Status: One-shot
I Wake Up And I Feel Alone
1.
One, two, three blinks of the mascara brush on my eye and my primping was complete. Just on time, I heard Sam knock on my front door and my little brother run to answer it. By the time I reached the front room, Sam was trapped into a game of Candyland with Ryan, my brother. I watched and cheered as Ryan’s small, yellow figure made it to King Candy before Sam’s red one. After the game was stored away, I said my goodbyes to my family and headed out the door.
Today was my six-month anniversary with my boyfriend. I loved him, and he loved me. Sure, as a gay couple (Oh, that doesn’t offend you, does it? If so, go the fuck away and don’t bother me) in a fairly conservative area, we got plenty of strange looks, but we both could deal with that easily. Tonight, as a special anniversary present, I was treating my baby to a surprise date. Well, he knew about the date but didn’t know where I was taking him and what we were doing.
When we got in my car, I immediately grabbed his hand as I drove. I was excited about tonight. This was the longest relationship I’d ever had, and I was very proud to be with my Sammy. Tonight, I wanted to make our relationship and love official. I guess you could say I wanted to consummate it, like marriage, but neither of us is that hard-core. Alright, to put it bluntly, I was gettin’ laid.
We were headed to Wal-Mart. Doesn’t sound too romantic, I know, but I needed a few things to make tonight perfect. I dragged Sam along the aisles, picking up a few things here and there, him complaining all the time. When we checked out, my receipt showed me that I had bought three blankets, cookie dough, Monopoly, pillows, night-vision goggles, and all the fixings for PB&J. Necessary items, I assure you.
We got back in my car, and I put my purchases into an old picnic basket for easy carrying. I directed my car north, toward the farms where no one would bother us. It took a while, but we finally made to a field we’d been to a few times before. It was our own special place, where we could act as a couple without fear of being judged. At that’s exactly what we did.
I set everything up. Blankets to protect us from the cold air and ground, and pillows to relax on above the rocks that might be under the blanket. It was dark out here away from the city, so we wore our goggles with pride and played Monopoly like champs. It was perfect. Just odd enough of the perfect date to fit our personalities. We ate in between rolls of the die and small kisses.He beat me I let him win, of course. I’m just that good of a boyfriend. But now is the part of the story where I make my move.
Light kisses led to goggles off, so we were groping blindly with only the stars and moon to light our way. Shirts came next, quickly and easily. This was familiar. This was far as we had gone before tonight. This was all about to change. I was about to change a small part of history. As if I weren’t excited enough already.
Well, we both were pretty excited actually. It wasn’t that hard to tell. Sam was always pretty vocal.
I pulled away from our kissing to give the sensitive spots on his neck some attention. I let my hands wander all over, keeping above the waist as long as I could. I wanted this moment, this night, to last forever. When I finally couldn’t help it anymore, I put my hands on the waistband of his jeans, one hand rubbing his cool skin, while my other worked at his pants button. He gasped and pushed my hand away, so I figured he was just teasing me. Sam had always been a bit of a tease. But tonight, I couldn’t take it. It was finally my chance!
So, I held his arms down. Somehow, awkwardly in the blind darkness, I got our pants off. I may or may not have used the condom in my wallet, or anything for lube. I wish I could remember that. I wish I could remember almost everything about that night. But I know for certain that I, Nico Sylvester Thomason, took my boyfriend’s virginity that night.
I tried to pretend it was good. Hell, I was having a swell time going at it. But Sam looked scared and angry and hurt. I tried to pretend that his struggles were out of pleasure, not pain. I didn’t want to hurt him. But I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t stop. Oh god, I couldn’t stop myself if I wanted to.
Right then, I didn’t care if I was right or wrong, monster or heaven-sent. I was satisfied for a few blinding minutes, and that’s all it took for me to roll over and fall asleep in the nest we had made on the ground. I don’t know why I was surprised he was gone when I woke up. I was so stupid then.
Everything was a mess and it took me a few seconds to remember why. For a few more minutes, I was such a dick that I didn’t even worry where Sam was, what was going to happen. That was before I realized the consequences.
I eventually cleaned up and got everything in my car. All his things were gone from it, but my phone was blinking brightly in the dim dawn light. 1 New Message. Hopefully Sam telling me he had made it home safe somehow. (His parents didn’t like him staying out all night. Mine never seemed to mind.) So I read it. Wouldn’t you?
Have a nice life.
Okay, that was weird. So I went home and tried to call him. He can’t be mad at me for forever, right? He’s gotta forgive me some time, we love each other.
It’s been a few months now. We go to the same school, but he never looks up when I’m around. He doesn’t talk, doesn’t smile, anymore. Neither do I. Not since it finally sunk in…. Oh god I was so wrong. I should be in some detention center dropping soap just to feel better about myself. Sam, if you’re out there, I’m sorry. Please don’t do what they’re whispering about. You still have so much to live for. I’m the one who should be dead. Please. Please don’t do it.
Today was my six-month anniversary with my boyfriend. I loved him, and he loved me. Sure, as a gay couple (Oh, that doesn’t offend you, does it? If so, go the fuck away and don’t bother me) in a fairly conservative area, we got plenty of strange looks, but we both could deal with that easily. Tonight, as a special anniversary present, I was treating my baby to a surprise date. Well, he knew about the date but didn’t know where I was taking him and what we were doing.
When we got in my car, I immediately grabbed his hand as I drove. I was excited about tonight. This was the longest relationship I’d ever had, and I was very proud to be with my Sammy. Tonight, I wanted to make our relationship and love official. I guess you could say I wanted to consummate it, like marriage, but neither of us is that hard-core. Alright, to put it bluntly, I was gettin’ laid.
We were headed to Wal-Mart. Doesn’t sound too romantic, I know, but I needed a few things to make tonight perfect. I dragged Sam along the aisles, picking up a few things here and there, him complaining all the time. When we checked out, my receipt showed me that I had bought three blankets, cookie dough, Monopoly, pillows, night-vision goggles, and all the fixings for PB&J. Necessary items, I assure you.
We got back in my car, and I put my purchases into an old picnic basket for easy carrying. I directed my car north, toward the farms where no one would bother us. It took a while, but we finally made to a field we’d been to a few times before. It was our own special place, where we could act as a couple without fear of being judged. At that’s exactly what we did.
I set everything up. Blankets to protect us from the cold air and ground, and pillows to relax on above the rocks that might be under the blanket. It was dark out here away from the city, so we wore our goggles with pride and played Monopoly like champs. It was perfect. Just odd enough of the perfect date to fit our personalities. We ate in between rolls of the die and small kisses.He beat me I let him win, of course. I’m just that good of a boyfriend. But now is the part of the story where I make my move.
Light kisses led to goggles off, so we were groping blindly with only the stars and moon to light our way. Shirts came next, quickly and easily. This was familiar. This was far as we had gone before tonight. This was all about to change. I was about to change a small part of history. As if I weren’t excited enough already.
Well, we both were pretty excited actually. It wasn’t that hard to tell. Sam was always pretty vocal.
I pulled away from our kissing to give the sensitive spots on his neck some attention. I let my hands wander all over, keeping above the waist as long as I could. I wanted this moment, this night, to last forever. When I finally couldn’t help it anymore, I put my hands on the waistband of his jeans, one hand rubbing his cool skin, while my other worked at his pants button. He gasped and pushed my hand away, so I figured he was just teasing me. Sam had always been a bit of a tease. But tonight, I couldn’t take it. It was finally my chance!
So, I held his arms down. Somehow, awkwardly in the blind darkness, I got our pants off. I may or may not have used the condom in my wallet, or anything for lube. I wish I could remember that. I wish I could remember almost everything about that night. But I know for certain that I, Nico Sylvester Thomason, took my boyfriend’s virginity that night.
I tried to pretend it was good. Hell, I was having a swell time going at it. But Sam looked scared and angry and hurt. I tried to pretend that his struggles were out of pleasure, not pain. I didn’t want to hurt him. But I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t stop. Oh god, I couldn’t stop myself if I wanted to.
Right then, I didn’t care if I was right or wrong, monster or heaven-sent. I was satisfied for a few blinding minutes, and that’s all it took for me to roll over and fall asleep in the nest we had made on the ground. I don’t know why I was surprised he was gone when I woke up. I was so stupid then.
Everything was a mess and it took me a few seconds to remember why. For a few more minutes, I was such a dick that I didn’t even worry where Sam was, what was going to happen. That was before I realized the consequences.
I eventually cleaned up and got everything in my car. All his things were gone from it, but my phone was blinking brightly in the dim dawn light. 1 New Message. Hopefully Sam telling me he had made it home safe somehow. (His parents didn’t like him staying out all night. Mine never seemed to mind.) So I read it. Wouldn’t you?
Have a nice life.
Okay, that was weird. So I went home and tried to call him. He can’t be mad at me for forever, right? He’s gotta forgive me some time, we love each other.
It’s been a few months now. We go to the same school, but he never looks up when I’m around. He doesn’t talk, doesn’t smile, anymore. Neither do I. Not since it finally sunk in…. Oh god I was so wrong. I should be in some detention center dropping soap just to feel better about myself. Sam, if you’re out there, I’m sorry. Please don’t do what they’re whispering about. You still have so much to live for. I’m the one who should be dead. Please. Please don’t do it.