When the Moonlight Hits Your Bright Eyes, I Go Blind

Axelle's P.O.V.

15 minutes later everything was gone. The shadows, the voices, the animals, everything. It had all been a hallucination. I looked down.
“She’s okay now,” Jez said.
“What the hell was that?! She freaking attacked me! Man I think I’m gonna have bruises…” Pete complained. I stood up from my rocking position and announced,
“I have schizophrenia. It’s a result partially due to the fact that a large percent of my mother’s side of the family has schizophrenia, partially due to prenatal issues and social issues to due with my upbringing.”
Everyone was silent.
“You’re telling us this now?!” Yelled Patrick. I looked at him and said,
“Well seeing as I’m leaving soon I didn’t think it was an issue that needed to be discussed. With the upsets of yesterday I went to sleep early and forgot to take my pills, and that morning I hadn’t taken any because I woke up in a car. And as a result I had an episode. No biggie.”
“No biggie? No biggie?! You were attacking Pete! You bowed down to Jez and called her ‘Your Majesty’. That’s nothing?!” yelled Patrick incredulously. I raised an eyebrow.
“Done bitching about a mental issue I have no control over?” I asked.
“Fuck…” He said and turned away.
“How bad is it?” Piped up Joe. I smiled at him. I’d always like Joe. He was nice, accepting and had a good sense of humour.
“How bad do you think it is? I missed one day of pills and I had an episode,” I laughed. He looked at me sheepishly.
“It’s bad. I have to take pills twice a day to keep from having an episode,” I said.
“Then you must’ve been hearing voices all yesterday,” The new drummer guy said. I nodded.
“They were just whispers…though whispers aren’t good either…unless I can make sense of them. If I can make sense of them I have a chance of acting like a normal human being. If not then…I go psychotic,” I said.
“What’s it like?” Pete asked. I frowned and thought about it.
“It’s like… you’re in your own world. Different rules, different species, everything is different. And you’re lost. You’re used to this world, these rules, these species. You can touch and harm them, Shadow People as I call them, but they can’t physically harm you,” I said thoughtfully.
“So you’re like invincible?” Joe asked. I looked at him and shook me head gravely.
“Far from it. They can whisper. They know everything about you. They lie to you. And you can’t…you can’t block it out. They’re in your brain. It depends. Sometimes they’re low in volume; sometimes they’re high in volume. Sometimes you can make sense of them, sometimes you can’t. But it’s relentless buzzing.
Sometimes it’s trivial stuff like, remember when Tommy Baker was pushed over and you didn’t help him? You’re such a terrible person, leaving poor Tommy to lie there in the dust to be bullied. Other times it’s…it’s worse. You fucking useless skank. Good for nothing other than fucking…but wait…you’re too tightly screwed to even know how. So I take that back, you’re worthless. You’re useless. You have no purpose on this world. You should just go and die.
Sometimes the words just blur together so you’re left on your own to make sense of them. And you divide your brain in half. Half of it is devoted to being a ‘normal’ person; the other half is trying to figure out what the ceaseless buzzing is saying. And it gets so hard that people just snap. You can’t cover your ears because that traps it in there, but you can’t leave your ears open because that means the buzzing can escape making room for more buzzing. Personally I can’t stand it if I can’t understand the words they’re saying.
Oh, one thing I forgot. They can bring up memories and set the scene, then they join in and manipulate it. It could be that memory you have of fishing with your brother and your father and then you can see them drowning your brother and eating your father. Or it could be that memory you have of Freddy Johnson trying to kill you by beating you with a baseball bat because you ‘stole his girl’. They join in and they bring in Freddy Johnson’s friends and they’re throwing sticks and stones and kicking you in the face while Freddy Johnson beats your stomach. And they can’t physically harm you or physically make you feel pain, but they can inject it in a way. You can feel the pain that you would imagine it feels like when they beat your head in, but when they leave there’s no mark or remains of the pain…only in your memories. I dunno if it’s like that for everyone with schizophrenia, but that’s what it’s like for me,” I finished. All of them were staring at me in shock.
“How do I deal with it?” I asked. I frowned and looked out the window.
“I have no idea. The pills help, but I don’t know how I dealt with it before I was diagnosed,” I murmured, answering my own question.
“You know…Music might—”
“I don’t want to hear it. Music will only add to the voices and send me even more insane. Music cannot help me! All it causes is pain. It affects your emotions. You are manipulated by it. I do not wish to be manipulated. It is worthless,” I snapped, cutting off Pete. He looked at me sadly and I glared back before storming off to the bunks. After awhile Pete came in and I looked at him.

Pete’s P.O.V.

For the first time in 5 years I looked at her, really looked at her. Her once beautiful and shining blue eyes were dull pits of pain and sadness that showed no sign of light. Her hair once shiny and bouncy was limp and flat. Her lips previously were full and a warm pink colour, now they were faded and chapped. Her skin was now almost translucent, she had totally changed.
“What do you want?” She asked. Her voice was dull and flat and held no life.
“I wanted to see how you were,” I said.
“Tired,” she mumbled.
“We’re meeting The Academy Is… soon, so if you want to sleep then you should now,” I said. She nodded and turned away. She lay down and faced the bus wall and curled up a little bit. I paused and studied her. She looked broken and alone. My heart ached, I didn’t want her to be alone, I wanted her to know that she had friends. Sure, Patrick was a douche, but Joe, Andy and I were more than happy to welcome her with open arms. And I’m sure that The Academy Is… will love her. I sighed and crawled into the bunk and next to her, pulling her into my arms. Jesus! Her skin was freezing! I felt her muscles tense up and I whispered,
“Relax.”
“Why?” she asked. I knew she wasn’t talking about relaxing.
“You’re my sister,” I said, “Now sleep.”
She turned around to face me and gave me a small smile before curling into me. I smiled and wrapped my arms around her and together we fell asleep.