I'm Feelin' so Low

The last thing I remember was someone running over to me, and then everything was blacked out. The next thing I knew was that I was alive, and I was somehow at home.

“How you feeling now, Aidan?” my father cooed sympathetically, it wouldn’t last though.

“I don’t remem…” I began but cut off by my father, "You better not have said a word to anyone," he harshly said.

I thought about it, I wasn't sure if I had. "No, I didn't. Uhm, what happened?" I asked.

"You guys were playing badminton, somehow a few minutes later you began dropping to the floor, in a somewhat slow motion way. Then you were lying there non-responsive. The school office rang me up, told me to come and get you. Don't try that tomorrow, right?! I won't be coming to get you if you do," he unsympathetically spoke to me like I didn't understand what he was saying, as if I was some 5 year old child. He spat in my face as he stood up from the sofa, leaving a deep depression on the seat cover.

I closed my eyes and tried to think why I had fainted. I put it down to stress, and the likes.

Dear Diary,

Despite everything that had happened, I think I enjoyed my first day. Seemed to go alright, considering the fact I thought I’d make no friends whatsoever.

Well I hope I can call these 6 people my friends after just no more than half a day. I’d like to think already, that I can trust them. That’s what I’d like, but I can’t.

I awoke the next day from the bright sun that was shining through the curtains and the smell of fresh coffee.

“Get up. Now.” my father prodded my arm with his index finger. Leaving a red circle were his finger once was.

I stroked my hair, and begin sitting up. “Yeah.. I know. Christ..” I mumbled as I shakily stood up from the sofa. “Thanks for lifting me through to my bed..” I muttered under my breath.

“What did you say?” he asked, angrily raising an eyebrow.

“I said, ‘thanks for waking me up’..” I stuttered, I was sick of lying for what I constantly muttered under my breath, he’d always hear a snippet of the sentence and quickly ask what I’d said. You’d think I’d realise by now to only think and not say, wouldn’t you? But that is impossible. Words just spill out of my mouth sometimes, which usually ends in me getting beat up.

“Go get ready for school. Or you’re gunna be late.” he scoffed down his toast and swallowed the coffee in two large mouth fulls. I watched in desperation for something to eat, just a little bite of toast. However, not only did I not have time, but my father didn’t make me any anyway.

“WELL GO!” he shouted.

I quickly ran through to my bedroom and placed myself in front of the full length mirror.

“What a state,” I miserably said. I was disgusted with myself, my looks, my pale skin, my thin frame. It was simply disgusting.
Once I plastered cover-up all over my face, neck, arms and legs, I pulled on my school outfit. Consisting of a red and white checkered shirt, a long sleeve black t-shirt and skinny black jeans, though the 'skinny' part didn't really work on me. I then pulled on my navy converse and walked out for the bus. I noticed a kid walking towards the bus stop, but I didn’t know who. From this far their features were too blurred together.
I squeezed my eyes together, making things a little clearer. “Brian..” I said in a high pitched voice as he got nearer.

“Melissa.. right?” he jokingly asked.

I frowned, pretending I was furious with him. “NO! My name’s Aidan, actually.” I laughed.

“Oh! Of course… How could I forget..? Me bad!” he grinned that same goofy smile as he had yesterday; his almost pure white teeth showing through the opening of his mouth.

The bus arrived shortly after. I stepped onto the bus and soon realised that this stop must be the first stop of the day as there were no other kids.

“So we’re alone Melissa. How do you feel about that, eh?”

I pushed his face away, which he thought I was only joking about but actually the real reason is this: I didn’t want him to see the bruises underneath the cover-up. From a distance my skin looked ‘flawless’, but close up you could see the marks a little.

“So..” I awkwardly said, trying to break the silence that separated us.

“Doing much today?”

“No, probably not,” I vaguely replied.

“What happened yesterday? I heard you fainted and shit..”

“Yeah.. No big deal.” I rolled my eyes.

As the bus came to the next bus stop, pulling in to edge of the kerb more kids bounced up the steps, handed the driver their fair and sat down.

At the stop that came after, Matt and Jimmy pounded on, didn’t pay their fair, and sat down. Rebels?

“Howdy!” Jimmy called out. Kids turned to him, their eyes confused. “What the fuck you lookin’ at, you fuckin’ motherfuckin‘ fucks?”

Everyone shook their heads, I presumed that they were used to his behaviour. Matt, Brian and myself were all laughing at Jimmy. Who now was making a beat with Brian’s seat, the floor and the windows. I caught the driver looking in the mirror with irritated glint in his eyes.

“James, stop wreckin’ ma bus!” sounded out through the telecom. I glanced at the three boys, they were all beating a long.

“You better stop that.. He’s watching!” I whispered.

“Ach, that’s only Bill. He won’t do a thing, he just acts the tough man. Really, he doesn’t care. Honest. You should see how many buses we’ve wrecked,” said Matt as he crossed his arms over his chest.

The bus stopped as it arrived at the school. Everyone stood up, and ran down the isle of the bus.

“Catch ya later, Bill!” Matt waved.

We walked through the gates, I felt like I belonged here. Like, by getting accepted by these kids, I was accepted by the world and it was the most amazing feeling.