Pick Up The Phone Baby, You're Not Alone Anymore.

Hit the play button on 8th grade once again, I hadn’t told Kathryn anything anymore for fear she’d go right back to the teachers with it. I zipped my lips and kept them that way, except for Nicolai; I couldn’t lie to him he’d just find out what was wrong with me anyways so I told him everything. He said he wouldn’t tell Kathryn but he did, because once again I ended up in the crappy lighted, “if you need help, ask” guidance office again. I lied again but this time she told me. “You’re telling me what I want to hear. Give it up Alexys you need help” I just stared at her like a deer in headlights; I pursed my lips together shook my head and walked out of the office. I wasn’t talking to her, I didn’t want her fake sympathy; her plastered on reassuring smile. I didn’t need it. I had my razor and my alcohol that was my savior as far as I was concerned.

Let’s fast forward once again. I’m in 9th grade now I finally dropped the rest of my puffiness as it was so affectionately called; I’m still not okay though. Kathryn’s slowly regained my trust, I tell her stuff but I’m still careful of what I tell her. Nicolai is still here with me, we still talk and it frightens me to think we’ll stop talking. I love him, no doubt but he’s easy to love so I’m not that afraid of admitting it. Over the summer I’d gone through a horrific event all to blame on alcohol. I’d lost my virginity to someone way older than me at a party for university kids, I’d messed up. Even worse? The only interesting place I’d gone over the summer was the abortion clinic. It was horrible I’d gotten in fights with just about everyone about it. But I finally gave up and gave in. I have to live with that for the rest of my life; I can only hope that it was the right thing to do.