You Only Get One Shot Do Not Miss Your Chance to Blow

“Brendon!”

“Brendon! Dear!”

“Brendon’s here!”

“Bren!” Everyone yelled and cheers errupted when we walked in the Urie’s house.

“Hey everyone,” he answered back instantly, using his dashing smile. I looked around consciously, seeing the summer dress Hayley borrowed me was right for the dinner.

“Oh Emily! It’s so nice to see you again!” Brendon’s mother greeted me and pulled me into a tight hug, which was a little awkward considering Brendon was still grasping onto my hand.

“It’s nice to see you too, Mrs. Urie.”

“Oh please! Call me Grace! I insist!”

I laughed, a little too forced, “Alright.”

“Everyone!” Mrs. Urie stood up on a chair, to make her tiny little self be seen and heard, “Everyone!” She yelled again, trying to be heard over the family’s laughs and greeting from their hyperactive rock star, “This is--”

“Mom, I can introduce her,” Brendon proudly cut in. She looked down at him dumbfounded, but then agreed to let her son take over.

Brendon didn’t stand on a chair, he was easy enough to hear. “Everyone, this is my girlfriend, Emily.” One person snickered, but was smacked in the head by Mr. Urie and hushed up. “She moved here about six months ago and she, well I don’t really know what else to except that she is absolutely beautiful,” he smiled down at me.

I waved at everyone, “Hello.” Partly, because their big eyes were all turned on me, and also Brendon and I hadn’t talked that much over the past week since my freak out, and every time we did, it was awkward. We didn’t know how to act around each other, but of course since Brendon’s family just met me, they had no idea.

Brendon led me to the kitchen to get something to drink, and as I passed I heard Mrs. Urie talking to her husband, “I just knew they would get together! What did I tell you, Boyd. I knew it.” We mingled around the house, Brendon was the center of attention, not because he was famous, but because he was the most outgoing and chatty, and of course missed.

He introduced me thoroughly to a couple of his aunts that were there and some of his cousins. They were all very welcoming and nice and they seemed to approved of me. “This is my big brudder, Mason.” He pointed to a muscular man, just as tall as Brendon. I recognized him as the one who snickered at Brendon.

“Hi!”

“Hey,” he answered back. “So that’s the best you could do huh? Brendon?” He smiled as he talked, reassuring me that he wasn’t serious.

“I guess so,” I replied back, going along with the joke. “Emily,” I held out my hand.

“Mason,” he returned in the same, and then he turned to Brendon and started giving him a noogie. I laughed and walked around more to meet others.

“Hey, Kara!” I greeted, knowing her from a while back.

“Hey, Em,” she gave me a tight squeeze. “Oh, have you met Mikey yet?” I raised an eyebrow at her. “Come on,” she waved me to follow her. We walked into the dinning room where some little kids were playing with each other. Brendon’s nieces and nephews, I was guessing. “This is Mikey,” she said pointing to a little boy playing with a truck, “And that’s Kennedy,” she added gesturing to a little girl by the blocks.

“Oh cute! How old are they?” I bent down and sat Indian style next to Mikey.

“Seven and two,” she smiled, humbly

“My birthday is in five days,” Mikey said proudly.

“Oh yeah? How is your summer? What grade were you in? Third?” I mostly hung out in the room with the kids, playing and talking to all of them. The Uries sure did have a big family. Once in a while I would here a burst of laughter from the other rooms, knowing Brendon cracked a joke.

I didn’t mind not spending time with him, and I would have to admit I was sort of avoiding him. I didn’t want to talk to him about the dreams I was having or what Jon had said to me, but I know I will. After I painted his house, I think he expects me to open up to him now. I wish he would understand how hard it is for me. I think part of him does, but the other part ignores it and presses me.

“Next Sunday we are having a birthday party for Mikey,” Michael, Kara’s husband, said as the table was being cleared of our dinner. We were all gathered into kitchen, it was so crowded, and we were shoulder to shoulder along the cupboards.

“Yes! I love parties!” Kyla, Brendon’s other sister, cheered, with enthusiasm like Brendon’s.

“Sunday at one, we will--” He was cut off by the doorbell.

“I’ll get it!” Mason thundered as he ran to the door. “Look who stopped by!” He hailed as he ushered the two well-known guests to the kitchen, where most people were cleaning up.

“Spencer!” Mrs. Urie cheered, and went over to welcome him and Haley.

“Oh, I didn’t know that everyone was here! Sorry, Grace, I just dropped by to visit, but we can come back another time,” Spencer said innocently. But Brendon just rolled his eyes. Spencer knew perfectly well that the Uries were having dinner, Brendon told him.

I giggled; Spencer would do anything to get a good warm meal. Haley and Spencer greeted everyone with hugs and handshakes, obviously part of the family. “No stay!” Brendon’s other brother, Matt, hollered. “We love Spencer and Haley!” There were loud cheers in agreement, so the night stretched on longer.

“Where are Ryan and Jon?” Brendon’s father pressed. I was actually wondering the same thing; those four boys were inseparable. It was obvious that Brendon’s family loved the Panic boys.

“So, when can we expect to see Panic again?” Brendon’s aunt asked, as we were all now sitting in the living room, scrounging for a place to sit. Brendon and I were on the couch, with three others, squished together. I cringed, I had forgotten about how fast time was moving, sooner or later the boys would have to go on tour again, right?

“Well,” Brendon started, “We aren’t planning on touring anytime soon,” I was relieved, my stomach unwound and I scooted a little closer to Brendon. “But, we do have a couple festivals coming up, we are so stoked!” I tightened up, and I knew Brendon felt it too, because he stumbled on his words, which he rarely does.

“Y-You’re going away?” I looked up at him, and he looked back at me, his smile fading.

“Well, yeah Emmy, we can’t hide out in Vegas forever,” he said softly. I fought back the urge to say something else, I didn’t want to start anything here. He knew that too, so he continued. “I think next month… But yeah, we aren’t touring until we get this next album finished.”

“How’s that going?” someone else asked.

“We actually got it almost done, but we didn’t agree on the sound, so we threw it out,” I was taken aback on this too, Brendon never told me this. Unless it was a recent decision, which I doubt it because otherwise he wouldn’t have told his family until he was sure about his decision, which meant he must have made the decision at least two weeks ago.

I felt hurt. Was I the only one? Did Hayley know about this? Did Ryan tell her important stuff like that or was she left in the dark too? Haley didn’t looked fazed, sitting by Spencer, when she heard the news. All I wanted to do was leave; Brendon and I had had tension between us the whole night and this wasn’t helping, not that anyone noticed, except Haley when she came. She gave me a questioning look, but I smiled to reassure her.

Now I wish I hadn’t, maybe I should have excused myself earlier, but if I did, maybe I wouldn’t have even found this stuff out, when had he planned on telling me?. I was shaken up, but I didn’t let it show. I took a sip of my drink.

“We’re actually leaving in a little bit, we’re going to go up to this cabin and spend some time there to write. I think Ryan thinks that Vegas is too much of a distraction,” Brendon continued to babble on, either not noticing or not acknowledging my discomfort.

Brendon continued to talk about the band and I envied how he was so open to his family but didn’t tell me any of these things. Spencer would steal a few glances at me, to see how I reacted to some of the stuff. Honestly, I thought I knew almost everything about him, but I found out I knew hardly anything.

Yes, I knew the endings to all his stories and the punch lines to his jokes, but his band? I knew nothing. I finally felt tiredness hit me. I glanced at the clock, it was almost midnight.

“I’m sorry guys, I have to get going, it’s getting late,” I smiled, scooting my butt out of it’s place on the filled couch. Everyone whined. Brendon stood up and followed me. I went around hugging and kissing people goodbye. I slipped on my yellow shoes and Brendon did the same with his shoes. “Oh you don’t have to come with me, Brenny, stay and talk some more, I’ll be fine,” I assured him. That actually was the truth, I felt bad he didn’t get to see his family more, and seeing how much he loved them, made me feel a little worse for leaving.

“No, I want to go with you,” he insisted.

“But, you should--” he cut me off with a peck.

“Doesn’t matter,” he said using his soft voice. I smiled at him. He took my hand in his and went to the living room to give one last big goodbye to everyone.

“Bye Mom, bye Dad,” he gave his mother a kiss and his dad a manly embrace.

“It was good to see you, Son.”

“You’re coming to my party, right Uncle B?”

“Of course, squirt!” he ruffled Mikey’s hair.

“You too, Aunty Em?” I laughed at my name. Brendon tried to correct him, but I didn’t let him.

“I’ll try Bud, I might be working though,” I pouted for him, “But I hope so!”

“Nahh!”

“Come on!”

“No! You have to!” Came a round of hoots, saying I had to come to the party.

I genuinely laughed, “I’ll see what I can do! Bye everyone!”

A chorus of goodbyes came out as we left Brendon’s parent’s house. But when we got into Bren’s car, the show we were putting on for everyone disappeared. The awkwardness came back and we were silent the whole way home.

We arrived at my apartment and I knew one of us had to say something. “You looked very pretty today,” Brendon whispered as he took in my dress and stroked my unusual wavy hair.

“Thanks,” I smiled in the darkness. “I like your family, they are very nice.”

“That’s good, because they are in love with you,” he chuckled lightly.

I laughed stiffly, “Really?”

“Really.” We sat silent in the dark some more.

I finally broke after a couple of minutes, “So why didn’t you tell me?”

“Em, I--”

“Don’t make up an excuse, just tell me the truth. I’m tired of lies, I’ve heard them my whole life. When are you leaving for the festival? Where is it? How long is it?” He looked down at his thumbs. “What happened to your album? All your hard work?” He continued to stare at his hands in his lap. “You’re going to a cabin? How long? What for? With who? Where?” He kept his head down and looked over at me threw the side of his eye. “I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but I thought we were clear on you know, telling each other things.”

“Em, I was going to but--”

“But what? I was hurt, Brendon! So hurt! Hurt that I put all my effort in trying to make this relationship work. I’ve stayed up nights, pondering how to fix my problems. Then I do, and you act like it didn’t mean a thing! I know I’m not the easiest person to keep up with. I get that. But, you, you haven’t talked to me. I found out that you’re leaving because you were talking to your aunt that you barely see once a year. I found out that you threw away your work while you talked to your brother that comes back to Vegas only once or twice a year.

“I don’t want to be that clingy girlfriend. In fact, I hate that. It’s the absolute most annoying thing; to watch those idiot girls rely on a boy that hardly cares as much as they think.

“I’ve seen that happen and it disgusts me. I’m not going to change who I am for you Brendon, but I will fix my personality flaws to help us. But I don’t want to change them if you aren’t willing to help.”

I stared at Brendon, thinking that maybe if I glared at him long enough, his brown eyes would look up. But they didn’t. I scoffed and started to get out. “Good night, Brendon.”

“Em, wait, he pulled my arm, yanking me back in the car. “You don’t think I wanted to tell you?!” He was glaring at me. “I did! I was going to tell you two months ago!”

“Then why didn’t you?!”

“Because! For fuck’s sake! Don’t you understand?! You think you’re this unbreakable thing. You go around like, like nothing bothers you and nothing that anyone says will faze you! News flash, Em, you’re not. You are the complete opposite! You let people hurt you and you take it, until it’s bottled up and you can’t hold it in anymore!”

I turned to him and sat cross legged with my back against the car door, “What do you mean.”

He exhaled in frustration, “Okay, don’t you remember that brunch he had a while back? When Cassie was still here? You were all buddy buddy with Jon before that, but then when he sat by you, you cracked! You couldn’t handle it. Look Em, I know you’re strong. Hell, I don’t know how you handle you’re shitty family, but you have to sometimes realize that you can’t handle it all. You might have been able to when you were in high school, or when you were surrounded with your friends back home, but you can’t anymore.

“Jon is here. He is here! Your brother! Does that not register in your head?! Jon. Jon! He is your family! Stop saying you don’t have a family! You do! And it’s right in from of your goddamn beautiful face!”

I sat there with teeth clenched. “You. Don’t. Know. How. Hard. It. Is.”

“I sure as hell don’t! And you know why? Because you don’t talk to me!! What the fuck was that last week?! Why don’t you tell me about that?! How am I supposed to tell you stuff, when you don’t tell things to me.”

“I’m trying!!”

“I know! But let me help you try! Why do you feel like you have to do this on your own?! I’m here! Ryan’s here! Spencer’s here! Hayley’s here! Jon’s here! Talk!”

“I can’t do this right now,” I said in disgust, and started opening the door again.

Brendon laughed meanly, “Of course, walk away. Walk away when you are forced to open up. I get it.” He shook his head his head, “God. I can’t believe I thought this would work.”

I froze with one leg out of his fancy car, “W-W-What?”

“Nothing,” he breathed angrily, putting his car back into gear.

“No. What are you saying?” I looked him straight in the eyes. This time I didn’t let his eyes melt me.

“You know what I’m saying.” He spat back, I think my heart skipped a beat.

“Y-You?” I was at a loss for words.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, Emily.”

I stepped out on the curb in a daze. Instead of walking me to my door, he sped off into the busy streets. My chest was twisted so much it hurt. Maybe it was my heart breaking, I couldn’t tell.