I don't need you

My hand quivers as I place my belongings into my locker, I haven't stopped shaking since Calvin attacked me yesterday. My legs are bruised, my entire body hurts, I don't know what to do with myself. Get help, pretend that it never happened and hope that Calvin will leave me alone.

"Erica, look what I got." I quickly looked behind me, Joe is bouncing with excitement
"I'm sorry, what?" I muttered clenching a fist to stop my hand from shaking.
"Look." he stuck out an envelope
"What is it?" I ask looking at it then back at him.
"Read it and find out." he laughed
Hesitating at first I take it from him still trying to hide the shaking.
"Are you ok?" Joe asked furrowing his eyebrows, looking more confused then concerned. Ignoring the question I start to open the envelope but stop as Joe's hand goes over mine. "Erica. Talk to me, tell me what's wrong." he said softly
"Noth-"
"Don't tell me nothing is wrong. You've been acting weird the past couple days-" he paused obviously frustrated "Look at you, you're shaking." he shouted
"I-I can't."
"You know what, I can't do this anymore Erica. I can't keep pretending like I'm ok with you keeping things from me. I know you told me that you'll tell me if you need help, but you're not. You won't even admit that something is wrong."
"I'm sorry but I can't-"
"Just forget it ok, you clearly don't want me around at all. So I'm done. Have a nice life Erica." he snatched the envelope from my hands and walked away.
"Joe!" I shouted to him but he ignores me "I'm sorry" I mutter even though he can't hear me.

*******

Sitting at the empty lunch table I continue staring down at my half eaten lunch, Joe hasn't spoken to me in 3 days, he's barely even looked at me. I feel terrible. I guess it's my own fault, he tried so hard to help me but I kept treating him like shit. Then again it's not my fault I can't trust him, if he hadn't used me in the first place then maybe..... maybe things would be better.
"Hey" my breath hitched as Calvin's low voice hits my ear, I don't look at him as he sits next to me. "How's my little sex kitten doing?" he continued his hand slowly running up my thigh
"Go away Calvin." I mumbled as I push it away
"Don't be like that sweetie."
"I'm not your sweetie, and I'm not your sex kitten."
"You're right...... you are so much more." I wince feeling him kiss my ear, raising my shoulder I lean away so he stops. "I'm really getting tired of this Erica." he muttered squeezing my thigh in the exact place he had left a bruise from when he first attacked me only a few days ago.
"You're hurting me." I said tying my hardest not to cry.
"So" he shrugged, I quickly look around the cafeteria nobody has even noticed what's happening, even if I screamed they would probably act like they hadn't heard it.

******

Sitting on my bed I rest my chin on my knees spinning my phone on my bed, i've been debating with myself on wether to call Joe and ask for his help. He said he was done but he couldn't have meant it, I mean he's told me he'd stay out of myself a million times but always ends up straight back in again. Pressing the phone to my ear I wait for him to answer, after a few rings it goes to voice mail.
He rejected my call. He actually doesn't want anything to do with me. Putting my phone into the pocket of my hoodie I lean back resting my head on my pillow. I have no one. I guess my love for not having friends has officially come back to bite me in the ass.
Why am I so hurt by this, I'm right back where I started. I'm supposed to be happy, why am I so desperate to have someone to talk to now? I had no one when I suffered with Allen and I was fine, I can do the same with Calvin. Yea, I can handle this myself. I've done it most of my life, so I can do it now.
Hearing my bedroom door open I sit up seeing Allen "What's this?" he asked throwing an envelope onto my mattress, I instantly recognise it as my college acceptance letter. How the fuck did he-
"I asked you a question!" he shouted
"Nothing." I mutter
"So you wanna leave? Fine, get out."
"What?" I gasped snapping my head up
"You heard me, get out!" he grabbed my arm pulling me to my feet and out of my room
"You can't do this!" I argue as he drags me down the stairs still keeping a tight grip on my arm
"Actually I think you'll find I can." He opening the door pushing me outside, before I can turn around the door slams shut.
I stagger backwards not completely sure of what's actually just happened. Did he just throw me out? All this time he's been determined to keep me locked up and now he just gets rid of me, I should be happy right now..... right?
I'm free from him, I can finally do what I want. To bad I don't have any money on me or anywhere to go.
Well not necessarily, I mean I have Joe- no he hates me and wants nothing to do with me- but then again he did say the guest room was always there if I wanted it. No i can't- fuck it!
Taking my phone from my pocket I quickly find Joe's number
"Pick up, please pick up." I mutter as I walk away from the house only now realizing I have no shoes on. As it goes to voice mail I squeeze my eyes shut forcing a tear to fall, I wait for the beep before speaking.
"Joe, hey it's me. Look I know you don't want anything to do with me right now and you hate me but please don't hang up until you hear the rest of this message. I need your help, I can't explain over the phone, can you just meet me please. On the cliff, i'll wait for a couple hours..... I'll understand if you don't show up, but I really hope you do. Bye."

**

It's been over 2 hours, it's dark, it's cold and I'm pretty sure Joe has no intention of coming. Not that I blame him. What's the point, I might as well just give up, become a statistic in teen homelessness. I tip my head back and take a deep breath which just makes me feel light headed. I stand up staggering which brings me centimeters from the edge. I look down at the waves hitting the side of the cliff. To think, if I stumbled a few more inches i'd be plummeting to my death right now.
I scoff at the idea of just suddenly dying, like it would make a difference to my life. Who would miss me, Allen differently wouldn't, my mum wouldn't know, Joe wouldn't care. The only person who would is Calvin but only because he'd have to find a new sex slave.

I slowly slide my feet forward, my toes just going over the edge. I can already feel my weight shifting, all I have to do is lean forward and it's all over. My problems solved, everything.