You Only Get One Shot Do Not Miss Your Chance to Blow

“We’ll be home soon,” I heard Brendon’s closing voice through the voicemail, but the reception was so bad that I could barely make out what he was saying.

“Did you hear that Dylan?! Did you hear?! Did ya?! Daddy’s going to be home! Yes he is! Yes!” I ruffled her ears and she barked with her tail wagging insistently. I filled up her food dish and refilled her water, doing my regular chores around Brendon’s house since he was gone for almost a month.

It had been very lonely, I had to admit. I think him being away made me realize something; I was too attached to Brendon. The more I see him, the more I find myself having to remind me that I can’t rely on him or get to involved with him. I need to rebuild that wall that was ever so strong when we first started dating.

But everyday, I found myself at his house feeding his dog and taking her out on walks. I had to admit, I loved what I was. I had reinvented myself. Vegas was my new home and that was the one thing I was actually allowing myself be in love with. My job was going great, and at the rate I was making money I could put myself in college by the winter semesters.

Hayley wasn’t around much anymore. She was usually out with Ryan or working, but mostly with Ryan. Because she didn’t want to be in Vegas while Ryan was gone, she took the opportunity and traveled out to South Carolina to live with her loaded father for a while. She offered that I come too, but I refused. I didn’t want to admit, but I was really getting excited for the college thing, so Chris, who was becoming more apparent in my life more and more, and I hung out around Vegas. We went to movies, out to dinner and meandered around the busy streets almost every night together.

“So when do I get to meet this guy you’ve been talking about?” I asked Chris as we were sucking down our smoothies outside a department store near by her house.

“Well… I don’t know!” She chewed on her big red straw that contrasted with her bright neon orange smoothie. “I really hope you like him…”

“I’m sure I will, Chris, why wouldn’t I?” I smiled and she flicked her straw wrapper ofg the metal table and into the bushes.

“Yeah. I don’t know, I just haven’t dated anyone in a while, and I’m picky about guys and I really like him, and you’re like, one of my best friends and I really want you to like him too and--”

“Okay, okay! I got your point!” I inhaled a quick breath in surprise when I felt my cell phone vibrating against my leg. “Hello?”

“Emmy!”

“Bren!”

“Where are you? Where’s my dog?!”

“Oh yeah… I forgot to tell you. She ran away.” I actually sounded like I was telling the truth, but Brendon was far beyond knowing when I was being sarcastic now.

“Damn.” I threw my empty cup in the garbage and with Dylan’s leash in my other hand, Chris and I started walked down the sidewalk. “But seriously, where is she? I miss her!”

“Oh wow, it’s nice to know I’m appreciated!” I laughed and even let out a snort accidently because I had tripped over my own flip flop. That caused both Chris and Brendon to burst out laughing.

“You’re the best entertainment I could ever find! Man, I wish I could have seen your face and I don’t even know what is happening!”

“Shut up.”

“Fine.” I exhaled irritated. Every time I said that, he actually did stop talking. One time he was quiet for the whole day and it drove me up the walls.

“I’m not starting this now!” I joked, “I’ll see you in a bit! Bye!” I didn’t get an answer so I flipped my phone shut.

“Off to daddy’s house!” I yelled to Dylan, and we all started running down the street.

---

“Honey, I’m home!!”

“Emmy!” Brendon came bounding at me. When he reached me he swallowed me up in his arms and started swinging me around. I soaked in his cozy, bubblegum smell, the firmness of his arms around me, his comforting warmth, his contagious laugh, his uneven breaths and his lips, once they had found mine.

I was still swinging around when we heard yipping. Brendon set me down and we both looked towards our feet.

“Hi baby!” Brendon cooed. He ruffled Dylan’s ears and engulfed her in his arms. Her tail wouldn’t stop wagging and her tongue hung out as her skinny frame danced around Brendon in joy. “Oh my two sweethearts!” I blushed at the name, but welcomed the big hug for the two of us.

“Do I hear woman voices?” I heard a deep voice come from a neighboring room.

“Spencer!” I skipped and accepted his one-of-a-kind hugs as he turned the corner into the entryway.

“Hey Chris!” He pulled her into the hug as well. We were all smiles as we talked about the cabin they were at for the past month writing songs. Well, we could only hope.

“Where are Ryan and Jon?” Chris asked.

“They are picking up Hayls from the airport.”

“What?!” I said happily. “Hayley is back?!” Brendon was going to answer me yes, but I was already bounding out the door.

---

“Why are we doing this again?” Ryan asked in a bored, monotone voice.

“Because!” Cassie scolded. “Emily was going to go out tonight, but we all want to hang out so we are coming with. Stop asking questions and be polite!”

“Yes mom.” Jon groaned, but after earning a threatening glare, he shut up.

“Shh, shh! We’re here,” Hayley whispered loudly, motioning with her hands for everyone to be quiet. I self-consciously ran my hands down my pant lets, straightening them out and the rest of the girls did something to try and make sure their appearance was acceptable.

The big group of us approached Chris and her boyfriend. He was very handsome; blue eyes that matched Chris’ full of life ones and clean cut, brown hair that had a little gel in it. He was tall, probably 6’ 1” and I could already tell he fit Chris’ spunk too.

“Hey guys!” Chris said as we drew nearer.

“Hey Chrissy!” Jon said happily. “Long time no see!”

“Uh… you were at the airport. So I didn’t see you at Brendon’s?” Chris looked at him confused.

“Yeah. I know! Hence the reason I said it. Duh.”

I laughed at his remark and went to hug Chris. “Okay guys, this is my boyfriend. Marvin.”

I felt Brendon’s stomach tighten up as I leaned against him lightly and I knew he was trying to hold in his smile, along with the other three immature monkeys, so I elbowed him in the stomach. “It’s nice to meet you Marvin,” I smiled. “There are a lot of people, so don’t try and remember all of their names, but this is Brendon. And that’s Spencer and his girlfriend Haley. That’s Ryan over there with the weird shirt on (that caused him to scowl) and his obsession, Hayley (and that made them both scowl), and this is Jon and his girlfriend Cassie.” I stepped back into Brendon. “Oh, and I’m Emily.” Everyone went and shook is hand. After mingling outside for a while we finally decided to go in and have our dinner.

---

“See, it wasn’t that bad!” I said as Brendon and I entered his house.

“Fine, fine. You’re right, but I still would’ve rather spent my first day back with you,” he fake pouted and came at me with zombie arms and stiff zombie legs.

“Well,” I entered his “trap” and hugged him back, resting my head on his chest, “we have the rest of the night together.” I kept my head on his shirt and listened to his heart beat as we rocked back and forth slightly.

It was so nice to be able to feel his arms around me, and to physically touch him and feel the contact of our skin, and not just imagine it. I didn’t have to smell his sweatshirts to try to reminisce about his scent or fall asleep to see him in my dreams, that were surprisingly pleasant now a days. Like I said before, I had reinvented myself and I was happy with where I was.

Brendon sang an unfamiliar tune as he rested on his bed, so I kicked my shoes off and crawled up next him. “Is that one of your new songs?” I asked him quietly as we lay on top of the covers with the lights off and reruns of That 70’s Show playing on mute in the background.

“Mmhmm,” he mumbled, almost like he was falling asleep.

“It’s pretty,” I whispered back.

“Thanks,” he whispered back even quieter. We laid there in silence for a bit and Brendon ran his thumb over the scar he named “fishhook” as we did. “You know, we’re going to be playing it…for people.”

I crunched my eyebrows together. Of course he was going to. He was a musician. “I know,” I whispered back.

“Like, out of town.” I blinked slowly, trying to figure out why he was being so sketchy.

“Yeah.” We went back to our comfortable silence. “When are you releasing your new album?”

“Late winter, early spring,” he said in a low voice.

I stayed silent for a second, “So… then that means tour in…--”

“Late winter.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” He kept tracing my scar, making my eyes feel droopy. Brendon laid his head on top of mine and I felt his breathing get softer. I thought he had fallen asleep but he whispered out. “I missed you. A lot.”

I opened my eyes a sliver and thought about my answer. I could pretend that I was asleep, and not think about admitting that I was dependent on him. Or I could deny the fact that my number one motto was at its demise. “I missed you too, Bren. A lot.”

Or I could do neither.