Days of the Old

Like earlier today when Tyler opened my door, I counted down from three before twisting the knob, praying that Matt wouldn’t notice my tear-stained face. When he saw me, his face softened slightly and I quickly moved to the side, not wanting him to look at my face for too long.

He saw it as an invitation into my room and stepped in; looking both unsure and determined at the same time as he softly closed my door behind him. I glanced everywhere but at him, just wanting to sink into the floor and disappear forever. “Are you okay?”

That was such a silly, stupid question. It was hardly something to ask someone whose parent just died. Especially when you’re asking me, as I have a problem with answering it under normal circumstances, let alone now. Even so, I quickly nodded; hoping that it would suffice and he would leave my room.

It was as if that simple gesture shook something up in me, and a crack formed in my otherwise detached exterior, and an involuntary tear slowly made its way down my cheek. Matt stepped forward and held his arms out for a hug, but I quickly took a few paces back, shying away from his hug. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him frown so I quickly try to cover it up, making out I really just moved to sit on my bed.

Obviously, he saw straight through it but didn’t say anything. My hopes of him leaving were crushed when he sat down next to me, a little too close for me to be comfortable. Well, if I had it my way, I wouldn’t even be in the same room as him, so I really wasn’t one to judge on how close was too close.

He paused for what seemed like hours as he glanced around my room, and I held my breath as I anticipated what he was about to say. “Do you play?” He asked, gesturing toward my guitar case, which conveniently was just beside him on the bed.

His question caught me off guard, and I found myself stumbling over my words as I tried to form a coherent answer. I couldn’t say that my guitar was just an ornament or something, plus he saw me bring it in. “Uh—no, well yeah, a little, I guess…” I mumbled, folding my hands on my lap.

“What kind of songs do you know?” Was he serious? He was actually trying to make conversation with me.

However, I found that better than him asking me if I was ‘okay’, so I went along with it, although I was lying through my teeth. “I know a few random riffs, but that’s pretty much it.”

Nodding, he looked around my room yet again, trying to find another topic of conversation. What he found was right in front of him, and my eyes widened at what he reached for. My stack of posters. Which, I was pretty sure; there were quite a few of his band in it. Nothing could stop him as he leaned forward and began leafing through them, a wide smile now spread across his face.

Perfect. So now he knows I like his band. “You have great music taste.” He stated after he had looked through the entire pile.

Through my embarrassment, I managed to yammer out a “Thanks.” and go back to picking at my almost non-existent black nail polish. It was chipped to the point where you could barely even see it anymore; I was just chipping off what was left of it.

I stiffened considerably when Matt turned, angling himself so he was facing me and not looking straight ahead like before. “Payton,” He started, uncertainty clear in his voice. “I know things are… hard right now, and I really have no idea what to say, but if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you. You know that right?”

I nodded, but when he didn’t say anything for a moment, I figured he wanted me to say it out loud. It didn’t matter if I didn’t believe him, at least to me it didn’t. “Yeah, I know.”

“I mean, I don’t want to push you into talking to me just yet, but I just want you to know that if you ever need to, you can come to me. Doesn’t matter if it’s four AM, I’ll always be willing to listen. Okay?”

Once again, I nodded and let an “Mm’hmm.” escape my lips, finally looking up to meet his gaze. They were filled with concern and sympathy. I smiled weakly at him, not having the heart to look away, and also remembering the promise I made to Tyler.

Even though I wouldn’t be calling him ‘daddy’ any time soon, I had been civil and had a decent conversation with him, so I guess I could consider it progress.

He smiled back and stood, towering over me as he gave my shoulder a squeeze. “You need any help with the rest of the packing?” I shook my head and he glanced toward my alarm clock that was situated on my nightstand. “Well, when you’re finished try to get some sleep alright, kiddo? We’re leaving at six.”

Reflexively, I let out a groan and leaned back on my bed, hating the thought of getting up so early. Matt laughed at my response, and I quickly sat back up, I had forgotten who I was with. The smile never left his face as he gave my shoulder another squeeze; I guess he thought of it as a consolation prize to hugging, and went for the door. “Night,” He said glancing back at me and waiting for me to reply with the same before softly shutting the door behind him.

Once he was out of ear shot, I let out a sigh and collapsed back onto my bed as I had before, thinking about what had just happened. I didn’t even know what happened. Had I given him a chance? That seemed like what it was, but it really didn’t take as much work as I thought it would. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.

After resting a few moments, I got up and got to work, not wanting to mull over what had just happened too much. I took a moment to glance at the clock; it was inching toward eleven thirty, leaving me a bit of time to pack. Besides, as tired as I was, I doubted I would get any sleep tonight anyway.

I loathed flying, mostly due to my fear of heights. Plus, we were flying over more miles and time zones than I even wanted to think about. The pit of nervousness in my stomach was growing by the minute, so I got right into pack the rest of my belongings.

When I began sifting through everything and putting them into piles of what I needed with me, and stuff that I could leave to be freighted to Matt’s house, I couldn’t get my mind off of Tyler. Especially when I finished packing my clothes and began talking the remained of my posters down. Conversations from years ago filled my head as my eyes scanned over my now almost bare room. I wanted to memorize every part of it, I never wanted to forget all of the fun, and sometimes insane, times we had in it.

Could I really just leave it like that? I wouldn’t consider a simple ‘bye’ sufficient even for someone I hardly knew, let alone Tyler. I considered him my brother. As Melissa said, we were practically joined at the hip.

No, I couldn’t just leave it like that. I wouldn’t let myself do that to Tyler. He deserved so much more than that. My mind was made up at that point and I hurriedly looked at my clock as I hauled my coat back on. My eyes bulged, it was almost two AM.

So I couldn’t go out the front door, that much was obvious. I pictured Matt as a laid-back type of parent, but I knew there was no way in hell he would let me out this late at night. And I doubted I could just brush him off like I used to do with my mom.

My only way out was through the window, and I was not a stranger to maneuvering my way out of it. Thankfully, my house was only a one story, so I didn’t have to worry about any big drops. As quickly and quietly as I could, I had my window open and had myself hoisted out and onto safe ground in ten seconds flat. As I slid it shut, I left it open just a crack, making sure I didn’t accidentally close and lock it. That would be so bad.

I shivered in the frosty night air and hugged my jacket closer to myself, not looking forward to the walk back to Tyler’s house. I lived in a town with about four thousand people in it, so I didn’t really have to worry about someone jumping me or some other insane thing like that.

Contrary to earlier tonight when the hours seemed to tick by like seconds, the walk to Tyler’s house felt like it took forever. But eventually, I was standing under the huge oak tree behind his house, staring up at his bedroom window. His house was a two-story, so I was required to climb the tree, which was so usefully placed right in front of his window, to get to his room. It was nothing to me now; I’d gotten better at it over the past few years of sneaking out. In under a minute I was standing on a thick branch, ready to knock on his window.

I tapped as quietly as I could, not wanting to scare him because by the looks of it, he was asleep. A few seconds passed and nothing stirred, so I rapped a little harder, cursing him for being so deaf at a time like this.

“Payton?!” A harsh whisper erupted from behind the window and soon the lights were flicked on, revealing Tyler in a pair of boxers and a wifebeater. I smiled at the sight, well used to seeing him like that. He grinned widely as he yanked his window open and all but hauled me in his room. “What are you doing here?” He whispered, his tone more happy than shocked now.

I faltered, attempting to figure out what to say. I would let the words get stuck in my throat again. I had to tell him how much he meant to me. “I just—I had to see you one last time, Tyler, I want you to--” I was cut off by being crushed into a tight hug. I remained silent, savouring the way his hugs felt as I knew I wouldn’t be getting another one of them for a while.

When I pulled away, he was grinning for ear to ear. “Ty,” I began softly, now serious. “Listen, I just—you’re my best friend and you always will be, okay?”

He looked as if he didn’t know where I was going with it, so I continued. “I love you so much,” I said, feeling tears prick at my eyes. “I just, I don’t know how I’m gonna do this without you.”

Smiling sadly, he pulled me back into another hug. “I love you too, P, and we’ll talk every day. I promise. We’ll talk on the phone all the time, and on MSN, and we can still play Call of Duty together!” We both laughed at that, having fond memories of playing that particular game.

“And you gotta visit, too, Tina,” I said and he nodded enthusiastically. I pulled back so I could meet his eyes. “If I’m gonna keep my promise, you have to keep one too.”

He seemed confused, but nodded nonetheless. “You gotta promise, that you won’t let anyone in school talk you into doing anything you don’t want to do. ‘Kay? And absolutely no drugs got it Tina? None!” We were talking quietly, almost whispering, well aware of his parents in the next room.

At first, he seemed hesitant to agree. Which scared me, a lot. But then, thankfully, he nodded his head in agreement and held up his right hand. “I promise.”

“Pinkie promise?” I pressed, sticking my pinkie out in front of me. He grinned as he held his out too, locking them together before taking me into yet another hug.

As suddenly as he brought me into a hug, he pulled away and looked at me warily. “Does Matt know you’re here?” He questioned, looking down at me in what seemed like worry. I quickly shook my head, thinking it was a good thing that he hadn’t known I was gone, but his eyes widened and he began ushering me back toward the window. “Payton,” He said, taking an almost scolding tone. “You just met the guy and you’re already sneaking out?”

I lowered my gaze. “Well geez, Tina, it’s not as bad as it sounds. God.”

He snorted as he opened the window and gestured for me to start hauling myself out. Once I was out, I expertly balanced myself on the branch and leaned across so I could hug him one last time through the window. “Just, when I say give him a chance, that sort of means not getting in trouble.”

I gasped melodramatically and pulled back. “But Tina, that goes against everything we know!”

It was great to act like everything was okay, at least for a little while. Mom wouldn’t want me to be sad all the time, and I relished being able to joke around with Tyler one more time. It felt so much better that I had gotten everything off my chest, too. And, with the promise Tyler was going to keep, I wouldn’t have to worry so much anymore.

“I know—I know, but just try okay?”

Nodding, I pulled back and goofily saluted him. I wanted our final goodbye to be light, not emotional like earlier, because it seemed like it was then when I couldn’t seem to get all the words I wanted to say out. “C’ya later, Tina!” I called quietly as I began my way back down the old oak tree.

“Bye! And be careful!” He whispered as my feet touched the ground. I looked up at him and waved one last time before I began sprinting out of his yard.

I was in a good mood. Which was odd to say the least, especially at a time like this when I was saying goodbye to my best friend. Plus, I always felt better when I ran; it was almost like a self-therapy sort of thing.

Of course, I wasn’t in the best shape, so I couldn’t run all the way home. But, I made it pretty damn far. I got back in half the time it would usually take if I had been going at normal pace.
There was just one problem, though.

My window was closed and locked.

And I specifically remembered making sure I didn’t do either of those things. I cussed as I paced around my snow-covered backyard, trying to figure out what to do.

Basically, there was only one option. The back door and all of the other windows were locked, so I had to go through the front door. I was pretty much busted, unless I wanted to sleep outside all night. I stealthily moved around to the front yard, peering in through the windows as I passed. I didn’t see Matt, and the kitchen lights were one. Not a good sign. As quietly as possible, I opened the front door, cussing again as it squeaked and groaned in protest.

I kicked my chucks off into a corner of the porch and tip-toed into the living room. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Matt, his back facing me as he leaned against the counter, a phone pressed to his ear. “I don’t know, man. I went to check on her, she wasn’t there and her window was open. She must have snuck out.” He groaned, running his free hand through his hair.

This was it, I decided, I had to make myself known there was no way I could get around him. Now or never. I made my way into the kitchen, making sure my footsteps were obnoxiously loud. Matt whipped around and stared blankly at me for a few moments before telling whoever he was talking to that he had to go, the snapping of his phone shutting made me jump.

He stood just a few feet in front of me, his posture even more intimidating than usual. I swallowed, realizing just how tall and… unapproachably huge he was. I looked like a Smurf compared to him, and I almost had to look all the way up to meet his eyes.

“Where were you?” He questioned, his tone surprisingly even.

“Out.” I stated simply, not wanting to get Tyler in trouble. Foolishly, I tried to scurry around him, but before I realized what happened he stepped aside to block me and I found myself walking straight into his chest.

Instinctively, I took a few steps back, staring up at him as he crossed his arms over his chest. He stared back down at me, coming closer as I stepped back even more. “Just because I said I wasn’t going to push you into anything, doesn’t mean you can sneak off at four in the morning.”

My head snapped toward the clock radio under the microwave, and it was as if I shrunk at the sight. It was that late?

I looked up at him, growing more nervous as he seemed to loom over me even more. “I was worried about you.” He stated, looking down at me with the same menacing stare as before.
Bravely (and possibly stupidly) I snorted and rolled my eyes. Once I realized that the gesture probably pissed him off even more, I kept my eyes on the ground, refusing to look up at him. “Look at me,” He demanded and I jumped, not expecting him to raise his voice.

He was acting as if I’d gone out and done crack or something. I was just saying goodbye to my best friend. And who was he to try and boss me around, acting like a parent, when I only just met him yesterday? Anger surged through me, and when I met his gaze, my stare turned into a resentful glare. My good mood was officially ruined.

“Go to sleep.” He said through a sigh as he stepped aside. I took it as my cue to leave.

As I all but ran down the hall to my room, I felt a little braver with the distance that was now between us. I snorted again, quickly coming up with a retort. “I was planning on it.”

Even though I only had an hour or so of sleep left, I would gladly take it. I was dead tired, and when I finally got to my room and collapsed onto my bed, my jumble of thoughts were generally centered around one thing.

Something tells me I’m not gonna get away with as much as I used to.