Even If Saving You Sends Me to Heaven

Zane was lying in his hospital bed, but it was still too early for him to sleep, and he wasn’t tired. There was nothing I could say to him, and he refused to voice his anxiety even though he knew I could somehow know what he was feeling. I could only sit in the chair next to his bed and wait with him.

A nurse came in at around nine o’clock to say, “Zane, we contacted your uncle and told him you were spending the night here. He didn’t come, but you have two other visitors. I warned them that you might not remember them, so don’t feel bad if you don’t.”

Zane nodded, but he was terrified. I reached out to comfort him by holding his hand. When the nurse left the room, Samantha, Mara, and Danny walked in. I nodded stealthily at Danny, afraid that Zane would be upset if I spoke to him.

Danny grinned and said, “I understand,” but he continued to watch me curiously.

It took Zane a few seconds to recognize his sister, but when he did, he exclaimed, “Samantha! You look different. Older. Where’s Mom?”

Mara and Samantha exchanged a worried glance. Samantha did the right thing and carefully ignored his question. Instead, she asked shyly, “Are you okay?”

Zane pondered her question before answering, “I don’t know. I feel better. They gave me something to stop the headache.”

Mara stepped forward awkwardly, obviously concerned for Zane. He looked at her and smiled. “You’re beautiful. I sure hope you’re my friend.”

Mara’s expression fell. She looked away, disappointed that her boyfriend didn’t remember her.

“I’ll be outside,” Samantha murmured almost inaudibly before exiting the room. She was barely noticed.

Zane was studying Mara closely and guessed, “Are you Mara, the girl who called me earlier?”

“That’s me,” she mumbled.

“Why did you call me?” Zane asked her.

Mara smiled grimly. “You were an hour late. You were going to take me to the movies.”

“Really?” Zane asked. “Like on a date? How did I get that lucky?”

Mara grinned. She was amused and disappointed at the same time.

I sighed quietly. Zane was already starting to sound less fragile and more like himself. Now that Mara was here, he didn’t need me to keep him company. He didn’t even notice when I allowed myself to disappear from his sight.

“Tell me about myself,” Zane urged Mara.

“Okay,” she agreed, and then she sat in the chair I had just left.

“Hey Arianna,” Danny greeted me cheerfully.

“Just shut up,” I groaned, lying down on the hospital floor and closing my eyes. “I’m not in the mood for your jokes.”

“That hurts,” he replied sarcastically. “That really, really hurts my feelings.”

I didn’t think his sarcasm deserved a reply, so I stayed silent. I listened to Mara tell Zane all about their friends. He had no problems accepting that she was his girlfriend. He was thrilled by the idea. I heard him thinking about how he already saw why he liked her. I saw him thoughtfully watch her lips move even though my eyes were squeezed shut.

“You liked it,” Danny stated. “You liked that he could see you.”

I ground my teeth and didn’t answer.

“I don’t blame you,” he continued. “I know what it’s like. It’s a curious thing to see how someone else sees you. It’s great to know exactly what to say to them because you know what they’re thinking.”

“It’s not that,” I retorted grudgingly.

“Then what is it?” he asked.

For a second I was distracted. Mara was holding Zane’s hand. After a while I opened my eyes, looking at Danny, and shrugged. “He liked me. I liked that,” I admitted.

Danny grimaced and nodded his understanding. At last he was quiet, but things I wanted to ask him burned in my throat until I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Will Mara break up with him?” I asked Danny quietly.

“I don’t think so,” he replied.

“What if he forgets her again? What if there’s really something wrong with him?”

Danny shook his head. “She’s already considered that. Right now she’s convinced she’ll stay with him no matter what happens.”

I sighed, but I didn’t know if I was relieved or not.

“Are you going to be alright?” Danny asked softly.

“No, no really,” I retorted sharply. “I’m supposed to be protecting him. Whatever this is… I can’t protect him from whatever is wrong with him.”

“Maybe that’s not what he needs to be protected from,” Danny suggested. “Maybe it’s something deeper than that.”

I wrinkled my nose, annoyed that he’d used one of his fortune cookie answers. But he was looking at me seriously in the way he sometimes did that made me uncomfortable yet somehow content at the same time.