xox
I had just enough time to fold it up before the bell rang. Jasper stood up and looked at me, as if he was wondering if I wrote back, and I held the folded piece of paper out to him. He smiled as he took it from my hand, “You’ll have another letter tomorrow.” He told me and winked. I know I blushed. Bella giggled and they walked out of the library together. I smiled. Things were starting to get better. I thought about what Jasper said about my reply.. He said I’d have it tomorrow.. Tomorrow was Saturday. He was coming to my house some time. Oh my god. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to go home.