Gypsy

Exhausted from the past two days, I was a little relieved when we unanimously decided to skip the nightlife for tonight, well…everyone except Jimmy, but that was to be expected. I was a little surprised that he didn’t just venture out on his own, as amped up as he was, but was thankful that he didn’t. I would never admit it to the guy, but I worried a little each time he did go out without us, plus it just felt weird or lonely or something without his crazy antics around; it was generally a better time with him than without him Plus, there was always the fear of a repeat of Japan, when he’d gone out on his own or separated from us (it was hard to remember) and we had to cancel the show the next day because he’d gotten lost in the city and we had to find him.

After the show and meeting some of the fans, we sat around for a while, watching movies on the small flatscreen that hung on the wall of the bus, talking about the show, the fans, the displeased security guards, girls, and random things that came to mind. I tried to hide it, but every time Larissa shot me a glare, I felt a little smug. Judging by the increase of the intensity in her leers, I guess I wasn’t doing so well at hiding the conceit.

Oops.

I wasn’t going to lie and say that I didn’t find the entire situation amusing, because I did. Wrong? Maybe, but what can I say? I guess I’m easily amused. I probably wouldn’t have done what I did had she not pulled the bullshit she had at that miserable bar. That night had just been a general disaster. Actually, besides the show, the whole week had been kind of screwed up for me.

With the movie ending and mostly everyone asleep, Matt sluggishly volunteered to drive for a few hours, voicing that we had to leave now or we’d never make it to the next city. I wasn’t even sure where we were going next; I would leave it up to Matt to know where we were going. I didn’t care as long as we got there and did a good show.

Larissa was curled up in the corner of the breakfast booth, fast asleep. I thought about waking her up and telling her that she had to move. If I tried to wake her I’d probably lose a limb or take the risk of her gauging my eyes out. I didn’t want to risk that. Besides the obvious setbacks, I knew better. Sure, we didn’t always get along, but I wasn’t going to treat her like shit. I wasn’t that much of an asshole.

“Hey, man, you okay?” Jimmy asked, nudging me.

“Huh?” I said, looking up. “Oh, yeah…I’m fine. Why?”

“You just seem lost in thought,” he shrugged, a slight smile tugging at his lips. “That’s rare for you.”

I gave him an exaggerated look and rolled my eyes, but I didn’t say anything, absentmindedly flicking at the laces of my shoes. Jimmy was quiet for a few moments, tossing me shifty-eyed sideways glances for several minutes before he actually spoke.

“So what’s up?” he asked lightly. Jimmy was always one to keep things carefree. Even when we were younger and still in high school, he could be having a dead serious conversation with you and somehow find a way to keep things lighthearted. Some people would take it as a lack of seriousness, but I knew better. Whether he did it for self-comfort or to reassure whoever he happened to be talking with, I didn’t know, but whatever his reasons (if he even had any) it never failed to keep me calm.

“Not much, man,” I shrugged. “Just thinking about things. You know…in general.”

“You up to talking about why Nat wasn’t there to see you off for tour? You haven’t really said anything about it.”

Well, yeah. I had kind of done that on purpose. I grumbled something displeasing and incoherent before continuing the examination of my shoelaces.

“I would have asked sooner but you seemed like you needed time to cool off.” I gave him a questioning look. “You were a bit of an ass to Zack when he said something the other day.”

“Oh…yeah,” I remembered sheepishly, scratching the back of my neck. I really shouldn’t have been as rude to Zack as I had been; he didn’t really deserve it. Any hard feelings that I’d had towards him were completely unwarranted, the result of having a bitch for ’girlfriend’ and unfounded assumption about him and Larissa. At least, I hoped they were unfounded. I knew that I literally had no right to even hope for that; it wasn’t like Larissa was mine. I was far from about to delude myself into thinking that, but it still didn’t stop the gratuitous jealous from creeping up.

Jimmy sat there, patiently waiting for me to explain. He had that flicker of amusement that he always had in his eyes, as if he were seconds away from laughing at my predicament. If I weren’t in the situation, I’d probably laugh at it too.

“I don’t know, Jim,” I said finally, scrunching up my face in distaste. “Why is she always never there? Same thing as usual.”

“Another fight?” he asked, voice soft.

“Sort of,” I shrugged, the memory of the argument still ingrained painfully in my mind.

“Sort of?” Jimmy pressed. “Don’t bullshit me, Brian.”

“I’m not bullshitting you,” I smiled. “I just don’t really want to talk about it, but you’re not giving me a choice.”

“Nope,” he grinned. “I demand that you confide in me or I’ll beat you like my drumset.”

“Fine,” I said, grimacing slightly at the thought. “We were just sitting around, hanging out for once and actually getting long. But then she had to pull her bullshit….”

“What bullshit?”

“Well, first it started with her asking me when tour was going to be over, which I didn’t mind, you know…whatever, right?” Jimmy nodded mutely. “I told her I wasn’t entirely sure, and she started getting really silent about everything. Then she asked when we were going to stop.”

“What do you mean?” Jimmy asked, blue eyes scrutinizing.

“That’s exactly what I asked, and she was like ’The band, Brian. When are you going to stop the band?’”

“Is she fucking serious?” he laughed, a little too loudly, causing one of the girls to grumble a muffled ”shut up”. We glanced at each other, which made the situation more hilarious for whatever reason and harder to contain our laughter. Somehow, we managed to fight it back.

“Yeah, she was serious,” I said finally, voiced hushed.

“What the fuck…why?”

I shrugged again; I seemed to be full of those tonight. “Beats me.”

“Did you tell her that she sort of signed up for you being away and shit when you started dating her?” he snickered.

“Yeah, but she didn’t like it when I did,” I scoffed. “She said that when she got with me, she didn’t expect the band to go this far.”

“Wow…what a bitch,” he seethed, reaching over into the mini-fridge and grabbing a few cans of beer and handing one to me. I gladly took it, cracking it open with a satisfying hiss. “I’m, she’s never really been a sweetheart, but seriously….”

“Yeah, I know,” I mumbled bitterly. I hadn’t felt so taken aback in a very long time. Honestly, it takes quite a lot to deeply offend me. I didn’t want to admit it, but what Natalie had said had actually hurt me. And I wasn’t exactly easily hurt by things, usually brushing them off. But I took pride in my work, in my friends, and even though it felt somewhat childish, I was insulted that she didn’t. Not to mention the irksome sting of her lying about supporting me no matter what. Sure, some of the things I’ve done may have forfeited that support, but it didn’t stop it from bothering me. It just made me wonder what other things she’s lied about, and that got under my skin the most.

“You’re way more patient than I am, man,” Jimmy said after tossing back his beer. “I would have left that bitch a long time ago. Like, I would have bought her her own private jet so she could leave…actually I probably would have just dragged her out of the house.”

I smiled and rolled my eyes at his dramatization, taking a drink of my own beer. “She going to sleep like that all night?” I asked, pointing at Larissa with the can. However she had herself contorted looked far from a comfortable position to sleep in.

“Probably,” Jimmy shrugged, reaching over to poke her in the side, causing her to swat his hand away in her sleep.

“Don’t do that,” I growled lowly, giving him a look. He just chucked.

“What? Afraid she’ll wake up?”

“Yes!” I hissed.

“What did you do anyway?” he asked, flicking at the metal tab of his beer can. “She was giving you death glares throughout the entire movie.”

“Payback’s a bitch,” I scoffed. I knew that he was piecing things together like he always did. He knew me too well to not do that. I wouldn’t be lying if I said that we were pretty much each other’s ‘open-books’.

Jimmy wordlessly shook his head before saying anything. “You know, you really shouldn’t treat her like a toy based on her job,” he said softly.

I gave a careless shrug, but Jimmy seemed determined to not let the conversation drop.

“I mean, if you think about it...really think about it…you’re both the same,” he mused.

“How do you figure?” I asked, giving him a quizastical look.

“She does what she does for money, you’re basically the same way; you get up there and sell yourself on stage by playing music to make a few checks from management,” he explained. “Sure, you indulge in some of the lifestyle, but it doesn’t really define you as a person, does it?” I shook my head mutely. “Exactly; no, it doesn’t. There’s more to you as a person other than…you know, all the bullshit we do that’s sort of stereotypical of our ’occupation’.”

“I’ve never really looked at it that way before,” I reluctantly admitted. Jimmy just nodded almost victoriously.

“And it’s normal to group people into categories, but come on…she’s not a whore, Brian,” he continued. “And the fact that you even throw the word around is hilarious; you’re the biggest whore out of all of us.”

“I’m not a whore,” I grumbled hesitantly. Jimmy gave me an exasperated look. “I’m not!” I argued.

“You know it’s true,” he snickered.

“You’re no different.” I countered defensively. I wasn’t about to sit here listening to him preach at me while letting him act like some sort of saint. I’ve seen him get away with shit that I could never pull off.

“No, but I’m single, man,” he said with a small grin. “I’m not a dog.”

“Ouch,” I laughed. “That hurt my soul, Jim.”

“Good,” he smiled, laughing with me. “And consider yourself enlightened.”

I rolled my eyes but smiled nonetheless. We sat there, talking for an hour or so more about pointless ramblings until Jinx pulled back the curtain of her bunk, suffering a bad case of bed-head and looking particularly angry.

“Excuse me, ladies,” she seethed, “but some of us are trying to get some sleep.” She abruptly slid the curtain back into place, grumbling, “I don’t even know how you two are fucking alive after the two-person rave you threw last night at the hotel.”

“But they’re keeping me awake,” Matt debated from up front, where he was driving. “I’d rather not fall asleep at the wheel.”

“Just shut up and drive,” she groaned, causing Jimmy to laugh. “Or wake someone else up if you get too tired…I’m sure you could bully Short Shit into driving.”

“I take offense to that,” Johnny mumbled sleepily from his bunk.

“Go drive before Matt kills us all,” Jinx ordered.

“You just want him in your bunk,” Johnny complained as he sleepily stepped out from his own bunk, eyes puffy with tiredness.

“That’s only one of the many fringe benefits,” she said. I could practically hear her grinning from behind the red privacy curtain.

Only once Matt and Johnny switched places (well, sort of, considering that Matt went into Jinx’s bunk for the night) and everything started calming down did I start to feel the effects of sleep deprivation, crashing down on me like tsunamic waves. Finishing the last of my beer, crushing the can and tossing it into the trash, I went to climb into my own bunk, the cheap mattress sounding like the most heavenly thing on earth at that moment. I hesitated, glancing over at Larissa. She looked peaceful in her sleep, undisturbed by any of the thoughts that seemed to make her openly distant while she was awake. Sighing at myself, I grabbed one of the blankets from my bunk and laid it over her sleeping frame. She stirred slightly, but thankfully didn’t wake up, for which I was more than relieved.

God only knows she’d somehow lash out over it.