Ringing in the Sane

"Hey, diamond eyes," Leado whispered sleepily to Jared. Jared didn't respond, no surprises there. "I missed you."

"That's great," replied a gruff Jared.

All five of us were in a van; I assumed it was Jared's, mainly because it was in his garage. We'd fled from his house almost as soon as he had hung up the phone.

Right now, it was the middle of the night, or possibly some time in the morning. Either way, it was dark and there were almost no other cars on the road.

Luke and Pixie were lying on the very back seats, Luke holding one of Pixie's hands lightly.

Leado had been asleep, he'd just woken up then because Jared had driven through a pot hole or something, and the car had shaken him awake. I had been awake the whole time, stretched out across the three seats in the very middle of the van, pretending to sleep.

"You missed me." Leado spoke a bit louder this time.

"I didn't," Jared said, and it would have been convincing, if his voice hadn't cracked halfway through didn't.

I opened my eye a fraction and snuck a look at the two of them; Leado was seated in the passenger seat, his face angled so he could look at Jared.

One of his hands reached out to touch Jared's cheek, to somehow make the hurt go away. "I still love you." I could see Leaton's eyes begin to glisten as Jared moved out of his hand's reach. "I’m sorry my brother did that to you, I'm sorry for not telling you about him...I'm sorry I wasn't there for the past however many years..."

"Leado, shut up."

"Your eyes look more than ever like diamonds tonight."

Jared snorted. "Cut the sentimental word-vomit, Leaton." I heard the leather on the steering wheel creak as he tightened his grip. "They never were," he whispered, almost inaudibly.

"Jared-"

"Leaton."

Leado made a noise of frustration. "Why are you so bloody hostile?" he asked sharply.

"Because you hurt me."

"Jar-"

"You wouldn't understand."

"What do you mean, I wouldn't understand? You're doing the same thing to me, right now!"

"This? This is not the same. I am not doing the same thing." Jared began to drive more violently now.

"I didn't even do anything, Jared!"

"Well, that's not the way I see it. All I remember is that you tried to rape me. I was so in love with you, Leaton, and then I see you, pushing me up against a wall in my very own home, so what am I supposed to think now?! I can't look at you the same any more."

"But you could."

"No," Jared laughed sourly, "I couldn't."

This situation was all so familiar - Jared seemed to transform into a human being at night time. The only time I'd ever heard him speak so honestly about his feelings was when we were in that old abandoned house and he had woken up from his nightmares.

"So why punish me for something my brother did?" Leado asked after a slight pause.

"This conversation is over."

"Jared, please, can't we talk about this?"

"No."

"Jared, please?"

"When you use my name, you're talking to someone else. I'm not the person I used to be."

"Yes you are - under that rough edgy surface, you're still my Jared. You've still got diamonds for eyes."

"Fuck off."

Leado seemed to be at a loss for words, until he finally said quietly, "You are."

Jared parked the car at a petrol station. "Wake up the others," he ordered Leado. "Pete, come with me." He stalked off to the petrol pump.

I slowly crawled out of my tangle of seatbelts and blankets, rubbing my eyes, trying to adjust to the brightness of the lights. "What do you need me for?" I asked, once I was standing next to him outside of the car.

"You shouldn't eavesdrop."

"Oh." I stared at him. "Is that all?"

"No, I need someone to help me carry things," he said as he finished filling the van. He put the nozzle back on its holder and began walking to the place where he would pay. "Do you want anything?" he asked as we entered.

I raised my eyebrows, then cautiously picked up a chocolate bar.

He took it from me. "Go get some water," he said, nodding towards the fridges lining one side of the store.

I walked towards them, pondering what brand I should get. I decided on Mount Franklin, and grabbed five bottles. I closed the door, and watched Jared's reflection through it. Why was he being so...socially acceptable to me? Was it something to do with Leado, and their conversation? My eyebrows wrinkled as I tried to think of reasons.

"Don't think too hard, Pete. You could get hurt." He winked.

Did he just...wink?

"Jared, are you...okay?" I asked tentatively.

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine," he said cheerily as he paid the woman behind the counter. He spun around so he was facing me. "Why wouldn't I be?" His eyes gleamed. Suddenly he grabbed my elbow and led me outside. But we didn't go back to the van. Instead, he led me around the side of the building, to where the toilets were.

He went inside, I stood out the front awkwardly with my five bottles of water and Snickers bar. After a while, he came back out and sat down near my feet.

"Shouldn't we be getting back to the others?" I asked as he sat down. Jared was freaking me out, more than he usually did.

He shrugged. "They won't mind a few minutes of waiting." He patted the ground next to him, and I sat down beside him. He leant closer to me, I could smell his breath. He needed to brush his teeth. Badly. I expected I did too, seeing as we-

He kissed me, again. I was shocked for a split second, then recovered and quickly returned the kiss. I had just put my hand on his shoulder when he broke away from me. I quickly looked away from him, embarrassed and slightly hurt. What the hell was wrong with him?

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked angrily. "First you shoot my wife, then drag me into all this shit, you almost get me killed, you threaten to kill me yourself, and then you kiss me? Three times!" Not that I was counting, I added to myself. "What are you doing?!"

"What isn't wrong with me?" There was a long pause. "I'm a sadist. I've almost been raped. I like to burn things just a bit too much, I'm running away from my ex's brother, who wants to kill me for God knows what, I murdered my own sister. I stabbed my friend in the leg, and that wasn't the first time, I push away everyone who could help, and you ask what's wrong with me?" He glared at me.

Why the hell is he upset?!

"Obviously I don't know what it is, or I'd be trying to fix myself by now." He stormed off to the van, leaving me more confused than I'd ever been in my life. And that was saying something.

"Jared, wait, please." I trotted off after him. Why I should be apologising to him was beyond my knowledge.

Why was he so angry? Was he expecting a different reaction from me? Should I have let him walk all over me, like I always did?

He stopped, just out of earshot of the van. I almost bumped into the back of him, stopping myself just in time. "I'm ah, I'm...sorry." He didn't look at me; he just began to walk to the van. He opened the door and hopped into the driver's seat.

I stared at him, not comprehending any of the past ten minutes.