Better Sorry Than Safe

“So that pretty much sums up the last twenty-four hours of my life,” Isabelle said into the phone, “I have a roommate that is moving away and a fiancé that has set a wedding date, neither of which I’ve actually dealt with.”

“How are you planning on dealing with them?” Matt asked, after listening to Isabelle go over detail of the events that had transpired after his departure.

“Well with Lilly I just have to get used to it. I have no other choice. I can either get a smaller apartment or a new roommate, that’s no big deal. I’m just going to miss having her here all the time. As for Chris, I don’t know. Right now I’m just keeping my fingers crossed that he gives up and never speaks to me again.”

“How many calls and texts have you gotten? As a guy I can honestly say the chances that he won’t try to make things right are pretty low. I think you are going to have to tell him the truth.”

“The tally for calls is 30 and the texts are well into the sixties now. And which truth is that? That I’m not ready for marriage and I’ve known this for well over a week but I’m too chicken shit to say something? Or that if he was different then I might actually have a desire to marry him? Or that I do love him but not in a ‘hey I want to be with you forever’ sort of way? Or my personal favorite, I can be more comfortable and have more fun with my ex than with you? Oh and by the way, said ex spent all of last week with me and I stayed in his hotel room.”

“Well when you put it like that it seems wrong. But we both know that its not as bad as it sounds. You’ve just got to figure out how you are the most comfortable telling him.”

“I’m not comfortable telling him period, Matt, that’s the problem. I really just wish he’d get the hint and never talk to me again. It would be so much easier that way.”

“Do you honestly see that happening?”

“Not a chance. Anyway, what are you planning on doing tonight?”

“Eating dinner in front of the TV. What about you?”

“Well I was planning on curling up in bed and watching the Home Improvement marathon on TV. Oh and avoiding answering my phone like the plague.”

Matt chuckled, pulling open his refrigerator, and bent down before replying. “You know what you need?”

“A Wilson. That’s what a I need. A handy neighbor that has all the answers.”

Laughing, Matt said, “I’m sure that would be helpful but that isn’t exactly what I was thinking. What you need is a vacation. You need to just get away for a while and relax.”

“And where do you propose I go? I love this city and its comforting to me. The city isn’t the problem, people are the problem.”

“Fine then, you need an overnight trip or something to get away from the people.”

Meanwhile, Chris was sitting on his couch, staring at his cell phone. Travis was sitting in the chair across from him, drumming his fingers on the chair’s arm and glancing at his watch every few minutes. Neither of them had said a word to each other since Travis had walked in the door.

Chris had called Travis earlier that evening and asked if he’d come over for a while. At first Travis had assumed that Isabelle had broken off the engagement and that was why he’d gotten the call. But as soon as he’d arrived at the apartment he could tell that hadn’t happened. Over an hour later, he was still sitting there waiting for an explanation.

Realizing that at this rate he’d never find out what had happened, or why he was there, Travis stood up and walked over to where Chris was setting. Looking down at his friend, he said, “I have a few problems with you that we need to talk about. Problem number one is this damn cell phone.” Travis reached down and plucked the cell phone off the table.

“I’ve had a shitty enough day already. Do we really need to start with this crap. What problem do you have with the phone anyway?”

“Well for starters it’s a blackberry. You bought a blackberry, an overrated and over-hyped, blackberry. And now you don’t stop staring at it. So I am turning it off and hiding if somewhere for the rest of the night.”

“What if Isabelle finally replies? I’ve been trying to get her to talk to me since last night!”

“Which brings us to problem number two. There is no way in hell that she is going to talk to you tonight, assuming she talks to you at all in the near future. So I’m not going to sit here, watching you stare at the phone, waiting for a call or text that isn’t going to happen.

“You might have blew it and you know it. I warned you what was going to happen when you told me what you were planning on doing. I told you not to do it how many times? But once again you didn’t listen to me! I told you not to propose, I told you not to push, and I told you not to go behind her back and set a date. So now that you’ve done everything that I told you not to do, I’m not going to deal with it.

“You’re my best friend, Chris, you’re like a brother to me. But damn it, its time to get your shit together. If she wants to talk to you then she will talk to you, but if she doesn’t then she won’t.”

Running a hand down his face, Chris said, “Travis, sometimes you are a total asshole.”

“Sometimes? You’ve known me since high school. By now you’d think you’d know that I’m always an asshole. Now get up, we’re going to go do something since you dragged me over here for apparently nothing.”

Later that night, Matt’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. Judging by the time and unexpected nature of the visitor he immediately assumed that it had to be Jimmy. His assumption was proven to be true when he opened the door and saw Jimmy standing on his porch.

Jimmy had a familiar smile on his face, one that Matt had seen often in the past few weeks. It was a smile that was unusual for the usually happy man, a smile that never seemed to reach his eyes. Matt could tell by the now familiar smile that the situation with Isabelle was also taking its toll on Jimmy.

Once they were inside the house, Matt asked, “So what made you stop by late?”

Taking a seat on the sofa, Jimmy sighed and said, “Because there are a few things that I want to make sure you’ve thought about.”

“And what would those things be?”

“Whether you will admit it or not, you’re counting on Isabelle picking you in the end. But there is no guarantee that she will pick you. When whatever what is going on comes to the end she might pick Chris.

“I mean there is a reason she’s with him in the first place. She has feelings for him, whether you, or her, or even me wants to admit it, she does feel something for him. Its pretty damn clear that she doesn’t want to hurt him.

“So I just want you to think about it and prepare. Because when it comes down to the moment that she really has to make a decision she might pick Chris.”

“Jimmy, do you honestly think that I haven’t thought of that? It crosses my mind every time that I talk to her. Its not like I’ve forgotten that she left me with no warning and that never leaves my mind. It never leaves my mind that at any given moment she can tell me to get lost and run right towards Chris. But it also means that I know that she could pick me at any given moment. I don’t have my hopes up for anything.”

“But do you really know what you’ve gotten yourself into? Do you really no what you are doing?”

For a moment Matt stayed silent. Jimmy’s question weighed heavily on his mind because he wasn’t entirely sure of his answer right away. Finally, he confessed, “No. No, I don’t.”

Isabelle had fallen asleep around eleven, leaving the TV on. The volume was barely audible but the light kept the room well lit. These conditions had lulled Isabelle into a light sleep. On most nights her cell phone could go off for hours and she’d never hear it, but tonight the ringtone woke her up immediately.

“Hello?” She answered, completely forgetting that she was determined not to talk to Chris.

“Isabelle, its about Chris,” Travis’s voice sounded exhausted but Isabelle recognized it immediately.

“What happened? Is he alright?”

“He’d fine. This is about the two of you actually.”

Isabelle found herself with the urge to hang up. This was the last thing she wanted to deal with as it was but her exhaustion was only making her hate it that much more. She knew Travis well enough to know that he wouldn’t take sides in the whole thing though. He would also tell her the truth about what he thought, even if it was the opposite of what Chris thought.

“I’ve had a really long day, I’m not in the best mood, I’m tired, and you just woke me up. If you want to tell me anything then you better make it quick,” Isabelle said.

“I just spent the last four hours with Chris and he is starting to hate himself. He knows that he screwed up big time and I made sure that he knows it. But its killing him that you won’t let him apologize. Now I’m not telling you that you should talk to him yet because I get it. He crossed a line going behind your back like that. But I still think you should talk to him at some point.

“Chris loves you. I mean he really loves you. The reason he is pushing so hard is because he is terrified that he is going to lose you. Honestly, I have no idea how he thinks marriage will solve the fear of you leaving since there is this thing called divorce but hey I’m a pessimist through and through. The point is that he would do anything for you. If you said that you wanted to move across the country to do something absolutely stupid he would drop everything and go just to keep you happy.” Travis paused to consider his next point.

“What exactly are you trying to say, Travis? I know that already.”

“He wants to marry you, Isabelle, because he thinks that means you’ll never leave him. He has always wanted this. He has always wanted a wife and a little family. He wants to come home and have family dinners, the two of you discuss your day with each other and then talk to a kid or two about school. He wants that more than anything in the world. He wants to settle down and have a family and spend every night at home. Chris would be so happy and content with that. Its all he has ever wanted.

“I don’t see that in you. I can see it in you that you aren’t ready for marriage and family. You don’t want to be tied down that way. Before Chris proposed I thought it was just me seeing what I wanted to see. I thought that maybe I was imagining you shared my views on the whole thing and I brushed it off when Chris wouldn’t listen to me. But ever since he proposed you’ve been distant. It is like you are pushing him away in hope that he’ll dump you. Its like you are looking for any way out that you can find. And I get it, believe me I get it.

“The thing is Chris is like a brother to me. I don’t want to see him get hurt but I know he will. It is no longer a matter of if he will get hurt, it is a matter of when will he get hurt. I know that you are either going to leave him before the wedding, the day of the wedding, or you’ll be fine for a few months and then one day you’ll wake up and realize you can’t do it anymore. It will happen; I know it will happen and you know it will happen.”

“I really don’t get why you are telling me this. If you know what is going to happen then why don’t you tell Chris? I mean that would be the logical answer to all of this. I know what I’m feeling so I don’t need to be told this. Chris is the one that is pushing for everything to happen so quickly, even after I told him that I wanted to wait. So why aren’t you telling him this instead of me?”

“I already told him. I spent hours tonight trying to get him to call off the engagement before he gets hurt. He will not listen to me. He believes with all his heart that you love him enough to want to be married. He thinks that your entire hold up about the wedding is because you hate the prospect of a spectacle. He just doesn’t seem to understand that you are trying your damnedest to push him away before you hurt him in an out right way. He will not believe me. It has to come from you.

“You are his life and he makes no bones about it. He will stand on the roof of any hotel and yell it to the world if he thought it would please you. If you are waiting for him to call it off then you will both die waiting for that day because it will never happen. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, I’m just giving my advice.”

“And what exactly is that advice?”

“Break up with him before it is too late. He is going to get hurt however you do it, that is inevitable. But the longer you wait to do it the more he is going to push you towards marriage and the more miserable you will both be. So I’m asking you, no I’m begging you, don’t listen to what he says and just do it. Tell him the truth, tell him you can’t marry him and let him go. I know that is what you really want.”

“How do you know what I really want? How can you be so sure?”

“Because the eyes are the windows to the soul. And when I look into your eyes when you are with Chris I see someone that loves him but that isn’t in love with him. I see someone that can’t be in love with him. I see someone that is in love with someone else. Isabelle, I have no idea who it is but I know you are in love with someone else. I also know that maybe if Chris wouldn’t have jumped into this so quickly that you probably would have fallen in love with him eventually. But its too late now.”

After hanging up with Travis, Isabelle spent the next two hours tossing and turning, trying her best to go back to sleep. His words were still playing over in her head and it made it impossible to sleep. She would have never guessed that Travis could read her so well and it made her uncomfortable. It made her even more uncomfortable that Chris wouldn’t listen to him.

In the moments before she finally fell asleep she cried. Hearing what Travis had to say made her hate herself. It killed her to know exactly how much Chris loved her and how much she was going to end up hurting him. It killed her that she was planning her way out of the relationship when he was looking forward to the future so much. But most of all it killed her that it hurt because she knew what he was going to go through and that she was just ready for it to be over.