Gypsy

I roomed with Hannah that night (I know; big shocker that we all managed to stay in our assigned rooms, right?). We planned on staying up for only a little while, watching re-runs of Family Guy and talking about anything and everything, and for the most part we did just that. I almost naively wondered just how crazy things were going to get on tour, while Hannah wondered if the guys might be ever-so-slightly more reserved than usual since Johnny had invited her out with us. On the way to the Hilton, Jinx had informed us that the guys were still highly likely to get out of control, assuring us that we’d only seen them in ’wind-down’ mode before. I didn’t doubt that at all. The energy on the bus and even through lunch, dinner, and on the way to bed had been buzzing with a muted debauchery. However, Jinx’s words quickly proven true. We didn't get as much sleep as we wanted last night. The guys, specifically Brian and Jimmy (who, unfortunately, were in the room next to us), had snuck a rather large amount of alcohol into the hotel and had decided to throw a private party. I was almost worried we would end up getting kicked out; there were several times that I could have sworn I heard hotel employees knocking on their door. Thankfully, no such banishment occurred. Eventually (around four in the morning) the guys drank themselves to sleep, leaving me and Hannah to finally get some rest.

The tension between Brian and I seemed to have tapered off over the past few days. For the most part, I was relieved. As much as some messed up part of me reveled in being involved in whatever mellow dramatic chaos I could sink my teeth into, I hated it at the same time. While one could argue that I barely knew the guys or Jinx, Tracey, and Hannah, a huge part of me didn’t want my tumults to ruin things for them. Normally I wouldn’t care, but with all things aside (’all things’ mainly being Brian), I wasn’t judged here. I needed that just as much as the next person.

But despite feeling somewhat at ease, I had the sinking feeling that this calmness I felt wasn’t going to last. My experiences so far proved that it rarely did.

So I woke up the day of the concert around eleven, head heavy, to several loud knocks on the hotel room door. Still sluggish from sleep (or lack thereof), I stumbled out of bed, tripping on the blankets as I did so, to open the door. A very tired looking Matt stood there, rubbing his face as if it would somehow help wake him up.

“You can’t already be exhausted,” I teased, looking at his worn out disposition. “It’s only the first day.”

“You would think,” he huffed, his voice slightly husky from his tiredness. “I managed to revive Brian and Jimmy from whatever coma they put themselves in, but was wondering if you two would want to come out for lunch with the rest of us.”

“Yeah, sure,” I sighed, rubbing sleep out of my eyes. “We’ll be down in a few minutes.”

Matt nodded, saying he’d see me in a few before I closed the door.

“Hannah?” I asked tentatively, not sure how to wake her.

“I’m up,” she grumbled, her voice muffled underneath the pillow that she’d thrown over her face some time during the night, most likely to try to block out the ruckus in the room next to us.

Once dressed and ready, we met the guys downstairs to go to one of the local restaurants before heading over to the arena. We had hours to kill before the show, which officially started at five (even though we weren’t scheduled to go out until around eight), and all I wanted to do was spend that time sleeping. Everyone seemed to agree with that thought, seeming to be forcing themselves to stay awake. Brian and Jimmy, sunglasses plastered over their eyes, seemed incapable of speaking, picking at their ’brunch’ half-heartedly in their zombie-like state. Johnny looked like he wanted to crawl right back into bed, or pass out at the table, and Zacky’s eyes were puffier than ever. Jinx, with her magical ability to apparently sleep through a nuclear blast, was the only one who was acting rested and fully functional.

“Jesus Christ,” Brian groaned, holding his head in his hands. “My skull feels like it’s going to rip itself open from the fucking inside.”

“I told you guys not to,” Matt chuckled. “I wasn’t about to snatch the alcohol away from you like babies.”

“Why didn’t you?” he groaned. “Fuck!”

“Brian, shut up, people are staring,” Johnny laughed, nodding over to an older couple that were giving Brian highly disproving looks.

“Oh…who cares…fuck them,” he grumbled, struggling with his words as he poked at the food in front of him with a fork.

“You’re such a California girl,” Jinx said, rolling her eyes. “Look at you, bitching about partying and picking at your food like a bird. Afraid of the calorie intake?”

“Fuck you too, bitch,” he said jokingly, a smile tugging at his lips, flinging a piece of his lunch at her.

“Hey!” Matt warned, scowling at him as Jinx ducked the piece of chicken that flew past her head, the piece of meat landing on the carpeted floor in front of the old couple. They proceeded to glare at us unpleasantly as they mumbled about "kids these days".

“Whaaat?” Brian whined, grinning at Matt. “It didn’t hurt her; it’s just food!”

Matt rolled his eyes, settling for eating his lunch rather than arguing with his lead guitarist. Jinx rolled her eyes too, obviously annoyed with Matt’s protectiveness, despite the smile she was fighting. They seemed like a fairly normal couple, I thought, despite their somewhat shaky beginnings. Why didn’t things ever work out that way for me?

Why was I always asking why?

****

As the day slowly passed, we eventually found ourselves getting ready for the show. Jinx and I helped Matt Berry set up the merch booth, while Jason ecstatically ran off to check on the equipment. From inside the building I could hear the chattering voices an laughter of the people lined up at the door outside. They made me slightly nervous, but I swallowed the budding stage-fright.

“You okay?” Jinx asked nonchalantly, tossing me a glance as she folded a shirt and set it on top of its assorted pile.

“Yeah…I guess so,” I shrugged.

“Not getting nervous again, are you?” she teased, smiling.

“A little, but it’ll wear off,” I laughed. “I think the first night sort of broke me of that fear. I’m just…I don’t know, feeling unsure? Ill at ease? I don’t know….”

“Brian?” she questioned lightly.

“Yeah,” I admitted hesitantly.

“Don’t worry about him,” she suggested. “I said it once, and I’ll say it again; you’re better off leaving it be. Don’t concern yourself with it.”

I nodded mutely. I wanted to take her advice to heart, I really did, but some part of me just wasn’t able to. Or did I not want to? I wasn’t sure anymore. I busied myself with folding a shirt as perfectly as I could, suddenly aware of the simplistic irony. As much as I tried to pick up the pieces of my life, to make it as neat and tidy as possible, it always fell back into dishevelment, making the same mistakes over and over again. Frowning slightly, I placed the shirt onto its designated pile, pushing the thought aside.

We left Matt Berry to his merch booth once we’d gotten everything in order and walked backstage to the dressing rooms. We still had yet to get change for the night, not in any particular rush, but time was getting shorter. It was one thing to endure prancing about half-naked in a steamy, hot club, but another thing altogether to walk around in the late November weather. Despite it being California and everyone having the misconception that it was always warm here, it became a rather chilly during the pre-winter weeks.

“We should probably change,” Jinx mused, checking her cellphone, as if reading my mind.

“What time is it?” I asked.

“It’s almost four-thirty,” she said. “They’ll be opening the doors to the public any minute now. We should scram. People are starting to recognize who I am now, and I’m not exactly liked because of it. I’d just rather not deal with it.”

I gave a quick nod of understanding, picked up my bag of clothes and locked myself in one of the changing stalls. Not exactly wanting to wait around in lingerie for hours, I slipped on a long, satin-esque trench coat over my stage outfit, the inner fabric warming the exposed skin underneath. At least I wouldn’t freeze my ass off while waiting around.

Once dressed, Jinx suggested that we wait with the guys for a while, at least until they went onstage. I followed her until we were outside, the chill breeze that brushed against my skin making me shiver. I was silently thankful that we were hidden from the view of any lurking public by the marquee of tour buses that lined the street. The guys were loitering around their bus, all but Johnny, who I assumed was taking a short power nap inside of the monstrous vehicle. I didn’t blame him; if I dwelled on it too much, I would want to go back to bed as well.

“Hey, you,” Brian purred, sliding next to me as I leaned against the bus. He seemed more conscious than he had earlier, his chocolate eyes glimmering in the fading sunlight.

“Well, look at who’s playing nice,” I scoffed. He raised a questioning eyebrow at my words.

“I always play nice,” he grinned.

“Hardly,” I snorted. I knew he was being mildly sarcastic, maybe even mocking himself, but he would simply have to accept my dry humor.

“Oh, come on,” he said giving me a light, almost playful shove. I smiled slightly despite myself. I wanted to be wary, I wanted to keep my guard up, but it was hard to when those brown eyes were looking directly into yours. Now standing in front of me, hands resting on the bus on either side of my head, inches away and playing with one of the buttons on my jacket, he said, “Can I at least have a quick look under that trench coat?”

The grin he wore was almost wolfish. I didn’t mind his flirtatious banter. That…this…I could deal with. As long as he didn’t slip into assumptions, we could stay on good terms. But all things holy and evil knew just how difficult that could be for us sometimes…all the time.

“I don’t think so,” I cooed, eyes rolling up to meet his.

“Awh, come on, I just want to make sure your outfit is stage appropriate,” he laughed.

“Nice try,” I chortled. “That’s about the saddest excuse I’ve heard in a long time. And trust me, I’ve heard some pretty pathetic lines.”

I had to give him credit for the more-than-charming look he was giving me; if I didn’t fight myself on it, it would have done its wonders. I had no trouble in seeing why most women would melt if he even so much as paid the slightest bit of attention to them. The man was gorgeous, but he was also prideful. That much, especially from his anger the other night when I’d left him, was crystal clear.

I guess we at least had that much in common.

“Just try not to mess up your solo,” I smiled, ducking under one of his arms and sliding away from him to walk over to where Hannah and Tracey were talking. I didn't bother to look at his expression as I walked away, but I could almost feel the disappointment.

Time seemed to pass more quickly as we waited around, eventually moving inside the actual building as the clock ticked closer to their stage time. I’m sure they were used to ridiculously large crowds by now, but I still sat around wondering if any of them still got nervous from time to time. From what I could tell, Jimmy was the only one expressing any signs of anxiety, twirling his drumsitcks and drumming on anything that didn’t move (including Johnny if he wasn't fast enough to dart away), but he was probably just antsy to get on stage.

“Here, you should probably hold onto this,” Matt said, handing Jinx, who was sitting beside me, their setlist for the show.

“Oh, I’m flattered, but I don’t want it unless it’s signed,” she teased, acting like she was going to hand it back to him.

“Funny, funny,” he smiled. “It’s so you guys know when to come out.”

“I know what it’s for,” Jinx said, rolling her eyes and snatching his hat and bandana off of his head.

“I need that,” Matt grumbled, almost reaching out for his hat.

“Don’t be such a diva,” she smirked, jerking the hat out of reach. “You need nothing. Don’t be one of those guys who can’t stand to not wear a hat. I’ll fucking wear the damn thing myself if you don’t stop being so grabby.”

“I will mortify you onstage if you wear that out there,” he laughed lowly. “Aaaand, you’ll probably fall because of it, so,” he continued loftily, snatching his hat back from her, “I think I’ll just have this back, if only for your own safety.”

“Oh, how noble,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes again. She glanced at the clock on the wall, its red numbers flashing annoyingly. “Don’t you guys only have ten minutes until showtime?”

“Yeah,” Zack answered, fiddling with his guitar. “Why do you ask?”

She shrugged. “No reason, just wondering why Mister Shadows over here isn’t doing his vocal warm-ups.”

“You’re just on a roll tonight with the humor,” he said dryly. “I can’t take much more of it.”

“That’s what she said,” Jinx mumbled, immaturely.

“No, that’s what you said,” Matt laughed. Jinx promptly swatted him with the setlist while everyone else laughed.

Once the guys got ready, Buckcherry went offstage, and the Berry twins and Dan arranged the stage behind the guys’ signature, ominous black curtain, the guys went onstage and it was time for us to play ’The Waiting Game’. The four of us watched them play from the shadows, Jinx and Tracey occasionally glancing down at the setlist to know when we were supposed to go out. When we saw the lights completely dim, Jinx tapped me on the arm, motioning for me that it was time to go and do our routine. I made a show of trying to be my most seductive every time Brian would glance my way. It felt like we were having our own little private show; my dancing and his guitar. I couldn’t help but grin to myself when he almost forget to do his solo.

****

“We kicked ass tonight,” Johnny said as he stretched. “Did you see the size of that circle pit?”

“They were crazy tonight,” Zack said, nodding. “I’m going to fucking shower then go aside. Jason says there’s a rather decent crowd waiting by the buses.”

“I’ll see you out there then,” Matt said before giving Jinx a quick hug and saying, “I’ll be back in an hour or so.”

“No problem,” she shrugged. “Go appease your fans, big guy.”

They made it look so easy.

He smiled down at her before leaving the room to go out by the buses. Jinx crumpled up the setlist, tossing it into the trash, before turning to look at me.

“Do you want to run out to get something for dinner with me and Tracey?” she asked, grabbing her bag of ’public clothes’.

“Uhm,” I began slowly. For a split second I looked around, catching Brian’s eyes. It seemed like some unspoken conversation passed between us before I looked back to Jinx. “Maybe tomorrow night,” I continued slowly with a quick smile. “I’m not too hungry.”

“Alright,” she shrugged. She looked to Brian then to me, raising her eyebrows suspiciously. “I guess I’ll catch you later tonight then,” she added with a small smirk. I rolled my eyes as she walked out and the door closed behind her.

The only people left in the dressing room were me and Brian. There was a small moment of heavy silence before anything was said.

"You looked good tonight," he grinned at me, his hand reaching out to brush a bit of hair over my shoulder.

"Did I?" I asked coyly. "I thought I looked good every night."

"Aren't you getting a little full of yourself?" he asked, his eyes darkening as they flicked over my body, walking towards me. The way his mouth was ever-so-slightly agape said that I had every right to be 'full of myself'.

"I don't know," I shrugged with a half-smile, backing up in pace with his advances. "Am I?"

It seemed that being alone was all it really took. Before either of us knew it, Brian had me pushed up against the wall, hands roaming up and down my sides, slowly pushing up the small corset-type top that I wore with each pass of his hands. I wasn’t sure what fueled it…the tension from the other night, the flirting from earlier today, the dance routine, the unspoken conversation, or just us in general, but whatever it was it seemed to have fueled a fire.

A fire that I wasn’t sure could exactly be distinguished.

We sort of half-walked, half-stumbled our way over to one of the counters in the room, too lost in feeding at each other’s mouths to really pay attention to where we were going. Brian lifted me onto the marble surface with a small grunt, biting down on my collarbone. The heat pulsating between the empty spaces connecting our bodies was enough to drive me up a wall. Somewhere in my mind, I knew I wasn’t thinking straight, but it just didn’t register. It was hard to allow logic the time of day when blinded by an almost animal attraction.

I shuddered as his hand skimmed past the exposed skin of my stomach, traveling further south, one hand tightly gripping my waist to hold me in place. Brian took one foot and pushed my legs apart slightly, granting him better access, his eyes never leaving mine as he did so. He pushed the lingerie material aside almost teasingly slow, careful not to touch my skin just yet. I fought the whimper threatening to rise from the anticipation. I gasped once his calloused fingertips slowly, almost teasingly, rubbed against my clit. He smirked at my reaction, his breath hot against my neck as he worked me. Through the haze, I shot a few paranoid glances at the very unlocked door, worried that someone might walk in on us.

Brian laughed huskily, almost as if he knew what was going through my head. “I don’t give a damn if anyone walks in,” he breathed into my ear, rubbing me more vigorously. I didn’t realize that my nails were digging into the inked skin on his arms until I felt the skin break and heard Brian hiss. I ground against his hand, causing him to chuckle lowly.

“Since it’s obvious, why don’t you just say it?” he whispered as he slid two fingers inside me without warning.

“S-say what?” I breathed, clenching slightly at the feel of his fingers.

“Say that you want me,” he grinned, fingers curling tortuously.

I didn’t answer him. I didn’t plan on it either; I didn't feel the need to. He pulled out his fingers only to thrust them back into me, causing me to writhe; his other hand gripped more tightly onto my waist, almost bruisingly so. His fingers seemed to curl upward and deeper with each thrust of his hand, pushing me closer and closer to that edge.

"Say it," he said almost tauntingly, his tone almost playful. He slowly bit down on my neck with a force that earned a rather audible moan from me.

I could feel the familiar tingling warmth threatening to spill over…and nearly whimpered when he unexpectedly stopped and his fingers left me, suddenly feeling extremely empty and exposed. The physical and mental letdown was almost too much for me to handle.

“What the fuck?” I barked, instantly getting angry. Could you blame me?

“Say it and I’ll go on,” he smirked.

“You’ve got to fucking be kidding me,” I snarled.

“If I’m being funny to you, I’m not trying to,” he said innocently, his brown eyes glimmering with amusement. "Just admit it."

I had to give him credit for his little scheme. He was messing with my pride just as I had messed with his. I should have listened to my paranoia, or my instincts, and have kept my guard up; I should have known that someone with an ego his side wouldn't let such personal embarrassment go unpunished. But as much as my body may have wanted to just play along with his little game, I (or my pride) wasn't going to have it.

"No," I growled stubbornly.

"Fine," he shrugged. "No loss of mine."

Like a typical girl, I took off my rather high heeled shoe and chucked it at the back of his head as he went to walk out. He turned around like he was either going to charge at me or shout something, but stopped himself short, settling for a steely leer. I smirked nastily, giving him the best 'if looks could kill' glare that I could muster until he left the room, leaving me with unwanted thoughts and less wanted feelings.

At least I'd had the last laugh.