I Never Should Have Let You Go

"I don't think you have any clue how much you mean to me." Nick whispered, rolling his nose over the base of my neck gently.

I smiled at his cheesy sweetness, rubbing my cheek against his hair. "You're too affectionate." I giggled, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

"No, you're just too beautiful. I love you." he whispered against my mouth. Still unsure of my response, I just nodded.

Nick pulled back, searching my eyes frantically. He gulped, once, twice, and then scratched the back of his neck. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I don't want to push you into doing or saying anything you don't want to."

--

The gentle nudging of my ribs woke me with a start. Tyler was sitting next to me, watching me sleep silently.

"You're slobbering." he smiled, gesturing to my t-shirt. I couldn't look at him after Selena had said he was staring after me affectionately.

Nodding sleepily, I returned my head to rest against the window. Two seconds later, Tyler disturbed me again.

"Don't fall asleep Ci. We're landing in about 10 minutes."

With a grumpy groan, I sat up and began gathering my things. But my laptop was missing. I reached frantically under the seat, and then realised I had let Selena use it earlier on.

It was perched on her lap, open, and most likely running on battery. She turned her head and grinned, before handing back my portable computer.

Sitting on the screen was a picture of Nick. Selena had been incredibly busy in Microsoft Paint. She'd gone mad with the airbrush tool, giving the 2D image a furry black beard and mustache.

I guess Selena expected I would be angry with her because as she hid her head behind one of the magazines the airline supplied.

Tyler burst out laughing, slapping his forehead with his palm, and I couldn't help but giggle too.

This was all the reason why I didn't need Nick. I had other people to make me happy.

--

After bursting our way through the first wave of obnoxiously persistent paparazzi, Selena spotted the taxi driver holding up a sign with the name 'Fox' typed neatly across it.

Since the plane from LA had touched down in New York at 2:30, and our flight wasn't until 6, the three of us had decided to stay in a hotel room for a few hours.

Dragging my heavy bag along, I tossed my sunglasses over my eyes. The taxi driver greeted us in another language, tipping off his hat, and twitching his mustache.

His hair was eerily similar to Joe's but I thought nothing of it, until we got closer to the 'taxi'. It wasn't a proper transportation vehicle, but instead Joseph Jonas' shiny black SUV.

Selena and I shared a knowing look, and then both attempted to jump on our 'driver's' back. Joe stumbled forward, slamming into the side of his car.

The paparazzo's camera went wild. The headlines already blared in my mind. 'Crazy Cianna Fox and Strange Selena Gomez Attack Unsuspecting Taxi Driver!'

"Yo!" I squealed, hi-fiving one of my best friends. "How'd you get here before us?"

I was positively sure Joe was catching a flight after Selena, Tyler, and I, but I suppose I was wrong.

Joe gave me a warm hug and then began to peel the fake handlebar fur from above his top lip.

The boot to his SUV was already popped, so we all slipped our suitcases in. The biggest shock of the day came when I opened the front passenger door. The seat was already occupied with Demi Lovato's body.

We both grinned, screeching silently as we shared a cheek kiss. "What are you doing here?! Joe never told me you were coming to Haiti with us! Wait, are you?"

Demi laughed heartily, moving her gaze into the rear vision mirror as I sat in the back seat.

The log-in page of Twitter was displayed on my BlackBerry screen, as I felt the need to share my joy with the world.

@cmfox With some people who are so important to me. Plane to Haiti leaves in few hours. Ready to help those in need. xx

The five of us engaged in a loud and rowdy discussion. Joe's right hand reached over to stroke Demi's hand, and I froze.

Not one single part of my body would move. I tried to open my mouth to utter something, anything, but I just couldn't.

I had no idea why I seized up. Was it because Demi was extra giggly now she was sitting beside Joe? Did that mean she needed a boy to make her smile? Did that mean I needed Nick so I could laugh and shine?

"Hey, Cianna? You alright?" Tyler asked, cupping my chin and bringing it up. A tear dripped down the side of my nose onto the corner of my mouth.

"I'm fine." I managed to stutter. "I'm just so concerned about the people in Haiti. We have to do all we can, deal?"

They all seemed to buy my lie and launched into more talk, which left me some time to check the countless unread messages I'd been sent during the flight.

And to no surprise, they were all from Nick.

Message: Why did you get on the plane Cianna? I just want you to give me a chance. You need to know I'm sorry. I love you.

Message: Can you call me please when you touch down? I need to explain myself. I honestly can't sleep knowing you hate me. I love you.

Message: You're not going to reply. Please, please, please, be careful in Haiti. I'd never forgive myself if I lost you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Forever.

Part of me wanted to scoff at his corniness, but the 99.9% remaining softened into a puddle of melted mush.

He was crawling back to me, but yet I was running back into his arms. Megan had made me promise I wouldn't, but Nick and I held something special that neither of us were able to let go of.

We pulled up outside the hotel, and by the time I got out of the car, my bags were already on the sidewalk. I was in such a daze to do anything.

The boys checked in for us, while Selena, Demi and I moved up to our room.

It was simple, with one double bed. We weren't staying overnight so there was no point in getting anything else.

No point. Those two words had quickly become my favourite phrase in recent months. There was no point to anything. I must have been annoying a heck of people with my attitude.

I mean, how long had it been since Nick and I broke up? A month? Two months? I didn't want to pull a Taylor Swift (there I go again, insulting an competing artist) and hold a grudge against an ex for two years. Maybe I needed to let Nick back into my life. That seemed like the right thing to do.

--

Demi and Joe decided to go to the park. They asked Tyler, Selena and I, but I was the only one who agreed to go. Fresh air would be good for me.

Jemi laid down on the grass as I sat silently beside them, picking at grass. Joe had his arm behind Demi's neck, intertwining their fingers as he rested his hand on her chest. I remember when Nick did that. It was nice, but then awkward when Elvis bounded up behind us, scaring Nick. He jumped and slammed his hand down on my 'assets'. We had a great laugh about it later but at the time it was horrible.

"You're beautiful." I heard Joe whisper before another message arrived.

From: Nick
Message: Did your flight land safely? Please give me a call, or a text, anything. I love you.

My fingers trembled over the buttons. I just couldn't do it.

We stayed in the park for about an hour and then decided to head back to the hotel. I stumbled along behind the loved-up couple, listening to the radio through my headphones on my phone.

The receptionist at the desk gave me a suspicious looking smile as I walked past her. Something was going on. Incessant giggling came from our hotel room, and then a loud thump. Yes, something was definitely going on.

I opened the door, and stepped onto the carpeted floor. Selena was lying on the bed while Tyler sat on the floor. They both looked flustered.

Axe. Old Spice. I could smell it. It was wafting up my nose. And then there was the scent of fresh flowers.

"Guys, what's going--"

Nick was right in front of me, biting his lip sheepishly. Instantly, I wanted to run. I'd been perfectly fine without him, and there was a high possibility that an apology would not correct the past.

Taking a step back, I ran into Demi and Joe blocking the door.

They were in on this, but I was under the influence that they hated Nick at the present time.

Clutched in his left hand were a huge bunch of multi-coloured gerberas, and two balloons, one saying 'I love you', and the other, 'I'm sorry.'

"Hey."

The word was past my lips before I could stop it. All the hatred I had held previously slipped away, and the sensation of warmth and comfort came flooding back.

Nick passed Selena the flowers, and then stepped forward again.

"Hey." he breathed. "I love you."

Nodding frantically, I accepted the gift bag he was holding out, trapping the handle in my palm.

How should I respond? Must I answer? When I was nervous or panicking, unintentional words often floated right out of my mouth. I refused to make that mistake right now.

"M-me too." I whispered, chewing my tongue.

He shook his head, pulling at a stray curl flopping in front of his brown eyes. "No, I don't want to push you into saying it. If you don't want to say it, then don't."

It was then I discovered the meaning of the dream/flashback I'd had on the plane. It was a message, telling me to take this opportunity for rest from the relationship and use it wisely in preparation.

"I want to say it, but I can't just yet. It's too soon." I stammered, staring at the chipped nail polish on my fingers. Nick stepped forward, taking my hips and squeezing them gently. I was shaking, my limbs trembling.

Our gaze held each other, and his eyes were shining brightly as per usual. I could smell his orange Tic Tac breath, and then I could taste it. Nothing else mattered. It was just the two of us, alone and sharing a moment in time.

It seemed like a dream, that this way finally happening after all these months.

Tears slowly rolled down my face, dripping onto Nick's skin. Being able to intimately touch someone I cherished and had missed was the best thing in the world.

Sure, I was still angry at Nick for everything, but I could work past that.

The buzz of Selena's cheering droned on in the background, and I couldn't help but grin.

Having Nick back in my life was going to make it a lot better.