All the Way

I stood outside the restaurant, my hand hovering over the handle. John had texted me after his practice and asked me to meet him here in half an hour. I knew he was here already, my Johnny senses were tingling, but I was afraid to face him. Would he just treat me like normal? As if nothing had happened between us last night?

I know I wanted more, those feelings couldn’t be denied anymore. I just needed him; I needed my John to need me too. Waiting just a few more minutes, my mind wandered back to the note he had left me. “Meet for lunch later?” Those four simple words left me no hint as to what was going through his mind. And just like that anger coursed through me as I realized that I opened myself to someone who would never like me as more than a best friend.

I tore the door to the small restaurant open and marched inside. All I wanted was to find John, have this stupid lunch with him and then go back to my room so I wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore. I had completely opened myself to him, shared one of the most intimate encounters one can possibly share, and he was just going to act like nothing happened. I gave him everything I had to offer and he was going to give me nothing in return.

When I walked into the restaurant the first thing I spotted was John and his innocently happy smile. I slapped my sickly sweet smile on my own face and saw his droop a bit; he knew something was up. As I neared the table, he looked up at me with worried eyes. “Are you ok?”

“Peachy,” I responded shortly.

I took my seat across from him and immediately picked up my menu, not even giving him a second glance. I noticed the boy shift uncomfortably in his seat. As the waitress took our menus away after taking our orders, I noticed John mostly staring at his hands, occasionally glancing up at my face. He had a concentrated look on his face that he only got when he was really thinking hard about something.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he replied quickly.

“Fine,” I retorted just as sharply, turning my attention to anything in the small restaurant that wasn’t John Carlson.

“Chelsea,” he sighed out. “Will you please look at me?”

“Why?”

“Because, I just… you’re avoiding me.”

“If I were avoiding you I wouldn’t be here,” I responded, still not meeting his gaze.

“Chelsea, please.”

“Fine,” I stared pointedly right at him, “happy now?”

“It’s a little better. Will you please tell me what’s bothering you?” I opened my mouth to give him another short response when he cut me off “And don’t say ‘nothing’. I know when something’s bothering you Chelsea, just open up to me.”

“I’m fine John.”

John let out a noticeably frustrated sigh and began fiddling with his hands under the table. His body slouched slightly and I felt a tinge of remorse. But at the same time, he still had yet to mention last night at all. That thought alone sent a wave of frustration through me that made me copy John’s slouched position. Finally, I just had to know if John felt anything for what we did last night. His next question posed the perfect opportunity.

“So, um, Chelsea, how’s your day been so far?”

“Sore. You?” I watched John’s cheeks redden slightly before he cleared his throat.

“Uh, yeah. Practice was a little tough; coach pushed us, but it wasn’t bad.”

“Sounds like fun.”

John was about to open his mouth again but the waitress came back with our food. She gave him a pointed wink before walking away. I rolled my eyes in his direction and shoved my face into my food. With another sigh, John copied my actions and began eating his food. Once we had finished eating he paid the bill and we began our walk back to the hotel.

Every couple of feet John would try to grab my hand, but I would conveniently move my arm just out of his range. However, he had never been one to give up so when I was least expecting it he swept his arm to the side and wrapped it tightly around my shoulders, pulling me into his body. With a small groan I let it go, earning a cheeky little smile from the boy I couldn’t resist no matter how hard I tried. John walked us into the hotel and pushed the button in the elevator for my floor.

When the doors opened, John kept me close to his body until we got to my door. He let me go only so I could rummage through my bag for my key. But before I could slide the plastic into the slot, he grabbed my arm and pulled my body around to face his.

“Listen, Chels, we’re having another team dinner tonight. Do you want to come?”

“I don’t know John; I might already have pla-”

“Cut the crap Chelsea,” John fumed. “I don’t know what I did to piss you off, but could you please just come? It’s not just for me; the rest of the team loves you too.”

“Fine, if it’s for the rest of the team then I’ll go.”

“Great, I’ll pick you up here at 7.”

John wrapped his arms tightly around me in a warm hug. Caught off guard, I wrapped my arms around him as well. Satisfied with my response, John began running his fingers through my hair and pressed a kiss to my head. “I’ll see you later Chelsea,” he whispered. I nodded and let him pull away from me and walk down the hall, opting to take the stairs down the couple of flights to his floor.

As soon as he disappeared, I let myself into my room. However, once the door closed fully, realization hit me. He said the rest of the team loved me too. Did that mean in addition to him? That he loved me? I shook my head of these useless thoughts, convincing myself that he just meant ‘love’ in the extremely friendly way.

To take up time until John would come and get me, I changed into a pair of sweatpants and, incidentally, one of John’s sweatshirts I had stolen. I curled up under the blankets of my bed and began channel surfing, desperate for something interesting to watch. Mere minutes into my search, I felt myself starting to droop. I barely lasted until the end of an NCIS episode before I was completely asleep.

Three and a half hours later I was woken up by the incessant buzzing of my phone next to me. Groggily rolling over and flipping open the screen, I saw that John had texted me. Chelsea, I figured you probably fell asleep so I’m giving you an hour and a half warning. P.S. TyJo says hi. His text brought a slight smile to my face and all was nearly forgiven. I pulled myself from the warmth of my sheets and began rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

I had just finished getting dressed and doing my hair when my phone went off. Glancing at the caller ID, a broad smile reached my lips as I saw the name of my female John equivalent. I put the phone on speaker so I could do my makeup and talk to Brianna. Just from my greeting she could tell that I was upset about something.

She slowly coaxed the entirety of last night’s events out of me and once I was finished there was complete silence on the other line. I was afraid she had hung up on me out of pure disgust.

“Brianna… are you there?”

“Yeah, sorry I just needed to do a mini celebration.”

“Celebra- why?”

“Hello, you and John finally did it. It’s about damn time.”

“Yeah, well, now it’s fucked up our relationship.”

“Sweetie, he’s probably just as nervous as you are.”

“But guys aren’t supposed to get nervous. Especially not John,” I countered as I swept the mascara brush over my lashes to complete my eyes.

“Common misconception; on Dany’s and my first date, he was so nervous he almost forgot to pay the check.”

“Yeah but that’s Dany not John.”

“Are you kidding? He just fucked his best friend that he should have screwed a long time ago. He’s probably nervous as hell right now. What are you guys doing tonight?”

“We’re going to some dinner thing for his team.”

“Alright so here’s how you get a reaction from him: avoid him at all costs. Interact with his teammates but make him come to you. Don’t be your usual two-pees-in-a-pod selves.”

“You really think that’ll work,” I asked as I heard a knock on my door.

“Definitely,” she replied with such a cool confidence I could only be led to believe she had pulled this tactic before.

“Alright well, he’s here. I’ll keep you posted.”

As I hung up with one best friend, I opened my door to reveal the other. I slipped my shoes on, grabbed my small clutch that held my phone, some cash, room key and a spare lip gloss, and we were out the door. The entire elevator ride down to the first floor I kept feeling John’s eyes wandering over me. As the doors finally opened, he placed his hand on the small of my back, guiding me to the door where we would make the short walk to a small restaurant the team had rented out for the night. The second we stepped through the doors of the restaurant and taken off our coats, I took Brianna’s words to heart and separated myself from the boy I was crazy about.

I chose to mingle with Tyler Johnson, watching out of the corner of my eye as John gravitated toward Philip McRae, his teammate from his days with the Knights. As I moved on from TyJo to Jerry D’Amigo, I felt John’s gaze move as well. I mingled with a couple of the other players, always keeping my back to him. When it finally came time to sit down to eat, I made sure I was seated nowhere near John, choosing instead to place myself next to Jordan Schroeder who had quickly become my self-dubbed Team USA best friend. John was only seated a few seats down diagonally from us and I felt his steely gaze throughout the entire meal.

Once the entire meal had ended, everyone went back to mingling amongst themselves. Jordan had gotten up to go to the bathroom coincidentally at the same time as a long yawn escaped my tired lips. John wasted no time in taking his deserted seat. “Are you tired,” he asked, concern lacing his tone. I merely nodded and, in my moment of exhaustion let my head slip onto his broad shoulder.

I was starting to slip towards unconsciousness when Jordan came back. “Damn Chels, replacing me alrea- Oh. Hey John.” John gave him a polite head nod of recognition as my head shot off his shoulder, Jordan being called over to a small group of the guys in the mean time.

“Chelsea, do you want to go soon,” John asked, returning his attention to me.

“Yeah, I just need to say goodbye to a few people.”

I quickly composed myself and hurried away from the comfort of John’s body as soon as I could. As I gave goodbyes in the form of tight hugs to 90 percent of the team, at least the ones I actually really knew, I could still feel John’s eyes on me. My mind wandered back to what Brianna had said and I wondered if he really was as nervous about being near me as she hinted. He seemed to be acting like a Stage 4 clinger tonight.

After I had finished saying my goodbyes, I slipped to the coat closet, somehow slipping past John’s watchful eyes. I had just made it out of the building when I heard my name being called. I turned to see John making his exit.

“Chels, why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?”

“Because maybe I didn’t want you to know.” A look of hurt crossed his features.

“Let me walk you back Chelsea, I don’t want anything happening to you.” He tried to grab onto my hand which, before the “incident” had been completely natural.

“No John, I can do it myself. I’m a big girl. You’ve been acting weird all day anyway, maybe you don’t need to be near me.”

“Chels…”

“If I’m old enough to have sex with you, I’m old enough to walk back to the hotel by myself.”

There; I had said it. The incident that had been considered taboo between us was now completely out in the open. Before he could protest, I continued on my way back to the hotel. Now everything was in John’s court. It was his turn to play the ball.

Once in the safety of the hotel, I grabbed a soda and a small tub of ice cream from the lobby. I needed something to calm down my emotional state. With the walk, my small pit stop and choosing to take the stairs, the entire trip had taken about 30 minutes. When I got up to my floor to find the space in front of my door completely bare, I was slightly disappointed. John’s larger strides should have completely beat me here, and the fact that he wasn’t here made me think that maybe he had decided not to play the ball, but instead stop the game entirely. I waited another five minutes and when there was no sign of the tall defenseman I slowly slid my key card into the slot and entered my dark room.

Completely emotionally deflated, I turned on all the lights and kicked off my heels. I had just sat down to massage my slightly sore feet when there was a pounding on my door. I tried to ignore it, figuring it was just some brat kid, but when it didn’t stop I got irritated. When I finally flung the door open I was met with the one boy who could always make everything right. I just gaped at him, not knowing what to say, but then again, I didn’t really need to.

“I do need to be near you,” fell decisively from his lips before they enveloped mine. John’s arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me tight into his body as the kiss progressed. He didn’t try to shove his tongue down my throat or push entry into my room. No, he just held me there, in the doorway, kissing me. I wrapped the one arm that wasn’t holding the door open around his neck, showing him that I accepted his statement.

As he pulled away from our short kiss, John sent returned the gentle smile I wasn’t able to hide. “I’ll see you tomorrow Chelsea. Good night,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to my forehead and disappearing down the hall.