The Sake of Hope

“Dinner was delicious. I hope you’ll be cooking in the future, Ms. Jun,” Mushi sat back and rubbed his stomach after finishing his second helping of duck.
My aunt smiled and thanked him, but was very preoccupied with helping Zen and Hokou keep their own meals on the table, let alone their plates.
When I’d started to look around at my aunt and her children, I realized I hadn’t been gazing and staring at random things through my meal like I normally do. I was either looking down at my plate, silent, or at one other thing: Lee.
I couldn’t help but look at him. I’m sure after awhile he realized it, but nevertheless, every time he was distracted, I couldn’t fight my chance to gaze at his face. Even with the obvious, notable imperfection- his scar- he was in fact quite handsome. Something about him didn’t remind me of any boy I’d ever seen in the city before. He must have come from quite a distance.
“Zen, it goes in your mouth, not around it,” I said, just now noticing that Zen wasn’t even trying to finish her food, more or less just smear it around her face. I got a wet napkin and cleaned her up.
“I’m done, Sakie,” she stated firmly and hopped down off of her chair. Like a chain reaction, the other eight children abruptly put their utensils down and left the table. Aunt Jun smiled and shook her head.
“Yes, children, you are excused,” but half of them were already out the door.
“It’s getting colder, which means it’s getting darker. They can’t stay out too long, Aunt Jun,” I said, clearing the table.
“Yes, Sake, I know. How about you try telling them that,” she smirked and I didn’t reply. I knew she was right, but sometimes I just had to check and make sure she was paying attention. You know, to her seven children.
As soon as the dishes hit the water in the sink, I sighed. I hated Sundays. Every Sunday, it seemed like I did nothing but sit up to my elbows in hot water all day long. And, I still had school work to do, which I always put off to the last minute.
“Mushi, Lee, there’s some leftover pie on the counter. It was just from last night. Would you like some?” my aunt asked.
“Why yes, my nephew and I would love some,” Mushi replied with this usual smile.
“Sake would you like some?” she asked.
Ha. I hated her maki berry pie. I swear she already knew that…
“No thank you. I’m busy anyway,” and even though I said it with my back to the table, I could still feel Lee’s golden eyes burning into the back of my neck just like earlier in the laundry room…

***

Arithmetic.
Who in their right mind needs arithmetic?
It had been about an hour since my Sunday chores actually ended, and I was sitting in my room, surrounded by my school books and papers. Cold night air was blowing through my open window and the frayed curtains in front of it blew straight out. Outside I heard the wind chimes ring. It was hard to focus with my window open. Every time I heard those chimes, I shut my eyes. Back when I used to live with my parents and siblings my mother collected wind chimes. She had one room of our house full of nothing but a ceiling full of wind chimes. Underneath there were a few chairs and one was a rocking chair. When I was little my mother would rock me to sleep in that room and leave all of its windows open so I could hear every note ring out. Sometimes, she would make up songs from the notes. When I go older, my older brother and I would play in that room. And when we did we’d leave the windows open too.
But now, instead of thinking of those happy times, I’d burnt them all out. Every time I heard the notes ring out, I would feel pain. Pain for those who are lost. For those who are gone.
Eventually I got up and shut my window, deciding that if I was ever going to get this homework done by the end of this year, I needed to focus. My bed and floor creaked no matter what way I moved. So even after the window was shut, all I heard for a minute was old wooden boards shifting under my weight. Finally, when it was silent, I could hear my cousins and brothers downstairs. Even in the basement, where about half of them were, I could still hear their shouting and running around. Occasionally I would hear one or two run up the staircase, but they all knew a lot better than to bother me on Sunday nights. Usually, it was just to hide in an empty bedroom, or to finish a relay race, though.
So, when my door burst open, I was literally on the edge of my bed, and I was about to scream at what ever small life form was brave enough to pick my room, the one thing in this house that was mine alone, as their hiding spot. As you might imagine, seeing Lee swing around the door way, and press the door quickly shut, surprised me a little. He had his back on the back of the door and his eyes were shut. Suddenly his eyes shot open and he realized that this room was occupied.
“I- er- sorry.”
I smiled. I knew exactly what he was doing.
“Trying to find some peace and quiet?”
He relaxed.
“It doesn’t come easy in this place, does it?”
I smiled.
“No. Not at all.”
It was one of the moments I had always pictured being awkward. For a moment, we just faced each other. He stood against the door, and looked down at me, sitting on my bed. Again, for the one of many numerous times today, his gold irises found my green ones. So even when all it was, was staring, sitting, and standing, it didn’t bother us. Or, me, at least. It felt nice.
Finally, he broke it, and let the awkwardness get to him.
“Erm… well… I guess I should be going now,” and his hand was rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. Before I could think, he’d opened the door again and was heading out.
“Wait, Lee. You can stay in here,” and he turned around, gladly accepting the offer I hadn’t expected him to.
“I mean,” I started, “If you just want some quiet, feel free to take a seat. I won’t be talking much, I’ve got some stuff to do, but at least it will be peaceful,” and I smiled.
“That would be nice. Thank you,” and I nodded and cleared a spot for him on the bed, against the wall. He sat down and rested his head against the wall. Immediately his eyes closed. He seemed… at peace.
For awhile it was silent, but it was soon broken.
“If you don’t mind me asking,” he sat up, “What are you doing?”
“Homework.”
“Oh… You go to school?”
I gave him a funny look, confused.
“You didn’t?”
“I… well… not for awhile. I’ve been traveling a lot, but, I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t think about it. You do a lot around here.”
I laughed.
“Well, I guess you’re right. But, luckily, the younger kids got to school on the same days I do, so Aunt Jun doesn’t have to worry about that.”
This time it was him that looked confused.
“What do you mean the same days?”
“Well, now that so many boys are being drafted into soldiers, we don’t have school every day any more. Twice a week we all take a wagon out to the school buildings in a larger part of town. Monday just happens to be one of those days, and, naturally, I waited until Sunday night to do my homework,” and I smiled again. He kind of smiled back, but I could tell he was lost in his own thoughts. Maybe about when he went to school- if he ever did. Maybe he was thinking about becoming a soldier. Or maybe it was something different entirely- who knew?
Suddenly there was a loud shriek from the basement. It sounded like Ima.
“Your cousins are… different,” he said, casually.
I looked up from my papers.
“Basically.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to distract you.”
I closed my books. With him being here, no matter how hard I tried, there was no way I was going to be able to focus. It was a fact I tried hard to deny, but failed.
“It’s ok. I know, they are pretty rowdy. But, I mean, my Aunt never had much time to discipline them. Ever since their father died, it’s been pretty hectic.”
“What happened to him?”
I looked down at my paper.
“Sorry,” he started. “I didn’t-”
“No,” I interrupted. “It’s ok. He died from the plague three years ago, just after Zen, the littlest one was born. Ever since that, they’ve all been pretty different. Zen basically grew up without him, so to her best knowledge, she doesn’t really know he existed, Hokou, the next one up, knows he had a father once, but couldn’t remember him if he tried; because he’s so insecure, he clings to his mother a lot, if you didn’t notice. Mizu and Matsu say they remember my uncle, but I think they just say that to make their mother feel better. They’re sweet kids; loud, obnoxious, and rambunctious, but sweet. Ima probably does. I never hear her talk much anymore- that’s why I think she remembers. She mostly just follows Aimi around and keeps quiet. It’s kind of sad, because she used to talk a lot. Then there’s Aimi, who’s eleven, and she’s like the mother of her brothers and sisters already. Her older brother, Zakuro, likes to think he’s in charge, but he’s got a lot to learn. Aimi already outranks him in logic and wit. And she’s more responsible. Besides, Zak’s only a year older than her, so it’s not much of a difference. They always talk about their father. They try to tell the littler ones stories, but no one really listens. He’s more of a thing in the past, sadly.”
He nodded quietly, and I tried to answer a few more problems. I thought we were done discussing until he spoke up yet again.
“What about you?”
I froze. I didn’t necessarily care about talking to other people about my family, but I didn’t necessarily want that to be a first impression… it was a little weird.
“Well… There’s the little brother’s that live here, but I also had another sister and brother. My sister, Kamiko, who’d be twenty four now, died around the same time my uncle did, also having caught the plague. My brother, Daiko, would be twenty one now, but he… he’s… well, I don’t know where he is. When he turned sixteen he became a soldier and for four years he wrote every day, but… we lost touch with him in the last year. No one knows where he, or the other soldiers he was with, are.”
I could tell Lee was listening now. He hung onto every word I said as if they were the air he was breathing.
“And my parents… well, they’re what you might call “rebels.” They prefer ”activists”, but basically what they do is, they run around the Fire Nation and anywhere Fire Nation soldiers might be and liberate hostages, and steal, and kill, and yada yada. They left me and my two younger brother’s with my aunt five years ago, shortly after Daiko left with the army. They used to write all the time, but now we’re just as in touch with them as we are with Daiko… which is not at all. The sad part is, I’m not so sure they were captured or killed, but just basically bored with writing and staying in touch with the rest of us. And that’s sad, not for me, because I don’t really care anymore, but because of my brothers. Botan, the one who’s fourteen, is like my best friend. I’ve tried to teach him everything I know, but I’m not his mother, I’m his sister. And, I feel like I’ve failed, because he wants to join the army when he’s sixteen. Even though we’ve lost Daiko to it… I can’t help resenting my parents for that. I don’t know… maybe if they were here to talk to him it’d be different,” and I stopped for a second. For some reason, tears burned at the back of my eyes. It’d been so long since I’d cried over this stuff, that it felt strange. And, I didn’t want to cry in front of Lee.
“But also,” I picked up where I left off, “My other brother, Natsu, is twelve. He’s the one I’m worried about. Ever since we lost touch with Mom and Dad, he hasn’t talked to me. I feel like he blames me for something… It’s either Mom and Dad leaving, Daiko leaving, or Botan getting ready to. Or… all three. And, again, if they were here… it might be different… I don’t know…” and I left it at that.
Lee never responded to any of that. He kept his eyes open and appeared to just be thinking for maybe an hour and then finally shut them and possibly drifted off to sleep. Once my arithmetic was done, I got off of the bed and opened my window again. I was still confused as to what he thought now. Now that I’d basically told him my life story, why didn’t he respond? What was he thinking about? Was he mentally ill?
I read for maybe two hours straight. Funny thing was, I only read maybe three chapters out of my book. Every time I’d finish a page, I’d look up at him, just to make sure his eyes hadn’t opened and he wasn’t watching me, waiting to bust out laughing at me or something. But every time I looked he hadn’t moved. Like a statue.
Eventually, my eyes were drooping and I knew it was pretty late because the racket down stairs had gone away some time ago. The window had made things pretty chilly, but I refused to shut it. I just could tear away from the chimes.
“Lee,” I reached over to shake him, but not really. I didn’t really believe that he was asleep. Surprisingly though, he was, and I did have to shake him.
“What?” he sounded almost afraid, like I’d startled him or something.
“It’s late and I’m going to sleep. You’re… er… welcome to stay if you like. I mean, you can keep to your half. But I know you must be cold.”
He was still a little groggy, and I think that was why he nodded his head yes and crawled to the far side of the bed, still up against the wall; or at least that’s what I told myself.