Status: Discontinued
You Only Get One Shot Do Not Miss Your Chance to Blow
Twentyone
11:25.
I have been in my room for seven hours. I’m dead from boredom. I started dying of boredom six and half hours ago. Where is the devil to take me to hell?
But seriously, I’m bored out of my mind and I haven’t felt any lower than I do right now. Why am I so damn fucking selfish?!
I just told off my boyfriend, my best friend (once again) and worst of all; Jane- my all time favorite ‘mama’.
I’m pretty sure Brendon left because Hayley told him to leave since I know Brendon wouldn’t have left without talking to me, even if it involved kicking down a door. And I knew this because the whole first hour he kept knocking on the door and arguing with Hayley. Finally Ryan and Spencer left, dragging with Brendon with them.
Hayley was outside my room and was trying to get me to talk and I learned to tune her out but about a half hour ago her background gabble stopped, and I assumed she went to bed.
So here I am, sitting on the floor tucked between my dresser and the wall. The past hour I’ve been seated here, thinking. I’m not sure what I have been thinking about, everything and nothing I guess. What have I been doing the other six hours? Sitting on the floor tucked between my dresser and the wall.
I pulled me knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them and exhaled loudly, leaning my head back to rest on the wall that was supporting my back and started banging the back of my head against the wall.
I exhaled again, only this time to try to sooth myself from boredom. Isn’t this the time where I should be crying? Anyone else would be crying in this instant right?
The one time in my life, I felt like I had something. I had job, I had real friends, I got my own home, I felt organized, I found someone who actually gave a shit about me and most importantly, I was having fun. I enjoyed myself here, I said it once and I’ll say it again- this is my home, even though I’ve only been here for a little over two months.
I think the one thing that made the difference was the someone that gave a shit about me. Brendon made me feel like I was wanted. He made me feel like was beautiful and that I had a purpose finally.
I had things straighten out with Jon, well at a tolerable level. I still had the slightest of cringe when I saw him, but I everyone else thought I had accepted the fact that Jon was in my life. I knew I would get over the pain soon enough and be able to let Jon back in my life again, fully, so why not just pretend I’m fine.
Everything was perfect because I had finally become happy because I forgot about my past.
Then Jane called, reminding me of everything.
I released my knees and got on my hands and knees and crawled over to the bed. I reached under and pulled out a box. It was tattered and the sides were starting to rip a little. The cardboard was wearing out and it was starting to get flimsy. The flaps and on the top had been folded closed and open so many times that they felt like a single piece of printer paper.
It was labeled ‘books’ in messy chicken scratch from when I was in fourth grade. I did have a lot of books, but in this box there wasn’t reading books, they were all my journals, notebooks, albums, keepsakes and memories.
I took out one of my oldest books and opened to the first page, which was made two years ago. There were misspelled words with messy handwriting.
Febuary 18, 1997
I went to Kevin’s house today. His mom Jane gave me this notebook. She said to put my deep dark secrets in here. I dont have any secrets right now.
Emily Michelle Nichols
I flipped a through and opened to a later date.
April 30, 1997
I still dont have a secret to tell this yet. I told Jane and she said that I can write what makes me happy to.
Dad was happy today and broght home Dilly Bars for us! I played with Kevin and Hayley today. We played with the Beany Babys Kevin’s Dad George got.
Mom said Aunty Alice is coming so Dad left. That meens Jon is coming, I’m happy to see him but not. Sometimes he is mean to me. Maybe he will bring his guitar so I can show him that I’m good at playing it just like him. Bye!
Emily :)
I flipped the journal closed and marveled at my innocence. I was so clueless and naïve. I opened to the last page on in the journal.
September 27, 1997
I like 5th grade! My class is really fun and Hayley and Kevin are in the same class. Mrs. Clayton is nice. She doesn’t yell very much. We had a birthday party for Hayley at school today.
I have a secret. I’m afraid to write it.
Emily
I put the journal back in the box and pulled out the next one.
September 29, 1997
I slept over at Kevin’s house again last night because my mom was sick and throwing up a lot. Jane said she is really worried about me. I don’t know why because my mom always is sick and I never catch her sick.
Jane said since I wont tell her my secret I need to write it in this. I’m scared that my dad will read it though so I don’t think I will.
E
October 3, 1997
I’m only going to tell one secret. Today at school Mrs. Clayton sent me to the nurse because I had a lot of bruises on my arm and I fell on the playground and one of my cuts broke open and started to bleed. When I got to the nurse they asks me what I happened. I didn’t know what they meant and then they asked me who gave me the bruises. I told them my dad. I don’t think I was supposed to say that because they got really mad. I don’t want to get in trouble again so I’m not telling anyone else.
I’m not going to write in here a lot anymore.
Emily
I put the journal back in the box and took out a photo album. It was filled with pictures of me, Kevin and Hayley. It started from when we were babies all the way through high school. As I flipped through book I gave smiles and even small chuckles as the memories flooded back. I thought I didn’t want the memories from my childhood but as I looked, I found it refreshing.
I saw how I changed so much. I started out as a beach blonde baby to a sandy brown, pony tail, dirty and messy kid and later to a brown long haired, thinned out teenager. Most of the pictures were taken at Kevin’s house. I’d even spent several Christmases with them. The pictures thinned out around my middle school phases and mostly it was just me and my friends, no family. I flipped to my graduations pictures. I remember I called my dad countless times to the number he left, but he never answered so he never showed up. So in my picture, George was on my right and Jane was on my left, and my crack head mom was on the left of Jane.
I looked through all my photo albums and pulled out the journals I flipped through and read every single entry. The first one was pretty much a documentary of my life, because I didn’t haven anything to say. The second journal was a documentary too, but I wrote about my dad and how I had noticed how different he was than others. The third journal actually brought tears to my eyes and blurred my vision. I was in middle school and even though I didn’t write as much during these times, it was heart wrenching. I wrote about every detail, every bruise, and cut and every tear my dad caused me.
September 2, 2001
Hayley has officially left me. I miss her sooooo much. I don’t really know what to do without her, she was the one I talked to all the time. Kevin is still here though! We finished our tree house in the backyard and I’m going to keep my journals in there because I’m sure my dad will find them here soon.
My dad is getting scary. I’m terrified of him. He picked me up drunk today from school and Kevin was with, he was swerving all over the road and we almost got in a crash for the third time this week. Why is it that cops catch you when you’re innocent?
If that wasn’t enough to freak me shitless, my mom came home drunk from the bar tonight and she smashed my guitar. I don’t know how to cope anymore.
I can feel my leg gushing blood right now under all the bandages. I was in the office writing a paper for English and my dad yelled at me. He took the computer monitor and threw it into the wall. I flinched and shrank into the corner, hoping to sneak away. No such luck. He yanked on the back of my hoodie and it started choking me and he slammed me on the wall, where he slam crashed the computer screen.
I blacked out for a second when my head hit the wall but I woke up quickly as I was falling to the ground. As soon as I hit the ground I felt a searing pain in my leg. I felt like I could hear my skin ripping and every nerve in my body scream, even though I didn’t even let out a whimper because I was in complete shock. I looked down and saw the monitor screen glass lodged in my leg. It was deep down in the inside of my thigh and a puddle of blood had already started to pool around me.
All my dad said was I better clean it up. I groaned in pain every time I moved my body but I sucked up the pain and dragged myself so I could reach the chord of the phone and pull it down to the floor so I could call Kevin. After I called him, I tried pulling the glass out of my leg. I got it out and even more blood came out, my shirt was covered now and it smelled of salty blood all over. The piece of glass was three inches wide and five inches long and it was at a sharp point at the end, where it went in my leg.
After Kevin cleaned the office up for me, we got my leg bandaged and went to my room. My body aches of bruises from landing on the computer monitor and I can’t move. I have to go to school in five hours. I love Kevin, I don’t know what I’d do without him.
I’m going to start writing poetry.
E motional
M iserable
I solated
L ifeless
Y earning....
Surprisingly I remembered every single thing that I wrote about, especially the computer incident. I pulled down my sweat pants and looked at my four inch scar that ran up on the inside of my right thigh and shivered. The fourth journal was a little more cheery, it was happier because my dad had moved out.
I sat in that exact spot the rest of the night and looked through my box of memories.
I was so overly tired my eyes were glued open and by four in the morning I couldn’t even think about going to bed and in no time at all the sun was rising and morning was approaching.
I packed all my recollections up in the same feeble ‘book’ box and closed the scrawny flaps and returned the box under my bed, save for another day. I lay down on the floor on my back and watched my ceiling fan go round. I thought about all my six journals, four of them filled with entries, the other two made up of my amateur lyrics and poems. I thought about my pictures and papers and all my statues and memory books, it was stimulating, but yet I didn’t want to think about it.
Jane called. She was my mother, I called her mama when I was little. She was the only parental figure I had in my life and I’d been a bitch to her. When I got an apartment her in Las Vegas, I thought I could forget about the people back there, but after looking through all my memories I wasn’t sure I could just leave those special people behind.
I jumped when I heard the toilet flush. Hayley must have been up, so I picked myself up and adjusted my sweat pants and paint splattered t-shirt and opened my door.
The sight made me smile. Hayley had never gone to her room last night, she fell asleep out in the hallway. She had her back against the wall and she was slouched over with her head hanging limp. She was still in her jean shorts and tee from yesterday and her make-up was still on. I smiled down and I was bursting with love for her, because she was the loyalist friends anyone could ever have.
I left the hallway and saw Jon and Cassie sleeping on the couch, cuddled together, both of them with a faint smile on their face. I gushed at how cute they looked, with Jon’s bed hair sticking out all over and Cassie’s faint snore, they were perfect.
I went to the kitchen for some cereal and found Spencer sitting at the table. I never got how these boys got in our apartment!
“Emily,” he breathed out a sigh of relief.
“Yeah, hey, Spence.” I grabbed the milk and poured it into my bowl of Froot Loops.
“You okay?”
“Well you know…”
“Wanna talk?”
I actually considered it. Spencer is a really good listener and I knew he would have really good advice for me. “Honestly? Not really. I just… I don’t know how to say it… came to terms with myself?”
“Yeah, I know what your saying,” he smiled and gave me one of his awesome hugs and I yawned involuntarily. “You should go back to bed, it’s early.”
“Actually I didn’t sleep at all.”
“Well, I have to go meet Haley at the airport, wanna come?”
“No I’m just going to hang out around here today.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later, Nickel!”
I laughed at the nickname, “Thanks for stopping! Talk to you, Smithy!”
---
I took my cereal out to the dining table. It was full of stacks of papers and boxes, mail, books, dishes and clothes. I cleaned off a little clearing so I could set my bowl down and opened the laptop. I took bites of my cereal slowly, savoring each bite and chewing like a snail while I scrolled through my E-mail.
After looking through my 308 E-mails, most of them in which I deleted, I got bored, so I got a blanket and a pillow from Hayley and tucked her in in the hallway because I didn’t think I could lift her to her bed.
I changed into my running shorts, but I wasn’t going to run. I fished out some yellow cleaning gloves from under the sink and pulled up my stringy hair into a pony tail and got to work.
I scrubbed every inch of the apartment from sweeping the ceiling to scrubbing our garbage can and Windexing the doorknobs.
By two-o-clock my fingertips were wrinkled like prunes and my hair was falling in my face.
“What up Fat Cat?”
“Hey Ducky,” I answered, continuing to scrub away at a plate in the sink.
“Will you throw me that bagel?” I tossed the blueberry bagel at her and it hit her straight in the forehead and dropped to the ground.
“I’m pretty sure I’m safe to eat this,” she joked picking the bagel up and starting to butter it, “speaking of which, how long have you been cleaning this dump, Em? The bleach smell is so strong it’s burning my itty bitty nose hairs!”
“I don’t know, like six maybe?”
“God Emily! Are you crazy?”
I slipped off my gloves and put down my sponge, “Actually, I think I might be, Hayls. I’ve never cleaned this much in my life!”
“Mmhmm,” she replied, enjoying her bagel.
“I’m going to go get ready,” I muttered. I came up behind her and gave her a hug while she sat in the chair. “I love you, Straw-ley,” I whispered, referring to last night.
“Ceaselessly,” she added and held out her fist and I knocked knuckles with her and left to the bathroom.
“Morning, Love Birds,” I said as I walked past the couch where Jon and Cassie and just woken up.
I threw on my black polo right before I walked into Gilly’s. I got ready early for work early and decided to walk to work, it was hot and steamy as I walked and being in black pants wasn’t the best of ideas, but it was nice to go on a long walk.
“Hey Kevin,” I replied tiredly.
“Hey Emily, not to be rude, but uh, you look horrible. What happened?”
“No sleep.”
“Ah,” he replied, giving the man at the bar his drink. I went back to the break room and lay down on the couch for a bit before my shift started. My phone started ringing.
“Hello?” I answered quickly after heaving myself up from my comfortableness on the couch.
“Hey,” Brendon answered in his soft charming voice.
I made me smile just hearing his voice, “Hey, Brenny.”
“How are we doing today? Better than last night I hope?”
“Hah, yeah.”
“Okay, well Spencer said you were quote, happy as a robin, unquote.”
“Yeah, uh, I guess I am…” I laughed, “Tired though, I just want to go home and sleep!”
“Oh, you’re working?”
“Yeahp. Speaking of work, I need to actually go and do it. So I’ll call you tomorrow, k?
“Tonight,” he affirmed.
“I get off at two tonight, Bren.”
“Still, call me k?” he sounded worried. I wasn’t really sure why but answered just the same.
“Yeah, will do. I’ll talk to you tonight!”
“Two-o-one sharp!”
I laughed, “Yeah sure, Bren. Bye-bye”
“Bye, Emily Michelle.”
“Bye, Brendon Boyd.”
“What can I get you sir?” I asked the man who came and sat down at the counter.
“Just a good cold beer,” he sounded exhausted, just like me.
“Thanks,” he muttered after I handed him the big glass. He downed it in less than five seconds and I went to get him another one. As I handed him the next one the newcomer next to him spoke up.
“Excuse me, I’ll take a scotch on the rocks, no ice? Thanks.”
“Ha. Ha.” I leaned over and gave him a smooch on the lips, “Hi.”
“Hola Emilia,” he said smiling. His teeth looked extra white in the dimly lit bar and his dark eyes sparkled.
“What are you doing here? I still have four hours you know.”
“Well I was going to come in four hours to drive you home, but then I thought to myself, self I said ‘Emily hasn’t slept in over 24 hours and she is surrounded by a bunch of drunken guys, she’ll probably be dying’.”
“Hmm,” I amused, “That was very thoughtful of you. Suck up.” I tapped his nose.
“Yeah well. So where is this Koly guy you speak of?”
“It’s Kyle. And he--”
“At your service, what can I get you sir?” Brendon mulled over him and leant back a little.
“Yeah, you see Emily here, she--”
“He doesn’t need anything. He’s not here for anything.”
“Ahem! Emily,” Brendon acted uppity, “I wanted a drink.”
“Yeah, scotch on the rocks, no ice. I remember,” I replied sarcastically. Kyle gave a stiff laugh. “Kyle, Brendon. Brendon, Kyle.” They shook hands.
“So this is your hot date?” Kyle asked.
“Awe, you said that about me?”
“No. Actually he said it. But you are cute!” I patted the top of his head.
“Oh.” Brendon looked at a loss for words. “So Kyle. Ky. KyKy. The Kyler. Does anyone call you Kyser?”
“Like Keiser? Yeah. It’s a whole separate name apart from Kyle,” he replied antagonistic, with teeth clenched.
“Hmm, right. Well Ky,--”
“I go by Kyle.”
“Right. Okay Kyle, Emily here, hasn’t slept in two days, so would you mind if I take her home early?”
Kyle, still a little unfriendly to Brendon, softened his face, “I’m really not the one who can decide that.”
“Well actually,” I started, “You are the person with the most power working here tonight…”
“It’s just, I’m worried about her,” Brendon said, acting like a kiss ass. If he wanted to take it one step higher he could have batted his eyelashes. “She has to walk here or get a cab to get home. So I just want to make sure she gets home safely.”
“You didn’t tell me that,” Kyle said, turning to me.
“Yeah, well. It’s never been a problem.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Don’t worry, Brendon, I can take her home for you.”
“I’m not a ‘thing’, I’m a human being! And I’m standing right here,” They both ignored me and I gave a frustrated sigh and went to go help the waiting costumers. I didn’t want to see where this scuffle would lead to.
“I’m on my way to her place either way, and it would just be easier like this,” Brendon replied stiffly, the tension rising. I didn’t hear the rest because I immersed myself in my work and got drinks for everyone, managing the bar by myself.
I helped countless people and Brendon was still there, talking to Kyle, so I went over to see what they were talking about.
Brendon was arguing with Kyle, “Look Buddy, why don’t you just let her get off early, she’s going through a rough time right now.”
“I told you once, I told you twice, I’ll tell you as many times as you need, I would love to let Emily off early! I can tell she’s tired, but if our boss found out--”
“Kyle!” I was getting irritated. I hadn’t eaten since morning, I’d been up for over 48 hours and I just wanted to get home. “Please?” I pleaded.
“Emily,” he said softly, “I just can’t.”
“You’re such a girl,” I scoffed. “Hey, do you have the sign up sheet with you?”
“Sign up? For what?”
“The cookies. I’ll take two Thin Mints and a Carmel Delight.”
“Ha. Ha.”
I lifted up the counter and went to the break room, got my things, headed out the front and took Brendon’s hand in mine. “See you later, Girl Scout.” I waved innocently and Brendon nodded at him and we left.
“Nice one,” Brendon nudged me with his elbow. When we made it to the curb where his car was parked, he swept me off my feet and held me bridal style. He opened the passenger door and set me in vigilantly.
On the car ride home, the darkness sang me to sleep while the car drove silently through the noisy streets. We arrived at Brendon’s apartment and my eyes were heavy. Before I could open them fully and take in where I was, Brendon was already at my side, picking me up just as he did before.
He carried me in his house and up the stairs into his room. By the time we got in the doorway to his room, I was asleep with my head resting on his shoulder. He set me down on his bed and slipped of my shoes so he could tuck me in. He kissed my forehead and climbed in beside me and wrapped his arms around my waste and fell asleep.
I have been in my room for seven hours. I’m dead from boredom. I started dying of boredom six and half hours ago. Where is the devil to take me to hell?
But seriously, I’m bored out of my mind and I haven’t felt any lower than I do right now. Why am I so damn fucking selfish?!
I just told off my boyfriend, my best friend (once again) and worst of all; Jane- my all time favorite ‘mama’.
I’m pretty sure Brendon left because Hayley told him to leave since I know Brendon wouldn’t have left without talking to me, even if it involved kicking down a door. And I knew this because the whole first hour he kept knocking on the door and arguing with Hayley. Finally Ryan and Spencer left, dragging with Brendon with them.
Hayley was outside my room and was trying to get me to talk and I learned to tune her out but about a half hour ago her background gabble stopped, and I assumed she went to bed.
So here I am, sitting on the floor tucked between my dresser and the wall. The past hour I’ve been seated here, thinking. I’m not sure what I have been thinking about, everything and nothing I guess. What have I been doing the other six hours? Sitting on the floor tucked between my dresser and the wall.
I pulled me knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them and exhaled loudly, leaning my head back to rest on the wall that was supporting my back and started banging the back of my head against the wall.
I exhaled again, only this time to try to sooth myself from boredom. Isn’t this the time where I should be crying? Anyone else would be crying in this instant right?
The one time in my life, I felt like I had something. I had job, I had real friends, I got my own home, I felt organized, I found someone who actually gave a shit about me and most importantly, I was having fun. I enjoyed myself here, I said it once and I’ll say it again- this is my home, even though I’ve only been here for a little over two months.
I think the one thing that made the difference was the someone that gave a shit about me. Brendon made me feel like I was wanted. He made me feel like was beautiful and that I had a purpose finally.
I had things straighten out with Jon, well at a tolerable level. I still had the slightest of cringe when I saw him, but I everyone else thought I had accepted the fact that Jon was in my life. I knew I would get over the pain soon enough and be able to let Jon back in my life again, fully, so why not just pretend I’m fine.
Everything was perfect because I had finally become happy because I forgot about my past.
Then Jane called, reminding me of everything.
I released my knees and got on my hands and knees and crawled over to the bed. I reached under and pulled out a box. It was tattered and the sides were starting to rip a little. The cardboard was wearing out and it was starting to get flimsy. The flaps and on the top had been folded closed and open so many times that they felt like a single piece of printer paper.
It was labeled ‘books’ in messy chicken scratch from when I was in fourth grade. I did have a lot of books, but in this box there wasn’t reading books, they were all my journals, notebooks, albums, keepsakes and memories.
I took out one of my oldest books and opened to the first page, which was made two years ago. There were misspelled words with messy handwriting.
Febuary 18, 1997
I went to Kevin’s house today. His mom Jane gave me this notebook. She said to put my deep dark secrets in here. I dont have any secrets right now.
Emily Michelle Nichols
I flipped a through and opened to a later date.
April 30, 1997
I still dont have a secret to tell this yet. I told Jane and she said that I can write what makes me happy to.
Dad was happy today and broght home Dilly Bars for us! I played with Kevin and Hayley today. We played with the Beany Babys Kevin’s Dad George got.
Mom said Aunty Alice is coming so Dad left. That meens Jon is coming, I’m happy to see him but not. Sometimes he is mean to me. Maybe he will bring his guitar so I can show him that I’m good at playing it just like him. Bye!
Emily :)
I flipped the journal closed and marveled at my innocence. I was so clueless and naïve. I opened to the last page on in the journal.
September 27, 1997
I like 5th grade! My class is really fun and Hayley and Kevin are in the same class. Mrs. Clayton is nice. She doesn’t yell very much. We had a birthday party for Hayley at school today.
I have a secret. I’m afraid to write it.
Emily
I put the journal back in the box and pulled out the next one.
September 29, 1997
I slept over at Kevin’s house again last night because my mom was sick and throwing up a lot. Jane said she is really worried about me. I don’t know why because my mom always is sick and I never catch her sick.
Jane said since I wont tell her my secret I need to write it in this. I’m scared that my dad will read it though so I don’t think I will.
E
October 3, 1997
I’m only going to tell one secret. Today at school Mrs. Clayton sent me to the nurse because I had a lot of bruises on my arm and I fell on the playground and one of my cuts broke open and started to bleed. When I got to the nurse they asks me what I happened. I didn’t know what they meant and then they asked me who gave me the bruises. I told them my dad. I don’t think I was supposed to say that because they got really mad. I don’t want to get in trouble again so I’m not telling anyone else.
I’m not going to write in here a lot anymore.
Emily
I put the journal back in the box and took out a photo album. It was filled with pictures of me, Kevin and Hayley. It started from when we were babies all the way through high school. As I flipped through book I gave smiles and even small chuckles as the memories flooded back. I thought I didn’t want the memories from my childhood but as I looked, I found it refreshing.
I saw how I changed so much. I started out as a beach blonde baby to a sandy brown, pony tail, dirty and messy kid and later to a brown long haired, thinned out teenager. Most of the pictures were taken at Kevin’s house. I’d even spent several Christmases with them. The pictures thinned out around my middle school phases and mostly it was just me and my friends, no family. I flipped to my graduations pictures. I remember I called my dad countless times to the number he left, but he never answered so he never showed up. So in my picture, George was on my right and Jane was on my left, and my crack head mom was on the left of Jane.
I looked through all my photo albums and pulled out the journals I flipped through and read every single entry. The first one was pretty much a documentary of my life, because I didn’t haven anything to say. The second journal was a documentary too, but I wrote about my dad and how I had noticed how different he was than others. The third journal actually brought tears to my eyes and blurred my vision. I was in middle school and even though I didn’t write as much during these times, it was heart wrenching. I wrote about every detail, every bruise, and cut and every tear my dad caused me.
September 2, 2001
Hayley has officially left me. I miss her sooooo much. I don’t really know what to do without her, she was the one I talked to all the time. Kevin is still here though! We finished our tree house in the backyard and I’m going to keep my journals in there because I’m sure my dad will find them here soon.
My dad is getting scary. I’m terrified of him. He picked me up drunk today from school and Kevin was with, he was swerving all over the road and we almost got in a crash for the third time this week. Why is it that cops catch you when you’re innocent?
If that wasn’t enough to freak me shitless, my mom came home drunk from the bar tonight and she smashed my guitar. I don’t know how to cope anymore.
I can feel my leg gushing blood right now under all the bandages. I was in the office writing a paper for English and my dad yelled at me. He took the computer monitor and threw it into the wall. I flinched and shrank into the corner, hoping to sneak away. No such luck. He yanked on the back of my hoodie and it started choking me and he slammed me on the wall, where he slam crashed the computer screen.
I blacked out for a second when my head hit the wall but I woke up quickly as I was falling to the ground. As soon as I hit the ground I felt a searing pain in my leg. I felt like I could hear my skin ripping and every nerve in my body scream, even though I didn’t even let out a whimper because I was in complete shock. I looked down and saw the monitor screen glass lodged in my leg. It was deep down in the inside of my thigh and a puddle of blood had already started to pool around me.
All my dad said was I better clean it up. I groaned in pain every time I moved my body but I sucked up the pain and dragged myself so I could reach the chord of the phone and pull it down to the floor so I could call Kevin. After I called him, I tried pulling the glass out of my leg. I got it out and even more blood came out, my shirt was covered now and it smelled of salty blood all over. The piece of glass was three inches wide and five inches long and it was at a sharp point at the end, where it went in my leg.
After Kevin cleaned the office up for me, we got my leg bandaged and went to my room. My body aches of bruises from landing on the computer monitor and I can’t move. I have to go to school in five hours. I love Kevin, I don’t know what I’d do without him.
I’m going to start writing poetry.
E motional
M iserable
I solated
L ifeless
Y earning....
Surprisingly I remembered every single thing that I wrote about, especially the computer incident. I pulled down my sweat pants and looked at my four inch scar that ran up on the inside of my right thigh and shivered. The fourth journal was a little more cheery, it was happier because my dad had moved out.
I sat in that exact spot the rest of the night and looked through my box of memories.
I was so overly tired my eyes were glued open and by four in the morning I couldn’t even think about going to bed and in no time at all the sun was rising and morning was approaching.
I packed all my recollections up in the same feeble ‘book’ box and closed the scrawny flaps and returned the box under my bed, save for another day. I lay down on the floor on my back and watched my ceiling fan go round. I thought about all my six journals, four of them filled with entries, the other two made up of my amateur lyrics and poems. I thought about my pictures and papers and all my statues and memory books, it was stimulating, but yet I didn’t want to think about it.
Jane called. She was my mother, I called her mama when I was little. She was the only parental figure I had in my life and I’d been a bitch to her. When I got an apartment her in Las Vegas, I thought I could forget about the people back there, but after looking through all my memories I wasn’t sure I could just leave those special people behind.
I jumped when I heard the toilet flush. Hayley must have been up, so I picked myself up and adjusted my sweat pants and paint splattered t-shirt and opened my door.
The sight made me smile. Hayley had never gone to her room last night, she fell asleep out in the hallway. She had her back against the wall and she was slouched over with her head hanging limp. She was still in her jean shorts and tee from yesterday and her make-up was still on. I smiled down and I was bursting with love for her, because she was the loyalist friends anyone could ever have.
I left the hallway and saw Jon and Cassie sleeping on the couch, cuddled together, both of them with a faint smile on their face. I gushed at how cute they looked, with Jon’s bed hair sticking out all over and Cassie’s faint snore, they were perfect.
I went to the kitchen for some cereal and found Spencer sitting at the table. I never got how these boys got in our apartment!
“Emily,” he breathed out a sigh of relief.
“Yeah, hey, Spence.” I grabbed the milk and poured it into my bowl of Froot Loops.
“You okay?”
“Well you know…”
“Wanna talk?”
I actually considered it. Spencer is a really good listener and I knew he would have really good advice for me. “Honestly? Not really. I just… I don’t know how to say it… came to terms with myself?”
“Yeah, I know what your saying,” he smiled and gave me one of his awesome hugs and I yawned involuntarily. “You should go back to bed, it’s early.”
“Actually I didn’t sleep at all.”
“Well, I have to go meet Haley at the airport, wanna come?”
“No I’m just going to hang out around here today.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later, Nickel!”
I laughed at the nickname, “Thanks for stopping! Talk to you, Smithy!”
---
I took my cereal out to the dining table. It was full of stacks of papers and boxes, mail, books, dishes and clothes. I cleaned off a little clearing so I could set my bowl down and opened the laptop. I took bites of my cereal slowly, savoring each bite and chewing like a snail while I scrolled through my E-mail.
After looking through my 308 E-mails, most of them in which I deleted, I got bored, so I got a blanket and a pillow from Hayley and tucked her in in the hallway because I didn’t think I could lift her to her bed.
I changed into my running shorts, but I wasn’t going to run. I fished out some yellow cleaning gloves from under the sink and pulled up my stringy hair into a pony tail and got to work.
I scrubbed every inch of the apartment from sweeping the ceiling to scrubbing our garbage can and Windexing the doorknobs.
By two-o-clock my fingertips were wrinkled like prunes and my hair was falling in my face.
“What up Fat Cat?”
“Hey Ducky,” I answered, continuing to scrub away at a plate in the sink.
“Will you throw me that bagel?” I tossed the blueberry bagel at her and it hit her straight in the forehead and dropped to the ground.
“I’m pretty sure I’m safe to eat this,” she joked picking the bagel up and starting to butter it, “speaking of which, how long have you been cleaning this dump, Em? The bleach smell is so strong it’s burning my itty bitty nose hairs!”
“I don’t know, like six maybe?”
“God Emily! Are you crazy?”
I slipped off my gloves and put down my sponge, “Actually, I think I might be, Hayls. I’ve never cleaned this much in my life!”
“Mmhmm,” she replied, enjoying her bagel.
“I’m going to go get ready,” I muttered. I came up behind her and gave her a hug while she sat in the chair. “I love you, Straw-ley,” I whispered, referring to last night.
“Ceaselessly,” she added and held out her fist and I knocked knuckles with her and left to the bathroom.
“Morning, Love Birds,” I said as I walked past the couch where Jon and Cassie and just woken up.
I threw on my black polo right before I walked into Gilly’s. I got ready early for work early and decided to walk to work, it was hot and steamy as I walked and being in black pants wasn’t the best of ideas, but it was nice to go on a long walk.
“Hey Kevin,” I replied tiredly.
“Hey Emily, not to be rude, but uh, you look horrible. What happened?”
“No sleep.”
“Ah,” he replied, giving the man at the bar his drink. I went back to the break room and lay down on the couch for a bit before my shift started. My phone started ringing.
“Hello?” I answered quickly after heaving myself up from my comfortableness on the couch.
“Hey,” Brendon answered in his soft charming voice.
I made me smile just hearing his voice, “Hey, Brenny.”
“How are we doing today? Better than last night I hope?”
“Hah, yeah.”
“Okay, well Spencer said you were quote, happy as a robin, unquote.”
“Yeah, uh, I guess I am…” I laughed, “Tired though, I just want to go home and sleep!”
“Oh, you’re working?”
“Yeahp. Speaking of work, I need to actually go and do it. So I’ll call you tomorrow, k?
“Tonight,” he affirmed.
“I get off at two tonight, Bren.”
“Still, call me k?” he sounded worried. I wasn’t really sure why but answered just the same.
“Yeah, will do. I’ll talk to you tonight!”
“Two-o-one sharp!”
I laughed, “Yeah sure, Bren. Bye-bye”
“Bye, Emily Michelle.”
“Bye, Brendon Boyd.”
“What can I get you sir?” I asked the man who came and sat down at the counter.
“Just a good cold beer,” he sounded exhausted, just like me.
“Thanks,” he muttered after I handed him the big glass. He downed it in less than five seconds and I went to get him another one. As I handed him the next one the newcomer next to him spoke up.
“Excuse me, I’ll take a scotch on the rocks, no ice? Thanks.”
“Ha. Ha.” I leaned over and gave him a smooch on the lips, “Hi.”
“Hola Emilia,” he said smiling. His teeth looked extra white in the dimly lit bar and his dark eyes sparkled.
“What are you doing here? I still have four hours you know.”
“Well I was going to come in four hours to drive you home, but then I thought to myself, self I said ‘Emily hasn’t slept in over 24 hours and she is surrounded by a bunch of drunken guys, she’ll probably be dying’.”
“Hmm,” I amused, “That was very thoughtful of you. Suck up.” I tapped his nose.
“Yeah well. So where is this Koly guy you speak of?”
“It’s Kyle. And he--”
“At your service, what can I get you sir?” Brendon mulled over him and leant back a little.
“Yeah, you see Emily here, she--”
“He doesn’t need anything. He’s not here for anything.”
“Ahem! Emily,” Brendon acted uppity, “I wanted a drink.”
“Yeah, scotch on the rocks, no ice. I remember,” I replied sarcastically. Kyle gave a stiff laugh. “Kyle, Brendon. Brendon, Kyle.” They shook hands.
“So this is your hot date?” Kyle asked.
“Awe, you said that about me?”
“No. Actually he said it. But you are cute!” I patted the top of his head.
“Oh.” Brendon looked at a loss for words. “So Kyle. Ky. KyKy. The Kyler. Does anyone call you Kyser?”
“Like Keiser? Yeah. It’s a whole separate name apart from Kyle,” he replied antagonistic, with teeth clenched.
“Hmm, right. Well Ky,--”
“I go by Kyle.”
“Right. Okay Kyle, Emily here, hasn’t slept in two days, so would you mind if I take her home early?”
Kyle, still a little unfriendly to Brendon, softened his face, “I’m really not the one who can decide that.”
“Well actually,” I started, “You are the person with the most power working here tonight…”
“It’s just, I’m worried about her,” Brendon said, acting like a kiss ass. If he wanted to take it one step higher he could have batted his eyelashes. “She has to walk here or get a cab to get home. So I just want to make sure she gets home safely.”
“You didn’t tell me that,” Kyle said, turning to me.
“Yeah, well. It’s never been a problem.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Don’t worry, Brendon, I can take her home for you.”
“I’m not a ‘thing’, I’m a human being! And I’m standing right here,” They both ignored me and I gave a frustrated sigh and went to go help the waiting costumers. I didn’t want to see where this scuffle would lead to.
“I’m on my way to her place either way, and it would just be easier like this,” Brendon replied stiffly, the tension rising. I didn’t hear the rest because I immersed myself in my work and got drinks for everyone, managing the bar by myself.
I helped countless people and Brendon was still there, talking to Kyle, so I went over to see what they were talking about.
Brendon was arguing with Kyle, “Look Buddy, why don’t you just let her get off early, she’s going through a rough time right now.”
“I told you once, I told you twice, I’ll tell you as many times as you need, I would love to let Emily off early! I can tell she’s tired, but if our boss found out--”
“Kyle!” I was getting irritated. I hadn’t eaten since morning, I’d been up for over 48 hours and I just wanted to get home. “Please?” I pleaded.
“Emily,” he said softly, “I just can’t.”
“You’re such a girl,” I scoffed. “Hey, do you have the sign up sheet with you?”
“Sign up? For what?”
“The cookies. I’ll take two Thin Mints and a Carmel Delight.”
“Ha. Ha.”
I lifted up the counter and went to the break room, got my things, headed out the front and took Brendon’s hand in mine. “See you later, Girl Scout.” I waved innocently and Brendon nodded at him and we left.
“Nice one,” Brendon nudged me with his elbow. When we made it to the curb where his car was parked, he swept me off my feet and held me bridal style. He opened the passenger door and set me in vigilantly.
On the car ride home, the darkness sang me to sleep while the car drove silently through the noisy streets. We arrived at Brendon’s apartment and my eyes were heavy. Before I could open them fully and take in where I was, Brendon was already at my side, picking me up just as he did before.
He carried me in his house and up the stairs into his room. By the time we got in the doorway to his room, I was asleep with my head resting on his shoulder. He set me down on his bed and slipped of my shoes so he could tuck me in. He kissed my forehead and climbed in beside me and wrapped his arms around my waste and fell asleep.