Days of the Old

From where I was standing, I felt as if I were about to jump off a skyscraper, and expect to make it. In other words, it was insane for me to even attempt to make it out of my window. Where was the trellis like they had in all of the movies? All Matt had was vinyl siding, then halfway down (a long way down) the tan brick started.

I couldn’t just take a leap of faith, I knew that. I’d just end up with a broken neck, or possibly even death. But I had to at least try to get down, right? It was exactly seven fifty five and I was fairly certain Tyler wasn’t going to show up.

One, two, three. Nothing. I cussed quietly to myself for being such a pansy at a time like this. I was forced to be as quiet as possible though, because if Matt caught me, one leg strewn out the window, he’d have a major bitch fit. So, I locked my door a few hours ago and refused to come out whenever someone asked me to in hopes they wouldn’t try to bother me while I was actually gone.

In one more final try, I hoisted the other half of my body out so my hands were still tightly clutching the sill. Holding my breath, I let my feet dislodge themselves, and then I was dangling out of my window. I squinted in the darkness, and still holding my breath, I let go of the windowsill.

My feet hit the ground first, thankfully, but I landed at an odd angle and fell, rolling to the side on the hard poolside tile with a silent groan. Nothing was terribly injured, and as soon as I was down I was up again, stealthily moving around the house and ducking under the windows as I passed them. Just Matt and Val were home tonight, and I was beyond grateful for that one stroke of luck. I didn’t think I could make it past the guys.

Before I knew it, I jogging down the street, clutch my hoodie tighter to my body. Even though it was early April, it was still a little cold out. For Californian standards, anyway. I stopped once I thought I was a safe enough distance from the house and took out my phone, quickly punching in the number I’d found online for the taxi company serving Huntington Beach.

I waited for taxi to come under a street lamp, not liking the dark but I felt safe. I was still in the suburbs and the only other soul around was a stray cat or two, nothing to worry about.

Deciding to use my time wisely, I began thinking about how odd Tyler had been acting all day. Odd didn’t even begin to describe how he’d been acting. It was so unlike him to just leave me to fend for myself to get somewhere, especially when I didn’t know my way around, and neither did he.

Where was I going? All I had was an address scribbled on a piece of paper for the cabbie, who raised an eyebrow at me when I handed it to him. That worried me a little, too. Was it safe; was it even a good idea to go there? You don’t know what an understatement ‘not safe’ is for that part of Huntington, Brian had warned me.

Maybe this was one of those times I should have actually listened to them, but I couldn’t back out now. I’d gotten the far, and it would be next to impossible to sneak back upstairs when everyone was awake. If Matt knew I even thought about sneaking out, he wouldn’t care if I chickened out or not. And I did not need him on my back about everything again. We had a good thing going these days, and I didn’t want to mess it up.

No, it’s Tyler. Best friends since we were in diapers. He wouldn’t knowingly put me in any danger.

“Uh—miss?” The taxi driver asked and I snapped out of my daze to see him worriedly glancing out at me. “This is it.” My hand instantly went to my wallet, and I chucked a couple of bill to him, telling to keep the change.

As soon as I got out of the car, I wished I’d stayed in it. ‘Unsafe’, Brian was a fucking lunatic, it was worse than an understatement. I didn’t even think places like this actually existed. The cement road was cracked and broken into pieces every which way, and I didn’t know how I hadn’t noticed how bumpy the cab right must have been.

Unidentifiable substances were spotted throughout the road, and I didn’t want to ponder over what they possible could have been for too long in fear of throwing up, so I swiftly turned around and faced the house.

I gulped at the sight of the looming, off-white structure. The clapboard siding was chipped and broken in places just like the road, and it didn’t look like it had been painted in years. The steps leading up to the front porch were rickety and looked like a death trap, and the door looked like it was hanging off of its hinges.

The window above the half-unshingled overhang was broken too, I was pretty sure of that.

A thick, heavy smell entered my nose then, instantly making me grimace and cover it with my sleeve. Weed. Wasn’t that just dandy? I didn’t want to approach the house before, but this made me want to run away screaming my head off.

One thing gave me the courage to march up the steps and to the excuse for a door, though. Tyler was in there. I couldn’t leave him alone in such a place like that, but I was wondering if I even had the right address.

Just as I was about to raise my hand to knock, the door swung open, and I cringed at the horrible squeaking it made as it did so. A kid with dreads down to his ribs and serious over-tan stood there, a good foot above me as he glared down at me. His clothing was baggy—so baggy, he could have been packing an sawed-off shotgun for all I knew.

With just one look at him, I was turning around again, wanting to get the fuck out of there. The stench of marijuana was close to unbearable then, and I scrunched my nose as his hand wrapped around my arm in a tight grip, harshly pulling me back. “What do you want?” He asked still glaring.

I started stuttering and stammering, not being able to make hardly any sense of my words myself. “I just—I know someone—this probably isn’t the right place—I’m just gonna...” I trailed off, and then his grip considerably tightened, letting me know I wasn’t getting away so easily. I decided to go out on a limb. “Do you know Tyler?” I asked hurriedly, staring up at him wide-eyed.

His eyes seemed to light up at the mentioning of Tyler’s name, which made my insides churn. “Oh, yeah, Tyler! We’re pretty tight. Come on in,” He said, releasing his hold on my arm as he stepped back and opened the door wider for me.

There was definitely no going back then, and I seriously wanted to plug my nose once I’d fully stepped into the house because of the smell. I was going to reek by the time I left, and I had no clue how I was going to get it past Matt.

The house was buzzing, kids all over the tiny sofa in the living room and even more dancing to some crappy Hip Hop beat I didn’t recognize. Every single one of them looked completely stoned and then some, but I didn’t get to examine them any further as the guy who opened the door began dragging me away by the arm again.

“You can call me Red,” He said, seemingly not fazed at all by my stumbling to keep up with him, and I had to keep myself from crashing into him when he abruptly stopped. “Here he is!” He yelled and then Tyler came into view from behind the wall separating the kitchen from the living room.

Tyler pulled me into a hug as soon as he saw me, but I only wrinkled my nose when I could smell the alcohol on his breath. “I didn’t think you’d make it,” He said, grinning as he pulled away.

I frowned, squinting up at him. “I didn’t think I would, either.” I said glumly as I nervously stood by his side. I thought I told him no drinking was part of the promise. He smelled as if he’d doused himself with it, and that was not okay, but I couldn’t say anything then, aware of the circle that had formed, and Tyler and I were part of it.

My eyes widened even more when a joint started being passed around, and there was no goddamn way in hell I was trying it, and neither was Tyler. Not on my watch. Red glared at me when I refused to take the joint, and Tyler stared down at me for a long moment, almost disapprovingly, and grabbed me by the arm just like Red had, haling me off into the grimy, deserted kitchen.

“What is wrong with you?” He hissed, his grip on my arm tightening even more.

That angered me, a lot, and I used my free arm to push against his chest, but he still refused to let me go. “What’s wrong with me? Tyler, what the fuck is going on with you?!” He didn’t answer, and glared at me with a look I’d never seen in his eyes before. It almost scared me.

“Tyler,” I began, in a much softer tone. “What’s happening with you, Talk to me, please.” He still didn’t say anything, and if anything, the look in his eyes intensified. Even I had every right to be, I refused to be as irate as he was acting and held his eyes with mine. “You broke your promise, Ty,” I whispered, now having to keep the tears back.

He scowled and looked away as soon as he heard anything about promises, which only made the whole situation that much more painful. “It’s just a bit of weed, Payton.” He said, his voice sharp and hollow at the same time as he whipped his head back to glare at me.

“We’re—we’re going home,” I mumbled, trying to drag him out of the kitchen. I gasped when he harshly pulled me back, and I scrambled to get my footing as his hand clamped around my arm even tighter than before.

This wasn’t Tyler. This wasn't my Tyler. The Tyler who wouldn’t dare seriously lay a hand on me with intent to harm me. Something had changed him over the past few months, and I wanted to sob at the thought of it.

A tear slipped and I hurriedly reached up and swiped it away, sniffling as I showed him just how much this was hurting me. Tyler’s harsh demeanour seemed to crack at the sight of my tears, and he sighed, letting go of my arm. I rubbed the place where his hand had been, refusing to look up at him again.

“Look,” He started, stepping a little closer. I instantly took a defensive step back, and that seemed to hurt him a little. “You don’t have to smoke up if you don’t want to, but you have to stay. Please, for me, Patey?”

“Are you going to?” I asked softly, staring up at what I thought was my best friend. I was talking about the weed; I was asking if he was going to smoke it. What the hell happened to me? I should have been dragging him the fuck out of there, yet I stood there, seemingly frozen on the spot.

He looked hesitant at first, but thankfully the hard, foreign look in his eyes didn’t make another appearance, yet. “Okay, okay. I won’t do the weed.” He mumbled, averting his gaze as he (this time) gently held my wrist in his hand, guiding me back to the circle of stoned kids.

All I could do was nod and move mechanically, staring off into the distance while I ignored my surroundings, well, except for Tyler. I kept a close eye on him. A half an hour passed, agonizingly slowly, and I was getting tired of just standing there with everyone else like a zombie. Some party this was.

When I was about to ask when we were leaving, I saw something go down that I never, ever thought I would witness. Tyler ‘discreetly’ handed Red a wad of cash, and in returned Red passed a tiny, clear plastic baggy. But I caught a glimpse of its contents, and I snatched it from Tyler before he could stuff it in his pocket.

No one else, not even Red, had noticed that I’d swiped the baggy from Tyler, and this time I was the one who was hauling Tyler off into the kitchen. I was furious then, and I wasn’t exactly surprised when Tyler was just as enraged. I didn’t care, I ignored him as I flailed my arms angrily.

“You insane. Fucking insane Tyler!” I whisper-shouted, still holding the baggy in my hand. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at it yet, I hadn’t even been able to fully comprehend that he’d just bought fucking cocaine. “I’m not gonna let you do this to yourself. No, I won’t Tyler!” I said, on the verge of hysterics.

He stopped the pacing he’d been doing and turned around to stare at me, eyes huge as he scrutinized me. “You’re not gonna tell anyone, are ya’, P?” He asked fearfully, taking a long stride so he was right in front of me. His eyes flicked my hand holding the baggy, and I reflexively held it tighter.

“I... I don’t know, Tyler.” I said, looking away. I couldn’t even think straight, let alone figure out if I was going to tell anyone. That was the least of my worries. I was only concerned about my best friend.

Taking another step forward, he took my shoulders and shook me slightly, look me dead in the eye. “You can’t Patey, do you understand me? You can’t. If my parents find out about this...”

Derek and Melissa. How would they react if they knew their only baby boy was out getting drunk and high off his ass? They’d be devastated. If only they knew how much danger he was in. Did he really expect me to keep this secret? I couldn’t, could I? He shook my shoulders even harder, staring at me with the same intensity that had scared me earlier. I was sure my brain rattled with such force.

That was enough for me. I couldn’t think properly when his gaunt, unhealthy figure was so close to me. When I could see how he’d been abusing his body with all of those foreign toxins that he put into his body, how could he expect me to do such a thing? “The Tyler I know wouldn’t ever dream of this,” I whispered, staring up at him with a look of defiance. “The Tyler I know wouldn’t break a promise. He wouldn’t do drugs just to...just to fit in!”

With every last ounce of my strength, I pushed myself away and quickly slipped by him, running through the crowd of kids before he could even think of catching me.

The house was even more crowded then, and I knew there was no way I could find my way out until I calmed down, so I took a deep breath and stopped in a tiny hallway, surprised when I saw no one else occupying it. I leaned against the stained wall and finally looked at the baggy, bringing it a little closer to examine it.

All of these months had gone by and I didn’t even have a clue that he was doing this. I should have seen the signs. They were all there; first starting with him hanging out with Luke. He didn’t get into contact with me for sometimes weeks at a time. Then, when he got here. He lost weight, the nose bleed, the mood swings. I felt so stupid for not seeing them until then. I felt responsible for not picking up on them.

Suddenly, the baggy was ripped from my hands, and I instantly looked up, expecting to see Tyler, and I found myself wishing it was him instead of the person who stood in front of me. “Brian?” I asked, shocked as he stood menacingly over me, fuming couldn’t even begin to describe how pissed off he looked.

I realized what he was holding, and that he had taken it from me. This was not good at all. Of course he was going to assume it was mine, because you know, I’m in a dark, secluded hallway all by myself holding the piece of shit! I feebly tried to take it back, my hand reach for it but he grabbed my wrist as soon as I moved and held me there, glaring down at me.

“What the fuck is this?” He demanded, standing unbearably close as he held the baggy up to my face.

Oh, this must look so incredibly bad. “It’s—it’s not what it looks like, Brian.” I mumbled, so intimidated I wasn’t able to meet his eyes. Just like that, he whipped the baggy back and stuffed it into his pocket, then turned back to give me another harsh stare.

“I hope you’re gonna have a better explanation for Matt.” He snapped, grabbing my arm just as so many other people had tonight and I winced, but then quickly shook my head and tried to free myself from his grip.

“No, Brian! You can’t tell Matt about this, please!” I added, still struggling as he pulled harder on my arm.

“We’re leaving.” He said, letting out an agitated sigh before he looked back at me, anger burning in his eyes. I gasped as he swiftly threw me over his shoulder, and I knew struggling would do me no good as he made his way out of the dingy hallway.

This was not good. Not good at all.