Even If Saving You Sends Me to Heaven

Zane eventually fell asleep, and I leaned back in my chair with my eyes closed, wishing I could sleep too.

“Arianna.”

The voice was soft but close, and my eyes shot open in surprise. There was only a dim light that came from the hall, but Danny’s grand winged outline was unmistakable. “Danny?” I asked, confused. “What are you doing here?”

“Mara is in the hospital,” he replied. He stood ten feet away from me, but he didn’t come any closer.

“Why?” I asked. “She can’t be coming to see Zane this late at night, is she?”

Danny shook his head. “She was just admitted an hour ago.”

I felt my mouth drop open. “You should be with her,” I told him.

He shook his head again. “No, she’s safe now. She went to Nathan’s house. They did a lot of drugs, and she took something that way a lot stronger than they expected. I got her here, and they’ve pumped her stomach. I’ve done my job, so she doesn’t need me anymore.”

“How do you know you don’t need to save her again?” I pressed.

“When you’re done, you know you’re done,” he explained. “My eyes… this world is fading from my sight. I know I’d be in heaven now if I wasn’t fighting it.”

“Then stop fighting it!” I exclaimed. “You’ve waited so long for this. Why are you trying to stay?”

He met my gaze, his eyes dark and his expression heavy. I knew something was wrong, and he confirmed it by saying, “I needed to see you again. I need to tell you something.”

I bit my lip, not liking the sound of that. “Well, do it.”

Not quite sure how to start, he hesitated. “You need to let me tell you everything before you pass judgment,” I urged me. “Promise. Promise you’ll let me finish.”

I swallowed. “I promise.”

He was quiet before he started, “You didn’t remember me when I appeared in Zane’s bedroom that night.”

“I sort of recognized you,” I admitted. “I thought maybe I’d seen you a couple times before. Why, should I have remembered you?”

Danny pursed his lips. “I guess not. Maybe I’m glad you didn’t.”

I was starting to get really scared. “Why are you standing so far away? Pull up a chair, and then spit it out already,” I demanded.

He sighed, moved a chair next to mine, and commanded, “Close your eyes.”

I did.

“Now thing of my name.”

His name was Danny.

“Now listen to my voice. You know my voice.”

He was right. I recognized his voice from a memory that I didn’t often like to refer to.

I walked out of the school bathroom and realized that the hallway was way too quiet. There was a loud bang very close to me, and I heard the thud of something heavy hit the floor. I looked to my right and saw a tall boy with dark hair holding a black gun. He stood over another dark haired boy, who was bleeding silently all over the tile floor.

I screamed before I had time to realize what I was doing, and I turned to spring in the opposite direction. Adrenalin pumped through my veins and I was scared out of my mind.

The loud, cold voice – the one I was supposed to remember – yelled out, “You can’t run!”

Another bang. I turned my head to look, but I only turned if hallway. It was just enough to let me see the school wall: the last thing I ever saw.

Pain. Searing fire that started at my face and spread though my whole body. Enough pain that it was impossible not to fall to the ground, impossible to even scream, impossible not to pass out. Everything was black, and it stayed that way for the rest of my life.

I gasped. The fear and pain was fresh in my mind. I was terrified. “You’re Daniel White,” I cried, wishing I had the strength to run away. I could only sit there. I held my eyes with my hands. The boy who’d blinded me was sitting next to me. I’d seen him at school a couple of times before it had happened, but then I didn’t know his name. I’d heard his name after the shooting, but I’d been blind so I’d never put his name to a face.

“Oh, please,” Danny whispered, his voice making me shudder. “I never meant for it to be this way.”

A cold hand touched my knee, and I jerked away with a squeak. I felt myself shaking uncontrollably. “Don’t touch me,” I pleaded desperately, not expecting him to obey.

To my surprise, I heard him get up and walk to the farthest corner of the room. “I’m far away,” he pointed out. “I don’t want to hurt you. I promise I couldn’t hurt you. But you promised you’d let me finish.”

I didn’t know why I believed him. Maybe it was because he’d moved away from me, or maybe it was the tortured emotion that layered the voice he spoke in. “Why did you tell me this?” I cried, realizing that he didn’t have to. “I would’ve never known.”

“I need to tell you the truth,” he admitted. “The whole truth. Before I can go to heaven, and before I can truly be forgiven for what I did.”

I shook my head. I couldn’t look at him. I still pressed my palms to my eyes. My face remembered the burning more than my mind did.

“Please, just let me explain,” he begged.

I didn’t answer. I couldn’t stop him, but – more than that – I wanted him to explain. At last I said, “Why did you do this to me?”

“There’s no excuse for what I did to you,” he started. “I can never undo what I did. I was a stupid kid. I didn’t think, and I made a huge mistake. All I wanted was for my father to notice me; to acknowledge that I existed. Never once did I think about the people I would hurt and kill. Well, not until it was too late. The scar on my stomach was from when they shot me to stop me in the school.”

“You ruined my life,” I sobbed.

“Of believe me, I know!” He wailed, somehow sounding even more miserable. “I know as much as you do! Please, remember something else. You’ve heard my voice twice in your life, not just once. Remember it!”