My Name Is Jimmy and You Better Not Wear It Out

Well, I finally found my way back to the club.

Took for-fucking-ever.

But I found my way back.

To my luck, it was closed. I took a few steps back and looked at the whole of the building best I could. The club seemed to be the ground floor of a somewhat shitty apartment complex. That meant that [i[someone had to be home.

I pounded on the cold, metal door until it felt like I was going to bruise my hand and then I kept knocking. And about a minute later I got desperate and started full out banging. I needed a place to sleep and maybe as a bonus the place had a job opening. I didn't really care. All I knew was that it was getting colder and my jacket didn't protect against this kinda cold and a building with free central heating would.

When I was about to give up, the door finally opened and a guy in a leather jacket opened the door. He looked me up and down, eyes flicking over the exposed areas of skin where one could see my tattoos for a second or two, then asked, "What d'you want?"

"I was wondering if there was a free apartment and a job opening."

"Resume?"

"Didn't plan on needing one." I scowled. Like I would plan for the freak incident in which Tunny would leave me in a strange place in a fit of anger.

"Fine. You can clean up the club with Reggie. There's a free apartment on the second floor."

"What's rent?"

"You either buy it or you don't."

i thought about it. Who in the hell knew how long I would be here? Tunny definitely wasn't coming back for me, that fucking douche, and I didn't have a car to get home. And who ever said I wanted to get home? Wasn't that the point of leaving in the first place? Make my own way? Get a new life?

"How much?"

"Three fifty for our classiest."

I pulled the envelope that Ruthie gave me out of my back pack -- thank GOD Tunny didn't take it -- and handed the guy all but fifty bucks. His eyes widened, but he pawed through the cash, counting it up, then nodded.

"Fine, follow me."

I followed him inside and to the second floor, down a semi-lit hallway, to a door with the number 215 on it. He pulled a key from his pocket, unlocked the door, handed the key to me, then pushed me inside.

"Here's your new place, you can keep it as long as you want. God knows no one else wants it."

I looked around. A kitchen was to the left, straight ahead was a large living space, and off of that there was a bathroom. The dark walls needed a fresh coat of paint, but the floors were a nice hard wood. A large, semi-new mattress lay in the middle of the floor in the living space, and a large metal trashcan was set by the only window the place had. I took a glance in the kitchen. Sink, microwave, oven, plenty of cabinet space, and a washer and dryer. No fridge. Looks like everything I would buy food-wise would have to be nonperishable.

"Bathroom's clean and washed. Probably the most sanitary room in this whole place. John and a shower, hot and cold water. Everything a guy could want."

I nodded. "Alright, looks good."

"I'll go find Reggie and tell him and get you. He'll show you the ropes of the job and what you'll be doing."

And before I could say anything he left, closing the door behind him. I looked at the door for a moment, then threw my pack on the mattress that was now looking more ratty than semi-new. I took a quick run around the place, looking everything over, inspecting everything to make sure it was in working order, then lay down on the mattress and closed my eyes.

I was almost asleep when a knock came on the door.

"Let me in y'idiot."

I rolled off the mattress and onto the floor, then got up and opened the door. In the doorway stood a tall black man, wearing an old pair of jeans and a gray T-shirt.

"Come with me."

I pulled the door shut and locked it, then followed who I assumed to be Reggie downstairs to the crowd area of the club.

"Your job is to sweep up this floor after every show, wash off the top of the bar, and clean the graffiti off of the bathroom walls. You'll be paid five dollahs per hour you work, higher if you do well, lower if you do a shit job. You'll be paid on Mondays, the only day we don't book shows. Y'got me?"

I nodded and he motioned for me to follow him into the bathroom. He pointed to a bucket of soapy water and handed me a scrub brush.

"Here's your first job. I expect this to be done and spotless before the next show starts. That give you three hours. Get to work."

And so I did. Lord knew I needed the money. So I worked and I did the best I could with the time I had. For being such a lazy fuck, I worked hard damn it.

When Reggie came back in, I was only about 75% done with cleaning. He looked my work over, looking somewhat impressed.

"Good job. Last guy who worked here couldn't even get half of this done. Now you have three choices. You can either stay down here and watch the show, go up to your room and rest for a while, or get the fuck out and do whatever the hell you want."

I laughed and slugged my way up to the second floor, into my room, and onto the mattress that was now mine. Even though I never passed up a chance to see a show, I was dog tired, and I was starting to get a pounding headache from the last bits of the hangover that clutched at my nervous system. I lay down with my eyes closed and just thought, somehow too wired to actually fall asleep.

I thought about how Tunny was a douche. I mean, what kinda guy would leave his hung over best friend in the middle of a place that he barely knew? Why couldn't he just see that I had been SO DAMN DRUNK that I had NO IDEA what I was doing? He always got that drunk, and he would call me in the morning with a, "Dude, I was hella drunk last night and I just woke up next to this freak of nature. Sure they were great in the sack and all, but would you please COME GET ME!?" and expect me to show up at the following address. He was such a god damn hypocrite.

And as I was ranting in my head, I slowly lost consciousness, only to wake up about four hours later from Reggie knocking on my door. I walked like a zombie down the stairs, took the huge broom he handed me, ans started sweeping. This show must've been even crazier than the one I was at, because there were bottles everywhere, broken or otherwise, some random bras here and there, and a lot of random bits of paper.

I swept up quickly, then sat down at the bar and grabbed a beer. There was a bowl full of IOU's, all saying "IOU ONE BEER" or the payment for one beer and a name. I scribbled out an IOU of my own, opened the bottle, and took a long drink. I wanted to forget about Tunny and how much of a fucking douche he was.

As I was writing out my third IOU, a group of girls walked in, one of them probably lived in the building because of how easily they got in. The one who most likely lived the building, judging by how she was putting a key into her purse, was sobbing openly while her friends tried to comfort her. They all wrote IOU's and put them into the bowl, then took beers for themselves and one for their friend.

"He's such a f-f-f-f-fucking BASTARD!" she wailed as she leaned on one of her friends and took the beer being offered to her.

"Hun, you deserve more than that!"

"He shouldn't have treated you like that."

"Why don't you just leave him?"

"B-B-B-B-B-BECAUSE!! I LO-O-O-O-OVE HIM!"

I half choked, half laughed into my beer. The girl and her friend glared at me. "What's so damn funny?" one of them asked.

"You are, believing in love."

"Like you would kn-n-now what love is, you prick." The sobbing girl said.

"I know it's a bunch of shit that tears you down and leaves you for dead. It's a fallacy that you trick yourself into believing. All relationships are is just sex."

The girl opened her mouth to give some witty retort, but then her eyes flashed with realization. She knew what I was talking about. Wasn't like she was going to admit it out loud though. Instead she just glared at me, and stormed upstairs. Her friends followed her except one, claiming that she was going to get some more beers.

"Hey...I kinda get what you're saying..."

I looked up. She nodded. "Bre knew it too, but she didn't want to let him go and claimed that they were in love...I do it too sometimes...I don't know how to stop."

"Let me tell you something. Love is just a fucked up way of saying that you're too attached to something to let it go. It's an addiction that grips the whole damn world. Best way to cure it happens to take a lot of drugs and have meaningless sex. No attachmetns, and you always feel good. At least that's what's worked for me."

The girl looked thoughtful for a moment, but then a shrill "KATE. GET YOUR ASS UP HERE WITH OUR BEER, NOW!" came down the stairs. Kate started to panic, wrote out five IOU's, grabbed the beer, and started for the stairs.

"Hey, Kate." She turned, arms full of beer, looking mystified, like I was some sort of saint for telling her what I did. I grinned. "Just think about it. The world is full of fucking addicts, waiting to get the monkey off their back. And if you ever need some rehab, bring some cocaine to room 215."

She smiled liek a child who was thinking of doing something horrible before another shrill "KATE!" came from upstairs and she disappeared into the upper levels of the building.

Easter Sunday
Starry nights....................city lights
Coming down over me
Sky scrapers and stargazers in my head
ARE WE WE ARE, ARE WEAR WE ARE THE WAITING UNKNOWN
This dirty town was burning down in my dreams & SCREAMING
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting and
SCREAMING are we we are are we we are the waiting
Forget me nots and second thoughts
LIVE IN ISOLATION
Heads or tails and Fairytales in my mind
ARE WE WE ARE, ARE WE WE ARE THE WAITING UNKNOWN
the RAGE AND LOVE, the story of my life.
The JESUS OF SUBURBIA is a lie and SCREAMING
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown
Are we we are, are we we are the waiting unknown