Even If Saving You Sends Me to Heaven

I played with the feathers on one of my wings absentmindedly. Random thoughts and images flashed through my mind. My wings were now almost as big as Danny’s had been. I wondered if they would be able to hold me in the air.

I thought of my parents and felt the urge to find them and to tell them I was sorry.

I saw the expression of wonder and resentment on Danny’s face as he’d looked into the heaven I couldn’t see. His words echoed in my head: “You can’t stay here with Zane forever.”

I wanted to find a way to prove him wrong. I racked my brain desperately for a loophole, but I knew he was right. If anyone had been an expert on guardian angels, it had been Danny.

He had gone through a significant amount of torture to make up for his sins. If I hadn’t been one of his victims, I might’ve thought it was unfair. I did at least feel bad for him.

My train of thought was interrupted by Zane’s confused consciousness. His eyes shot open, and he didn’t know where he was.

At first I wondered if it was necessary to show myself, but I decided it was when he considered running. I carefully folded my wings behind my back before I allowed him to see me.

His eyes instantly met mine. “Who are you?” he asked.

“My name is Arianna,” I replied.

“Where am I? Where’s my mom? What’s going on?” he fired without stopping between words.

I used the most soothing tone I could manage and told him, “Don’t be scared. You’re in the hospital because you have a little bit of memory loss. Your mom can’t be here, so I am. I’m your friend.”

He stared at me for a long time, trying to decide if he could trust me. He thought I was beautiful, and he wanted to believe that I was his friend.

I tried not to be flattered by his thoughts. I moved closer to him so that I could sit in the chair by his bed. I was careful not to let him see my wings. I thought it would be easier to convince him that I was his friend than to tell him I was his guardian angel.

“You’re my friend?” he inquired curiously.

I closed my eyes. The selfish part of me wanted to convince him that I was his girlfriend. He would’ve gladly believed me. “I’m your friend,” I stated firmly. I couldn’t deceive him for my own benefit. My job was to protect him.

My job got a little more difficult when the nurse walked in. She was an older woman with kind eyes. “Hello, Zane,” she said warmly. “How are you feeling?”

He seemed surprised by her question. “I feel okay… I guess.”

She smiled. “We’re going to start your radiation treatment today. The sooner we start, the better.”

Zane glanced at me, confused. “Radiation treatment? For what?”

The nurse was now very confused. She looked at her clipboard, and I could tell that she was reading. Realization crept into her expression, and she said carefully, “This will sound like a strange question, but do you know the date?”

He was starting to get angry and frustrated, so I decided I needed to intervene. I put my hand on his arm and pleaded, “Please Zane, don’t get mad. They don’t know how bad your memory loss is. Please just tell her you lost your memory.”

“I lost my memory,” he echoed submissively in defeat.

The nurse nodded. “Okay. This radiation should help you with that. Will you come with me?”

“Can I bring my friend Arianna with me?” he asked innocently.

I bit my lip. I couldn’t show myself to the nurse. I could only hope the she would just go along with whatever he said.

“Who?”

“Arianna,” he repeated. He gestured to me, waving his arms toward my chair. “She’s right here.”

The nurse stared blankly at the empty chair. Calmly, she took off her glasses, wiped them on her shirt, put them back on, and looked again. Slowly, she nodded, “Yes, you can bring her wherever you want, honey.”

Zane grinned at me as he got up, and I smiled nervously back at him. The nurse took us to a room on a different floor in the hospital. She had him lay down on a hard table and explained what was going to happen.

“We’ll be doing this five days a week for a few weeks. We hope it’ll help your memory,” she told him. “I’m just going to put this mask over your face to keep it in place. Don’t worry, it’ll only last for about five minutes.”

Zane didn’t think the mask looked too terrible. It was really only a light netting, and he allowed her to put it over his face. “Will it hurt?” he asked her quietly.

“Not at all,” she assured him quickly. “This machine will just rotate around your head. It’ll be loud. In the worst case scenario, you may get a dry mouth, feel tired later, get red skin, or have trouble sleeping. Nothing major.”

“Thanks,” he breathed, sounding relieved.

She smiled and nodded. “I’ll be back in after a few minutes,” she informed him before leaving the room.

The machine turned on a few seconds after she closed the door.

After a minute or so, the machine blocked me from his view. Before he could open his mouth, I grabbed his hand.

“Shhh, don’t talk,” I instructed. “They need you to stay still. I’m right here.”

He squeezed my hand in response, and it took every ounce of my willpower not to squeeze back.

Just as the nurse had promised, the machine’s growling died down after a few minutes. She took Zane back to his room. She brought him food and even went to get extra for his “imaginary” friend Arianna, which I politely refused when he offered it to me.