Take a Breath and Hold On Tight

There was an obnoxious vibration coming from John’s nightstand that had been sounding for five minutes straight, awakening me from my sleep. I ran a hand over my face as I tried to open my tired eyes. The moment I realized what position I was in, I quickly peeled myself away from John’s embrace, and sat up. Immediately, I regretted my decision, as my head began to throb and a sudden feeling of nausea overruled my stomach. I groaned, and noticed John begin to stir.

“Harper?” he asked, his voice groggy and thick with sleep. I nodded my head, placing my hand over my mouth. Suddenly, he became very awake, jumping off the bed. “Are you gonna throw up?” I didn’t say anything, but he grabbed the small trashcan that sat beside his desk, and placed it near me. “I’ll go get you some water and Tylenol,” he told me, before jetting out of the room.

I took no time in grabbing the beige plastic and began heaving out everything that was inside of my stomach. John walked into the room a minute into me throwing up, and I waved my right hand at him furiously, trying to tell him leave the room. However, he didn’t take the hint, as he took a step forward, but I began trying to yell, and his eyes widened. “I’m going! I’m going!”

I began crying as the dry heaving started, and the yellow acid from my stomach was the only thing coming out of my mouth now. Once I was sure I was done, I set the trash can back on the floor, and leaned against the headboard, letting out a giant sigh, as I wiped the tears from my eyes. “Oh,” I groaned.

“Are you going to attack me if I come in?” John asked, standing in the doorway.

I looked over at him, and felt my face go hot. “I’m sorry.”

He chuckled and gave a shrug. “It’s fine. Drink this, and take these; it’ll at least help your headache,” he told me, handing me a Dasani and two white pills.

“Thanks, John.”

“Don’t mention it.” He took a seat by my feet, and I gulped down the water, feeling thirstier than I ever had in my entire life. “Libby was the one calling and blowing up my phone.”

“Really?”

He nodded his head. “She wanted to know how you were doing, and if anything happened between us last night, and-“

“What??” I asked, feeling nauseous again.

“What?” he asked, his brows furrowed in confusion.

“What do you mean, if anything happened between us?”

His left hand rose to scratch the back of his neck and he cleared his throat. “Um …” His voice trailed off, and I hit his thigh with my foot, causing him to look at me. “She might’ve said something to me …”

I arched my brows. “Like what?”

His eyes fell to the water bottle clutched in between my hands. “She told me you liked me, and she was afraid with us both having consumed alcohol, something might’ve happened,” he muttered. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. My cheeks felt hotter than ever before, and the unpleasant feeling in my stomach returned. “Harper, it’s no big deal. I mean … really …”

Tears pricked my eyes, and before I could even stop them from falling, they were rolling down my cheeks. “How could she?” I mumbled softly, finally finding my voice. He placed one hand on my knee, but I quickly pushed it away. “I need to go home,” I told him.

“Harper, you do-“

“I want to go home,” I told him, my voice sounding surprisingly sharp. John must have noticed, too, because he stood up and grabbed his keys from the nightstand. I collected my dress and shoes in my hands, before following John down his stairs.

“John, your breakfast is getting cold,” a woman entering the living room stated. “Oh, who’s this?”

Oh, God. As if I hadn’t already been embarrassed enough this morning. “She’s Libby’s cousin. She, um … she had a rough night, and I just invited her to stay over. I’m taking her home now. I’ll be right back,” he told her.

She nodded her head, giving me a bright smile. “Well, it’s nice to meet you …”

“Harper.”

“That’s a beautiful name. Hopefully I’ll get to see you again, sometime?”

I nodded my head, giving her a smile, before John opened the door. I made a run for his car, and waited patiently for him to unlock the doors. Once he did, I slid into the passenger seat, staring straight ahead. He started the ignition, and reversed out of his driveway.

The car ride was painfully silent, not even the radio was on. I chewed nervously on my nails the whole time, and although I wanted to stop crying, I couldn’t. When we pulled into the driveway of the house, I quickly opened the door, before John could even come to a complete stop.

“I’ll have Libby give you, your clothes back,” I told him, before slamming the door and running to the house.

As if Libby knew I was coming, she opened the door before I could even knock. “Harper, what’s wrong?” she asked, the smile that was previously on her face dropping.

“I don’t want to talk to you,” I told her, attempting to move by her, but failing.

“Libby, can we talk?” John’s voice asked, behind me.

I groaned. “Libby, let me through, please!” She moved and I ran up the stairs, and straight into my room, slamming and locking the door behind me.

I threw the dress and shoes on my floor, before throwing myself, face first, down on my bed. I couldn’t believe that Libby had told John I liked him, when I had clearly told her yesterday that I was unsure about my feelings towards him. I curled myself into a ball, and grabbed a pillow from above my head, clutching it to my chest. I allowed the tears to continue to flow, until I eventually drifted off to sleep.

_____________________________________________________________

I had avoided Libby and John, and consequently, the whole group, for three days straight. Today was Wednesday, and as much as I was dreading getting out of bed, I was beginning to disgust myself. I hadn’t taken a shower in those three days, because I simply didn’t have the energy to do it. If my aunt hadn’t brought me food to eat, I probably wouldn’t have eaten, either. I pulled myself away from my pillows, and yawned as I sat up, rubbing my eyes.

I got up and walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower and allowing the water to warm up. I peeled John’s shirt and boxers from my body, letting them fall to the floor, before stepping into the shower. The warm water relaxed the tension in my body, and I sighed in relief, as I began to lather my hair with shampoo.

After a good fifteen minutes, I shut the water off and stepped out, wrapping myself in a towel. I washed my face and brushed my teeth, before walking back into my room. I quickly dried off, and slipped on an underwear and bra, throwing on a primrose floral print sundress. I towel dried my hair, and let it sit in its natural waves. Just as I went to throw my towels into the hamper, there was a knock on my door. I thought about ignoring whoever it was, but I knew that I couldn’t hide from people forever. With a breath of air, I opened the door, and came face to face with the person I was hoping to most avoid: John.

“Wow … you actually opened up,” he said, surprised

“Did you need something?” I asked.

“I need to talk to you,” he said.

I sighed. “I don’t really feel like talking, John.”

“You’ve had three days to stay locked up in your room, Harp. The least you could do is give me a few minutes of your time.”

I hesitated, but ended up giving in anyway. “Fine, come in,” I said, opening my door wider.

He shook his head. “I was thinking we could go grab some ice cream.”

“John, I-“

“Please?” he begged.

As much as I wanted to just slam the door in his face, I couldn’t do that, because I knew that as soon as I did, I’d end up feeling an immense amount of guilt, and open the door right after. I grabbed my phone from my dresser, and slid my feet into a pair of silver sandals, before following him downstairs, and out the door.

I’d forgotten how hot the outside world was, being locked away in my air conditioned room, but I was quickly reminded when I slid into the passenger seat of John’s car. The leather stuck to and burned my legs, but I tried to ignore it as John began driving. Some band that I wasn't sure the name of was playing on the radio, and John softly hummed along, drumming with his fingers on the steering wheel.

Soon enough, we pulled into the parking lot of ‘Shirley’s Ice Cream Shop’. John parked and we both got out, walking silently to the large glass window of the shop. We took our place in line, behind a family of four, and I took my time looking over the various ice creams flavors.

“Do you know what you want?” John asked me, after a moment.

“What’re you getting?”

“A double scoop of butter pecan,” he said.

I glanced back over the list of available flavors. “I think I’m gonna go with the choco-thunder.”

“Double scoop?”

I shrugged. “Sure.”

We stepped up, and a young girl with her blond hair in a high ponytail, and honey eyes, gave us a smile. “What can I get you two?”

“I’ll have a double scoop of butter pecan,” John ordered.

“Cone or cup?”

“Cup, please.”

She nodded her head, writing the order down on her pad. “And for you?” she asked me.

I looked at John and he nodded his head. “She’ll have a double scoop of the choco-thunder.”

“Cup or cone?” the girl asked again.

“Cup?” John asked, looking at me. I nodded my head once more, and he turned back to her. “A cup.”

“Alright,” she turned around and handed the white paper to a girl behind her, before looking back at us. “That’ll be six-eighty-seven.” John pulled out his wallet, and handed the girl a five and two ones. She opened her register, slipping the bills in, before handing John his change. “You can pick your order up at the window on the side,” she told us.

“Thank you,” John said, before beginning to walk towards the side of the small building.

“I’ll pay you back when we get home,” I stated.

He laughed and shook his head. “It’s fine, Harper.”

“Well, I want to.”

“That’s fine, but I won’t take your money,” he told me, as he grabbed his cup of ice cream.

I sighed; knowing arguing with him was useless, before grabbing my own cup. We took a seat at a nearby picnic table, and I took a bite of my ice cream. We ate in silence for a few minutes, before I spoke up. “So … what did you want to talk about?”

He swallowed the ice cream his mouth, before answering me. “Well, for starters, I broke up with Rory.”

I paused, my hand in mid-air with a spoon of ice cream, looking at him. “Why?”

He licked his lips, and set his cup down on the table. “We just weren’t working out anymore. I mean, we started dating when we were in the middle of our freshmen year, and we were two complete different people back then. We’ve both changed and we want different things in life.” He stirred the spoon in his cup around. “She was pretty pissed at me, but I think she was secretly glad to be done. I mean, I know I am.”

I set my cup down on the table. “Look, if this has anything to do with what happened the other night, don’t worry about it, John.”

He scoffed. “No, what happened the other night was just the last string for me. I can’t date someone who acts like that, or has that bitchy mentality.”

I nodded my head, looking down at my now melting ice cream. “Well … what was the other thing you wanted to talk about?”

He took a bite of his ice cream, taking his time before answering me. “About what Libby said …”

I sighed and stared down at my hands. “I don’t know why she told you that, John.”

“Is it true?”

“Does it matter?” I asked.

“Yes, it matters,” he said.

“I don’t know you enough to like you, John. I mean, if I said that I like you right now, it’d be simply based off of your looks, and that’s shallow,” I told him.

He gave me a smile. “So … if we got to know each other, there’d be a chance that you’d like me for more than my good looks?”

I couldn’t help but to laugh at how he worded it. “Maybe.”

“What if I told you that I liked you, too?”

My cheeks began to flush and I looked down at my ice cream. “Why would you?”

He sighed and stood up from his side of the bench, walking over to my side, taking a seat. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because I’m not exactly the girlfriend type. I mean, I’ve never had a boyfriend before …”

“Not one?” he asked, looking at me.

“Well … when I was fourteen, I met this boy … his name was Adem, and we dated for four days.”

“Why only four days?”

The heat in my cheeks was becoming stronger. “Well … we met online.” John began laughing, and I glared at him. “Don’t laugh.”

He bit down on his bottom lip, but the playful smile remained on his face. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” He took a minute to compose himself. “So … you’ve only ‘dated’ this Adem boy?” he asked, making air quotes with his fingers as the word 'dated' left his mouth. I nodded my head. “And what did you guys talk about?”

“Stuff,” I told him.

“Like what? Did you guys have computer sex and type stars for naughty words?” he asked. I gasped and hit his shoulder. He laughed and grabbed my wrist. “I’m joking, Harper.”

I scoffed. “Whatever.”

“I’ve never seen you mad before,” he said.

“I’m not mad,” I told him.

“You sure look like it,” he retorted. I shrugged and took a bite of my ice cream to keep myself occupied. “Well, forget Adem. He lost out on an amazing girl.”

“You know, my face is always on fire when I talk to you,” I admitted, looking at him as I brought the spoon to my mouth.

John laughed and cupped my cheek with his left hand, brushing his thumb over my skin. “I know. It’s one of the many things that make you adorable.” I rolled my eyes. “You know, I like this sassy side of you.”

“Shut up,” I said softly, trying not to laugh.

He smiled and retracted his hand. “How about we get to know each other?” I looked at him with wide eyes, and he rolled his. “Not like that, Harper. I mean, like … let’s play twenty questions.”

“Alright,” I said.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“Peach. What’s your favorite number?”

“21. What’s your favorite type of animal?”

“Dogs. What’s-“

“Out of all of the animals in the world, you choose dogs?” he asked with a laugh.

I shrugged. “They’re cute. I’ve always wanted a Westie, but my parents aren’t really pet lovers, so I’ve never been able to have one.”

“That’s a shame,” he said.

“I know.”

“I think it’s your turn to ask me a question. I sort’ve cut you off last time.”

I smiled. “Where would you like to live, outside of Arizona?”

He grabbed his ice cream, and took a bite. “That’s a hard one,” he said, before swallowing. “Probably California … Somewhere by the beach.”

“California is one big beach.”

He laughed. “True. What’s your favorite type of flower?”

“Sweet Pea,” I told him.

“Can I ask why?”

I smiled. “They’re just beautiful, and they represent blissfulness. There’s just something about them that I love.”

“Good answer,” he said. He finished the last bite of his ice cream, before looking at me. “I believe it’s your turn for a question.”

We continued playing our game as I finished my ice cream, and on the ride home. When we reached the house, John looked at me. “I believe this is where we say goodbye.”

I pouted. “You can’t stay over?”

He laughed. “As much as I would like to, I can’t. Shane needs a ride home from practice, and I have to help my aunt and uncle move.”

I sighed and opened my door. “Have fun.”

“Hey, we could have had three days to hang out, if someone didn’t lock themselves in their room,” he teased.

“Shut up, John.”

He chuckled. “You can text me.”

“I don’t have your number,” I pointed out.

“Let me see your phone.” I handed my phone to him, and he punched in a few numbers before handing it back to me. “I’ll see you later, Sweet Pea.”

I laughed and shut the door, before walking up to the house. John honked his horn once, before driving off.

I hated the fact that I had wasted away three days of moping around, when I could have been spending them with John.