Better Sorry Than Safe

“Okay, so you know the nesquick powder that you mix with milk to make chocolate milk? But no matter how much you stir if you let it sit for a few minutes without stirring or taking a drink it like separates?” Isabelle asked, struggling to figure out what she was trying to say.

“Yeah,” Matt said, not completely sure where Isabelle was going with this.

“You know there is that layer of chocolate on top that is clearly the powder that you already mixed in. Well it’s a lot like that between him and I. If we don’t see each other for a few days we like start to separate. Its like he is the milk and I’m the powder; he tries to hang on but I float to the top.”

As much as Matt tried not to, he suddenly burst into laughter. Isabelle’s face fell at the sound, considering she was spilling her guts to him. “Geeze, couldn’t you have at least waited until I went to the bathroom or something?”

“No, Isabelle, it isn’t like that. Its just you used chocolate milk to describe your relationship. Out of everyway you could have described it you chose chocolate milk. How you feel isn’t what is funny, it’s the fact that you called him milk and called yourself chocolate powder.” Matt reached over and placed a hand on her shoulder, attempting to comfort her.

“I guess it is a pretty odd choice of analogy. Its just so complicated. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. Before today it was just this crazy idea that didn’t feel real. Then when it came out of my mouth it was suddenly so damn real. If I marry him then I’m committing to spending the rest of my life with him; everyday, every night, every holiday, and every free moment I have. I’ll never get to just curl up in my own bed and read or watch a movie alone, he’ll be right beside me. He will want to have dinner together every night and probably date nights every week. Never alone again.”

“So what are you going to do? Are you really ready for that type of commitment? I mean how do you know if you’ll really be able to live with him? It is always different when you live in the same space. Right now you have your space and he has his, but with marriage you’ll loose that.”

“What am I going to do? I’ll tell you what I’m going to do. I’m not going to get married, that is what. How can I spend the rest of my life with someone that I need a break from every few days? Because the rest of my life could be a long time. Of course there could be a tragic accident and it might only be a few more months or years, but what if that doesn’t happen? Then I’ll be stuck with a husband until I croak!”

Even though she hadn’t had any intentions of getting drunk, Isabelle was well on her way to being trashed. When she was drunk there were a few things that the people around her could count on. One, she was brutally honest. Two, she would never shut up. Three, she would have trouble forcing words she wasn’t particularly fond of out, husband and marriage being two examples.

“Well it sounds like you’ve just had an epiphany,” Matt said, removing his hand from her shoulder, “So when are you going to break it off?”

“I don’t know,” She said, suddenly becoming stumped again, “How does one break off an engagement? I still have to figure that part out.”

“Not that I’ve ever been in that situation, but I’m assuming the same way that you would break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend.”

“But I don’t know what I’m going to do until I figure it out.”

***

The next night Isabelle was standing outside of the Hard Rock Café, admiring the scenery. The sun was beginning to set and although there was sunlight still half-way lighting the town, the lights were coming to life.

“I think this is the first night I’ve seen you this happy in weeks. Did it finally hit you that you are engaged?” Samantha’s voice interrupted Isabelle’s thoughts.

Looking over at her co-worker, Isabelle said, “Um no. It has nothing to do with Chris actually.” For a moment she thought about getting Samantha’s opinion on how to break off an engagement. After all, Samantha was one person who had never actually met Chris.

“If this is too personal then feel free to tell me to shut up, I know it really isn’t any of my business anyway. If it isn’t Chris then what has you so happy?”

“An old friend of mine is in town this week. I haven’t really talked to any of my old friends since I left California so I’m really enjoying catching up.” Isabelle didn’t think it was best to mention everything else that contributed to her good mood.

Isabelle had spent the morning trying to figure out her next move. Matt had done his best to aid her in her quest for answers, but he too was in an unfamiliar situation. This was definitely something that she would need to figure out on her own.

Meanwhile, Chris was seated in the living room of his apartment with his two best friends. He was unsure what to make of the current conversation they were having, but he couldn’t bring it to an end.

“I’m just saying,” his friend Travis said. “that Isabelle is not going to actually marry you.”

“And you know this how?” Chris asked.

“Because she is not the type of woman to get married in her twenties. Trust me, I know women like the back of my hand. She is not going to actually go through with it in the end. I told you that when I met her for the first time. I told you, and I quote myself, that she would be better off with me, she will not get serious enough to marry you. Face it buddy, you and your girl are polar opposites in that aspect.”

“Well she didn’t go out with you did she? Besides you don’t really know her. If she didn’t want to marry me then she would have said no. She stood there and said yes, she didn’t hesitate with her answer or anything.”

“Did she show emotion? No. Did she start avoiding you after you proposed? Yes. Does she like her space? I think it is safe to answer that one with a hell yes. You just don’t see how lucky you are. You have a girlfriend that is in absolutely no hurry to get married. She doesn’t nag you and she leaves you alone. She cooks for you, she doesn’t tell you that you need to change your apartment. And most importantly, she never makes you turn off the game or the video games. But no, your dumb ass wants to go and change all of that.

“Lets say, hypothetically of course, that she actually does marry you. The two of you will be living together, going to bed together and waking up together every morning. Things are going to change. Because you are my friend, and I love you, I’m going to tell you what is going to happen. You are going to fight, a lot. She is going to want to be left alone and you are going to cling to her. So natural she is going to start nagging you, no doubt a natural defense against having to actually spend time with you. And finally, as you slowly begin to take time away from her favorite things she will repay you by returning that favor. Are you sure you really want to ruin what the two of you have with a marriage?”

“You don’t have a romantic bone in your body, do you?” Patrick asked, looking directly at Travis.

“Nope. I don’t sugar coat relationships with the theory of romance. If he wants to get married then he has to know the cold hard truth.”

“What makes you think you know anything about marriage, Travis? You’ve never been married, so you aren’t speaking from experience.” Chris turned the television volume down, determined to make his friend admit he was clueless.

“No I haven’t been. But I’ve watched my dad live through two failed marriages and now in his fairly normal marriage. I’ve watched my mom go through three divorces now. And all of my siblings are married. I think I have the most experience in seeing how these things actually work. So lets give the basic summary of what I’ve witnessed, it changes you in horrible ways. My brothers don’t even go out anymore.”

“But I’m not like your brothers. I’m perfectly content to stay home, have dinner, watch a movie, and possibly cuddle on the couch. Unlike you, I don’t have to go out to have fun. I’m ready to settle down with the girl that I love.”

“That is my point. You are like an old man 26 days out of the month. Isabelle is the opposite of you, she is young and vibrant. She likes to have fun and get out. I will bet you five hundred dollars that she either doesn’t marry you or is completely miserable within the time frame of a year if she does marry you.”

“You are on.”

“You better put that money away then. Because there is no way she is ready to settle down.”

****

Isabelle and Matt were standing in front of the Mirage, waiting for the volcano to erupt that night. They had met up after Isabelle had gotten off work and immediately went to get something to eat. After they finished dinner they had headed here.

“So I’m taking the day off tomorrow,” Isabelle said, gravitating closer to Matt.

“Well what should we do tomorrow then?” Matt noticed how close Isabelle was standing and smiled.

“I was hoping you’d be up for a day of sight seeing. I never really get to see a lot of the stuff here anymore.”

“You and Chris never go see stuff?”

“Mostly we just go out to dinner. As sad as it sounds I can’t bring myself to act like a tourist alone. I used to go see the dolphins a lot, but I got tired of going alone.”

“Make a list and we’ll do all of it tomorrow.”

“Right now? You want me to tell you right night?”

“Yes.”

“Alright fine. The dolphins and tigers here, the Shark Reef, the wax museum, the gondolas, and I want to see if you can hold your own on the roller coaster at the Nascar Café.”

“We will get an early start then. And of course I can hold my own on the roller coaster, how quickly you forget Disney Land.”

Isabelle laughed and flashed a smile at Matt. “I really missed you. I missed how easy going you are and how willing you are to actually do things,” she said.

Matt hadn’t felt this content in a long time. Things felt just like they always had when he was around Isabelle. He had always suspected that he’d never really gotten over her, but now he knew for sure.

As the volcano began to stir, Isabelle’s brain registered what was happening. There was a huge difference between Matt and Chris. There was also a huge difference in the way she felt around them.

In the early days of her relationship with Chris things had been easy. He had strived for her approval. He had been willing to go out and do things with her. They had went to see and do things, like the aquarium or to ride a roller. But now things were settling down, he was happy about the settling and she wasn’t.

She knew there wasn’t anything holding her to him that made sense. But she also knew she didn’t want to hurt him. He was a great guy, he was sweet and caring. He’d even done everything he could think of just to make her happy. But things just didn’t feel right.

But when she thought about Matt it was entirely different. He had always been the one to go along with her. He was the one who was content to go see things they had already seen. There had never been a time when he’d backed out of spending time with her. He had always held a simple view in that situation, as long as they were doing something together they would have fun.

Isabelle knew what was happening and it terrified her. Chris was rushing towards marriage. Something that she didn’t want any part of but also something that she couldn’t tell him. But Matt was being patient. He wasn’t trying to sway her in either direction, he was just being there for her.

It was as if she’d never left. Matt was acting just like he always had. He was being exactly what she needed. There was no push to be anything more than friends. He wasn’t pushing her to break up with Chris and he wasn’t trying to get her to cheat.

Another wave of fear began to wash over her. It was in that moment that she realized that it felt like she was falling for him all over again. But she wasn’t sure that she had ever gotten over him in the first place. So what happens if you fall even harder for someone?

“Do you just want to stay with me again tonight? Then we could get started first thing in the morning.” Matt waited until the volcano was finished before spoke.

“Yeah. Do you wanna head back there now so we can get some rest?”

“I think that would be a good idea.”

Around 2:45 that morning, Isabelle found herself wide awake. There was too much on her mind to allow for any sleep. So instead of fighting the bed, she stood at the window, peaking between the slit in the curtains. She didn’t want to wake Matt up, he needed to sleep.

But what she didn’t realize was that he was awake too. He was laying in the bed he had claimed, admiring her as she stood at the window. This was the Isabelle he had loved the most, the one who didn’t care what she looked like, the one that was just herself. He had always loved to see her at ease, it was when she was the most open.

There she stood, feet away from him, wearing pajamas and an over-sized tee-shirt. Her hair was pulled into a messy pony tail, a few strands free from the scrunchie rested against her cheek. The little bit of reflection of the bright lights cast a dim light on her features. Even from the side view that he had it was easy to see the confusion in her eyes.

Not being able to pretend to be sleeping anymore, Matt got up and walked over to her. He reached around her and opened the curtains, revealing a view of the strip. Without saying anything, he placed his hands on her shoulders and began to rub them.

“I didn’t mean to wake you up.” She whispered, sounding guilty.

“You didn’t wake me up. Are you okay? You are really tense.”

“I’m just stressed out. There is so much on my mind.”

“Stop thinking about it. You have tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that to figure it out. You have time. Right now, just relax and get some rest. It isn’t worth it.”

For a moment Isabelle thought about giving into the urge to kiss Matt. It was hard to resist doing so when he stood so close. It had been on her mind ever since that night at the Hard Rock. The feeling of his lips pressed against hers wasn’t a feeling she could wipe from her mind. It always returned to her the minute she was alone or with Matt.

But as she stood so close to him there was also a feeling of guilt. She had almost fallen asleep after they got back. She had been on the verge of falling asleep when her phone had vibrated. It had been a text from Chris, just three simple words, that drove her crazy.

It was a phrase she was used to hearing from him. Something that she had been saying to him for a year and a half. It was something that should have made her happy, not sick. But things were changing so quickly. Now when he said that he loved her she didn’t want to hear it. She found herself wanting to hear those words coming from Matt’s lips. She knew that she shouldn’t want that, but she did.