Just Like You

Listless, I lay in my bunk, looking up at the ceiling. My big, bulky headphones cover my ears, giving me exactly what I want to hear. Nothing but my music can be heard, even though I know my friends are wandering back and forth, wondering what to say, what to do.

I tap the thin mattress to the beat of the song, my mind swept along with the song. The words are familiar, the sound of home. Slowly, the song ends and I sigh a little. I look at my iPod and read the Korean characters on the screen.

I throw the curtain open today, surprising my hovering friends.

“I'm going to do a cover song tonight.” They blink at me, waiting for the song name. I look at them, smiling a little at my secret. I hop out of my bunk, this idea giving me new strength. I print off the tabs for the music and give it to those who need it. Kayla and Emily give me weird looks when they take it from me, quickly recognizing that they don't know the song. Ace and Jon also look at the music and can't place it either.

I hide a smile behind my hand and get dressed quickly. I don't give it much thought, just grabbing some pants and a shirt. I toss a scarf on, throw on a little make up, and then look at my shoes. I want people to notice me. I want Oli to notice me and regret it. I want to take Amanda's words and shove it down her throat. I pull out my heels, the ones I knew I shouldn't pack, but did anyway. Putting them on, I smile to myself.

When I walk out, Ace gives me a weird look, confused. Last night I was shaking and didn't know what to do with myself. Now I'm ready for the world, ready to kill that stupid girl. I mockingly blow Ace a kiss and walk out of the bus. A couple guys do double takes, and I smile. Lately I've been relaxing my style, just wanting to be comfortable. But now what I want is to make Oli fall into a black pit of despair and wonder why the hell he couldn't end it with Amanda. And to do that, my comforts gotta go.

I spot Bbycake tent set up next to Drop Dead, as it has been for the past week or two. A black head is moving around in Drop Dead's, so I hold my head high and walk past it. I see movement in the corner of my eye. For a second, I thought I heard Oli say my name. I ignore him as I head for Paul, trying to not think about anything at all.

When Paul sees me, his eyebrows raise. He grins and kisses my cheek. “There's the yankee I know.” He slings an arm around me, chuckling to himself. “I wondered where ya went.”

“Psh, comfort over style is overrated.” He agrees quickly and then shows me the set up for today. I hang back there, one eye always at the front of the tent. Without realizing it, I count the times Oli walks in front of the tent.

When I get to fifteen, I finally realize it. Shaking my head a little, I ruffle my hair and pull out my iPod. Paul left earlier to go get something, so I'm left here alone. I listen to the song I'm going to be singing later, closing my eyes as I relax into the lawn chair. It's already late in the day, seeing as I didn't get out of bed until after one. There's a quiet crush of people, nothing to be bothersome though.

Oli walks by again and I notice he's looking at me, his brows furrowed. I want to flip him the bird, but I just fake a smile. He looks confused just before he walks right into a person. He apologizes profusely as I laugh. He ducks his head down, hurrying to where ever he's headed.

I lean back in my seat again, letting the littler headphones do the same job as the bigger ones did earlier. The music and the language fills me up, my foot tapping to the beat as I silently sing along, memorizing the lyric and timing.

The music cuts off and I look up, my ear stinging a little. Amanda's standing across the table, my headphone cord in her hands. I coolly look at her, tugging my headphone cord back to me. She tightens her grip on it until I can't budge it.

I sigh, finally accepting that this is inevitable. “What do you want?”

“Stay away from Oli. He's mine and he always will be.” She surveys me with a bitch look in her eyes. “And you can stop dressing like that, he doesn't like his girls like that.”

I look down at my clothes and back at her, a smirk on my face. “Yeah, I don't know about you. I've always dressed like this, and he's never complained.” I gloss over the truth a little, but I don't see the point in being honest with this manipulating bitch.

Her eyes flare with anger as I resist the urge to stick my tongue out at her. Shaking a little, she throws the wire in my face and storms off, steam almost rising from her ears. I chuckle a little as I plug the headphones back in and resettle into my seat, happy now that I've won the first battle.

–

The crowd roars, the stage even shaking a little as I finish off my number one song. I check the clock to the side of the stage and then look up at the darkening night sky. Jon looks over at me and I nod, letting him know it's time.

“So I don't know how many of you know this, but I'm actually Korean, well, three-fourths. I grew up speaking Korean and some Korean artists are my influences.” The crowd yells a little, but sounds confused. “And I'd like to end tonight with a special song. You probably won't understand, but I want you to dance, okay? Maybe you'll come to love Korean music as much as I do.”

I look at my friends, trying to signal them to start, but I notice their surprised expressions. I smile at them, winking a little. I toss my hair a little as the intro music starts. I speak into the mic, smiling a little at the words.

“You naega sseureojilddae, jeoldae heundeullimeopsi, ganghan nunbicheuro, myeotbeonigo nal ileukyeojweo. And you, na himae gyeoulddae, seulpeumeul byeolang kkeutkkaji ddo akkimeopsi, chajawa du son japeun geudaeyegae,” the Korean language falls from my tongue easily as I start to get into the song. I dance to it a little as my friends look at me, wondering. The crowd is still confused, but they start to get into it.

Inside, I'm translating the words along with the Korean I'm singing. The song finishes just in time. We get off stage, the crew giving me baffled looks, the crowd a little disappointed.

Ace comes over to me and touches my cheek. “Why are you crying?”

Surprised, I touch my cheek and realize it's wet. I chuckle a little, and am surprised again at the watery sound. I wipe away the tears, but more just replace them. I look at my friend and don't know what to say.

“T-they won't stop, Ace. I... I don't think I want them to stop.” He sighs a little and pulls me into a hug, giving no thought about it. I hold onto him, wondering what's happening to me.