An Eternal Fallen

I tried to kill myself sophomore year, the emotions around me at the time were overwhelming, I felt every ones pain, jealousy, hatred, sorrow, this particular school was very drowning. I couldn't take it anymore, just having to hear their thoughts was enough, but feeling what they were going through proved too much. i tried to end my life on Halloween, i didn't want to feel anymore, not when i felt there moods, so much pain, so many tears, they have so many problems at home, lonely, so lonely. i didn't put a lot of thought into it. One day i came home from school, indulged in such hatred for life, i cut my wrists, not deep enough, I only blacked out for a couple of hours. I didn't cut any veins but i lost enough blood to be out a couple of days. I was sent to a psychiatric clinic, pure torture, i tried to kill myself there too with a broken pen, they got to me before i bled out. They sent me to solitude after that, its all i wanted to feel nothing, i begged my therapist to leave me in there, I didn't want to be surrounded by them, I'd go crazy for sure. He thought i was trying to exclude myself from the real world, of course i wanted to be excluded. when he made me go back with the rest of the clinics 'residents', he sent me back in a straight jacket.

In the weekly group sessions I cried so much from their thoughts, always the what ifs and self blame for lost relatives, I could no longer talk, I absorbed it all like a sponge, they all left the room, feeling so much better, I laid in bed for days trying to get rid of their pain. When i became numb of their thoughts, and pasts, I slowly learned how to put up a shield using their emotions, it was weak but it helped keep their thoughts out of my head.

One day my roommate tapped my shoulder all her pain shot through my body, i screamed in agony, I felt all her cuts, her addiction, her hunger for love, all her heartbreaks, her childhood trauma, i blacked out for a couple hours, when i woke up her past lingered in my mind. She killed herself that night, slit her throat with a small piece of glass. when she died her pain was all mine, it surged through me like a fever, knocking me out for days, reliving her mothers abuse. Her joy only lasted hours, blissful, but then the heartbreak came and that's when i knew i never wanted to fall in love and suffer my own pain, i don't think i could bear it. After the numbness took over i lay paralyzed, swimming in her thoughts.

i thought about it over and over, was she right to end her pain? was i right to try to do the same? there was so much sorrow in life, would i be able to make it past 18 without so much as trying to end it all again? when i returned home i felt my parents sadness of losing me, emptiness filled their thoughts, they didn't leave my side, for half a year i was home schooled, watched like a hawk. I returned to school the end of my sophomore year, I wore bracelets to cover the scars, no one noticed i was gone. I hid behind books, homework and music, loud music that covered the noise, the constant thoughts.

“Innocence Blunt?” the secretary says as she reads through my transcripts. I nod, biting my tongue at her stupid name, Beth Anne as if her parents knew one name wouldn't suffice her wide load.
“all right, you start tomorrow, your class schedule will be ready by then” she says stapling a paper to my transcripts.

I ride my skateboard along the streets of Seattle, looking around I walk into the market place holding my board under my arm. It stinks of fish, I walk deeper into the market, there's places to eat, small clothing store and a jewelery store. I set my board down next to the door as I walk in to see the jewelery, there are many beautiful pieces and a few ugly ones as well, the man behind the counter smiles and nods, I smile back and continue to look at his display of brooches. I spot a big beautiful key in a corner of the glass display. It's beautifully crafted with hearts and wings, it has beautiful scripture written around it, I cant understand it. I ask the man for the key, his eyes bulge and he shakes his head, he tells me its is not for sale, he found it and wants to keep it because he thinks it belongs to a treasure box. I know he's only fishing for a big price. I'm a better con artist, I trick him into giving it to me for 10 bucks plus he gives me a free bracelet, I walk out triumphant wearing my necklace.

I skate back to my aunt Cecil's house fiddling with my key necklace. I forgot the key to her house, I jump up to the huge balcony and pick her lock. I have been in Seattle a total of 4 days and it's a complete bore during the day, I have yet to find out where my friends live and what sort of chaos i will cause.

HAYDEN'S POINT OF VIEW.

“Some guardians you are! You let her cause chaos all over California!” I shout at Sammy, Charlie, and Peter. They stand silently, looking ahead, I sit on my throne watching them squirm under my eyes.
“i have to do everything myself! Oh but you three are coming with me! Prepare my necessities for the trip!” I command a servant. She hurries out of the room.
“yes, Prince Hayden” the three say and bow before I dismiss them. I will soon meet my equal, she will no doubt, respect me and fall madly in love at first sight as all others have. I stretch out my black wings as I walk along the halls of my castle. I'm surrounded by so many but I know nothing of them, only that they are all imbeciles, only around me because I am royalty. I hate this shallow world I live in but it is what I have to endure to have peace on hell and heaven. Demon or not, I tire of war, I wish to live in peace, coexist, the angel in me longs for it. The only way to prove that we can coexist is if I marry her. The only other like me in all of heaven and hell and anywhere in between.

We arrive to the mansion we will live in until we retrieve my bride whose name escapes me. I retreat to my room, the servants bring in my belongings and put them away, I will only need three for the time being I send back the other five back to my castle.
“your highness, we will begin school in the morning” Sammy says bowing in my presence.
“ School? I have learned everything I need to know, why would I go to school?” I ask her sitting on a the couch.
“she attends the school, your highness” she says annoyed, I let it slip.
“all right, well everyone to sleep we must be rested for school” I say ordering them to their chambers.
I retreat to my room, but I cannot sleep, I pace the room anxiously anticipating the moment my bride to be, will fall at my feet in joy.

We walk into the building, hundreds of people my age walk in and stand in groups. We stand in a group of our own, I have ordered them to address me as Hayden for the time being.
“Hayden, here she comes” Charlie looks over to a huge girl with a red hair, facial hair, and orange teeth.
“dear God...” I say staring at the girl.
“no not her behind her”he says catching what I see. Relief shoots through me. I look around the massive girl, there she is. Her wavy hair white and black, like a zebra, it looks beautiful. She is slender, but fills out perfectly, she wears tight jeans that hug her throughout, an a loose t-shirt with a picture of a band. She kicks her skateboard up and catches it. She turns her head briefly to someone calling her. Her face is gorgeous, big turquoise eyes turn to see a teacher scolding her. It's amazing such beauty can cause so much trouble. Her pink lips move up into a smile as she talks to the teacher. Her cheeks are red from the cold I'm sure, her nose is pink and small, her milk skin glows in the shade of the massive girl. She think I am looking at her and winks, disgusted I turn away. When I turn back to see my bride she is gone. I look for her but she's escaped through the crowd of students. I feel eyes on me I turn to see hundreds of girls gawking at me through the crowd I see her weaving her way to us. She sees me, but her eyes aren't on me exactly, their on Charlie the angel. She runs up to him and shouts,
“you better have a damned good reason to have stopped sending me updates!” she shouts, even with anger hanging on her every word, it's angelic and luscious. Girls behind her gasp and whisper. Charlie looks over at me, to seek approval from me to talk to her, I nod. She'll probably punch him.
“i was injured, and couldn't get out of bed for months” he says, technically true. His broad shoulders slump and he shoves his hand in his pockets.
“you ass! Why didn't you say so!” she says never averting her eyes from his face, concern obvious on her face. Her forehead is covered with bangs but I'm sure her eyebrows are furrowed with confusion. Her black eye lashes make her eyes pop even more. She's supposed to be falling madly in love with me at first sight, she hasn't even looked my way! I clear my throat.
“Innocence this is Hayden a good friend of ours” he says, her eyes fall on me she smiles, and nods.
“you don't have to bow” I say.
“Neither do you” she snaps. I shrug and walk away, I can tell she already hates me. A bell rings and everyone around me rushes to walk into rooms. An orange girl, with blond hair grabs my arm, she looks grotesque her skin is like a carrot. She asks to see my schedule, I hand it to her as I try to shake off her claws. She squeals with joy to see we have the first and last class together. Dear God please get me a seat as far away from her I beg. She sat in the front while I sat in the back an empty desk beside me, I could feel all the girls eyes on me. I smile at them and they go into a fit of giggles. I chuckle at the stupidity of these girls, of course I'm beautiful, I'm a half angel, half demon. The bell rings again the teacher begins to talk, I listen to the review of what will be taught throughout the semester. He's in mid sentence when she walks in, her board in hand she looks at the teacher and shrugs, he waves her over to sit next to me, she doesn't even take notice of me. The orange girl says something and laughs at her, and the class goes into a frenzy, even the teacher laughs. I look over at her and she only smiles. The class settles down and gets to work.