Take a Breath and Hold On Tight
"You Picked John."
I hadn’t even stepped into the house for a full minute, before Libby grabbed my arm, dragging me upstairs, and into her room. She shut the door and crossed her arms over her chest, smirking. I furrowed my brows together.
“What?” I asked.
She wriggled her eyebrows. “So … John, huh?”
“What about John?”
She laughed. “Oh, Harper, you’re so adorably innocent.” She sighed and sat down on her bed, pulling me down as well. “I mean, you picked John.”
“Picked?” I looked at her. “I didn’t ‘pick’ John.”
She rolled her eyes. “The boy’s incredibly gorgeous, Harp. It’s okay to admit that you like him.”
I felt my eyes widen and I stood up, my face feeling like it was on fire. “I do not like him, Libby. For goodness sakes, I barely know him.”
“Well, you two sure have been spending a lot of time together.”
I rolled my eyes. “We’ve only hung out a couple of times, Libby. That doesn’t classify as a lot.”
She smiled and fell onto her back, looking at her ceiling. “Whatever. I’m sort of glad that you picked him; he’s incredibly sweet and I know that he won’t hurt you, because he knows what will happen to him if he does.” She rolled her head, looking at me. “I was getting sick of Rory, anyway.”
“Libby, look, I really don’t like John. I mean, it’s nothing against him, it’s just … like I said before, I don’t know him.”
She sighed. “Harper, you may not realize it, but you blush like bloody hell whenever he’s around, and he made you laugh. I haven’t even gotten that far.” The happy expression from her face fell, and I suddenly felt guilty.
“Libby … I’m sorry,” I told her.
Her eyes widened. “Oh, please, Harper, you have nothing to apologize for.”
I nodded my head. “Well, I’m gunna go to my room and lay down. I’m kinda tired.”
She eyed me warily. “What were you doing at John’s house?”
I couldn’t help but to laugh a little. “We just talked. I, um … I told him about Levy,” I whispered the latter.
She immediately sat up straight and her eyes widened. “You did!?”
“Well … sort of. He started talking to me about his brothers, and then he asked me if I had any siblings, and … I kinda blew up on him. I didn’t mean to, but it’s still … hard for me.”
She nodded her head and a glum expression decorated her face. “I understand, Harper. I mean, I know that we’ve never been close, but I was sort of hoping that this summer could change that. The last time I saw you was … at the funeral, and I don’t want to have that distance between us anymore.”
I could feel my eyes pricking with tears. “Yeah … I’d like for that to change, too.”
She gave me a smile. “Well, you go ahead and lay down. I should probably rest up, too.”
I arched my brows. “Why?”
“Rory’s having a house party tonight, and as much as I loathe the girl, she always has the best alcohol supply.”
I nodded my head. “Oh, okay. Well, have fun, Libby.”
She smirked. “Oh, I will.”
I stared at her for a moment, confused by the smirk on her face, but turned around and eventually walked to my room. I shut the door and let out a long sigh. I looked to my bed and saw that The Great Gatsby was still overturned on my comforter. I grabbed it, bookmarked my page, and set it back in my drawer. I reached for the lower drawer handle and grabbed Levy’s notebook. It had been a few days since I read an entry. I sat on my bed, and criss-crossed my legs, the notebook lying in front of me. I flipped it open to the new entry and inhaled a sharp breath of air, before beginning to read.
September 18th, 2008
I took off today. I felt bad for leaving Harper alone with my parents, with them acting the way they were, but I needed to get away. I drove for a solid two hours, before stopping at a local coffee shop. I’ve never really cared for coffee, but I’ve always heard cafe's were a good place to go when you need to think. After some ten minutes, and still feeling upset, I got up, ready to leave, until I saw a set of brown eyes staring at me. I didn’t know what to do. I had never been in that situation before. But, he came over to me, and we started talking. Dalton. He told me his name was Dalton, and it’s the single most beautiful name I have ever heard. He listened to everything I had to say, without judging me. For the first time in a long time, I felt relieved. We exchanged numbers, and to be quite honest, I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’ve never … been in an actual relationship with a guy, and it’s still something I’m trying to wrap my head around. Either way, I’m thankful for Dalton.
My eyes trailed up to the ceiling, and I tried to think if I had ever heard Levy mention anything about a Dalton; he hadn’t. At least, I couldn’t recall any mentioning of the name. I licked my dry lips and shut the spiral close, placing it back in the drawer. I stretched my legs out, fully lying down, and laid my head on my pillow. I had never thought of my brother being in a relationship with anyone; he never seemed to be interested in anyone.
And for some reason, this made me think of John. Up until Libby had mentioned it, I’d never really thought of John in that way. Sure, he made me blush, but that was nothing unusual for me. I couldn’t deny the fact that he was attractive, because he was completely gorgeous. Even if I had never taken much interest in the opposite sex, or relationships, I wasn’t blind to that fact.
I closed my eyes and let out a yawn. I pushed all thoughts of John to the back of my mind, and lulled myself to sleep.
__________________________________________________________
“Wake up, sunshine,” someone cooed over my ear.
I opened my eyes and turned my head to the left, seeing Acey, Kelsi, and Libby standing over my bed. I yawned, sitting up and wiping my eyes.
“Get up! Up! Up! Up!” Libby urged, swatting at me.
“Why? Did something happen?” I asked, slightly worried.
She shook her head. “No, but we need to get you dressed.”
“And we’ve got exactly thirty minutes to get you ready,” Kelsi added.
I stared at them as if they were out of their minds. “Get dressed for what?”
“For the party!” Acey shouted.
I looked at Libby immediately. “Party? No. No, no, no.”
Libby sighed and jutted out her bottom lip. “Pretty please, Harper. We really want you to come, and Acey and Kelsi even went and bought you an outfit for tonight!”
I looked over at Kelsi, who had pulled out a dress from a plastic bag. “The color will look great on you, Harp,” she said.
I sighed. “Thank you Kelsi and Acey, but I really, really do not feel like going to a party.”
Acey scoffed. “Harp, you have to come, dude. Our group will be incomplete without you.”
I gave her a small smile. “Guys, really-“ before I could even finish my sentence, Libby and Acey had yanked me off the bed, and led me to Libby’s room. Kelsi sat me down at Libby’s vanity, and ordered me to close my eyes.
“What are you doing?” I asked her.
“I’m applying eyeliner to your lids,” she told me.
I felt a pair of hands in my hair, and stiffened. “Do you want curls?” Acey asked me.
I shrugged. “Does it really matter what I want?”
Libby gasped. “Did Harper just make a sarcastic comment?”
I heard Acey and Kelsi laugh, and I sighed. Kelsi continued to work on my make-up, whilst Acey worked on curling my hair. I had no clue as to what Libby was up to, as I couldn’t open my eyes.
When Kelsi finally felt satisfied with her work, she took a step back and allowed me to look in the mirror. “What do you think?”
I stared blankly into the mirror. She had applied a faint pink and brown eye-shadow to my eyes. With brown eyeliner, she had made a thin, straight line that curved slightly upwards near the end of my eyes, on my eyelids. My lashes look ten times longer than what they were naturally with the black mascara she had used. She had also used a light pink lipstick to color my lips. Like the previous party, where I had worn make-up for the first time, I loved the way I looked. "I love it."
“That’s what I was hoping to hear!” she squealed.
“Ahem.” Acey cleared her throat. “What about your hair?” I could see her hopeful expression behind me in the mirror.
My brunette hair hung in loose curls and my bangs were side-swept to the right. I looked at her and nodded my head, giving her a smile. “I love it, as well.”
She smirked. “I knew you would.”
Libby came into the room; I hadn’t noticed she had left. “Alright, is she ready to get dressed?”
“Yes, she is,” Kelsi answered.
Libby pulled me off the stool, and dragged me to the bathroom. “Alright, strip.”
I bit down on my bottom lip. “Can you … turn around?”
She laughed. “Fine, just hurry. We have like ten minutes before Garrett gets here.” She turned, facing the door, and let another laugh escape her lips.
I took off the shirt and capris I had been wearing, and grabbed the dress Libby had laid on the counter. The top half was a deep fuchsia color, while the bottom was a cream color, decorated with sailboats with the same pink color. “I’m done.”
She turned around and smiled. “Well look at you, beautiful. John’s going to keel over when he sees you.”
I gasped. “Is that why you did this? So I could impress John?!”
She smiled. “You can thank me later.”
“Libby,” I started, shaking my head, “I told you, I don’t see John in that way! This is ridiculous.”
She sighed. “Can you please just go along with it? You’re already dressed.”
I sighed and closed my eyes, feeling the tears start to collect. “Libby, I really, really don’t feel comfortable.”
She laid her hand on my shoulder. “Hey, hey, don’t cry, love. There’s no need for tears.”
I opened my eyes, suddenly seeing a double vision of Libby. “I can’t help it.”
She pulled me into her arms and rubbed her hands up and down my back. “You’ll be fine, Harper. You’ll have all of us, and I promise I won’t leave you alone this time, okay?” I nodded my head, saying nothing. “Now, stop crying; you’ll smear your make-up.”
I managed to let a small laugh escape my lips and Libby smiled. “I don’t have any shoes to go with the dress,” I mumbled.
She opened the door and walked into the room, coming back a minute later. “Here,” she said, holding out a pair of cream-colored flats.
“Thank you.”
She nodded her head. “Now, I’m gunna go get my shoes and then we’ll be out of here.”
I slid the flats onto my feet, trying to breathe all the while. For some reason, I had a gut feeling that tonight would end bad – just like the last party I had attended with Libby and the group. I didn’t know what was causing this feeling, but it was only causing me to feel nauseous with each passing minute.
________________________________________________________
“I spy someone with my little eye,” Libby whispered to me, as we entered Rory’s house.
I followed her gaze and saw that she was looking at John. I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Libby, shut up, please.”
She snickered and turned to Garrett. “Get me a drink, love?”
He nodded his head and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be right back, babe.” He disappeared into the crowded living room.
Libby then turned to me. “I’ll be right back. I have to … go see somebody, real quick.” She smiled and walked off.
I sighed, watching her leave.
“Harper, good to see you again!” Jared yelled, slinging his arm over my shoulder, a red cup already in hand.
I smiled. “It’s good to see you again, too.”
He smiled. “You look … beautiful.”
I felt myself blushing. “Thanks, Jared.”
“No problem.” He took a sip of his drink, and Acey appeared to my left.
“Are you gunna try drinking tonight?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Just one?” She jutted out her bottom lip.
I gave her a small smile. “I’m sorry, but I really don’t think it’s going to happen.”
“Oh, but it could!” Kelsi said, walking up to me with two cups in her hands. “Here.” She held one cup out to me.
I gave her a perplexed look. “Um … guys, really-“
“Kelsi, Acey, quit trying to peer pressure the girl,” Jared interjected.
Acey laughed. “It’s not peer pressure; it’s just trying something new.” Pat appeared behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Hey, babe.”
He kissed her temple and smiled. “Hey,” he paused and looked at us, “hey to you all, too.”
Jared laughed. “Pat, your girlfriend here is trying to poison our little Harper.”
He arched his brows. “How so?”
“We just think she should try at least one alcoholic drink, before completely writing it off,” Kelsi said.
Pat shrugged and looked at me. “Drink it if you want; if you don’t, don’t.”
“Thanks, Pat,” I told him softly.
He smiled and began whispering into Acey’s ear, causing her to grin. I turned away from them and looked at Kelsi.
“Where’s Kennedy?” Jared asked her.
“With John, talking about God knows what,” she stated, taking a sip of the cup in her right hand.
I stared at the cup in her left hand, biting down on my bottom lip. Maybe Kelsi and Acey had a point; I could at least give alcohol a try. I held my hand out, and Kelsi smirked, gladly handing me the cup. “Thanks.”
She nodded her head. “Don’t mention it.”
“What?” I asked.
She wriggled her eyebrows. “So … John, huh?”
“What about John?”
She laughed. “Oh, Harper, you’re so adorably innocent.” She sighed and sat down on her bed, pulling me down as well. “I mean, you picked John.”
“Picked?” I looked at her. “I didn’t ‘pick’ John.”
She rolled her eyes. “The boy’s incredibly gorgeous, Harp. It’s okay to admit that you like him.”
I felt my eyes widen and I stood up, my face feeling like it was on fire. “I do not like him, Libby. For goodness sakes, I barely know him.”
“Well, you two sure have been spending a lot of time together.”
I rolled my eyes. “We’ve only hung out a couple of times, Libby. That doesn’t classify as a lot.”
She smiled and fell onto her back, looking at her ceiling. “Whatever. I’m sort of glad that you picked him; he’s incredibly sweet and I know that he won’t hurt you, because he knows what will happen to him if he does.” She rolled her head, looking at me. “I was getting sick of Rory, anyway.”
“Libby, look, I really don’t like John. I mean, it’s nothing against him, it’s just … like I said before, I don’t know him.”
She sighed. “Harper, you may not realize it, but you blush like bloody hell whenever he’s around, and he made you laugh. I haven’t even gotten that far.” The happy expression from her face fell, and I suddenly felt guilty.
“Libby … I’m sorry,” I told her.
Her eyes widened. “Oh, please, Harper, you have nothing to apologize for.”
I nodded my head. “Well, I’m gunna go to my room and lay down. I’m kinda tired.”
She eyed me warily. “What were you doing at John’s house?”
I couldn’t help but to laugh a little. “We just talked. I, um … I told him about Levy,” I whispered the latter.
She immediately sat up straight and her eyes widened. “You did!?”
“Well … sort of. He started talking to me about his brothers, and then he asked me if I had any siblings, and … I kinda blew up on him. I didn’t mean to, but it’s still … hard for me.”
She nodded her head and a glum expression decorated her face. “I understand, Harper. I mean, I know that we’ve never been close, but I was sort of hoping that this summer could change that. The last time I saw you was … at the funeral, and I don’t want to have that distance between us anymore.”
I could feel my eyes pricking with tears. “Yeah … I’d like for that to change, too.”
She gave me a smile. “Well, you go ahead and lay down. I should probably rest up, too.”
I arched my brows. “Why?”
“Rory’s having a house party tonight, and as much as I loathe the girl, she always has the best alcohol supply.”
I nodded my head. “Oh, okay. Well, have fun, Libby.”
She smirked. “Oh, I will.”
I stared at her for a moment, confused by the smirk on her face, but turned around and eventually walked to my room. I shut the door and let out a long sigh. I looked to my bed and saw that The Great Gatsby was still overturned on my comforter. I grabbed it, bookmarked my page, and set it back in my drawer. I reached for the lower drawer handle and grabbed Levy’s notebook. It had been a few days since I read an entry. I sat on my bed, and criss-crossed my legs, the notebook lying in front of me. I flipped it open to the new entry and inhaled a sharp breath of air, before beginning to read.
September 18th, 2008
I took off today. I felt bad for leaving Harper alone with my parents, with them acting the way they were, but I needed to get away. I drove for a solid two hours, before stopping at a local coffee shop. I’ve never really cared for coffee, but I’ve always heard cafe's were a good place to go when you need to think. After some ten minutes, and still feeling upset, I got up, ready to leave, until I saw a set of brown eyes staring at me. I didn’t know what to do. I had never been in that situation before. But, he came over to me, and we started talking. Dalton. He told me his name was Dalton, and it’s the single most beautiful name I have ever heard. He listened to everything I had to say, without judging me. For the first time in a long time, I felt relieved. We exchanged numbers, and to be quite honest, I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’ve never … been in an actual relationship with a guy, and it’s still something I’m trying to wrap my head around. Either way, I’m thankful for Dalton.
My eyes trailed up to the ceiling, and I tried to think if I had ever heard Levy mention anything about a Dalton; he hadn’t. At least, I couldn’t recall any mentioning of the name. I licked my dry lips and shut the spiral close, placing it back in the drawer. I stretched my legs out, fully lying down, and laid my head on my pillow. I had never thought of my brother being in a relationship with anyone; he never seemed to be interested in anyone.
And for some reason, this made me think of John. Up until Libby had mentioned it, I’d never really thought of John in that way. Sure, he made me blush, but that was nothing unusual for me. I couldn’t deny the fact that he was attractive, because he was completely gorgeous. Even if I had never taken much interest in the opposite sex, or relationships, I wasn’t blind to that fact.
I closed my eyes and let out a yawn. I pushed all thoughts of John to the back of my mind, and lulled myself to sleep.
__________________________________________________________
“Wake up, sunshine,” someone cooed over my ear.
I opened my eyes and turned my head to the left, seeing Acey, Kelsi, and Libby standing over my bed. I yawned, sitting up and wiping my eyes.
“Get up! Up! Up! Up!” Libby urged, swatting at me.
“Why? Did something happen?” I asked, slightly worried.
She shook her head. “No, but we need to get you dressed.”
“And we’ve got exactly thirty minutes to get you ready,” Kelsi added.
I stared at them as if they were out of their minds. “Get dressed for what?”
“For the party!” Acey shouted.
I looked at Libby immediately. “Party? No. No, no, no.”
Libby sighed and jutted out her bottom lip. “Pretty please, Harper. We really want you to come, and Acey and Kelsi even went and bought you an outfit for tonight!”
I looked over at Kelsi, who had pulled out a dress from a plastic bag. “The color will look great on you, Harp,” she said.
I sighed. “Thank you Kelsi and Acey, but I really, really do not feel like going to a party.”
Acey scoffed. “Harp, you have to come, dude. Our group will be incomplete without you.”
I gave her a small smile. “Guys, really-“ before I could even finish my sentence, Libby and Acey had yanked me off the bed, and led me to Libby’s room. Kelsi sat me down at Libby’s vanity, and ordered me to close my eyes.
“What are you doing?” I asked her.
“I’m applying eyeliner to your lids,” she told me.
I felt a pair of hands in my hair, and stiffened. “Do you want curls?” Acey asked me.
I shrugged. “Does it really matter what I want?”
Libby gasped. “Did Harper just make a sarcastic comment?”
I heard Acey and Kelsi laugh, and I sighed. Kelsi continued to work on my make-up, whilst Acey worked on curling my hair. I had no clue as to what Libby was up to, as I couldn’t open my eyes.
When Kelsi finally felt satisfied with her work, she took a step back and allowed me to look in the mirror. “What do you think?”
I stared blankly into the mirror. She had applied a faint pink and brown eye-shadow to my eyes. With brown eyeliner, she had made a thin, straight line that curved slightly upwards near the end of my eyes, on my eyelids. My lashes look ten times longer than what they were naturally with the black mascara she had used. She had also used a light pink lipstick to color my lips. Like the previous party, where I had worn make-up for the first time, I loved the way I looked. "I love it."
“That’s what I was hoping to hear!” she squealed.
“Ahem.” Acey cleared her throat. “What about your hair?” I could see her hopeful expression behind me in the mirror.
My brunette hair hung in loose curls and my bangs were side-swept to the right. I looked at her and nodded my head, giving her a smile. “I love it, as well.”
She smirked. “I knew you would.”
Libby came into the room; I hadn’t noticed she had left. “Alright, is she ready to get dressed?”
“Yes, she is,” Kelsi answered.
Libby pulled me off the stool, and dragged me to the bathroom. “Alright, strip.”
I bit down on my bottom lip. “Can you … turn around?”
She laughed. “Fine, just hurry. We have like ten minutes before Garrett gets here.” She turned, facing the door, and let another laugh escape her lips.
I took off the shirt and capris I had been wearing, and grabbed the dress Libby had laid on the counter. The top half was a deep fuchsia color, while the bottom was a cream color, decorated with sailboats with the same pink color. “I’m done.”
She turned around and smiled. “Well look at you, beautiful. John’s going to keel over when he sees you.”
I gasped. “Is that why you did this? So I could impress John?!”
She smiled. “You can thank me later.”
“Libby,” I started, shaking my head, “I told you, I don’t see John in that way! This is ridiculous.”
She sighed. “Can you please just go along with it? You’re already dressed.”
I sighed and closed my eyes, feeling the tears start to collect. “Libby, I really, really don’t feel comfortable.”
She laid her hand on my shoulder. “Hey, hey, don’t cry, love. There’s no need for tears.”
I opened my eyes, suddenly seeing a double vision of Libby. “I can’t help it.”
She pulled me into her arms and rubbed her hands up and down my back. “You’ll be fine, Harper. You’ll have all of us, and I promise I won’t leave you alone this time, okay?” I nodded my head, saying nothing. “Now, stop crying; you’ll smear your make-up.”
I managed to let a small laugh escape my lips and Libby smiled. “I don’t have any shoes to go with the dress,” I mumbled.
She opened the door and walked into the room, coming back a minute later. “Here,” she said, holding out a pair of cream-colored flats.
“Thank you.”
She nodded her head. “Now, I’m gunna go get my shoes and then we’ll be out of here.”
I slid the flats onto my feet, trying to breathe all the while. For some reason, I had a gut feeling that tonight would end bad – just like the last party I had attended with Libby and the group. I didn’t know what was causing this feeling, but it was only causing me to feel nauseous with each passing minute.
________________________________________________________
“I spy someone with my little eye,” Libby whispered to me, as we entered Rory’s house.
I followed her gaze and saw that she was looking at John. I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Libby, shut up, please.”
She snickered and turned to Garrett. “Get me a drink, love?”
He nodded his head and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be right back, babe.” He disappeared into the crowded living room.
Libby then turned to me. “I’ll be right back. I have to … go see somebody, real quick.” She smiled and walked off.
I sighed, watching her leave.
“Harper, good to see you again!” Jared yelled, slinging his arm over my shoulder, a red cup already in hand.
I smiled. “It’s good to see you again, too.”
He smiled. “You look … beautiful.”
I felt myself blushing. “Thanks, Jared.”
“No problem.” He took a sip of his drink, and Acey appeared to my left.
“Are you gunna try drinking tonight?” she asked.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Just one?” She jutted out her bottom lip.
I gave her a small smile. “I’m sorry, but I really don’t think it’s going to happen.”
“Oh, but it could!” Kelsi said, walking up to me with two cups in her hands. “Here.” She held one cup out to me.
I gave her a perplexed look. “Um … guys, really-“
“Kelsi, Acey, quit trying to peer pressure the girl,” Jared interjected.
Acey laughed. “It’s not peer pressure; it’s just trying something new.” Pat appeared behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Hey, babe.”
He kissed her temple and smiled. “Hey,” he paused and looked at us, “hey to you all, too.”
Jared laughed. “Pat, your girlfriend here is trying to poison our little Harper.”
He arched his brows. “How so?”
“We just think she should try at least one alcoholic drink, before completely writing it off,” Kelsi said.
Pat shrugged and looked at me. “Drink it if you want; if you don’t, don’t.”
“Thanks, Pat,” I told him softly.
He smiled and began whispering into Acey’s ear, causing her to grin. I turned away from them and looked at Kelsi.
“Where’s Kennedy?” Jared asked her.
“With John, talking about God knows what,” she stated, taking a sip of the cup in her right hand.
I stared at the cup in her left hand, biting down on my bottom lip. Maybe Kelsi and Acey had a point; I could at least give alcohol a try. I held my hand out, and Kelsi smirked, gladly handing me the cup. “Thanks.”
She nodded her head. “Don’t mention it.”
