Better Sorry Than Safe

When Isabelle got off work the next day she wanted to be alone for a while. So instead of heading back to the Mandalay Bay to meet up with Matt, she headed for her favorite coffee shop.

The lights had already came to life, the city bustling with local and tourists, making Isabelle feel invisible as she sat on the coffee shop’s patio. This is why she had decided to come here; she could observe life without anyone paying attention to her. After the previous night’s events she wanted to just disappear for a while.

In a way, the previous day and night’s events had been helpful. She was more sure of what she had to do than ever. When she was around Matt she felt content and happy, everything was natural and real. With Chris, on the other hand, she felt anxious and uncomfortable and things were forced and fake, they had felt like this since he had proposed.

The problem was that if she broke it off with Chris and things got serious with Matt she could end up right where she was originally. In her heart she knew the only reason she wasn’t actually dating Matt was because of Chris. Instead she was placing herself in a gray area. She wasn’t physically cheating on anyone; her physical contact with Matt was on a level of pure friendship. But emotionally she would rather be with Matt instead of Chris.

There was another problem if she ended up back together with Matt. If she got into a relationship with him again then she’d have to move back to California. She wasn’t sure if she’d be able to do that though. As soon as she moved to the desert paradise she called home she had fallen in love. She was in love with the diversity of the hotels on the strip and the palm trees that grew in the medians. She was in love with how the city truly came to life at night, the things that you could do, and all the people she got to meet and talk to at work. After the past few years she wasn’t sure she could leave this city behind her.

Just as she was about to stand up and leave, a voice held her in place. It was a soft, almost musical, voice that she was used to hearing six days a week. Isabelle knew who was standing beside her before she even looked up.

A few feet from where Isabelle sat, Samantha stood with a cup of steaming coffee. She was smiling at Isabelle in a friendly way. The young woman seemed to be ecstatic to see Isabelle outside of work.

“Hey, Sam. I didn’t know you came here too. Sit down,” Isabelle said, suddenly feeling relieved to have company that she wasn’t somehow romantically linked to.

“I just found this place last month. It’s a lot less crowded than Starbucks and it’s almost as good too,” Samantha said, pulling out the chair opposite of Isabelle. “How long have you been coming here?”

“About three years now. I like to just sit here and observe sometimes; especially when it’s so warm out like it is tonight.”

Samantha laughed and took a sip of her coffee, nodding her head as she swallowed. Her demeanor was so calm and at ease that it actually relaxed Isabelle. Samantha let off a vibe that made Isabelle feel comfortable, like she was sitting across from an old friend and not someone that she had worked with for the past few months. Suddenly a thought popped into Isabelle’s mind.

Unlike her other friends, Samantha didn’t have a bias. Lilly was supportive and honest but she thought that Chris was perfect for Isabelle, and she made it clear. Jimmy was as close to unbiased as Isabelle could think of, but she knew that deep down he was pulling for Matt. Samantha though wasn’t really acquainted with Chris or Matt.

“Can I ask you something?” Isabelle asked suddenly, planning to be as vague as possible.

“Sure.” Samantha took another sip from her coffee.

“What do you think is the best way to break off an engagement? I mean I know that there is no good way to do it or anything, I’m just looking for the way that is the most gentle I guess.”

“Wow, I always thought you were happy with Chris. You two always seemed so great together when he’d stop by the café. But I’d say the best way is to just be honest. I mean if he loves you then he should understand if you just explain it to him. As long as it isn’t on the wedding day or anything like that I mean. I broke mine off right after we sat a date. I explained everything and he understood. He is still my best friend to this day.”

“You were engaged?”

“Yeah. Right before I moved up here from Reno. He was my high school sweetheart but we just weren’t ready. Then we realized we wanted to live in two different cities and that was really what killed it for me. Can I ask what’s going on between you and Chris?”

“We want two different things, I think. He wants to settle down and I don’t. I mean he is going to want to have dinner at home and then curl up on the couch. I’m going to want to get out and do things and see things. Then I’m sure he will want kids long before I do. Hell, I haven’t even decided if I want kids. And to be honest I’m not sure if I’m actually in love with him. I thought I was but then he proposed and started getting way too close. I feel smothered and I don’t like that feeling.” Isabelle hadn’t meant to tell Samantha everything but once she got started it was as if it was impossible to stop.

“I say that you just tell him. It will be better that way and I’m sure he’ll understand. Maybe you two can even stay together until you actually are ready to settle down.”

Before Isabelle got the chance to respond her cell phone went off. She pulled it from her pocket and read the text from Matt. Do you wanna grab some dinner when you get off or do you want to order room service?

She replied with, Whatever you want to do.

As Isabelle looked up she gave a friendly smile to Samantha and said, “Thank you so much for your help. I hate to but I’ve gotta get going. I’m supposed to be meeting a friend soon.”

“I hope everything works out for you, Isabelle,” Samantha said, her voice sounding so genuine that Isabelle felt relieved that she now had an unbiased opinion.

When Isabelle reached Matt’s hotel room she knocked on the door and leaned against the wall to wait. It was only seconds before the door opened to reveal Matt. He was wearing jeans and a long sleeve button down shirt, telling Isabelle that they were going out. Walking in the hotel room she went straight towards her bag to grab a change of clothes.

“Alright, two things I need to say. First, you smell fantastic. Second, I’m going to need to run home for a while after dinner.” Isabelle had always loved it when Matt wore cologne, from the time they were teenagers. For some reason she had always thought that he picked the ones that smelled the best and he never put on too much of it.

“Thanks. I’ll go with you if you don’t mind. I’d like to see what your place looks like.” Matt took a seat on one of the beds as Isabelle headed towards the bathroom.

“Alright that sounds good to me. Do you want to go there first and then go to dinner then? Get it out of the way.”

“Sounds good to me.”

“Just let me get changed and I’ll be ready.”

Ten minutes later and they were walking across the parking lot towards Isabelle’s car. Just like she had the day before, she walked close enough to Matt that her arm would occasionally brush against his. She enjoyed the contact between them, even if it was minuscule.

Once they got to her car she tossed her bag into the backseat before climbing into the driver’s seat. As Matt put on his seat belt she started the car and opened the sunroof. Before pulling out of the parking space she pulled on her own seatbelt.

For the first few minutes they stayed silent. Like it always was, it was a comfortable silence. There was no awkward feeling in the air and no real need to fill the silence. But Matt was still thinking about breaking it with a question. He had spent the day wondering if last night’s sleeping arrangements had bothered Isabelle at all.

When they woke up things had seemed fine. Isabelle went to take her shower as soon as she woke up and Matt went to get coffee. There had been nothing that was awkward or unusual in the time before she left for work and things still seemed normal. But Matt still wondered if it was secretly bothering her.

It hadn’t bothered him at all. He had thoroughly enjoyed having her sleep beside him. The only thing that was beginning to bother him was the question about if it would happen again soon, or ever again for that matter. They were still in a place that was unstable and volatile, things could change at any moment and neither of them could stop that.

“Last night didn’t bother you did it?” He finally asked as she came to a stop at a red light.

The question caught Isabelle off guard for a moment. She hadn’t expected him to ask something like that this early in the night. But even more than that she wasn’t sure how she should answer. If he felt bad about it then how would it change things if she didn’t? What if she gave him an answer that he didn’t want to hear?

For two minutes she remained silent, mulling carefully over her answer. She wasn’t going to lie to Matt because there was no need. But in order to give him an honest answer she had to figure out how she really felt about what had happened.

Finally she said, “No. I mean it wasn’t a big deal. Friends sleep in the same space all the time. No, that’s not completely true. I liked it okay? I really liked it. I haven’t slept next to another person like that in a long time.”

This time it was Matt that took time to respond. He had braced himself for a negative answer, a response that said she didn’t want to be that close to him. But instead he had just discovered exactly how far she did stay from Chris.

“Not even with Chris?” He asked, hoping that it wasn’t too personal of a question.

“For short periods of time yeah. But not all night. I don’t stay at his place overnight and he doesn’t stay at mine. That’s just how it is between us. I sleep alone and I’m okay with that. It’s just been that way for so long now that it’s just the norm for me.”

Unsure of how to respond to that, Matt remained silent. He was shocked to hear this coming from Isabelle’s mouth. Even though the confession itself was shocking to him the way she said it was even more shocking. There had been no emotion in her voice. She was saying it in the same way she would say that she’d had to stop at three red lights in a row.

The remainder of the ride was silent after that. Matt watched out the window and listened to the music that was softly flowing from the speakers as he thought. Isabelle just focused on the road, not wanting to think anymore.

When they arrived at the apartment complex Isabelle found herself sighing in relief. A small part of her had feared that Chris would be there waiting for her. Even though she had called him on her break to say she still needed some space, she was expecting him to either be calling or waiting at the door.

Once they were inside Isabelle finally spoke, seeing that Matt was standing in the living room instead of following her, “You don’t have to stand there. You can come with me or do whatever you want. There is no sense in you just standing like that.”

He nodded and followed her into her bedroom. As she pulled open the closet he looked around. It wasn’t anything that really surprise him. It was fairly simple in terms of furniture and color scheme. There were pictures scattered around the room, on the dresser, hanging on the wall, and on her nightstand like he had expected.

There was a picture of Chris that sat on her nightstand and Matt couldn’t help but let his gaze pause there for a moment. The frame was pointed towards the center of the room instead of towards the bed, something that did surprise him. He also noticed that it was pretty far away from the bed.

The real surprise came when he noticed an 8 by 10 that was resting on her dresser. He walked over to the dresser and picked up the picture. It was familiar to him; he had the same one sitting in his living room, but still a shock to see.

It had been taken in June the year Isabelle left. They were in the center of the group, Matt with one arm around her shoulder and the other hand giving Brian bunny ears. Jimmy was beside Brian, sticking his tongue out and flipping off the camera. Zacky was on the other side of Isabelle, tossing up the rock hands with the most ridiculous look on his face. Isabelle was looking at her brother, laughing.

“I’ll never forget that day,” Isabelle said, standing beside Matt. “Jimmy stole Zacky’s swim trunks and wouldn’t give them back until he told every girl on the beach that Zack didn’t have any swim trunks on. I thought Zack was going to pay him back big time when he was finally able to get out of the water.”

“Yeah,” Matt chuckled. “And you discovered that you can get sunburn on your feet.”

“The sad part is that Val had warned me that it would happen. But oh no, I just couldn’t listen to logic. I remember that right after this picture she made us all smile so she could get a decent picture too.”

“I have a copy of this one and the one we are all well behaved in sitting in my living room. I didn’t think you’d have it though. I guess I figured that you would have left it packed up or something.”

“I just moved, Matt. I didn’t forget you guys and I didn’t try to erase the past or become someone else. That’s still my favorite picture. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Several hours later they were seated in the Excalibur. In front of each of them was a Cold Stone cup, filled with ice cream. After dinner they had walked around for a while, reminiscing about the past, before deciding to go get ice cream.

As Matt watched Isabelle attempt to keep the ice cream from getting anywhere besides her mouth he realized something. Over the last few days he had figured out that she hadn’t changed too much, but he was still prepared to see a different side of her at any moment. But now, as he watched her laugh at herself and wipe the chocolate syrup from her chin, he realized she was still the same.

Although she had matured she was the same person, and occasionally her inner child still slipped through. She was the same Isabelle that he had fallen head over heels for at 16 years old. What he had thought was a change was really just maturity. She was no longer that 19 year old girl that didn’t have a care in the world. Now she was a grown woman that was trying to find the way she wanted to take her life. But she was still the same Isabelle Baker.

“I have a surprise for you,” He said, finishing the last bite of his ice cream.

“And what’s that?” She asked, lifting one eyebrow.

“On Saturday we are going to go see that new show at The Venetian.”

“Matt, we don’t have to do that. I just said that it looked like it would be a great show. That doesn’t mean I expect you to go with me.”

“I want to. I’ve already bought our tickets.” Matt saw that she was about to objected and held up his hand. “Don’t even start about the price, like I know you are about to. I want to do this so just relax. They weren’t that much.”

“I can’t believe that you are doing this. But thank you so much. I thought that I might end up going alone.”

“Well that’s not all. The next night we are going to see The Tournament of Kings. I remember you telling me that it’s a lot of fun and I wanna see if you are right.”

“Thank you so much.”

Isabelle took the last bite of her ice cream before grabbing her cup and Matt’s to throw them away. As she did that he stood up and waited for her to come back to the table. When she returned she didn’t start walking to go back to the hotel room. Instead, she stretched and placed a kiss on his cheek, whispering, “Thank you, Matt.”