Pick Up The Phone Baby, You're Not Alone Anymore.

I can’t really tell you exactly on what day it started, or what made it start all I know is that I’m stuck in this part of my life and I can’t really find a way out. I guess it really started in about 6th grade (I’d self injured the first time at about 8?); I had been going through a rough time with everything. My parents were horrible and I’ve had more step-parents then birthdays; It never really bothered me much because I was sort of withdrawn from my parents now a days, However it was really hard on my youngest brother he couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t be able to see mommy and daddy at the same time anymore. He didn’t understand that sometimes we think we love someone but they’re not right for us. He’s 5 what do you expect? So between juggling the household and dealing with my parents; their divorce, my dad’s alcoholism and my mom’s screaming about said alcoholism, I lost my sanity somewhere in there I was figuratively drowning in my own troubles and I couldn’t get out.

I’d always been a melancholy child so I guess when I got even quieter and more withdrawn no one though anything of it they just said “Oh its Alexys being moody again” and shrugged it off. But that wasn’t the case; it never had been. One weekend though I’d had enough my little brother was at a friends and my parents were off having make up sex in a motel somewhere… at least that’s what I figured. I rummaged through my dads various alcoholic beverages and found a half empty bottle of vodka in the freezer. That’s where it started; the alcohol, after probably consuming way to much alcohol for my body to handle I stumbled around my house trying to find anything to cut with. I did of course, I was a crafty little kid; the object of choice? A sewing needle. It wasn’t sterile and I sure didn’t get it over with quickly but I didn’t mind it I liked feeling the pain.
That was the first rounds of self injury and drinking of many many more to come.