My Name Is Jimmy and You Better Not Wear It Out

I looked back to see if Tunny actually decided to leave me here. His car was gone, and as far as I could tell he wasn't circling around the block to get me.

Fuck.

I looked around, then decided to make my way back to the club.

great thing about being drunk when being driven somewhere: you don't remember directions.

I turned in a slow circle, trying to remember which way I came from last night.

When that failed, I started off in a random direction, taking my sweet fucking time along the way. Not like anyone was looking for me.

Good thing too, because about half a mile in I realized I was going pretty much nowhere.

I groaned, beyond lost in the City that I had only been to once or twice before this time, and tried to think. I could go back to the police station and ask for directions. That would be a good idea.

I turned around to go to the station, then realized I hadn't been paying attention to my surroundings.

"Great fucking job, Jim. You've got us completely lost now."

I looked up into a window and saw my reflection glaring at me.

"Do you really have to show up now? I've got enough on my plate as it is."

"Yeah, I do, because you're going to end up making us die in this place."

"Fuck you."

I started walking in a random direction, hoping that I would end up somewhere useful.

"You're going to get us even more lost, you fucking idiot!"

I ignored him. I couldn't afford to fucking lose it and start screaming at him in the middle of the street, no matter how deserted. I wasn't looking for a one way ticket to a white padded room.

Step. Step. Step. Step. Step. Each one got me closer to somewhere. Wherever that was.

No one was on the street that I was, and if there was, they didn't look at me.

I just walked. Walked until I felt like only the perpetual motion of my body was keeping my pace steady. My reflection had already manifested itself, whispering criticisms in my ear. Making me want to cut my fucking ears off so I wouldn't be able to hear him.

It felt like I was walking for days, on and on and on. Just the sound o my shoes hitting the pavement and his whispering in my ears. If I had to listen to this any longer I would go even more insane than I already was.

And every street looked the same, no matter what way I looked at it. The same gray, the same shadows, the same silence. I needed a change, I needed something significant that would tell me that I went down this street already.

And finally I found a street that looked somewhat familiar. And it had a Denny's.

Now, I wasn't one for Denny's.

But GOD I needed a boost. And I was hungry as a fucking elephant.

So I shuffled into the building and sat down at a table. I rested my head on my folded arms and almost fell asleep when the perkiest fucking waitress ever comes up to me.

"Afternoon, sir, what can I get you today?"

I looked up at her grinning face, then looked down her body, noting that she didn't have any sort of uniform on. Just jeans, T-shirt, and an apron. Which meant that her perky notch was set a fewhun thousand notches too high.

"You can get me a coffee, a cup of water, and some sort of eggs."

"Alright, anything else I can get you?"

"You can lower that perky dial of yours a few hundred notches."

The confused look on her face was somewhat cute, but then she just started to grin again and said, "Alright!" then bounded off to get my coffee and water. I swear to God. This is why I don't go to Denny's.

She came back with my water and coffee about thirty seconds later and just stood there. I glanced at her for about five seconds before reaching into my bag and pulling out one of my pill bottles.

"What's that?" I looked up and saw her looking at the pills I just put in my hand.

"It's AZT."

"You have AIDS?" Obviously this girl couldn't take a hint. Or comprehend sarcasm. So I decided to see if I could get anything out of it.

"No, HIV."

"Wow. Is there anything I can do for you while you're here?"

"Well, my hospital bill is pretty high, so if you could pay for my eggs, that'd be great."

"Oh golly gee, mister," I'm not even kidding, that's what she said, "I can do that!"

"You're such a sweet heart."

And with that she skipped away, and I got some free fucking eggs.

I popped my pills, swallowed some water, then sat back and watched my reflection dissolve back into it's normal state while I waited for my eggs.

And I didn't have to wait long.

And then the eggs didn't have to wait long until they were in my stomach, digesting.

I gulped down the rest of my coffee, laid a fiver down on the table, then left.

Now, full of coffee and eggs, I could try and find my way back to the club.

April 2
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's homoe to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the blvd. of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and i walk alone
I walk alone. I walk alone. I walk alone. I walk alone.
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
I'm walking downt eh line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline of the edge
And where I walk alone
read between the lines of what's
Fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
AND I WALK ALONE
I walk alone. I walk alone. I walk alone. I walk alone.
I walk this empty street on the blvd. of broken dreams
Where the city sleepsAnd
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone